Hi good buddies,
Kirsty i read your post at 100 miles an hour as I was so anxious about you. What a terrible start. That must have been so frightening, it is a wonder you did not have an actual heart attack from the shock. I wonder what they will do now. They might just reduce your dose. Keep us posted. You have put my mind in such a dilemma as I really wanted to have the tablets and keep moaning about getting CMF and wanting to stop early. You might get CMF now like me and have the same decision.
Lisa I think we are all FINE and if we weren’t before BC, we def are now. Hope you get on ok with the next one on Wednesday. Chris and Nicky good luck on Thursday, hope bloods are ok. Angie are you feeling better yet, and how did the soup turn out? Bevy and everyone else hope you are ok too. Hi Lorraine how are you? Hi moonshine.
I had a nice day out at the seaside today and generally walked between cafes eating!! Oooh and spent an hour playing the arcade games, great fun. That about sums up the day and then went out to dinner so I guess I am probably back up to full weight again now and will have the usual wrestle with my stretch jeans in the morning!! I am getting up earlier with the incentive of the Olympics to watch but seem to just sit in my pjs and not actually get dressed or anything. The swimming was very exciting. Why do I keep nearly crying when anyone from the UK wins? At this rate I will be hoping we lose, except that might make me cry even more! I do not usually react like this, very strange. Does anyone else feel like they suddenly look a bit worse for wear. I used to think I looked more or less the same as before but look really scraggy and tired now. I saw a picture of myself and could have half believed it was someone else. I think it is the eyes and the hair or lack of it. Might try the wig on and see if I look better.
Love to you all, whatever phase of the moon you are in.
Lily x
kirsty, you poor thing sounds really scary, god, hope they can work round your treatment!!
Nicky, thanks for your commnets - good luck for this week, could be up same time as you.
Chris - good luck too
Angie - hope you are well
Lily - know what you mean, I suddenly noticed my eyes look so wierd even though I have some lashes left, cant seen to get the rat to stop on the right spot the same and put soooo much weight on, had huge clear out abotu 3 weeks ago (8 bin bags) and tried everything on that was left and fit, today couldnt get jeans anywhere near me, i know it shouldnt matter but suddently feel more so less like me. work have been getting all driving licences in for new paper work and Ive lost mine and been on at me to get a new one but I really dont want my pic took as dont want to see what I look like as I know it will be bad but needs must! I must be the only person from work that doesnt have my profile pic on facebook and I used to be the queen of photos!!
On good point been to mates daughters (im godmother) 2nd birthday today and then been to see my best friends week old baby who was gorg and had a nice hold - think im gonna get used to just being a good aunty!!
Well I’ll be back tomorrow probably even later than the 1.30am now as its steroids day, yippee!!! Wednesday dee day!
xx
hi everyone
lily 2008
im ok thanks, i know what you mean about being tearful at times , i havnt actually shed many tears, but some days i can feel them waiting to escape.but dont forget you are dealing with seeing your mother in law suffer, and perhaps doing some greiving early, they say we do that when someone is ill.
i am off on a fishing break with hubby and son, so plenty of reading for me.
nicky
glad you picking up a bit now. enjoy watching the olympics while you have time.
take care everyone else, and hope the rain stops so you can all have a few rays of sunshine.
speak to you later god bless x
Hi All 
Just to let you all know that i am feeling a little better. Still feel a little weak from chest pains and being sick. I am back at the hospital on Thursday to review my treatment. Just hoping they don’t keep me on the Xeloda tablets. It was really scary at the time, not knowing what was happening. Your mind starts to think stupid thoughts like, “is this it?” I am now taken it very easy, sitting on the settee watching olympics.
Lily - I know how you feel about being emotional. I have also been crying at everthing, even some adverts…how wierd is that!! Looking in the mirror i also see someome different staring back; bald head, no eyebrows and 2 stone heavier. I just keep telling myself it is only for a short period of my life.
lisa - have you just become a Godmother? if so congratulations. Congratulations on being an Aunty also.
everydaymatters - enjoy your fishing trip:-)
take care to everyone else
Kirsty xx
Im an unofficial aunty to my best mates baby, am to most of my friends babies actually and godmother 7 times! that should keep me busy seen as cant have own, shouldnt it!
