Looking fantastic xxx
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Gromit 
you look wonderful 
Shi xx
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Sorry I havenāt been on had a busy few days. I totally relate to the chemo poster child @swk1981. Iām at the stage now I hate the hats if I even had an inch of hair Iād love it, Iād scare people with bald head lol. Iāve also a few eyelashes left on the top and eyebrows are gone. I had powder eyebrows done before treatment and this at least gives some shapes.
Nose has been dripping all week as hairs gone there also 
I canāt remember who mentioned about neuropathy. I have it bad in my feet and vibrations down my legs feels like a mobile phone buzzing on my pocket. I got compression stockings which are helping as my feet are painful to walk in. I got open toe ones also from Amazon and wear a Fitflops with them and are so comfortable and my feet arenāt over heating,
Iām finding when Iām tired my speech is desperate canāt get words out or theyāre jumbled up, maybe menopause causing this also.
@ivegotthis01 sorry to hear youāre having such a rubbish time, I also donāt have a picc line and my last chemo it took 4 gos to get a burn as they kept ballooning and then collapsing. Iāve my last chemo next Wednesday and dread the thought of it. I had horrible time the 1st 10 days of this one vomiting diarrhoea, fuzzy head extra.this last few days Iāve been feeling ok and itās been great to get a glimmer of normality.
Has anyone noticed any changes in their skin, Iāve git a lot of pigmentation.
Sorry post is so long or Iāve missed anyone out ( brain mashed) hope everyone is doing as well as they can and are having nice weekend xxxx
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@elle16 glad to hear youāre feeling not too bad. Iām like this also and now dreading Wednesday even though itās my last chemo I dread the steroids. Last time I felt as if I was loosing my mind, I was an emotional wreck. Iāve warned my family to ignore me if Iām in self pity mode as itās the drugs and not me
i get that shivery feeling like goosebumps all over, ive now got a pulsating also at the bottom of my back. The Dr told me itās all the nerve endings kicking off ( that was his words. He thinks my back could be a touch of sciatica. Iām just hoping this all goes when chemo fingers.
Ps. Iām jealous of your fine stubble lol
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Hi @hc1973, hopefully youāre able to make it tonight. I was felling exactly the same yesterday the thought of getting a shower actually was making me feel tired lol.
I eventually pushed myself and went for dinner even managed a small glass of wine and actually felt half normal again.
Iām the same with the wig, I ended up wearing a bandana hat thing( forget what you call itā:see_no_evil:) I find the wig over heats me and then I get irritated, but then again thatās probably menopause .
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@swk1981 ive given my feet a good inspection and my toenails look pretty normal but the underneath of my toes and feet are pinky red colour and feels like Iāve been walking for miles but I definitely havenāt 
I agree about the Uggs Iāve got the slipper type ones too but donāt really look right with summer attire 
@hc1973 hope you manage even a short while at the party, Iām the same with my wig I feel like when I go somewhere where I will know lots of people it draws more attention to me as they are looking to see if itās a wig or real hair so actually feel less conscious with a hat or head scarf x
@gromit12 you look beautiful š©·
@pollyanna1 the antibiotics definitely working but I think they make me feel a little sick, Iām struggling with my fluid intake at the min as even water tastes like dirt 
glad you managed to get out last night, hope it did you good 
and trust me when I say my stubble is not all that but it has been hanging in there since my shave hasnāt really grown much and definitely doesnāt cover my scalp unfortunately I think the best way to describe it is very sparse 
I also struggle with getting the correct words out or maybe say things in the wrong order, my sister jokes that she is my translator as she seems to know what I mean but no one else does, I was telling someone on Thursday that my daughter was making cheesecakes at school, she was in fact making fish cakes which I knew and I didnāt even realise Iād said it wrong until I mentioned the fish cakes in a later conversation and she was like you mean cheese cakes 
maybe it was wishful thinking
@kartoffel thanks for the link I quite like the look of those 
@isthisreal ive bought some eyebrow transfers but Iām scared to use them incase I donāt get them even and then canāt get them off, I will try and give them a go tomorrow and let you know how I get on, at the min Iām managing to follow the few hairs Iāve got left and gently fill them in to what I think looks right but like @swk1981 my eyesight has took a real hit over the last few weeks and Iām having to check them in a x15 mirror which is scaryš¤£
Someone mentioned pigmentation of the skin Iāve not really got pigmentation but Iāve got the freckles I had when I was 8 years old just popped up over my nose and cheeks , my only age decreasing side effect everything else as aged, there is a lot of pressure for my new miracle cream
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Evening all! Well I made it into a dress and managed 5 hours at the party this afternoon 
It was a mixed reaction- people who do know, asking me what side effects Iām having 
and people who donāt telling me how much they like my new haircut 
I find it really hard to manage both these people - how many times should you have to say, I donāt want to go into this right now (when what I want to say isā¦. Shut Up!!) and I canāt help but look at people to check theyāre not taking the p**s 
I completely agree with whoever said they feel very exposed in these situations, I feel like Iām playing a role in a very dark comedyā¦with my wig and make up a very poor disguise 
Hey Ho - injections done, muscle pains increasing and indigestion the price I pay for not resisting the buffet!
