Hi.i was diagnosed over a year ago with triple negative bc with lymph node involvement. I’ve had surgery., chemo and rads. I would love to hear from any gay women who have been diagnosed/affected by bc as i feel I’m the only one. Feel a bit freaky as there doesn’t appear to be any posts by gay women recently. Look forward to hearing from anyone who fits the bill.
Cheers
Deb
Hi Deb and welcome to the forum
I’m just bumping up this post for you as you’re right that there haven’t been many posts in this section recently, but I know people do sometimes pop back so hopefully they’ll say hi.
In the meantime, you can contact our one to one peer support service Search Results | Breast Cancer Now. I know we do have some peer support volunteers who are gay women, so definitely worth seeing if we can put you in touch. You can contact the team on 0845 077 1893 or email: ukpeersupportteam@breastcancercare.org.uk
Best wishes
Leah
Hello Deb,
Just bumping this to the top in the hope that you get some replies from the gay community. My sister in law is gay so I understand, but honestly you can join any of the threads we ladies do not mind at all. We just want to be able to offer help and advice, love and positive vibes. Do not feel freaky you are perfectly normal. I keep in touch with a couple of my sil’s ex partners and we are very good friends with another gay couple and went to their civil ceremony. I hope you have a good partner who can help you cope with everything. Do you have any other concerns ? I too had mx and FEC T Chemo but chose not to have Rads. I now take Tamoxifen. Take good care of yourself .Love Tracy x
Hi Deb
You’re not alone! I was diagnosed just over a year ago, and have had three lots of surgery and chemo since then, and I’m on Tamoxifen. I’m now back at work, and me and my OH are having our civil partnership on May 31st (postponed from last year because of diagnosis). When did you finish your treatment?
Alix x
Hi Debbie, im here too!
There are times when being gay IS different in the BC world and it always feels better to know you’re not alone!
I have never had any awkward moments from my ‘team’, oncologist/chemo nurses/surgeons when my partner sara has been with me at appts and together we already know the strength and love from friends and family and work colleagues.
what can be sometimes difficult is supporting one another emotionally! As 2 women in 1 relationship there can be an awful lot of talking about meaningful issues and feelings!! 
and thats without a (secondary, in my case) diagnosis of breast cancer.
sara and i weren’t together when i was first diagnosed 10 yrs ago so im a bit of an old hand re the emotional side in some ways and at times i find it tricky sharing this journey with someone so close and caring and she finds it hard that, true to form, i dont always behave in the way she would have expected someone in my position to do so! The hardest thing for me is dealing with her scared emotions and seeing her hurting cos as women we aint that good at keeping things back!
Anyway - wishing you and yours all the very best
Alize
Hi, my partner had breast cancer in 2011 and now diagnosed in early march with secondaries to lungand bone and is currently seeming very poorly. She started xeloda yesterday but it is very hard for her to get in as the cancer and anxiety is making her very nauseous and at times sick. We also have a 9 week old baby that I conceivedvia a donor. I have a feeling the onc last Tues wasnt telling us how quickly things are deteriorating…
Hi BenitsyKim
I’m so sorry to hear about your partner’s secondary diagnosis. I really hope that she starts to improve on the treatment. Your profile pic is gorgeous - you look like a lovely family.
Love and light,
Alix
Hi there everyone - no you are not alone. I was diagnosed 3 and a bit years ago and when I was there was no “lesbians and bisexual women” part of the forum, so with a few other brave souls, particularly Norberte, we asked BCC to make the appropriate ammendments to the site. There was a bit of tricky stuff from some other members, but mainly lots of support. Norberte and i and the others have mainly moved on - my BC currently stable with tamox…
but I do pop on here sometimes to see how people are and to welcome new friends…so welcome everyone.
BCC did a report about lesbains and their BC treatment so you should be able to get that if you want it - Norberte and I did talks at their london launch of the report…and lots of the other lovely women using this part of the site came along or sent good wishes.
all the best to you
Nicola
Thanks Moorcow. If anyone’s interested, you can read more about the report and the launch event here Search Results | Breast Cancer Now
HI Benitsykim,
Apologies for not being on for a few days, I have the a really bad chest infection so felt really lousy.
So sorry to hear your news about your partner, I really hope that she will make good progress on that drug, Ive heard it’s pretty tough in the beginning until you get used to it. Big hugs to you and your new family, having a baby is stressful at the best of times so can only send my very best wishes to you all.
please keep in touch and thank you for responding to me.
take care
debbie
Thank you for your response Alize and Alex J
I havent been too well so havent been on so sorry for the delay in replying.
I finished all my treatment in December 2012 and since been on the road to recovery, growing hair, eyelashes etc but the fatigue has really knocked me for six, my mind is willing but the body says otherwise which is very frustrating, I just want to be doing all the things I was doing before my diagnosis as I still feel a relatively young woman (44 at diagnosis) but my arm, tiredness gets in the way. I am hoping to return to work next month but right now it seems almost impossible to contemplate getting back to my usual self that everyone expects.
