Confused newbie 🙏

[Mamma2three]

Hi beautiful people.

I’m not quite sure what I’m doing here, but I’ll begin with my story. Im a 40 year old mamma, with a 21 year old, 18 year old and 7 year old. A few months ago, I noticed a slight indent under my left breast. I put it down to weightloss and just thought I would keep an eye on it. I had not long lost my friend, to circumstances we still don’t know. I was going through a very difficult time in my 12 year relationship, and preparing for final exams for my nursing degree. Also my dad had another diagnosis of oesophageal cancer (1 of many cancers over the years). Now incurable…

Anyway, I’ve been staying with parents (due to break up) and only looked in the mirror 7th November to simply shave under my arm. The indent was now a deformed looking breast, with puckering and an inverted nipple downwards. My heart sank. I then had a good feel around and noticed a large lump.

I went straight to the GP Monday morning and was referred to the 2WW pathway.

I had my breast clinic appt that same week. I knew by the consultants face from just the physical examination he was concerned. I was straight in for my mammogram, and then ultrasound. The ultrasound shown significant concern.

I just remember tears rolling down the sides of my cheeks thinking of my poor parents and all they are dealing with already. They have taken 3 biopsies and left a clip in place.

I was also then taken for an advanced mammogram.

I didn’t speak much. My friend with me asked them to be more specific with their concern and they are almost certain this is cancerous. But from imaging it’s contained and not in my lymph nodes.

I get my biopsy results in a couple of days. The wait is torture.

I feel like I’m walking around in a daze. I feel like I am being strong for everyone else. I feel suffocated.

I want to feel positive, I want to kick cancers ass, but how do you deal with all what’s underneath.

I’ve had such an awful year. And can’t seem to catch a break. Braving it all for my big kids. So they’re not worrying about mum.

I feel like I have waffled a lot, I am sorry. I’ve probably missed a lot out of what I wanted to say.

But just wanted to join a community of people who understand. People around me mean well, but I feel what they say is wrong. But what is right? And it all comes from a good place.

Sending love to you all

[emilyxxx]

Hi, talking on here helps so much just voicing how you feel helps so much, everyone on here has been through the same tests and awful waiting for results phase and say it’s the worst ( I would agree) keep chatting to people on here for support xxx

[Tili]

@Mamma2three We are all here for you, with lots of love and support.

What a lot to take on board for you, pleased you are staying with your parents at the moment feel sure without realising what a help they are to you, how ever old you are, you are still their child.

Take one day at a time at the moment (all very easy for me to say) a notepad and pen to hand just scribble down anything that you need to discuss with your team as we all forget the most important questions.

Once they have a plan is in order, things will start to fall into place, treatment is different for everyone, so at the moment it’s a waiting game. Let’s hope things move along as soon as possible. Also thinking of your children with love

Wishing you well, with lots of happiness ahead, please let us know how your getting on.

hugs Tili

[Mamma2three]

Thankyou so much for this. Yes it’s been a rollercoaster of a year. Very grateful for this forum and reading everyone’s journeys and the support that is shown xx

[Mamma2three]

It’s the “stay positive” it will be ok. And I agree with them. And I know with what has already been discussed it will be ok. But I suffer with my mental health, have done for many years. And spent many years surviving and being the strong one.

So I am very grateful for this forum and just being able to say how I feel without anyone telling me not to worry!

Thankyou xx

[bec_marlbrook]

Hello. I am fairly new to this so I don’t have any advice but I am in the same boat. The uncertainty has been tortuous. I’ve got some results from my biopsies but a CT scan has come back with some anomalies that I am now waiting on MRIs for. Which sends me into a spiral if I think too hard about it.

I know that you feel like you’re in a bubble trying to do normal life when you feel like screaming “this isn’t normal”. I think I am mourning my old life…. Before I knew.

I hope things ease as you get more answers. That’s what I’m hoping for.