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Well done @altoan so glad you made it and you look absolutely fabulous š©· and 5 hours is incredible, hope the spent energy will help you sleep tonight 
x
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If anyoneās feet feel tender to walk on Iāve found these great support
AVIDDA Plantar Fasciitis Support Socks, 1 Pair Ankle Support Compression Foot Sleeves for Sprained Ankle, Running, Sports Protection and Pain Relief Amazon.co.uk
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This sounds like me, my husband laughed when I was talking to my sister last week I kept saying thingy as couldnāt get my words out and she was able to translate for me.
Itās me with the pigmentation and lots and lots of freckles lol
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This is why I avoid a lot of people. Itās the restless questions, some people donāt know when to stop. I think Iād prefer if they ignored me lol.
Psā¦ youāre looking fab xxx
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Glad Iām not alone with needing a translator and thanks for the link Ive suffered with Plantar Fasciitis ( canāt pronounce it ) for a few years , it just flares up every now again but my whole feet hurt at the min if Iāve been on them for a while so think I will give these a try x
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@altoan youāre looking fab, I think we.do ourselves down. It was lovely tonight I was treated as ānormalā, though I didnāt feel normal. Too hot for cardigan so PICC cover on show- but what the heck. Fabulous meal which I really enjoyed, but Gaviscon as soon as I got in, and good old filgrastin 
and now Iām still buzzing on the steroids!! Oh chemo life!!!
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@altoan and @gromit12 you both look so lovely. I wouldnāt even know you have cancer to look at you!!! Well done for putting yourselves out there!
Iām more like @pollyanna1 and prefer to avoid things. Weirdly, the wedding in Scotland was safe because I only know the grooms and their families. No one else. And it seems Scottish people donāt do the annoying held tilted, pity face that people at home seem to love doing.
The translator thing is real. Iāve stopped being frustrated by it now and am basically using a mixture of words and sign language and my family have learnt not to mock me now or laugh as Iāve admitted itās karma for being an absolute pedant my whole life and correcting wrong words. Total payback!!!
@pollyanna1 - you sound done in and just exhausted. Unsurprisingly! I really hope this last few weeks of your last chemo and the recovery from it are kind to you. You totally deserve a break! Sorry if youāve said but are you then having radio? Do you get a break? Theyāve scheduled a 6 week break between mine and said they donāt think Iād be ready before that. Apparently, even privately, 4-6 week break is normal?!?
@elle16 sorry your feet are struggling so much. Iāve found the Margaret Baggs Medical Foot Cream seems to calm my feet. Iāll be honest though, I canāt seem to pinpoint what the pain is. I donāt think itās peripheral neuropathy as I had it and it was sooooo painful and nervy but then it subsided and instead itās more like a mild burning on my feet. Not sure if itās palmar-plantar syndrome that the booklet mentioned.
Need to take girlies shopping for summer holiday clothes tomorrow if I can. Am worried I wonāt have the energy in the next cycle or will end up in hospital again.