I have been with my civil partner for 12 years, we were 'civil partnershiped in 2006 and I can honestly say without her I dont think I couldve go throught the past 12 horrible months. We havent met any hostility towards us from any of the professionals involved but lots of posts/leaflets etc are about ladies with male partners and there is nothing on the Lesbian forums for women with breast cancer (supposed to be even higher statistics amongst gay women I read somewhere) and therefore it’s frustratiing that nothing is in print anywhere.
Alix, when are you having your ceremony ? I really hope it goes well, ours was the best day ever, everyone said how laid back and enjoyable it was and the words we chose had many in tears, it truly was special and send my very best wishes to you both.
Please keep in touch ladies and take care,
debbie
xx
Hi Debbie,
I am so pleased that you have had some replies from the other girls, but sorry to hear that you have been feeling under the weather. Take things slowly , there is no rush, just take it nice and steady. A chest infection can be so nasty and I always need to increase my inhalers when ever I get a nasty cold. The sunshine will help us all feel better very soon.
Sending you healing thoughts to get better soon. Love Tracy xxx
Hi Debbie. Just wanted to say hello. At a much earlier point in all this than you byou hello anyway!
gus x
Hi just saying hello too! I think I’m at the same stage as you Gus, starting chemo this month.
Really sorry to read you’ve had such a tough year.
Fiona x
Belated hi, Fiona. See you in the June Jewels group. Have you started chemo yet? I’m pencilled in for Weds 26th.
Gus
Grrr, just posted and lost the post!
Anyway, hello all. I feel like an old hand at all this now. Was dx primary in 1999 and secondaries (bone) 2010. As Moorcow said there was not a section for gay women in those days. I have always used the main boards/forums and have never had any problems from any of the straight community. It is nice to have our own section too though and it would be good to see it more active so keep posting.
Hello and best wishes to you all - keep in touch xx
Hi gussie,
thanks for replying. Sorry I haven’t been on here for a while. Busy back at work so some normality at last. Hope you are well in your journey, where are you up to at the moment?
I am now six months out of treatment and back at work, it’s very tiring but just glad to focus on something different than hospitals, treatment, tests etc I feel a little human again, fingers crossed it last s for a long long time.Anyway,nbest wishes to you. Hope t o hear from you soon.
Debbie
X
9 days out from my first cycle of FEC. Doing okay today, actually! It’s good to have the energy to feel like doing something other than stagger through the day.
Had an annoying lesbian-specific moment in the chemo ward. My bcc nurse and surgical team have been spot on with appropriately handling the lesbian widow. So it was a bit of a &!#¥ that somehow in the transfer to the oncology team my dead partner was turned into a husband! I had ticked “widowed” in their paper registration form with no further explanation because to be honest it hadn’t occurred to me that the important details wouldn’t follow me. So there I was getting the pre-chemo nurse spiel about sex and body fluids, and the onc nurse asked if I might be pregnant, and I said not without knowing it being a lesbian, ho ho ho … to be fair that nurse handled that well too. Then she came back later and said just wanted to check, your notes say your husband just died which is obviously a mistake. She apologised profusely that someone had made such an assumption and corrected my notes. But grrrr!
I was then left sitting rigged up to the drip having had that interaction (which would have been rattling at the best of times) plus the whole dead partner conversation (how did she die, how awful for you etc) feeling absolutely terrible.
I’m going to make some discrete enquiries about who gave me a husband. Am not in the mood for a fight but whoever it was needs their equality training updating.
Hello again everyone, just popped on to say hello and keep the section alive…amd here you all are .
Gussie -WW I am SO sorry you had to find enough energy to challenge the husband / pregnant stuff whilst also facing another chemo cycle and while grieving…I really do think there is a need for equality updating and when you can face it some enquiries will help others of us who go after you. I do hope you are OK with the chemo , very best of luck with it. At least after the first couple of cycles we know how its going to affect us…never got used to the red pee tho!
debbie - t - take it easy at work won’t you - it took me so long to get back on my feet and i think its cos i pushed too hard at the begining maybe?
Julie D - HELLO my friend, how are you? I am about to celebrate 3 years on tamox…unbelieveable how quick it goes. I “see” Norberte on the lymphodema chat rooms - mine is managable thank goodness, but only cos I pushed and pushed for a service when it was still quite small swelling…had i done what the surgeons / oncologists wanted I would be the size of an elephant by now…
all the very best - remember to stay out of the direct sun Gussie,
Moorcow
Don’t worry, I am covering up, wearing a hat and sun cream! Been out and about a bit today, anti-bac hand rub also at the ready. 