Feeling like a complete wuss, treatment is over so where is my happy head ? All I seem to do is cry ! WHY ? I feel completely selfish for feeling so sad when I should be over the moon to be alive. I feel so confused and like I’m drifting around in the wilderness now it’s as if all my life structure is over now the hospital appointments are finished and I am struggling with getting my life back on track. What with the tears mood swings sweats, body aches etc I’m wondering will I ever feel normal again ? please somebody tell me this is normal because I believe am going mad, maybe it’s just another rocky road on this unchosen path I’ve found myself on 
You are not a wuss, what you’re feeling now IS completely normal - I finished my treatment in January and then on Letrezole. I felt just the same as you but found a great thread on here called Where did I go? We have all felt the same at some point and it does continue but its nice to know that what you’re feeling and aches and pains you may get are what everybody else gets as well. I know there will be lots of other ladies posting to support you. Give yourself a break you’ve been through so much.
Big hugs to you
Katieb xx
Yes what you are feeling is very normal. Don’t worry, you will get over this phase, but in the meantime you might find the following useful:
cancercounselling.org.uk/northsouth/extra4.nsf/WebResClient/1761049276601BD68025735B00604834/FILE/article3.pdf?openElement
KatieB
how do you find threads on here ?
Thanks
Jood
It’s all very normal to feel like this when active treatment comes to an end. I don’t think we ever go back to the “old” normal - the way we used to be before dx, but a new normal does slowly take shape. Lots and lots of us in here totally understand how you are feeling - your family and friends may not.
Debbie x
Hi
I am post chemo by six months now and find I have good and bad days feeling exactly as you are now…I am not one for counselling but I cope by taking one day at a time…I can’t seem to find the "old me…I don’t look the same…I certainly don’t feel the same…every little ache and pain is magnified in my mind as something sinister happening to me…but I do find that it has made me more appreciative of the small things in life that I would have taken for granted before…you have been through a lot…be kind to yourself and listen to your body…that it what I do and it certainly helps me to cope in this strange “new normal” I find myself living…hugs to you…Maggie
Hi Jood
This is the thread KatieB was referring to Search Results | Breast Cancer Now
You might also be interested in our “Moving Forward” resources and services Moving Forward | Breast Cancer Now
Hey Angik, welcome to our world!!! NEDland (No Evidence of Disease) is so scary. I lurked off and on this site all through chemo and rads, getting good information, a bit of moral support just from reading about people who felt like I did, but it wasn’t till all my treatment except Herceptin was over that I lost it. WTF, I felt/sometimes feel terrified of recurrance, sick from continuing se’s (dratted lymphoedema), and angry that my friends and family are moving it on, and I’m not ready to.
I’ve found two threads on here that have kept me going these past few months:“Stop feeling guilty small rant (Benchland)” and “Standing alone in the deep dark woods”. They are weird, but wonderful, and the woman who post are fun and understanding and have somehow kept me from falling apart. Come join us, we’ll help you cry and we’ll show you where the hankies are, when you’re ready to stop crying (for awhile).
Good luck, don’t be afraid to look for and ask for help. You have been through a lot, and your body is still full of chemicals and your mind is still not settled.
XXX
Hi
You are most certainly NOT A WUSS!
What you are feeling and experiencing is in my mind very normal and totally understandabe considering all that your mind and body has been through.
I like applestreet cannot find the old me and am trying very hard to adjust to the new me.
It has been three years for me since DX and i am struggling a little (mainly with my reconstruction and the journey i have endured to get there) but i try to think in a postive way and look forward and hope that one day BC and all its c*** will take a back seater from my mind.
You will get there eventually…give yourself lots of time and be kind to yourself…xx
I think the majority of women must feel like this, whether they admit it or not. I certainly do. Life does not go back to normal, it will always be different and I don’t think anyone who has not been there “gets it”
ST hits the nail on the head about family and friends - mine expect me to be the old me, especially, as one friend put it “you only had bc a little bit”! They also, now don’t want to talk about it at all, let alone entertain the possibility that it may return. I find their belief that I am “cured” extremely annoying and this sometimes colours my relationship with them.
Angik - sorry for turning your thread into about me but my point is that I need someone to talk to and am going to ask about counselling and wonder if this may benefit you.
Hey FF, you didnt turn it into ‘about you’, AngieK asked if the way she is feeling is normal and you are just demonstrating that it is!!
I used to think that counselling was a load of B*** but over recent months, through the experiences I have read on here, and the experiences of other people I know who have had counselling lately (not necessarily BC related), I have changed my opinion, and even considered it for myself.
As everyone says, ‘non BC’ people just dont get how this things stays with you, always lurking in the shadows. As Quail says, the best places to take shelter are in BENCHLAND and the dark, dark, woods (find threads by looking in the list on the left and click on Active Topics
Much love, Barb xxx
Angi
you are NOT a wuss - your body has been cut about, you’ve been subjected to powerful rays and chemicals, and the way your body kept going was by producing massive amounts of adrenalin. Now you’ve bombed out for a while, so yes you will be weepy, tired, moody, frustrated etc. It’s normal, honestly. That’s what this community is for - to vent these feelings without judgement.
And remember you have become an expert on your own cancer in a way even your closest family and friends can’t, so there will be bits they don’t get and they can’t help it.