Also, silly one that someone may be able to advise onā¦.despite being very chatty, Iām a massive introvert socially and find it very tiring on a good day. I have to go to my daughters Sports Day. Itās a massive event at Team Bath at the Uni (sheās Y8 but they just use the facilities). ALL the parents attend. 99% of the parents do not know I have (hopefully had) cancer. How on earth can I prepare for such a moment? Theyāre all going to stare and then it will inevitably become one of this āstupid cancer comment bingoā things where people tell you about keto diets that kill cancer or that their aunt died from cancer (it always amazes me how many people want to tell you about someone who has died from breast cancer 
). In an ideal world, I would sneak in and sit on the grass and avoid the enormous outdoor balcony they all congregate on but I just know Iāll be spotted since the headscarf kind of sticks out like a sore thumb and Iād have to walk past if I want any refreshments for the entire day. Any tips on how to handle the pity stares. Bath is very very very white middle class. Not in a good way. Itās a small city and everyone knows everyone and itās the land of coffee mornings where I will then become coffee morning fodder. Nothing fills me with anxiety more than being someoneās gossip. Any tips on how to grow some big girl pants and not feel insane anxiety. I wish it had been a month ago when I looked way less cancery than now. Now I look like a gollumy little newborn pig.
Speaking of which, I assisted my lovely Maud in farrowing 10 piglets this evening which was the most fun thing Iāve done in months. Sheās laboured for 24 hours and was being super clingy today, wanting belly rubs and loads of attention so I knew she was close. Nothing better than newborn piglets and a good Mama to lift your spirits. Hopefully she wonāt have sat on any in the night. Itās not easy weighing 230kg and having ears that cover your eyes. Treading on children becomes an unfortunate side effect 
Xx
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@elle16 this sounds a lot like what you describeā¦
Hand-foot syndrome (palmar-plantar erythrodysesthesia) | Breast Cancer Now.
May be worth trying the feet cooler pack things that you can also use during chemo to vasoconstrict and prevent peripheral neuropathy? Is the a foot cream with mint in it too? It could relieve the pain for you maybe?
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@swk1981 i understand how you feel about that situation, it would overwhelm me too. Dealing with this breast cancer rubbish takes a great deal of courage, so you are brave enough to rise above the gossips and be the better person. Itās very hard to follow this advice the idea that others are chattering about me is just horrible even though I know we canāt stop them and we shouldnāt even give them a second thought!
Iām still brooding on one comment yesterday, as I was saying I may need to pull out of things if I donāt feel up to it on the day (read: if I donāt want to give you the opportunity to quiz me further about my cancer) ā¦.this woman interrupted me to ask āAnd how do they know if your treatment is even working?ā Errā¦. Iāll be alive?
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Alton great photo and 5 hours partying 
you star 
Shi xx
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Swk1981, do phone the number and speak to a nurse or the someone like me option about how to navigate the sports day from experience you are probably always going to get people who share their experience of cancer be it themselves or some they know/knew, Iāve always used it as an opportunity to raise awareness about breast cancer and remind them that men and women and gender fluid/ neutral can get breast cancer and what to look out for and to get seen straight away and not leave it. You will probably get people ask ādid it change youā in my experience thatās been a question Iāve most have asked. Itās your call how you deal with any questions, I think most of the time people donāt know what to say or can be awkward and avoid you because they really donāt know what to say which again can make you feel like shouting āim still meā at the world because remember you are still you, still amazing and still awesome your just processing and take by it step by step and day by day 
but your still there donāt forget who you are do also look at the moving forward courses, you might find it helpful going forward hope the sports day goes well your doing it for your girls because your an amazing mum and any gossips that might use you at tge coffee morning then shame on them they should be saying there before the grace of God go I. And always remember todays gossip is tomorrows chip paper you will find as you find your feet you wonāt care less what anyone who gossips has to say because you will be too busy living your life Shi xx
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Thatās amazing!!! Well done, you!
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Thanks @Shi. The funny thing is that Iām not still me. The thing Iāve realised is that itās changed me exponentially and Iām patiently sitting with that to figure out the āwhat next?ā bit because I donāt want life to go back to where it was because it obviously wasnāt working for me physiologically to run around like a headless chicken. My perspective on so many things has changed. I was always the lighting technician at plays at school and never on the stage. This feels like a repeat of that desire to not be stared at. Iāve found that often you end up dealing with other peopleās fear rather than them being supportive and it takes you back a little to those early days of āwhat ifāsā.
THIS is why Iāve kept myself hidden on the farm for 4 months. Eek!
@altoan I think that comment is just bonkers. They would know the answer is scans or recurrence. Thatās a perfect example of having to deal with other peopleās fear.
Xx
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