OK that sounds horrible. But lack of sleep can make you not yourself so first things first, you need to take that into consideration.
Let’s start with him - sounds like he’s been a bit up and down? And also that sometimes he says some quite harsh sounding things to you?
Do you think that this is because you’ve always been so strong and resilient? From things that you’ve said he’s said to you, it’s sounds a bit like he doesn’t want to accept the real implications and impacts of your treatment and wants to carry on like you were before. If that’s how he’s ‘dealing’ with it it’s bound to flare up like this from time to time, because yes, you’ve had a horrible, harsh life changing experience and it therefore affects every aspect of your life.
I think that you have been pushing yourself really hard to carry on as normal, and by doing this, you’re doing really well. However sometimes you (both) need to give yourselves a break.
This is obviously only from what you’ve said, so of course I could be off the mark, so ignore anything that doesn’t ring true. It feels a bit like he doesn’t want to acknowledge that any side affects are out of your control because then he has to accept the cancer is out of your control which means that he has to face the scary fact that the cancer could kill you.
Maybe he does need to talk to someone. It’s so hard when someone you love so much is ill. I would much rather have the cancer than have my husband have it. It just seems like it comes our in bursts of him every now and then eh?
There is also the whole thing whereby now you’re ‘over’ treatment you should just be back to normal Lol!! That’s just not realistic I’m afraid to say, either of him or you!
The side affects unfortunately really do affect both of you and you have to navigate your way through them.
But what you must remember is that they are not your fault and you can’t just magic them away.
Re the tamoxifen, I don’t think you should come off it unless it’s absolutely unbearable. I think you need to do everything you can to protect your health. Therefore the next step is to explore things that can help you deal with it and can lesson the symptoms. I really rate accupunture. But there are so many things you can try before giving up, also you are really early days yet and you still have five more herceptin to go, things will change again when that’s finished, so don’t rush into anything.
I think that changing your hours will also have an impact.
Have a chat today when hopefully you’ve both had some sleep and can consider a plan to be positive in the new year. This sort of blip is totally normal and unfortunately a horrible side affect of the horrible side affects.
I’m sending you a huge hug my lovely. I’m sure you’ll feel better when you talk to him xxxzx