Morning Sarah, I didn’t sleep too bad last night either, I did wake at 4 am but managed to go back to sleep till 9!!! Unheard of for me , I’m very red faced snd flushed but feel ok, really trying not to do too much though as I think that’s what wrecked me after the first tax, it sounds like you are being super woman again, please try and take it easy xxx
I’ve came home yesterday to a decorated house and a very excited family that chemo was done and I also rang the chemo treatment over bell, I know some on here are not keen on the bell but was a big deal for us especially my youngest and was a very emotional day xx
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So sorry and got confused you were also on last one, I just can’t keep up, hope you got to Cornwall safely and you are managing to have a lovely time, enjoy your break xxx
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That is so lovely 
just chill today. Laura x
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Fab tip- thanks! Love the massive cookie btw - so nice of your family to surprise you
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Thanks guys, my nephews girlfriend made me a fabulous video of the day with snippets of photos and videos to the back ground song of lean on me which I’ve tried to share but unfortunately it won’t let me , but we definitely had a mini social distance celebration of passing a mile stone and hopefully no more poison xx
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Just catching up on all the messages - it’s so great to see so many of us coming to the end of chemo! My last one is next Tuesday. To be honest although I can’t wait to finish, I do have some mixed feelings about it. I’ve had a difficult few days following my appointment with the consultant last Monday. I’m having to come to terms with there not being any long term treatment or drug therapy for my cancer - and it terrifies me! At least when I’ve been having chemo I know it’s actively treating the cancer and once that’s done, I only have surgery and radiotherapy and then I will be left with constant anxiety about recurrence. Anyway, I’m not generally one to just sit and wait for things to happen, so I’ve spent the last couple of days looking at how I can do everything to minimise the chance of recurrence- such as changing my diet and increasing exercise etc. I’ve also contacted a specialist local charity to meet with their medical team and they will review my cancer diagnosis and support me going ahead, helping me advocate for medical trials etc.
Sorry for the long message - it just always amazes me how different our journeys can be! Naively, when I started all this I had no idea just how many types of breast cancer there are and all the varying treatment options. Hope everyone is continuing to do well, I really love reading how you are all doing, Emma xx
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I understand completely how you are feeling I too was very anxious last week but couldn’t deny how pleased my family was for me finishing chemo and really helped yesterday be a really positive day, I haven’t shared with them my anxiety for the ultra sound on Monday and only told you guys and two others about me finding the new lump in my breast just wanted them to feel happy 
and fingers crossed for scar tissue or cysts 
I can’t imagine though the news of no drugs going forward for you but sounds like you are on the ball and researching loads and looking into everything that can help you keep the little bastard at bay, we are all rooting for you, stay strong 
🩷
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@ivy-cat I’d say that most of us were extremely naive about this too. Even when I read posts on here I find that there’s not a lot of similarity between me and others, in both the chemo regimen and my response to it. I’m impressed by your positive attitude and think that you are absolutely right to take control of those things that you can, it’s great that there’s a local place offering that service and I’m pleased that you’re able to see what you can do to support yourself. At the moment I’m still wallowing in the long term consequences of my diagnosis, I know that as I feel physically better that will change, so hopefully that will come in time.
Im glad I didn’t “celebrate” the end of my chemo…today I am as rough as I’ve ever been, moved from bed to sofa and now back in bed again 
Aches, pains, sickness and tummy trouble - it’s like the 
saved the worst for last! Truely feeling sorry for myself, maybe my mood is matching this awful weather 
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Oh no @altoan - I suspect that my final dose of docetaxel will also be my worst, my final EC gave me 10 days of nausea so I’m fully expecting a terrible stomach and diarrhoea for days this time.
I so appreciate having this group to share my thoughts and fears. My family look completely terrified if I even mention the possibility of the cancer returning. I don’t want to make my children fearful and anxious about the future so come on here and offload onto all of you 
It was my daughter’s 21st birthday last week and then my youngest son’s prom and I think I was emotionally overwhelmed about reaching such milestones and thinking about what milestones I would see in the future. I hope you feel better soon, so many of us have had a rough ride with this!
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Oh no, so sorry you feeling so poorly, but I’m pleased you’ve reached your last one and can move forward when you are ready, I know there is a still a big journey ahead, but one thing to put behind you once you are feeling up to it, sending you all my love xx
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You look amazing and, without wanting to sound like a total perv, your boobs look incredible. Hoorah for your surgeon! 
