Hi everyone
hope yu all keeping ok
just wanted to know as i am going through it at the moment, but how many people put it down to breast cancer for the reason of the breakdown of their marriages, mine was down to no support etc
take care
simxx
Hi Sim
Well I’m not getting a divorce but have often thought about it and after 3 pretty good weeks I could have swung for him again tonight, but managed to avoid a row even though he really stressed me out and I surcame to 2 small glasses of wine (comfort). Now mad with myself as been so good and felt so much better for last 2 weeks after dropping the drink.
I know exactly where you are coming from regarding support, mine is useless and thoughtless 99% of the time, with little glimmers of humanity when it suits him. As you can see, I’m quite bitter.
Hope you get support from others going through it too, I’m too chicken as moving out would mean I would have to live on the breadline or work longer hrs which I am not prepared to do anymore, I’ve done the 60 hr weeks and endless stress for long enough.
Good luck
Irene
Dear god …these men are hopeless …cant handle it can they ?
We are supposed to take it in our stride,never ask how we feel … Mine doesnt even mention the word and if I do i am told its about time I put it behind me !!
as I cured !!! 10 mths on from DX !!! He’s a clairvoyant now I know its just his way but I would love him once just to ask me how I feel instead of assuming im ok
one of my closest friends passed away last week…I had been doing the hspital visits as you do and he knew that she was nit going to get better .
After i received the call telling me she had passed away ,he came in from the office and said " She died then ???"
I just stood there …is there any reply to that ???
They are deffo a diff species !!
Oh DONT start me on this not the way i feel just now.
I swear my hubby and from what i can gather from this thread a few others was back of the queue when affection emotion and understanding where given out.
If i mention concerns his answer is ‘oh I am sure you will be fine’
Trying to think where to go on holiday next month and when i ask he says ‘i dont mind’ now i mean how unhelpful is that. In other words ‘you arrange it all, and i’ll just enjoy it’
As i am not working much just now and no courses hubby said the other day ‘i like you being home all day my meals are made for me and everything done in the house and your always there’ I didnt know whether to say 'thank you very much ’ as i am sure it was a compliment or to cry, i hate not feeling able to work and get bored at home.
Na MEN are often i swear inhuman.
Rx
Just one question ? do you think its Northern Men???
LOL not its men in general
different when they have man flu - now that is a serious illness - hey…lol
take care
simx
Yes its definitely all men my OH asked today if there was anything the matter with me as I wasn’t as bright as I normally am…well I have been chopped up and have now been on chemo and medication for 6 months but other than that no nothing wrong with me I replied. Yes I know that but i meant is there anything else he said. Isn’t that enough??? They have no idea do they?
XX
Believe it or not mine is a counsellor and yet CANCER is a forbidden word. He does ask occasionally how I am but never pursues. Generally, it is a man thing. Hope he never gets cancer…
Twinmummy x
I am less than half way though my treatment and I have discovered my partner is advertising himself on the internet, he sounds a really great guy if you read his ad, but I dont think he is that great. He says he is bored and I am vial to live with.
I think good riddens to him, but I am stuff, no job, no money and treatment to finish.
But I think it will be a good time to get my act together and plan how to get rid of him. I dont think it has anything to do with cancer I think the problems were always there and he wants some excitement, He needs to take a look at himself to see what a bore he is.
He says he supports me and wants to be there for me, but I cannt stand even being in the same room as him.
He has no idea what its like what goes on in your head how you feel about your body change, and I cannt even be bothered to explain it to him.
Take care all of you they say that getting through something like this makes you a stronger person and great life changes take place, or maybe we just realise that we are wanting to enjoy life to the full and not put up with partners or anyone making life difficult for us.
xxxxx
Is this a thread for girls who have,maybe, spoilt their husbands ;o) Best wishes to you all from somebody who thinks there are alot of decent.caring men around.
Take it Easy
Wockey (male!!)
It is wrong to make sweeping statements like ‘all men’, I prefer ‘most men’. Wockey you are right for you and a few others, but believe me, ‘most men’ do not know how to care for their OH at this terrible time in their life as ‘most men’ can’t communicate emotion and sorry, but thats a fact.
I have just returned home from a stressfull but wonderful weekend when our daughter got married. It all went off brilliantly on the day even though the work before hand was approaching maddness. My daughter, her OH and me did all of the work befor hand. It was enjoyable most of the time but us 3 had far too much to do (they did food, cake, favours, equip hire etc etc themselves, and staff dropped out last minute), all this with a baby and toddler to care for too.