One thing I found useful is an article by Dr Peter Harvey about after treatment and how we need to pace ourselves, which you can get by googling him. Somewhere on this site is a link, but I can’t remember where. One of the things he says is that the cancer experience changes you, not making you better or worse but altered, and that the ‘new’ you is just as important and valid as the ‘old’ you. And like a bereavement, you don’t ‘get over it’ you learn to incorporate into a new life AND THAT’S JUST FINE.
grumpy
Here is the link Grumpy mentioned:
http://www.cancercounselling.org.uk/northsouth/extra4.nsf/WebResClient/1761049276601BD68025735B00604834/FILE/article3.pdf?openElement
I have it saved on my computer and re-read it when I’m feeling that I’ve lost ‘me’. It Makes me cry because it so accurately describes the way I feel - and JUSTIFIES THOSE FEELINGS!!
You are NOT a wuss and you are most definitely NOT alone in struggling to get back to ‘normal’ after the horror of the BC roller-coaster. Give yourself time to grieve for the person you were, then look forward to getting to know the new you and finding where life’s going to take you next. (Ughh that sounds so Disney twee - but I hope you get my gist!)
Hugs xx
Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply 
and I shall look at finding the threads suggested your all so kind and understanding and the nicest thing of all is learning am not alone and alot of what you have all said rings true to myself my situation etc wish I had had the courage to post sooner many thanks to you all and hugs a plenty in return to all given xx
Today is yet another weepy day feeling completely out of sync and control of my emotions got appointment with my gp so hopefully they can give me something to run along side my tamoxifen that might just help to balance me out, feeling lonely is an understatement everyone just expects me to pick up my life where it was left on hold prior to my diagnosis and I would so love to be able too but can’t feel like am in a very dark place right now so so so fed up and unable to talk to any of my family or friends as they just tell me how amazing I am how strong I am etc etc and to be fair right now that is so far away from the truth and they just don’t understand
Angi xx
Angik, I found that Tamoxifen and the chemo-induced menopause messed with my hormones completely, and I was totally unable to cope emotionally with stuff - and I had a LOT of stuff - that I had to deal with. My GP has prescribed anti-depressants, and I feel a lot more like “me” than I have done for a while. It’s not a failure to admit that you’re not coping: in truth it’s a success. And the added benefit of the anti-d’s is that they help subdue the hot flushes, so success on two fronts!
Be aware that if you are on Tamoxifen there are certain anti-d’s that you shouldn’t take because they reduce the effectiveness of the Tamoxifen. These include Prozac (fluoxetine) and another one I can’t remember the name of, but make sure that you GP double-checks the interactions. Some that are ok to take include Citalopram, Sertraline and Venlafaxine, but there are plenty of others, and if you don’t get on well with one, you can swap to another to find the best one for you.
Welcome to the new you. I suspect you’ll find you are a lot less tolerant of fools, and may end up learning how to say “No” a bit more often. As suggested, counselling may help you find, and get used to, the new you. Other people will just have to get used to the new you on their own!
Good luck,
CM
x
Angi,
I feel for you so much and know exactly how you are feeling. I was exactly where you are now this time last week. I felt as if I had to deal with this on my own because like you, I thought that everyone thought I was being strong. I turned to the forum because I knew that people on here would ‘get it’. Having posted how I was feeling and getting some lovely replies I went into total melt down which in turn led to me finally telling my OH how I was feeling. Over the past few days I have spoken to my BCN, my GP and my friends and family to let them know what’s going on in my head. It’s been such a relief to talk to people and to know that I’m not isolated with this. My BCN has suggested counselling - something I never thought I’d have to consider - I’m the strong one after all!! Please talk to your family and friends as well as your GP and your BCN. I’m sure that if your friends and family are happy to tell you how amazing you’re being they will be there to support you through this. We will get through this and the way we are feeling is OK. Take care.xx
Hi Angik
I just wanted to send you some virtual hugs and support…
I so know how you are feeling right now and i am much further on down the line than you.
I really hope that how you are feeling now fades over time as you adjust to your new life…
I wonder if talking openly and honestly to people about how you are REALLY feeling and how much BC has impacted your life will help? I didn’t and still haven’t and am struggling now.
Keep chatting on here Angik, we all understand what you are going through even if others do not…
Thinking of you
Naz xx
Another voice for you Angik to tell you you’re not a wuss/failure/anything else negative you think you are. I’ve just posted a long reply (link follows) to Naz, some of which I think amy be relevant to you. I won’t repeat it all here.
breastcancercare.org.uk/comment/2063312#comment-2063312
Cyber hugs
Nina
Angik…you are not a wuss…you’ve been through a lot and it is going to take time to get over…I have been in the same boat for the last week…6 months down the line from my last chemo and I’m having days when I struggle to cope…for instance…last week I got a tummy bug and convinced myself that it was C related…over exerted myself at the weekend and suffered for it…that was C related as well!! as Choccie says…if it keep up, this feeling, I am going back to my GP for more citalipram…I was prescribed these when first dx and took myself off them…big mistake I think…it might just be the weather for me as I hate the lack of light…talking about it helps…I’m not one for counselling but as Nannab says it may be the answer…there are links on here to coping after treatment…I hope I have been of some help…M