Yippee its stopped raining for ten minutes and my steriods are kicking in - here’s to keeping another one out of the way tomorrow, fingers crossed and boo hoo to achy painful week!
x
Hi everyone
Kirsty - I was worried as we hadn’t heard from you for a while. Sounds very scary but glad you were able to get checked out. Hope they look into this on Thurs to see what they propose to do, presume they’ve either seen this before or not so will have some sort of plan. Take care, put your feet up and enjoy the TV!
Lisa - hope all goes well tomorrow and hope the aches and pains aren’t as bad this dose, I don’t know if it’s worse with the 1st one? I certainly felt worse on my 1st FEC, still not looking forward to 5th one on Thurs but, as long as it goes ahead they’ll only be one left. I saw on FizBiz’s thread (who’ got hair) about getting to half way and still feeling there’s so much to put up with. That is so right, I can’t believe how much more positive I’m feeling now I’m in the home straight so to speak (Olympics have got the better of me!) Half way is still a cr@p place to be as you still have the same to do all over again so as all of us get nearer the finish line (yep - Olympics again) I think we get an extra boost to see it through. As to looks I felt so awful about myself a few weeks back (after No4) but have decided to hang onto as many lashes as possible by not putting on mascara so I don’t need to clean it off, wear pencil eyeliner to define eyes (still don’t clean it off!) and pencilling eyebrows. The last bit has been the best at re defining my face so I feel I’ve got some features left. Also I realised my makeup was a bit pale which made me even more washed out so have now gone a shade darker which helps. All of this I do when I go out/to work but can’t be bothered at home, it does make me feel more ‘normal’ and does make a big difference to how I look and feel about myself.
Lisa - wow so many babies and children to look after - how lovely, and you get to do the nice bits!
Lorraine - enjoy the fishing - guess it doesn’t matter what the weather is like but nice to spend time with the family away from home pressures and jobs.
Lily - hope you are making the most of the extra week and that MIL is comfortable. Expect you are busy with your grandson right now so have a lovely week.
To all others I’ve not mentioned take care, good luck with neuts, treatments, relaxing, eyebrows, steroids, aches, sore mouths and all the rest of the cr@p we deal with 
We will come out of the other side stronger, balder, fatter than we ever thought possible!
Nicky xx
Hi,
you did all make me laugh, so glad I am not the only one that avoids having photos taken and mirrors in general. I went to see The Mummy at the cinema with my son today. We bumped into 2 kids from my tutor group and they were visibly shocked at my appearance, kept looking upwards at my straggly whispers of hair, I think my secret will be out now! That mead me feel a lot better -NOT. The film was entertaining but a disappointment as I am a fan of the other 2 films. What was worse was that they had replaced the leading lady Evie with someone with a terrible fake tan, trying and failing to imitate an English accent. The action was good though.
Lisa, twins again, it is definitely the eyes and my skin is very dry too so putting dollops of cream on at night. Without much success! I guess you are going to be the trendy Aunty and Godmother who they all run to when they get in bother!! I have 4 God daughters but no-one has trusted me with any boys yet!! I was really chuffed each time I was asked and keep up with all of them as much as possible. Glad I’m not the only one with a box of tissues, Lorraine.
Kirsty good luck and let us know what they decide. I am back to the onc on Thursday but just to check I am fit to carry on. Very tempting to take another week! Nicky I am impressed that you are doing make up, good for you. This slug is just not making enough effort any more. I become more like the land snail every day, swim round my water bowl, eat, do the usual and go back to bed. I must try to look after a more energetic pet next time, which will be a better influence on me!
Good luck for a quick exit from the blood suckers tomorrow and to Lisa in our least favourite place. get better soon those struggling this week. We all gently slide nearer the end of this part. Someone who has not had chemo, only rads told me they thought it would take them 6 months to get over the shock and terror!! Every now and again you could just wish someone a glimpse, couldn’t you?
Take care
Lily x
Heya Ladies
Hope it all goes well tomorrow lisa ,another one down I hope, and may you get a bit of a break with the side effects this time.
