Hope you managesome sleep Lily!! Why are all kids into Scooby at mo!!! My sis and law and friend are looking after my little pooch next week. Starting to pull self together and hopefully will be back on form soon and we will all be bit cheery for Xmas.
Angie hope you okay been a bit quite.
Did I see the old “H” word mentioned!!! Wow 1.5" of hair, that’s loads. Got about cm but sides are starting to grow a bit better!!!
nite
xx
Hi all: Just a quick response to various posts.
Lily: It has been great having you alongside too – it makes one so much less lonely. You must be getting fed up with me being OK and you being poorly, but we are nearly there. You have been such fun. Incidentally, saw on another thread that you are in Chelmsford, what made me think you were oop north (!)??
Have got a bloody cold now – sniffy nose and bit of sore throat, but don’t want to go the antibiotics route as they make me feel like s**t. If still bad on Monday, onc can give me something. Am doing the honey and lemon and paracetymol, am in office this morning but going home at lunchtime.
Bevy: lucky you finishing next week, well done. Keep well.
Re H: Still have black baby fluff but it is getting better. Will start the Brewers Yeast shortly and see if that helps.
OK, off now got couple of things to finish then I am going home, don’t feel too bad now, but am going anyway – via Sainsburys of course!! Sun seems to be shining at moment but understand rain is on its way for tomorrow. Ho hum!!!
Love to everyone, have a good weekend and don’t forget to do the clock thing on Sunday!! Dark by 4pm – lovely!!
Julia
Lily I had the flu jab yesterday after speaking with my Doctor (who never once asked me how I was what happened to the bedside manner or even manners! my old doctor was wonderful there doesn’t seem to be any concern for people’s welfare now so thank god for sites like this) anyway getting back to the point woke ups this morning with a headache and bit of temperature. So I have decided to stay in today and just blob about (my normal routine) as I don’t want to risk delaying next weeks torture! but I think it was worth having done as the GP told me if I did get flu I would be extremely poorly, didn’t fancy that feel bad enough as it is.
Julia hope your cold clears up quickly.
love Bev x
hi girls, hope you all feeling reasonably well. like lily says a whole bunch of you will be coming off chemo just before christmas, something to look forward too. i too hope 2009 is good to you all. did some of you watch that show with twiggy the other night. where the lady who’d had breast cancer was going to swap her favourite dress, because it showed too much cleverage after surgery, she was so upset about giving it up, they altered it for her. it highlighted what its like to go through this, when we miss being able to wear certain clothes. i didnt really show my boobs off before, but my scar is so high and i have a dent were the muscle was removed, that i have to wear round collars mainly. sometimes it drives me mad because i could do with more clothes now, but just cant afford to buy them at the moment. stupid to think about such things i know, but we still like to look our best.
lily 2000
you wonder how you can miss to take a tablet, but sometimes i think we forget for a moment about this bc thing, and just carry on as normal. i didnt realise that our body has so much of its own steroids, ( think im right on that one?) i too am waking in the night at present, since ive been taking the tamoxifen, dont know why. and its so cold, ive needed the loo a few nights but hung on till morning cause its too cold to get out of bed.(i know i shouldnt) saying that though, one minute im freezing the next im chucking the blankets off. and dreaming all night long. last night i dreamt i was told the cancer had gone. (preminition i hope!)
well i must have a bath, so i will catch up later.
take care everyone, have a great weekend.x
Hi,
well I survived the no steroids for one day and actually might have been better than usual. The blurry eyes are late coming in but the acid is here with avengence so chomping tablets for that. If I am better this time, I will drop the steroids again next time too. Time will tell. I am looking forward to the new James Bond film but thought I better wait until the crowds go down a bit before sitting in the cinema. The day after that is November and the final month of chemo hooray. I am starting to feel really excited about it finishing now, even if it does mean just moving on to something else. I really didn’t think I would get to this point and have all of you to thank for keeping me going through many moments of moaning, groaning, crying and everything else we go through. Some nights I just want to stay up and enjoy this feeling of nearly finishing it and not waste time sleeping. I hope I am not going to turn into a weirdo!! Too late you might say.LOL .
