Hello Bob,
Gosh, how frustrating and annoying for you both. On the plus side, the surgeon is taking action to get to the root of this and get Rosie back to full health. To be honest, even if he had definitive results, the wait time to surgery would be pretty much the same, and you would still be waiting for full pathology. Four weeks seems like an eternity when you waiting and wondering, but it will pass and the lump will be removed - which has to be a good thing, even if it does turn out to be benign. Finding positives is difficult, but this four weeks will give you time to do more research around the possibilities of eggs harvesting, if that is something you want to conisder in case Rosie needs to have chemo. Try to focus on good things, and make sure you treat yourselves gentle and generously. You will get through this. Keep posting or lurking as much as you wish on here, there will always be someone around to answer your questions or share experiences.
Hi Bob and Rosie,
I have been thinking about you all morning and wishing you well. That is awful that the news is not conclusive but at least your consultant is being proactive and getting rid of the offending lump. It would be simply wonderful if when it is tested it does indeed have no cancer cells. We pray for that.
Anyway what about your fertility tests and when do you get those ? Concentrate on everything positive and try and live your lives as normally as possible until Rosieās operation. I went straight back to work after my diagnosis as I did not want to sit at home wallowing in self pity, but everyone is different. It is what makes the world such an exciting place.
I am off work this week with Bronchitis so I am suffering a bit but the weather is beautiful and the washing is blowing on the line. Go for a nice walk to clear your heads. How does Rosie feel ? I hope she is managing to cope and not being too brave.
Take care and lots of love to you both Tracy xxx
That really is crap, I know at this time you just want to be told for certain and then you can deal with it, I will say with Marg they gave her a date for her op which was three weeks away if I remember rightly but this was changed very quickly to a week, they had a cancellation I think. I have to be honest when we went to the consultant she told us it was cancer before they had the results of the biopsy (which came through the next day) they are obviously experts in their field and deal with this type of thing everyday .I canāt tell you not to worry, Marg has finished all treatment now and trying to get on with her life and she has to put up with some dithering idiot constantly asking how she is? Is she feeling ok? are you checking yourself properly (that one always get me in trouble) I have tried not to be upset in front of her (I know some people disagree with this) but I believe she has enough on her plate without worrying about my feelings she knows she is my life, as I am sure Rosie is to you, the worst part is you are supposed to be able to protect them, but in this case you can only stand aside at let the professionals do their work. As much as I was anxious and worried about marg a few weeks ago we had a scare with my daughter she is 21 and found a lump under her arm she was sent straight to hospital (because of her mum) and thank god it was just breast tissue my god I was totally beside myself with worry we both were, neither of us were brave then and when we found out she was fine I honestly couldnāt stop crying
Thanks again Revcat,
It is indeed frustrating and really annoying. It was not all what we had expected. I have sent an email to the department saying that we are not happy about the wait and was there any chance at all of them moving the op date forward. I guess Iāll hear nothing but you never know. The funny thing is Rosie told me she thought that it had gone well. They hadnāt told her it was cancer and very aggressive -so at least we had that to celebate. But I canāt see i that way. Te doctor is still sure it is cancer so weāve just wasted a week of agony for nothing. Rosie also said that if it is to be terrible news then the later sheās told the better. I guess weāre all different.
Youāre right I suppose, Revcat, the op date may well have been about the same time anyway. As I say Rosie doesnāt seem to bothered but Iām one of thise people that needs info and clarity. I just need to know what it is that weāre up against.
He is a very nice chap, the doctor. Very patient and kind. We will just have to hold it together and like you say keep busy and doing nice things.
Cheers,
Bob
Hi Tracy,
Yes it was an unexpected outcome. Iām glad theyāre getting on with plans to operate anyway, I just wish we didnāt have to wait so long. Being this anxious every day is so tiring, isnāt it?
Rosie has had one blood test for fertility and will have another one next week. Mine is next week too, although I wonāt get the results for a while. We did discuss it with the BC nurse who is great, but we donāt know what sort of cancer it is yet so we donāt know what we could do. She did however tell us that there a few āworkaroundsā. Weāll find out when we eventually find out what sort of lump weāve got.