Glad you’re getting out and about Lily.
Hope you enjoy your last good day before round 5 nicky.
Hope everyone else is doing OK and not finding themselves driven mad by the weather on top of the chemo.
I’m at day 9 so bloods tomorrow assuming the veins permit them Been working hard to day so really wiped. Have managed to do 2 days with full 8 hours programming stints. Haven’t done that since last year, my god I’m going to sleep well. You know I don’t mind working through this. The last 2 days have made me happy and I’ve realised that some of the threads here make me feel unwelcome so I’ve just disabled those categories so if it seems like I don’t know what’s going on with some people outside this gang it’s probably because I don’t
We’ve all got to live our lives however we can don’t we.
Out of interest has anyone had counselling mentioned to them as part of their treatment. I’m surprised it’s not one of the first things they offer actually.
I think the watercress soup must have worked… hence the 2 days work stint. My mouth’s still cracked though, nothings healing very quickly now so being very very careful now.
I’ve started to get more positive songs going through me head now… Blues Brothers: Hold on… I’m coming… Hold on. I’m coming. Do you know the one. puts a skip in the step.
Lots and lots of love ladies.
Angie
Angie,
good to hear you coming back up again. If you were a pet you would be a little hamster charging round one of those wheels they have in their cages. You make this land snail feel apathetic!
Ok everyone, what would you be?
Lily x
heya lily.
Your post about the land snail had me cracked up. I’ve been lobbing the average snail that’s been after my cress over the wall for the birds. Its my way of feeding the birds and staying organic.
I did wonder what would be worse the dogs backside taste or giving an african land snail the kiss of life… they’re huge. I take it they don’t freak you out then.
My poor mum is not fond of worms (childhood trauma) and yet she managed to accept that we have a wormery in the house when she came to stay when I had my mastectomies. She doesn’t know that there’s the better part of 2 thousand worms in those boxes, she’d have never got to sleep if she knew
funnily I do rather look like a hamster on steroid day, and I will eat anything
So I’d like to try a game with everyone…
so what would you be? what song best fits your feelings? and when’s your next dose.
me:
pshycotic hamster, Pat Benetar: we are young, week on monday.
why we are young.
we are strong… no one can tell us we’re wrong. both of us knowing love is a battlefield…
just like being able to sing we are strong I think
god, love that song! i cant stop singing the one that’s sayings “the day that you fall, I’ll be right behind you” might be needed me by Boyzone who Im seeing at Carlilse Live next weekend!! very girly but brings a smile and tear to my eye! oh and Im wierd with my music, love everything from Mika, James Blunt and Meatloaf - wierd or what!!!
Well off to bed, steriods got me awake but not lively, think im bit more chilled, think its tomorrow kicks in! Well girls the family is nearly up to about £1,000 for the chemo unit to do their leg waxing - makes me feel good as skint but nice to know I can give something back for the help Ive had. I make jewellery but havent done much recently but gonna make the nurses something individual for my last one rather than a box of chocs!
Vergainge - can you not get your bloods done via finger tip, I discovered Phelebotomist (not good at spelling) works to lunch time so if I go over early on day 10 and morning of chemo I can get a little prick in the thumb and squeeze bit of blood out and its checked like that! The injection I got for white blood cells had them up to 230 odds compared to the usual 1.7 onday 10 - can you believe that, no wonder it hurt!
Anyhow, had full on day today, was the last to leave the office, madly trying to do things before off - it keeps me going not just the crack but the work and feeling values and I do worry if just sitting around.
Lily, got some cream from docs for my red veiny cheeks! Lets just say I had to have the dreaded photo took today and used to be addicted to taking snaps but since got fatter and gap in teeth wont take my pic so it was a good job friend at work said cant smile for my d licence pick cos I had stroppy face on - couldnt believe how different I looked and ill - everyone kept saying I was looking good but boy no-one said it for a few days and now I can see why!
Good luck everyone, Nicky yippee both on no, 5 tomorrow - probably back on tomorrow but might not have the energy after jab on thursday so will be thinking of you all
xxx
Morning.