[Mamma2three]

Awww Thankyou so much. I really appreciate your message. I would say you’re right, it’s about acceptance and trying to adjust to a new norm. I’ve had a lot of change in my life lately, so I’m sure with time I will adapt…

My moto of life begins at 40 and entering my new era- now has a different meaning. Xx

[adoptedmanc]

Hello @Mamma2three

I’m so sorry you find yourself here reaching out on this forum, I just wanted to assure you that there will always be a friendly word and virtual hug for you on these forums

As @Tili says taking one day at a time helps to keep us grounded, waiting for results and a treatment plan is so hard because whilst there are things we don’t yet know, our minds wonder off into all sorts of unhelpful places.

Sending you lots of love and virtual hugs

AM xxx

[Mamma2three]

Thankyou… it’s such a comfort. And not having to put my worries on family with all that we are currently going through with my dad.

I see you’re an adopted manc . I’m under the nightingale at the moment in wythenshawe. They’ve been truly amazing. We’re very lucky with the services we have available in this city. It gives me reassurance Thankyou for reaching out. I hope you are ok too xxx

[adoptedmanc]

Hello again

They are really lovely at the Nightingale, I was back there last week for a blood test and they really are so kind and appreciative of what we are going through.

You may also like to check out the Maggie’s centre next to the Christie, they proved to be a saviour for me when things all got a bit much for me

AM xxx

[hen]

I am also so sorry you are dealing with this diagnosis.

A few things that have helped me and I am also still waiting results for an MRI.

1 music - find your song or song list.

2 journal - it helps to get the words and fears out you may not want to load on to those nearest to you

3 voice note - I recently found out you can find your name on messenger and record it. I find that helpful.

4 be kind to yourself and flow through the emotions

5 write down questions you have for your appointment.

I find getting as much out of my head in various ways into the physical world helps.

Surround yourself with good vibes, if you tell someone and they don’t react how you need you give yourself permission to let them go, it is difficult enough to navigate.

Take one step at a time. X

[madbatdiva]

Hello,

Just reading your post and the replies. Don’t panic about having to wait for things at present, the scientists need time in the lab to do the “tecchie things” to give you clear results from your biopsies. Then your oncology team will have a much clearer idea of which treatment path is best for you. Yes, the universe has sent a big bear for you to fight - when you are feeling like a dachshund. Just prepare to bite the bear’s heels! Use the time to sort out some comfy clothes for hospital visits. I had to have button front clothes - at a time when the internet appeared not to be selling blouses. I found some and now after treatment I turned them into dusters!! Gather your treatment bag together with some snacks and a couple of shawls to keep you warm. Also make contact with the “supportive services” in the hospital as they can book you in for the “Look Good, Feeling Better” courses on hair and make-up. You won’t know how you will feel re food at the moment, but preparing things for the freezer will save your time when you are feeling fatigued and your taste changes. Again the supportive services can help you with menus and eating guides. Remember that cancer treatment sometimes means you can stuff your face with the “Baddie food” and enjoy kicking over the traces! Keep reverting as your progress through treatment goes past. If people don’t help and support you then let them go, you don’t need that negative energy. People who have been through it, won’t come out with crass remarks, but do feel free to throw things at the wall occasionally. The thing I found with treatment was that it started off as a big “unknown” and then as you progressed through the tests and the results returned, the plan for treatment became clear - and then you have to buy a bigger diary!. Cancer however can e broken down into blocks of treatment and your focus on that particular bit helps you get your head around it. And yes, whatever people say, you are able to grieve for your lost sense of self and control. You will find things to laugh along the way and people will not understand why you thought them funny, but it’s your journey not theirs. We are all here on this forum to listen, help and suggest things that have worked for us. Good luck and fair winds!

[southwest123]

Hi @Mamma2three

You’ll hear it repeatedly, but this is the worst part. How you are responding, feeling in a daze, is how I was after I had cancer confirmed. The words “suspicious” or “concerning” weren’t used at the clinic for me so even though I knew they had found things, and kind of knew from what happened at the appointment, I was still able to kid myself for another couple of weeks everything was all fine until my results. And that’s when the daze hit. I went to work that afternoon on autopilot to prove I was fine, I wasn’t fine. I now know it’s okay to say that and I didn’t need to pretend to be strong.

I wanted to say I understand what you mean about the feeling of not catching a break. I had not long before diagnosis gone through some really awful stuff, got help, and had just got into the swing of being happy with my life again and this came along. It felt like such a kick in the teeth, felt so unfair, like hadn’t I been through enough?! A couple of sessions of MacMillan counselling really put things in perspective and helped me accept my diagnosis.

