@ivy-cat if I passed you in the street, I wouldn’t even know you had cancer treatment at all! Your hair looks totally normal! Wow!
@elle16 hope you’re doing okay leading up to our last chemo’s. I’ve felt super flat about it all for the last week or so. Is anyone else struggling a bit with any positivity?
I just feel wiped out emotionally and physically and I’m finding people overwhelming. Had M’s parents here and went for dinner and came home shattered. Muscles are screaming at the slightest effort and I think my whole body is just spent. I’ll be amazed if my bloods are passable for chemo given how shattered I am. I’ve spent the entire cycle in bed most of the day just wiped out.
I’m usually so fit and strong but just have nothing to give and am a little lose identify wise with my uselessness.
I know this is temporary but I just feel like it’s gone on for so long that I’ve lost touch with old me. Maybe I needed to. But urgh. Sooooo worn out by this year now and so much to still do to keep the stalker at bay. So many side effects of drugs to reconcile. And so little fight in me to be positive and upbeat about it. Xx
@swk1981 this whole thing is an emotional rollercoaster! You’re getting closer to the end of chemo, so it’s all been going on a while and all the drugs will be accumulating in your system and taking its toll. I know it’s hard but please try to give yourself a break and don’t beat yourself up/see yourself as useless…. This is just some down time for you to get what you need into your system to blast the cancer cells and your body deserves the rest and recovery it needs it sounds like you were so used to being on the go and doing loads (as was I) it’s really hard take that back step but honestly you’ll get through this and you’ll end up fit and strong again in time. You’ll get your identity back
@swk1981 hang in their lovely, you’ve had such a brutal journey but the end is in sight. Just take a day at a time, you will get through this, your body is just exhausted. Do what you can but don’t worry about what you can’t. Virtual hugs Laura xx
Aw @swk1981 - I can totally relate! My last chemo is next week and I’m getting really anxious about finishing this stage and what’s ahead. It’s been a really tough time and you’ve had surgery too so I’m not surprised you’re feeling low, you must be exhausted with it all. Sending lots of love your way xx
@SL255 - I just use a powder called ‘Rootz’. You brush it on and it covers them pretty well. Don’t think it makes shedding worse as it’s temporary and just coats the hairs lightly x
@swk1981 I completely agree with the comments from the others but just wanted to add…- you are far from useless and you (we) don’t have to be positive all the time. That’s just a pressure put on us, either by ourselves or by others. This is tough we’re going through and it’s impossible to keep smiling and seeing the bright side. You will come back to yourself in time and probably better than before Take care and don’t be so hard on yourself! Anita x
So I had my Oncology appointment this morning to outline the next steps of the treatment plan. Despite my side effects we agreed to keep the current dose for my final chemo on Wednesday, when the PICC line can also come out
Then came the grim stuff…. I’m having further surgery to remove some cells behind my nipple at the beginning of August; then I’ll start Letrozole before 15 sessions of Radiotherapy in September; then I’ll be put on Abemaciclib (2 yrs) and Bisphosphonate (3yrs) I was sent away with pages of stuff to read before we next meet.
It’s the side effects that I’m struggling with ……taking medication is one thing but dealing with ongoing diarrhoea, low white blood cells, hot flushes, tiredness etc is really hard to get my head round. I’m wondering how I’ll feel about going back to work when I’m potentially vulnerable to infection - I work in close contact with under 5s who are always coughing and dribbling over me
But…. This is to stop cancer coming back isn’t it…. so we need to do everything that’s suggested and more.
(It’s a bit much sometimes though isn’t it?)
I know it’s hard to get what seems like an endless list but you are getting the best drugs and remember not everyone gets every symptom. When I was on tamoxifen I got zero symptoms but if you were to look at these message boards you would run a mile. I will be doing my best to try and get on Abemaciclib as it’s meant to be so effective and I don’t think I am eligible. That said the side effects are intimidating but try and go in with an open mind and prepare with other reccies to minimise the side effects. Hope you are one of the ones that get no side effects. x
Well I saw the breast surgeon today and surgery booked in for 9th August. I need to have genetic testing too as my cancer is very close to triple negative (unfortunately not close enough for me to be eligible for immunotherapy). Depending on the outcome of the tests, I will then have radiotherapy for 3 weeks or a mastectomy. As my cancer isn’t hormone driven there are no drug therapies available which is causing me huge anxiety. As the surgeon said ‘it’s an aggressive little bugger that you have’ so, I guess I just have to hope that the chemo has eradicated it and that they find no cancerous cells when they do the surgery . Honestly, I’ve had a few sleepless nights recently stressing about the future and how I will live with the fear of it coming back. Not sure I feel any better after today tbh but what can I do ? Emma x
@altoan - it sounds as though they are doing absolutely everything that they can to minimise it returning. Hopefully the side effects won’t be too bad and you’ll find a way to cope
On the plus side I was given another Little Lifts box today. Apparently I get one for chemo and one for surgery. It had different contents to my first box, so that was lovely
@ivy-cat you look fantastic in your photo, I’ve got definite hair envy and I agree with the other that your eyebrows look fabulous too, I have to draw mine on 3 times a day as they keep sliding off with the heat, @gromit12 thanks for the sock advice @ivy-cat & @swk1981 im with you on feeling very flat, family and friends so encouraging with the “you nearly there, last one now!” and they are so pleased but I just feel like I still have along way to go and I’m oh so so tired, my reserves are spent and I too don’t feel like me anymore, everything is such an effort that I really don’t want to make, but I put a smile on and tell them all what they want/need to hear which is exhausting me.
On a brighter note I know tomorrow is a new day and hoping I will find my positive pants going forward.
New moan- I’ve no appetite, everything tastes like shite , not snacking like I normally do and I’ve put on another 2lb!!! How??? Does sleep make me fat just ordered a treadmill!!!
I have just had my 13th chemo infusion and I am still cold capping. I have a bald patch and my hair has thinned quite a bit but I can cover using Nanogen fibres which are made out of keratin. It was recommended by a Cancer Hair Care charity consultant and it really blends in, does not stain and becomes powder of hair when you wash your hair. It is a bit cheaper on Amazon than buying from their website.
@ivy-cat That’s very stressful having to decide. Good to ask surgeon which is the more aggressive option especially if you are concerned in this regard and why would they recommend one over the other (as oppose to both). Take your time deciding. I get you on the recurrence it is so hard trying to get on with your life and live it and yet trying to do everything to prevent a recurrence. At least if you push the surgeon hard on the stats and the pros and cons you will have more info to make your mind up.
Hope the appointments go well.
Hope everyone is well☺️ I just wanted to share another resource that you may find useful at some point (and I’m saving for after surgery/radiotherapy too)
She was mentioned in the Breast Cancer Now Facebook live for today. Thats the website but she has a YouTube channel with lots of free content for various issues/topics and I’ve been having a quick dig round and already found some handy stuff!
it sounds like you were so used to being on the go and doing loads (as was I) it’s really hard take that back step but honestly you’ll get through this and you’ll end up fit and strong again in time. You’ll get your identity back 
and you (we) don’t have to be positive all the time. That’s just a pressure put on us, either by ourselves or by others. This is tough 
we’re going through and it’s impossible to keep smiling and seeing the bright side. You will come back to yourself in time and probably better than before 
Take care and don’t be so hard on yourself! Anita x
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. Honestly, I’ve had a few sleepless nights recently stressing about the future and how I will live with the fear of it coming back. Not sure I feel any better after today tbh but what can I do ? Emma x
just ordered a treadmill!!! 