Have a good dose today Lisa and Nicky.
Lisa: 230! wow. I think I have 2 white blood cells left and they’re both hiding
Hi everyone,
god what a truly grotty journey we are all on. I have been out of the loop as have a viral infection that has really knocked me feeling ill temp high great just what you need after beginning to feel slightly better from chemo effect getting less. Certainly hope this doesn’t happen each time but it is an infection that lives in my body and when under stress rears its ugly head. Waiting for the onc to decide what I can do about it long term (if needed) as I am on medication at the moment which hopefully will halt it but I now have the runs to deal with too. Oh joy!
Regarding the Aloe vera (which I am not taking the moment due the runs) tastes o.k. not quite like a Pimms but not unpleasant and I did find that prevented the constipation effect from the steroids.
love to you all.
Bevy
Hiya everyone
Angie - my favourite song at the moment is, David Jordens ‘Sun goes down’. The song is really uplifting and helps me on days when i am at my lowest. David Jorden is not been on the scene long, but very good.
Bevy - hope you feel better soon. The last thing you need when going through this yucky time. ((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))
Not sure what animal i would be… but a slug comes to mind… very slow moving, hairless and ugly to look at, at the moment!!!
I am improving with each day. I think with the medication coming out of the system helps.Back at the hospital tomorrow morning to see what they are going to do with me. Will keep you posted on what happens.
Take care everyone
Kirsty xxx
Oh bevy you poor thing. hope the infection clears up soon.
Sounds like you need eggs. Brilliant at stopping the runs, loaded with protein and easy to digest. Can I tempt you with a little scrambled eggs with grilled mushrooms perhaps (apparently very good at increasing your neuts level too).
They managed to find a vein today, used a thin needle which was much better. I asked the nurse if I could take her to my next chemo, sadly not
Hi all
Bloods taken today, luckily by the nurse who can get blood out of anyone - or so I’ve been told. Still using the hand as I can’t be bothered with them trying to get it from my inside elbow. Will have to wait to see tomorrow if neuts are up and treatment goes ahead, fingers crossed.
Lisa - hope you are OK (think treatment was today?)
Kirsty - hope all goes well for tomorrow and they sort out what they will give you - don’t want same reaction as last time!
Bevy - hope your infection is getting better - it’s enough to deal with chemo let alone anything else that gets chucked at us.
To everyone else, hope you are doing well and, Lily, hope all goes well on Tuesday if your new treatment starts as planned. I may not be posting much in next few days so thought I’d get it in now.
Need to think about animal and song but I DO know that treatment due tomorrow is No 5 out of 6 FEC. After that I go onto hormone therapy with the possibility of Zoladex injections or whipping the ovaries out if I’m not post menopausal after all this. Will also be having biphosphonate IV every 4 weeks unless my veins have well and truly given up when they may change me to tablets (this is for my 2ndaries in hip).
Thinking that I may be a cat especially when I see our lovely black cat curled up in a secret part of the garden in the only bit of sun available this lousy summer. Plus points are you can supplement your diet if you get bored with the shop stuff (catch your own rather than Pick Your Own), get ‘massaged’ whenever you want - just give the odd purr to make it go on longer and literally get away with murder!
Song is much more difficult as I like all sorts, like Lisa. Could be ‘Girls just wanna have fun’ - Cyndi Lauper or ‘Walking on sunshine’ (Rockers Revenge NOT thingy and the waves) - there’s so many! Will think a bit longer on that one but if I come up with some weird song you’ll know it’s post chemo and I’m feeling like sh*t!
Take care all
Nicky xx
I think you’re a black panther Nicky.
My song for today is “the only way is up” because I’m pretty sure that’s all my immune system could do now, can’t imagine it could get much lower LOL.
back to coding 4 me.
Angie
Hiya ladies
Sorry I havent been on for ages but as most of you know Ive been really down recently.
Sorry all you ladies have ahd probs with their counts mine have been staple though out my epi wcc being 10.4 and neuts 6.2 so i havent been too bad maybe this is the reason why I dont have many side effects from chemo. My thoughts are with you all.
Joanne