All my OH had to do was a bit of babysitting (never on his own), and write a speech. Our daughter asked him and his brother to play their guitars and sing as folk arrived at reception venue and they agreed, BUT, neither bothered and when I asked on a few ocasions when they were going to he kept saying ’ I’m not sure what she want’s’, but I heard them discussing it earlier so he did. He went to the pub during the reception, something I will never forgive him for, and I had to ask a virtual stranger to go and prang his conscience. He was generally a miserable uncommunicating, selfish, lazy sod throughout. It was left to me, as usual, to do the chatting to relatives and getting to know guests, even though I would have rather not done it.
The next night was my celebratory meal with family who were up for the wedding (I’m 50 in 5 days time). He continued his ‘I’m here but don’t really want to be’ face and made several inappropriate comments to me. When I said ‘you can’t even make an effort to be nice to me at my celebratory meal’ he said ‘why do are you think you are so special’? !!!
I have to say I am very close to at least a separation if not a divorce as since having BC, I just can’t cope with this nastiness any longer.
I could go on but I would still be here writing this tomorrow so I’ll stop. We need to talk, not relishing that.
Irene
Hi Irene
well it certainly sounds like you did your bit. Glad the wedding went well, I send my congratulations to the bride and groom.
Men, what are they like?
O.K. wockey dont mean you!
Love Debsxxx
wockey
actually, this is a thread for women, not girls, who are going through hell and need support.
Emily
Hiya Irene, not much can be said to defend your husbands selfish antics and I cant believe he let his daughter down as well !!! I hope you have other family members around to help you through this horrendous time. Time to be a bit selfish yourself I think.
The use of the word “girl” was not meant to be offensive…just the way I talk ;o)
Best Wishes to All.
John
I wonder whether your husband was just a smigeon jealous after all he was losing his little girl to another
not that I know anything of course
Mole
Hi Irene things sound like they are going downhill rapidly …I am just trudging along at the mo he hasnt been too bad ,just on the pc as usual …working he
says !!Feel so crap at the mo that cant be bothered to think about it allxxxx
Hi All, just been reading about our men folk. what a funny lot they are. I had BC 10 years ago and thought that we had managed to get through it quite well till this feb, when himself announced that he had been seeing someone else. we have been to counciling amonst other things but what came out was that he says everything changed after my op! Isnt it funny how as someone said we have to get cut up, have our body image ruined, still look after the kids and all the other things but if we dont make them feel special then they go and find someone else that will tell them how wonderful they are. I have been married 35years, what did he expect. I feel so confused, he has moved out at the moment, half feel like telling him to stay away but not really sure what my next move is all i know is that if i can beat BC then he wont stand a chance. Barbarah
This thread has made me smile, although I am sorry to hear of the insensitivities going on.
Wockey- good on you to put your head above the parapet, you can call me a ‘girl’ anytime, you can’t do right for doing wrong comes to mind.
Irene I remember your threads from some months back I am sorry to hear there has been little improvement
missim - I couldn’t advise anything, I am ‘one of the lucky ones?’ Although my husband doesn’t know what to say he is good at listening.
Twinmummy, your bloke seems to need retraining
Molennium - I think I have made the same observation
Woodward - Have you thought of replying to your OH advertisement, it reminds me of lyrics to a song about ‘liking Pinocalartas (Can’t spell) not in to champagne’
Good luck all.
As a husband who has been looked after by my girl for 35 years,it was a great shock to find out that Sue was fallible. I can now admit that I shed a “selfish” tear back in May. Thankfully, I realised what my responsibilities were …listen,give big hugs,try and get involved and to try and keep things going while Sue was fighting this crap. Because,by nature, you girls are a caring lot ( remember I had a mum and I have sisters and a wife and daughter so I know !!) AND when men are needed we are not usually ready and usually require a bit of a kick up the a#se.
It is also a sad fact of life but you do find out who your friends/partners are when the going gets tough and a “clear out” is sometimes required. I also think that the works “cancer” and “rational” do not belong in the same sentence.
Hiya Debs,Sue’s holding up but lots of chemo still to go and wont be happy until hair returns. Thanks for asking.
Best Wishes to All
John
PS. My daughter is getting married next march and i am uncorfortable with this “giving away” thing so have agreed to share with her fiance!!!
Mole
OH not the jeolous type. No just a selfish ba*****d. There is no way I would put me and a drink with mates in a pub on my daughters wedding before my daughter and her needs.
We still haven’t discussed stuff as both been busy, and to be honest, every time I have tried in the past we have ended up having a blazing row so tempted to just find a flat and walk out.
Maz, how are the eyes?
missim, hope you are ok, I am thinking about you too.
Irene