Lisa I slept like a log on no steroids. The H is coming in fast and if I didn’t mind looking like I came out of the army or something else I could go bareheaded now. It is sticking up in tufts like a dinosaur tonight, so I have had my picture taken to celebrate and to chart my return to normal life. I plan to take a photo every day of the last cycle from day one so I can chart everything getting back to normal, I hope! The hair dye is ready when it gets slightly longer. I will be thinking of you over the next few days,get some yummy things in to treat yourself when you get home. Julia, oh no not a cold at this stage, poor you. Hope it is short lived. What is the brewers yeast for and do you apply it or eat it? I can’t do yukky things yet. Wrap up warm, good job I am down South as I am so chilly, eh. Bevy I am definitely not going for it now until I get my final dose in, do you think the jab caused the reaction? Hope that passes soon and at least you are safe now if you come in contact with it. Better safe than sorry. Lorraine I didn’t see the programme, sound rather sad. I am in the stupid situation of having surgery by a plastic BC specialist, who left me exactly as I started in shape and with scars that you could only see if I was naked. Then I got sent to the cardio vascular team who carved me up so I look like I met Zorro one night. Their scars could only be covered by a polo neck and are very visible as one is above my collarbone. I think I will just look battle scarred and carry on as I want. You could try buying something camisole like, to wear under other shaped tops perhaps? In this weather we are all heading for jumpers and perhaps by next spring our bodies will have plumped up a bit and look better. What a lovely dream you had and if I had a wish you would get it x.Out of interest Nicky when you get back. I wore the surgical socks (from hospital op) last night in bed and was amazed at the difference in my feet and legs. Not only was my swollen foot slim but it also reduced the thickness, aching aroung my ankles. The doc kept pinching that to show I did not have oedema and it really hurt. This has gone and I can press them hard as you should be able to. I had to take them off during the early hours as so hot but my legs really felt different right up to the knees in the morning. LOL imagine me, in bed, thick long white socks, winter PJs, silver bobble hat, duvet and 4 blankets on top. Irresistable or what.LOL LOL.
Have a great weekend if you can
Lily x x
Lily think you bypassed the maddness stage!!! Thanks for best wishes, papping them so wish was having done at local hospital, hoping wont be as bad as masectomy but just scared of anesthetic but then like you say at least asleep!! Count down eh!! Still not brave enough for photos yet, had to put some on f book as peopel chunterng that cant see me, god some only from last year and boy didnt realise how much ive ages and look old and worried boo hoo.
have a good weekend all any one heard from Angie, worried bowt her, shes usually on every night, hope its just computer probs or the rads sapping her literally#xxxx
Hi girls,
just wishing you all a good weekend. Lily the flu jab only made me feel a bit off colour for one day and today I feel great which just feels wonderful. Not tired, no horrible taste in my mouth and my arm is feeling less stiff long may it last!! I am dreading next wednesday but will hang on to the this feeling that I know I will feel better after a couple of weeks and then god willing will continue to feel better apart from the rads bit.
As I am feeling fitter today hubby and I are off to Sheffield Park to soak in the lovely countryside.
Hope everyone is good and thinking of you all.
Bev x
Heya Ladies… I’m still here and doing fine apart from lack of time and most of that being taken up with being sleepy, will catch up with you all later… gotta walk the dog (hence the lack of time).
Angie
Heya I’m back from fighting the winds to get my daily dose of excercise. Honestly after walking the dog and making lunch I’ve got about 2 hours before it’s off to rads. But it’s saturday, there are no rads today woo hoo. Week 1 is done and the only real side effect is me being zonked out a bit, which I did expect, but it’s not like the tiredness I had on chemo, eg I’m not stressed about it I’m much more relaxed. So in comparison week 1 of rads has been plain sailing apart from needing another 2 hours sleep a day or night.