Iām sorry to hear about your bronchitis. Keep well and get better soon. We might still have an Indian Summer!
Cheers and take care,
Bob
x
Hello again kevinj,
It is as you say, crap. Marg was lucky to get a cancellation like that. Thatās really good.
How you can possibly be an idiot for asking how she is and being so concerned? Sheās just a girl with a man who cares about her a great deal. Nothing wrong with that.
I can imagine finding that your daughter had a lump must have been terrifying. Thank goodness it was OK. Bl**dy hell, what a life this is, eh?
I know what you mean about hiding your tears. You want them to know, or at least believe, that youāre in control. But Iām not sure itās always good. I donāt know. You sound like a good man to me. Be proud of your sensitivity and compassion. It makes you a man.
Cheers,
Bob
Hi Bob
I wonāt reiterate what the others have said - all very good advice - but just to try and reassure you a bit about the length of time before Rosieās surgery.
I found my ālumpā in November 2010, by the time I had my breast clinic appointment, then the wait for results, it was Dec 22nd (great Christmas present!) before I was told that I had a 5 x 2cm Grade 3 cancer (Grade is to do with what the cells look like and how aggressive it is, NOT about spread of disease). Because of Christmas and various things it was the 27th Jan before I had my surgery.
My breast surgeon assured me that a wait of a few weeks would make no difference to my long term prospects. So far Iāve got no reason to doubt him!
Youāve been told that Rosieās lump is quite small and, if it is cancer, they will have caught it early - easier said than done, but try not to let the uncertainty eat you up. Diversionary tactics needed - and youāve been given good tips about this as well.
Good luck to you both.
D
Hi DJ007,
Thanks for your reply. That mustāve been hard for both of you, having to wait that long! I suppose itās natural to think the worst and worry that itās spreading while you wait. I am encouraged though by what youāve said. Thanks so much and itās great to hear your op was a success.
Bob
Hi Bob and Rosie
Iāve been thinking of you and found the post again so I could see how you got on. What a bugger that you didnāt get a definitive answer. Good idea to ask for an earlier date. My hospital wanted to my first op within a week which was a shock but we were going away so managed to postpone it a week. (I think there was a little ounce of denial in there). I hope they come back with an earlier day because as the others have said the waiting is the hardest bitā¦torturous, I found it!
I will keep my eyes on the thread and bookmark it so I can find it again!
Lots of love to you both
Viv xxxx
So sorry about your news. I always felt that the worse thing that could happen to me was being diagnosed with cancer and this happen to me 3 years ago. Treatment has changed so much since your motherās time and is changing all the time.
My best advice would be not to rehearse for diaster, wait until you have hard information because usually when youāre given the bad news youāre also given the ways of dealing with it, I was told I had cancer which to me meant I would die a horrible death, but I didnāt. The cancer had gone to my lymph nodes which to me meant it would spread all over my body and I would die a horrible death, but I didnāt. I had a mastectomy and chemotherapy which to me meant I would be sick 24/7 and go bald, I wasnāt even nauseous once and although I lost my hair it grew back and looks better than it has in years. I then had radiotherapy which to me meant I would get burnt and permanently exhausted, and although I was more tired than usual I found radio really straightforward and easy.
Basically it sounds as though your worst case scenario has already happened to me and I lived through it and Iām fine, itās not fun but itās very, very manageable. I got so much support from my breast cancer nurse and places like this forum are a godsend, donāt be afraid to ask the stupidest question or just have a moan as I sometimes feel it can be harder for the partner than the patient, support your wife but donāt try to be the hero, youāre human and you will be upset at times and you can share this with her.
Lastly, people close to me managed to make my cancer fun - if you can believe that! Humour and happiness can spread faster than cancer, make your wife laugh, romance her and make her feel womanly, beautiful and loved and MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL look after yourself and exocise your demons in this forum.
With hindsight cancer has been a blip in my life, thatās all, just a blip, although at the time it was devestating, but I realise the cancer itself wasnāt devestating it was me rehearsing soooo many worst case scenarios that was devestating. I wish you could have hindsight now but, trust me, youāll get there.