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thank you 
Ooooo how did the shopping go? How you feeling ? X
I find the milestones thing too much to bear too. I’m already fearing my birthday. I don’t want it to be the elephant in the room of “How many more do we have of these?” I always hated birthdays anyway so I’d really like to just celebrate 42 forever, the last birthday when I didn’t have cancer!
The kids birthdays will be a challenge too. Fuck. I hate cancer so much.
I honestly don’t know what to say about your next steps. I too would find that very challenging. I tried to do some research to sprinkle some giant hope into my message but I’m out of my depth of PR+ cancer as I’ve never had to investigate it. I wish there was something I could magically trump your oncologist with!
A Mum at school had Stage 1 BC recently, just a lumpectomy, no chemo, no radio and I saw her yesterday. She was knocking back white wine like it was going out of fashion and also told me that Tamoxifen suppresses ovaries and mocked me in front of everyone for it when I said that Zoladex does that, when she is, quite frankly wrong since it blocks receptors on cells and doesn’t suppress ovaries at all. She made me irrationally angry. She is there, all cocky and blasé about her cancer and doing none of the things like cutting down alcohol to prevent recurrence while we’re all here OBSESSED with maximising our odds. It’s so hard to beat.
Rather pathetically, she also annoyed me because I told all 16 x 9 year old girls to clear their plates back up to the restaurant (we’d been at the far end of a pub garden) and the same Mum said “No girls. The waiters are paid to do it!” So I carried 16 plates up to the restaurant because I don’t like people treating waiters like slaves when the girls could do it. Total tangent there. Cancer really has sharply honed a sensor in me that separates the nice from the not so nice!
X
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It was a silly move on my part. I thought I may end up dead in Bristol Primark at one point (I may have actually wished it once or twice during my time there!). Maggie is happy though and has her stuff for hols. One kid down, one girlie to go! Hoorah for teenage boys who are happy to buy online and not have to walk anywhere!
Lying in the bath now unsure whether water has seeped into the limbo or I’m imagining it and am too tired to care. Steroids don’t seem to be preventing tiredness so much this time around but taste went today completely which I think is a few days faster than last time.
Would kind of like to just live in a hotel for 3 weeks and come back all recovered and able to help as I’m feeling like such a flake and a burden at home going back into the hole!
How are you feeling this evening? X
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Isn’t primark the worst place with a young girl 
you deserve a medal for that today , but one down one to go 
and yes boys are so much easier with shopping, I agree with the birthday milestones, mines gone now thankfully but I’ve got granddaughters party tomorrow (swimming party) I’m thinking moist , hot and lots of germs, just going to show my face, go home then go back at the end once they are in the party room, then her birthday 12th , sons on 15th and youngest daughter on 26th, all summer babies, eldest daughter is august,
I agree about the taste mine has gone completely today but felt like it never really fully came back after 2nd docetaxel, and I’ve got what I can only fictive as a churning stomach which I’ve not had before , not sure which way it’s going to go yet, constipation or runs 
good thing is I feel like I will sleep tonight, absolutely shattered xxx
Ps live in a hotel for 3 weeks sounds like an amazing idea xx
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Thank you so much Sarah - I think only people who have had cancer can truly understand the fear of recurrence. It keeps me awake at night at the moment, probably because I’m finishing chemo soon and know that there won’t be anything ‘actively’ dealing with my cancer.
Although, that said, there are clearly some people who’ve had cancer who don’t get it! It drives me mad too when people are so dismissive. Unfortunately my mother falls into that category. She had BC a couple of years ago. It was caught very early on a mammogram and the treatment was a lumpectomy, radiotherapy and tamoxifen. She says she doesn’t even feel as though she’s had cancer and even implies that maybe I’m being over dramatic about mine. It means that I’ve had to reduce contact with my parents since my diagnosis because I find her lack of understanding so upsetting. Honestly, this whole thing is just shit. On the one hand I can’t talk too much about how I really feel because I don’t want to upset my children and then on the other I can’t talk to my parents because they just don’t get it!
Glad your shopping went well - I agree about teenage boys but be warned, girls love to shop in Primark even in their late teens! Emma x
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