Angik,
I found that I was totally over-emotional on Tamoxifen and joints ached horribly on Letrozole.
There are other drugs. I am now on Anastrozole which doesn’t seem to affect my emotions and my joints are less painful. It might be worth asking your doctor if it would be suitable for you. All these drugs have side effects and it takes some time to find which will suit you best.
I agree with the comments already made that I don’t think you ever feel the same, but I hope that you will feel less down soon. Good luck - sending love and light,
janie5
I feel completely overwhelmed by the love and support you ladies are giving me, it is very reassuring to know am not alone at this time and that there are poeple there to help support me in my hour of need and right now I am so needy which is also a side of me am not used to, being a wife and mum means I have always been a tower of strengthand support not an emotional cripple which is how I am feeling at this moment in time.
I guess in time this will get better and I hold on to that thought but from the bottom of my heart I’d like to say a massive thank you to all you lovely ladies.
Ang xx
Just wanted to say I haven’t cried yet today 
, could this be a breakthrough I do hope so and have been having a mooch around on here and looking at other threads that were suggested to me and even found myself laughing out loud at some of the comments feel much more upbeat about the future today and so wanted to share this with you all fingers crossed this feeling lasts.
Angi ((((hugs)))) n xxxxxxx to all
Hey, well done, Angi (although the day is young LOL). This board has been a lifeline for me. I lay in bed last night unable to sleep and worried and starting to get in a state, and finally made myself get up. Next thing you know I’m reading all about the Benchland nativity play thread and found myself laughing outloud (much to my OH’s irritation, it was about 2am). One day at a time, hun. xxxxxxxxx
Well done Missus - on two counts, not just one!! Not only have you not cried, you’re also being kind to you by noting it and highlighting it as an achievement, which it is, a huge one!! Really pleased for you.
Nina x
Today has not been as good as yesterday which was my first full tear free day woohoo, but got up very weepy again today so jumped on here read a thread I added on to yesterday and found myself laughing I really am not sure what I would do without this site right now.
broomsticklady thank you for pointing out my achievements I hadn’t really looked at it that way but now feel very proud of myself and after yesterday am looking forward to my next 1 it can’t come quick enough but I know 1 day at a time so thats exactly what I’m doing.
hugs to all Angi xxx
Good - now you’re getting there!! Appreciating what a strong girl you are, and congratulating yourself on it, exactly the opposite of what you have been doing. If you’re up to it, it is worth seeing the GP re anti depressants - I’ve had them since 1993 way before Big C. Started on Prozac, and after 13 years finally beat it - was able to curl up in a corner for days at a time crying and almost catatonic - that’s how low depression can get you - so changed onto duloxetine which is a lot stronger and I’m on max dose, see a psychiatrist and don’t care - if it keeps me going then that’s what I have to do. I do have bad days, but at the end of each always try and say to long suffering husband that it will be beter tomorrow - and it usually is. Also think about counselling - it’s combo of CBT from years ago, CAT from 2008 and general counselling more recently which allow me to think the way I do and turn my negatives into positives or at least grey rather than black.
More cyber hugs, more exhortations to look at yourself in the mirror and say well done!
Nina
Well had an absolutely horrible weekend started on a downhill slide thst completely took over couldn’t even bring myself to the pc for some moral support boy when the blues hit they really hit but decided to try today to ast least make an effort to get on here so yey small steps but successfull steps and as the saying goes tomorrow is another day
Hi Angik! Small steps will still get you there, small steps are fine x
Hi Angik
Small steps are definitely fine…
We are all right there with you…xxx
Just been taking things easy for the last few days taking some well deserved R&R the tears are still coming which still gets me down but I think am now coping a little better these last few days have helped me to get my head space into a bit more ordercoming to terms with the whole situation that my poor body and mind has been through and looking back now to my diagnosis I think I was expecting life to just return back to normal the minute treatment ended and boy did that turn into a rude awakening 
I guess now is a time to start finding a new normal and embracing the future not dwelling on this past 7 months or so, so that is what I intend to do find the new normal me tears and all, I have read alot on here that has made me see the tears and hot flushes etc all are normal and so many cope with them in everyday life now and they have truly made me sit up and realise that I have to accept that this is just a new me
Hi Angik
I thought the same as you…the minute treatment was over, that was it, back to normal…How wrong was i!
I am three years down the road and only now after my last surgery am i beginning to make sense of the journey.
I think the bottom line of it is that it all takes time…
Take each day as it comes, be kind to yourself, acknowlege how you are feeling, cry and rant if you want to - it is all okay xxx
We are all here for you Anjik
Love Naz x
Hi Naz 
,
thank you for taking the time to reply and I am glad am not the only 1 who thought that way, it is such a massive journey from diagnosis to the just being on tablets life seems so structured with hospital visits etc then boom your just left in the wilderness with strange feelings that nobody or nothing prepares you for.
Thankfully I found my way here and have spent a few hours reading alot on herewhich has made me come to terms with my situation and where I now am and it has also given me hope for the future which I am so grateful for reading what others have written is very helpful and has certainly made me feel less alone and given me strength.