My very, very best wishes go to you and your wife
Angi
bwgicat what a great post,spot on.
Bob just want to say I am so sorry to hear of the situation you are in. Also want to confirm what RevCat said regarding surgery waiting time I got results of my biopsy on 1 Oct with positive cancer cells, I am still waiting for confirmation of my date for lumpectomy so it can take a few weeks between. I know the waiting is not easy and I have found myself on this site quite a bit as well as another site which I am part of. The support you get from people on here is fantastic and we all know what it feels like will keep you and Rosie in my thoughts both for results of surgery and your future hopes of having a family.
Hi Bob and Rosie,
Thanks for your reply. Yes I think we will get an Indian Summer next week so that will be good to get out in the fresh air and take some autumn images.
I will keep you in my thoughts for the blood tests. Take good care of yourselves.
With love and positive vibes Tracy
Angi,
What can I say to that reply? Wow, thank you so much. That genuinely made me feel better about this.
Thank you again.
Bob
Hi Bob and Rosie!
Just wondering how you were getting on and any news on results yet?
Viv xxx
Hi Viv,
Weāve had no news yet on when the op will be. Rosie has been in for the pre-op check already. The consultant said he will get her in ASAP and that it will be in November, but as I say weāve yet to get a date for it. Itās very frustrating for us but what can we do? Iām tempted to phone up but I donāt know what good it would do.
In the mean time weāre doing our best to keep busy and trying not to dwell on it too much, but itās very hard! Itās driving me mad.
Bob
Hello again,
Just a quick note to say that Rosie finally has a date for her lumpectomy, on the 9th of November. Originally they had told us the 23rd but luckily it has been moved forward by two weeks.
Because the core biopsy (probably) missed the lump and bent around it, we still donāt know anything about this lump except that it is about 12mm, craggy and looks very much like cancer. The only way forward now is for them to remove it and to do the biopsy from the removed lump itself. It will obviously be a great relief to get that b*gger out of there. I just hope and pray it hasnāt spread to the lymph nodes.
This waiting around has been the most difficult thing either of us have had to deal with in our entire lives. But eventually we have begun to settle into a routine of letās pretend itās not happening. Every day is like a normal day, but of course in the back of our minds the worry is there. it is quite a surreal (or maybe irreal?) experience. We know itās coming but weāve surrounded ourselves with a blanket of cozy familiarity and a big, warm mug of denial. Itās working and it is helping, but it is also very weird.
I hope you are all doing well and Iāll let you know when I get any more news.
God bless you.
Bob
Hi Bob and Rosie, all the best to you both for Friday, will be thinking of you, it is over four years since I first crossed this hurdle, and I am doing very well now, and hopefully you will soon be on the same road with this behind you. Keep us posted take care love junieliz x
Hello Bob and Rosie,
I lost your post after being at work all last week . I am now sending you lots of love for your op on Friday Rosie and pray too Bob that there is no spread to the nodes. When this is all over you can explore all your options for starting a family which I know must be a very anxious time for you as well.
I am pleased you are surrounding yourselves with a big fluffy blanket of love and I like the idea of a mug of hot chocolate with extra cream and marsh mallows as my cup of denial. You are right to try this approach, there is no other way really.
Friday will be hard for you both. My hubby does not show his emotion , he certainly does not wear his heart on his sleeve but as we walked to theatre with the porter I passed hin my wooden holding cross and he had tears streaming down his face , so be prepared your emotions will be high Bob. We will all be here for you when you are ready. Love Tracy xxx
Hi Bob and Rosie!
Just want to wish you lots of love and luck for Rosieās op on Friday. The waiting is by far the worst time. I find it tortureous! I am waiting for some genetic test results and itās been 2 months already. There is nothing to be done other than get on with life, which is almost impossible.
I am seeing the plastic surgeon tomorrow to find out about reconstruction as I had a bilateral mx. Itās like starting over again although itās for a more positive reason.
Iāll be thinking of you both on Friday, we are all here for you when you are ready or need.
Much love
Viv xxx