Lisa hope you’re making the most of this weekend and not just sitting in worrying about next week, I know this rain doesn’t help with the worry eg make you want to get out.
Lily glad the steroid experiments are going well, interesting that you’re sleeping more too, that seems more natural to me, bodies under attack… so you sleep. How does making us bounce around like loonies on steroid help I wonder 
Bevy glad the jab went OK and how you don’t get blown away in Sheffield. It’s great to feel human a bit isn’t it. Even just for a moment.
Lots of love and enjoy this dramatic weekend everyone. And the extra hours sleep tonight… Now that’s what I call timing that’s what you need for rads is the clock to gain an extra hour every day 
Bye bye summer that never was, we would have missed half of it if it had actually turned up this year so maybe we all get a stonker next year instead, could be a little good Karma that we’re owed I think.
Right after a pretty unproductive week I’d better do some actual work today.
Angie
hi everyone
winters well on the way now, chance to sit huddled up by the fire. at least those of you who cant get out, wont miss it quite as much., ive done some walking today about 40 minutes, trying to get rid of some of this weight ive put on, its just appearing over night.
but still not disciplined enough with the dieting. i wasnt worrying about it whilst going through chemo, but now its bothering me, i know im being stupid, but being 4 stone overweight isnt good for me.
lily 2000
you sound like you have scars that are high up like mine, why did the cardia vascular team get involved? i bet you were so annoyed, as you seemed to have had such a good job done of your op. i think im not going to bother with reconstruction, because i hated having the surgery i was a nervous wreck, and i just think leave things alone, unless you have too. its not so bad like you said now winters here. but in the summer, it was my hubby who was more embarressed if my scar was showing. (because they made a dent, sometimes you can see it a lot from the side, because it goes in. ive accepted it, but hubby hasnt really been able to look yet.
have a good week everyone. x
Hi,
well I might have found out why we have steroids. I have started itching and have wealds popping up all over the place. I might well rip my hands to bits, before the end of the night, they are tiggling so much and white streaks up the fingers and hives/urticaria in all the hot spots! My stomach looks like I have been scolded and one on my wrist is huge. I feel ok so I am guessing this is to do with my mad temperature changes as I have gone rapidly from freezing to boiling tonight. I have also gone from being bunged up to being unable to eat much at all without a reaction and run to the loo. So I am betting money on heat rash as being the cause. I have missed out on the blurred vision though, for the first time on CMF, so it looks like the steroids are causing that. Wouldn’t it be a complete irony if my side effects had all come from the tablets to cure side effects!!
Lisa, you will be fine once you get going, it is the waiting which is worst I think. We will all be there in cyber space, so think of us if you are feeling lonely. One blink and you will be back and then you have finished it. Hugs x.
Bevy hope your trip out was nice, it stayed dry here, hope it was for you too. Good luck for Wed too. Angie hope you managed to hang on to your beanie. I saw a fashion programme that said beanies are in this winter so don’t chuck it just yet! it is part of the Burberry collection - not that I am a fan of theirs at all but the big baggy winter coats and beanies looked made for all of us. Lorraine - I have lots of weight to lose too. I think it is best to take it slowly and not expect results in a couple of months. After all we are probably still recovering internally from all the chemo damage. I though I would start swimming but then hate being cold so not a good time of year to start and to face the general public with scars, hmmm will have to think about that one. Some pools do ladies only nights or I might join curves, which my daughter found very supportive. Most likely I will just try to eat less cake if I am realistic!! The CV team had to put my port in. They obviously are use to very different surgery and don’t consider appearance, whereas my surgeon is a consultant breast cancer plastic surgeon, so top man for the job. I think reconstruction is a personal decision, affected by your style of life, relationship, confidence, pain threshold, everything. I was talking to someone about it and had not realised the implications of any weight changes following the op making you uneven as only one side would change size. Some of the ops seem to be major surgery. I read they are filling gaps by using liposuction now and getting great results. Well that sounds much more like it, losing some tummy blubber to regain breast shape. I would sign up for that one and get into my old clothes as a bonus. Sorry about your husband’s reluctance, it sounds like he might need a very sensitive, supportive chat some time. Mine hates even tiny wounds, sqeemish, so I more or less made him look at it after the surgery dressings were off, or he would still be trying to get up courage! I always have to look at his wounds before he will! LOL
Well I am off to scratch and hopefully sleep off the hives, which are going down fast
Enjoy Sunday
Lily x
Hi Lily - You just get over something and then get something else - the scratchy thing sound awful - you will have to wear glove to stop you tearing yourself to bits.