I think my body is really missing the eastrogen hence the tears they were just such a massive shock to me I wasn’t expecting to be left such an emotional wreck with uncontrolable bouts of crying but am slowly learning to take 1 day at a time and if it’s a lesss emotional day woop enjoy it and if it’s a bad day then ride with it.
This experience has taught me alot about myself and not all good but I also know that am lucky with a life to look forward too.
Massive hugs to you Angi xxx
Aaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh
ok time for a rant not sure where to start but feel that this is the only place I can vent my feelings and where I can talk and be fully understood as even my OH is not understanding me much lately saying I’ve become paranoid which all be it maybe true would rather he kept that to himself and supported me in silence instead of telling me I am over thinking things and becoming paranoid as this just adds to my over emotional state leaving me in floods of tears. I really don’t understand where this has come from or why I am like this CONFUSED is the order of the day and thanks to my oh am overthinking my overthinking.
Writing all this down makes it somewhat better but not sure it makes sense all I know is I am so unhappy right now with this new paranoid me.
On the plus side going for a chat with my boss tomorrow to discuss my return to work maybe going back to work will do me some good get a bit of normal pre cancer Ang back in my life fingers crossed eh
Hi…what are you paranoid about??..if it is every little ache…pain…twinge…etc then I am right there with you…I was never like this before but am now…am just hoping it will settle down…you are right just to take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself…as somene once said to me…this will pass…hope so anyway!!!
angie agree with apple, if that’s what your paranoid about?
It takes a long time for your head to settle because diagnosis is such a shock to the system and then you are so busy with all the treatment you really don’t have time to think, when it all stops the fear factor begins to creep into your thoughts. It will pass, not completely, but it will be at the back of your head instead of being at the very forefront.
I have had a few frights and everyone on here made me see sense and calmed me down greatly, so just write down all your worries or speak to BCN, doc or whoever and get it all out.
It’s amazing how other people’s experiences and thoughts make you feel so much better, take care and lots of hugs to you…you are not ranting, you are just worrying xx
Hi Anjik
You rant away!
I will tell you what i think is happening and you can tell me if i am right off the mark if you like 
Since news of your DX you have been running very fast on a treadmill with no time to stop and think.
Now your active treatment has come to an end and you are off the physical treadmill.
However over these last few months your mind has not had a chance to think or reflect on what you have been through but it is starting to now and that feels scary and odd.
People may now think that because active treatment is over, you are back to normal mentally and physically - you are healed? Although the physcial scars may be healing the emotional side of you needs some more time.
You are grieving for the old you and trying to make sense of the journey so far.
I am only finding that now ( 2.5 years after treatment has finished )that i am giving myself permission to grieve for my old life, my lost breast and my carefree days ignorant of BC.
What ever feelings you are experiencing, you must let them out . As katytc says, either to your GP, BCN or even a counsellor/cancer psychologist if you think it will help.
Don’t bottle feelings and thoughts up…xxx We are here and understand where you are coming from.
Does any of that make sense?
Angik you’re getting some excellent advice on here still - you just need to stop beating yourself up. Don’t worry - that’s not a criticism - I do it still to myself - we all do - but that’s what you have to try for. Think how you’d advise someone else in your situation then sit back and think how much differntly you’re treating yourself.
Naz - you know what? You’ve made me very happy - I seem to recall telling you on an earlier thread that you’d fallen off the end of a treadmill when you finish ‘active’ treatment and now I see you repeating it to someone else and I feel happy for you that you’ve got the message and are on the up!!
Nina
I agree with all the above. It makes me think of when I had my children. I was a different person afterwards and had to adjust to that. Having this huge thing happen to you is bound to have an effect on your psyche. Nobody can understand what it is like, except other sufferers/survivors. That is what you are now, a survivor. Can’t wait to join you on the other side of the journey. All the very best. PG xxx
Angik. BC is a very weird disease - condition - whatever you want to call it, because usually we DON’T FEEL ILL when first diagnosed. Unlike other illnesses where you feel awful or in pain, have surgery and/or treatment and then eventually feel better, it’s usually a fairly small lump or even a dodgy mammogram out of the blue. Then it’s the TREATMENTS that make us feel ill! This means we lose faith in our own ability to know when something is wrong. This is why we get ‘paranoid’. It takes time to settle back to being able to sort out ‘normal’ aches and pains/feelings from BC ones - especially when we have SEs from chemo rads, and/or hormone therapies to contend with. Or, as someone once said “getting back to trusting our bodies”!
Do rant on here. Let all those worries out. I find typing them helps enormously. especially when I find so many other people feel the same. Those who don’t have cancer, can’t possibly begin to understand, no matter how hard they try.
Notice the things that make you happy, however small, and enjoy them. One step at a time it WILL get better. If it doesn’t, then seek help, as it may be a reaction to the Tamoxifen and GP/Onc may be able to prescribe something to help.
XXhugsXX