It gets easier, I promise. That initial shock does ease when you have a treatment plan and the focus is then on getting that done. Once you know what’s what I’m sure everyone here will be happy to share their experiences and provide support and tips. You will feel positive again, for many many people this is a bump in the road. A scary one admittedly, but still a bump. x

[rubytuesday]

HI I dont have any reassuring words as in similar boat to you. Diagnosed last week after the GP was ‘95%’ sure it was nothing, and now mammograms and biopsies have confirmed it is. I am with you on the why cant I catch a break - its like everything comes at once - we have had some really horrible things happen this year and so when I went for the appointment I was like surely 2025 cant get even worse - how wrong I was! The waiting is so so tough, especially telling people when you dont really have any info. I told my 12yo daughter on friday which was the worst thing I have ever had to do.

But I agree with others that this forum is super helpful, whenever I start to spiral I then come on and read stories and comments and somehow it talks me down and I can keep going.

x

[katie91]

Hey @Mamma2three sorry you have to be here but welcome!!

I’ve probably got no useful advice because I’m in the horrible waiting stage too! Waiting on a mammogram biopsy results u had today at Knightingale (I saw you were under their care, they’re lovely in there aren’t they!), and have an MRI biopsy booked for this Friday then I’m hoping I’ll have some kind of plan!

Sounds like you’ve had such a rough time recently, sending you lots of love!! The breast care nurse told me how calm I seemed today, I was like no you didn’t see me an hour ago bawling my eyes out! but I think we just have to take each day, each hour as it comes and come back to this amazing community when you need lifting up and support! I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago and this has been a godsend for me! Everyone keeps telling me we’re really in the worst stage now of waiting so I’m clinging on to hope that in the next 2 or 3 weeks once we have a plan in place we’ll feel totally different!

Sending love your way x

[marg1]

Hey! I’m sorry this is where you are. I’m new too. But on the other side of my mastectomy. And I’m back to waiting again - it’s been 7 weeks and don’t have my pathology back. So it will be another couple weeks til they get that, meet to review and then meet me re the results. I had my first biopsy in May and only started my “treatment” via mastectomy last month. Waiting is the hardest part and also I guess we need to make friends with waiting as best we can. You can do it - whatever the “it” happens to be, big hugs to you

[sapphire1]

Hello my lovely

Just decided to reach out to you this mornjng.

Wondering what your results were? It’s like being in a bubble snd not real, especially if you feel well in yoursrlf. I even felt a fraud for being off work (i’m a nurse too) just remember you are strong enough to get through this. Take time to meditate if you can. Be kind to yourself, talk to your friends and family if you feel upto it. We are all here for you. This is your journey but we will hold each others hand as we go through this.

I was finally diagnosed in August, waited 5 weeks to be seen and 2 weeks for results ftom biopsies.Had complete disbelief. Surgery 7 weeks ago incl reconstruction. Chemo started last week.

You can do this, sending you love and positivity

[Mamma2three]

@katie91 @sapphire1 @marg1

Thank you all so much for your replies.. and everyone else in this thread. I had my results yesterday confirming mixed IDC & IDC, they say the tumour is grade 3, ki-67 is 40% and measuring around 3.2cm. They want to do an MRI to confirm size as this will determine whether I have a lumpectomy or mastectomy. Will also decide on the treatment after. They have mentioned possible chemo. And hormone therapy. It’s this I feel most concerned about. The effects of the treatments. And although I have my children, going through these hormone therapies kind of makes all this final. I don’t plan to have any more children. But it’s having that choice taken away. I have heard only bad things about tamoxifen. Does anyone have any experience of this drug?

Thankyou everyone for the support. You truly are amazing women xxx

[Mamma2three]

That’s mixed IDC &ILC sorry

[foxgem]

Hello, welcome to the club none of us expected to be in this year

Ive been told I will be on tamoxifen for 10 years so I have no experience with it yet only that my mum was on it for 5 years and she managed ok. I think she settled it in her head that women go through similar symptoms during menopause anyway. She had achey joints, hot flushes etc. But she always said it was better than having breast cancer