The Brewers Yeast is for hair growth - Angie had it on one of her posts earlier but I think she was waiting to finish the poison first.
When you look at what they do to us it is a very brutal regime and it’s not surprising we all suffer. Cold is better but now have cough - which I always do. Am seeing Prof tomorrow for future planning - oh joy. If it is nice I think we may go to Cotswolds or somewhere for lunch. Roof down?? Wig covered by headscarf like Her Majesty.
Love to all - enjoy the 4pm darkness.
J
XXXXXX
hi everyone.
dark nights are upon us, time to get the knitting, or reading out, and curl up on the sofa.
lily 2000
hi lily, you poor thing, i bet you could just scream, i will do it for you, aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
i know what you mean about not enjoying a cold swimming pool, but my local hotel as a leisure centre and the waters just like having a hot bath. but got to get the right cossey first. hide everything inside. my lymphodema under arm is quite bad, and doesnt seem to be improving with the excercises the nurse give me. (patience, is what i need )
i understand hubbys reluctance to look at my scars and im not too bothered, i just accept it is how hes made. im feeling quite low in my moods at moment still, and im not even thinking about this bc thing, its just there in the background, with a sort of anxiety attached. its really strange because i feel happy at the same time. (now im really going mad) i think it must be the tamoxifen, cos i was ok before. but there as been lots of negative feelings around me, so maybe its had an effect. but i refuse to be miserable and will keep smiling. hope things improve your end
Nicky 08
hi nicky, hope you ok. bet theres no stopping you now, that rots getting out of your system. how are you finding your mood levels, because mine are up and down like a yo-yo. trying to keep it under control, but its hard. hope you out and about enjoying yourself.
take care everyone. x
Lily… don’t know if it works for hives but I have über sensitive skin and used to get eczma when stressed and I found wiping my skin with camomile tea used to soothe the skin.
Hi,
well thats another theory gone wrong! This evening they are back with avengence, great big huge blobs everywhere so I don’t know where to scratch first. Yooweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Some of them are 4 inches across but the little ones are most itchy, like sitting on an anthill, there are literally dozens and dozens of them, up my neck, on my arms, the whole trunk massively and my upper legs. I have resisted calling the emergency number as they went down and disappeared overnight but will report in to my research nurse tomorrow (thanks Lucy)and took photos of it too. Some of my best photos I might say - not. I am taking bets on being ordered into the unit tomorrow, what do you think? I have 2 theories, the first being that the steroids were supressing this every time and I unleashed the beast when I forgot them. Secondly that my allergy to one of the drugs is increasing with more contact with it and the steroids are a red herring. I also had the worst tummy upset this weekend, as usual but it is definitely picking up in severity each time. But i am still cheerful and will put up with whatever I have to for long term gain hopefully.
Julia hope they have some good things to say to you tomorrow, let me know what they plan for you next. hope the cough goes soon, as you say these annoying things keep happening. I wonder if I can definitely have the next one if this is a reaction? Will keep you posted and hope to keep walking alongside you to the end. Lorraine - you are right I could scream but more likely to be scratching and rubbing my back against the wall like an itchy bear! I need to distract myself until I can go to sleep quickly. I can understand that you feel sort of comfy with the chemo over and just enjoying ordinary days. I am looking forward to being normal, even though it will always be in a dark corner of my mind now. Is there any news about your sister yet? I have heard that tamoxifen affects moods and hope this settles soon for you x.
Angie I have no camomile tea here unfortunately but will dig out the cupboard for calomine and I think I have some callendula somewhere, which is very soothing.
Thanks, will report back when I speak to the boss
Lily x
Lily you poor thing sounds awful, puts my burnt blob on neck to shame hope you get sorted tomorrow though, hopefully they can give you something for it, fingers crossed its just the missing steroids, certainly cant be a heat rash, mind you you want to visit me its freezing as i think the hot flushes have started in anticipation as frozze my friends out tonight, few popped round as know they cant visit me in hospital this time and got two nice bracelets, one supposed to be calming, would rather have the drugs though!!! Hope you get some peace from the scratching and some sleep
xxx
p.s. rads burnt through to my back where couldnt reach with cream, gone all spotty today and started itching now, must be coming out in symphothy for you
xx
Hi Lisa,
how did they burn through to your back, are you secretly a size zero bean pole!!! That sounds horrible, is it very sore? Hopoe you are not twinning with this itching, it is mega and has just covered my whole inner thigh in the last 5 minutes and burning there. I might just go to bed and hope to wake up normal! Hope you had a nice weekend and not to worried about next week. Will you work on Monday? It will be good to at least have this bit over. I know you must be dreading going in, I am .
Hugs
Lily x
Lily,
hope you are ringing up 1st thing this morning. It does sound like a horrible allergic reaction to …something. I bet you remember every hour of the night, did you find any calomine lotion? Hope its making its way out of your body and you soon get relief. One thing for sure, I will not forget my sterroids…I hope!!!
Chris x
Oh Lily that sounds just awful and you must ring up and get some advice. My daughter has always suffered from chronic eczema to the point of being in hospital for it at the age of 20 so I know what torture it is to be constantly itchy. She was told to try not to scratch (almost impossible) as it exacerbates the problem. She would also have to cover hersefl in emoillent cream (like lard) and then have a coolish bath. When she came out of the bath she would then have to cover herself in cream diprobase or acqueuos cream. The other thing that can help a bit is to eat foods that are naturally anti inflammatory like salmon, sardines, intelligent eggs etc and keep off dairy products or cut them down. and she would have to take piriton every day too. Hope they can sort it out for you as you are coping with enough as it is. It is very easy for the skin to become infected so you may need antibiotics. Good luck.
Off for bloods ughh! just hope they can get some easily today.
thinking of you all.
Bev x
Hi,
well what a night! Went to bed itching like a flea bitten old moggy and woke up at 2 am bright red all over and baking hot. It was a total red blob body covering except my head and lower legs. I had some Clarytin tablets in the house, but after reading the leaflet was not sure whather to take it or not. The threat of stomach upset as a side effect of the tablets, which was the biggy after having violent pains and green you know what for the weekend. Sat in bed holding the tablet and gut instinct said blobs and a night in the bathroom were a scenario I couldn’t face, so didn’t take it. Woke up at 7 am and no sign of anything at all? Alien take over or what?
Spoke to favourite lovely research nurse today who has spoken to doc, nurses, everyone and they are all puzzled by it. If it was chemo related it would not disappear, they are thinking heat rash type urticaria. That was my thinking as well as the chemo is making my temp rollercoaster up and down. Then I mentioned forgetting a whole day of steroids and woops that is the treatment for urticaria. So maybe I would have had this all along on CMF as I react to that on the day too and have to have piriton. Big decisions next time as to how many to take. The irony is that this is the best I have felt and my eyes have been unaffected this time, so the steroids definitely cause blurry eyes. Steroids can trigger glaucoma, which is in my family, so the eyes or the blobs are the decision. What do you think?
Thanks for the kind wishes, I feel like a walking disaster some days. Hope I can be more normal on rads. Bevy hope the bloods go ok today, thinking of you x.
Everyone else have a great day
Lily x