I was diagnosed with DCIS in August 2009 then had a lumpectomy in Sept, then another in Oct, had the bad news it was extensive so was told a mastectomy was the only option. Began to enquire about an immediate reconstruction but the my wound ruptured so that meant that imm recon. was not a possibility so mastectomy ordered for January 2010. Then I got ill with a chronic chest infection so operation postponed until Feb. It is next Friday!
I’ve had to wait since Nov 13th with no support apart from BCN. I live alone and friends really don’t understand… They are good for practical support around operation dates but in between they offer no emotional support and expect me to be interested in their positive lives or they just don’t get in touch…
I do suffer with depression anyway but coped really well with the first two operations and their results. However the need for a mastectomy for DCIS is not what I ever ever expected.
The fear, disfigurement and this last month of waiting has caused depressive symptoms and I can hardly get out of bed some days! The fatigue is overwhelming and I sleep for 12 hours at least with chronic tension pain in my upper body. Crying is pretty constant and despite my best attempts I cannot get any psychological support for this current depression. Has anybody out there been in this situation where the depression is greater than the fear of surgery?
I feel very isolated, abandoned and desperate.
A diagnosis of cancer and depression is just beyond words.
Any words of wisdom from anyone?
Hi Welsh girl and welcome to the forums where I am sure your fellow forum users will be able to help and support you.
I am sorry to read that you are having such a hard time at the moment. I am posting a link to our peer support service which you may find of interest, you can talk on a one to one basis with someone who has had experience of breast cancer in confidence. They are ready to listen and offer you emotional support and share their experiences and understanding.
Here is our helpline number where you can request peer support or talk things through with one of our trained helpliners or specialist nurses, you can call between 9-5 on weekdays and 9-2 on Saturdays for further support and a listening ear on 0808 800 6000.
Hi wesh girl,
sorry to hear you’ve been so down,i understand as ive been very low since being diagnosed sept09.I also have been referred to a phycologist by onc and am taking antidepressants.BC is such a life changing disease,and i dont think anybody really understands apart from those going through it. Good luck Lesleyxx
Hello.
Just wanted to add my thoughts to this. I have been v lucky as got away with a lumpectomy and rads which i’ve almost finished. I found talking to people going thro a similar exp very helpful for me so happy to chat via the email on here or verbally if you feel that would help?
Suzi x
Hi welsh girl
Lesley is right - only other people with BC can really understand. I think the advice re Psyco-onc sounds good too, though I have no experience of this. Can you talk to your GP? I’m on anti depressants - already was when I was diagnosed so I’ve really used them to my advantage in the last 6 months. Ignore any battles in your head to avoid them - they really can help.
Thinking of you
River
Thank you all for responding. It makes such a difference, thank you so much.
I am already on anti-depressants but coped really quite well throughout the first two operations even when the bad news came! But the news of the mastectomy really tipped me over the edge!
Tried to keep going but not able to cope at home; life was disintegrating fast although ok when I was invited out!!! At that time there were a few Christmas events but since,family and friends have almost ‘disappeared’. Consequently, without any emotional support I really did sink…and sink… Contacted BCC helpline in Dec and they told me about peer support scheme, however when I explained my situation to them they warned me not use ‘peer support’ for depression. So now, I feel I have spoken to someone who’s experienced a mastectomy but have to hide the depressed part of me! Unfortunately the two areas are intertwined!
I haven’t come across anyone with BC since diagnosis so it would be so helpful to talk to you guys out there. However I do know alot about it because I nursed my Mum with BC for several years. I gave up working in London to look after her so I remember how lonely she felt but I was there for her and she could express her fears,but as you say someone who has experienced BC is better equipped to understand the whole issue.
Did anyone just sob when they had to sign the consent form?
I just can’t imagine stopping crying from then on…
So sorry you are feeling so down, this site is a godsend because we are all going through or have gone through this horrible disease and hence understand that it’s not easy. I am also having a Mastectomy with immediate recon soon and I am very much dreading it but hey ho.
I am divorced but have my adult son who lives with me, but still I suppose no-one really understands how difficult it is unless you are in the same situation as the ladies on this forum are. Coming on here helps me and hopefully, it will help you too.
I think anyone who has to go down this path will have their good days and the bad days.
You will get support on here as we all understand.
Thanks Aqua, sorry to hear what you are going towards…
Hope your time can include lots of talking to women in the same situation here. Just wish I’d found this site earlier!
It took me a week and so many attempts to understand how to send a post…!!!
I’m hoping it was my depression preventing me from working it out but I fear it was my complete lack of expertise with the laptop!
Still, now I know. Thanks BCC and all the wonderful women on line.
Maybe after my mastectomy I can support you some?
Just want to wish you all the best Welsh girl. I’ve had post natal depression and know how absolutely hellish depression is. I found it was a disappointment in the morning to wake up and still find yourself alive. And the constant crying is awful. I found when I was put on Prozac, it dried the crying up and helped me to cope day to day.
I went out with a work colleague last week and found it a strain after 3 hours to listen to her happily going on about her love life with a smile on my face so I can relate to what you said about people expecting you to be interested in their positive lives.
Thank you for your advice yesterday,(wow yesterday was a long day!) I got through to a counselling service at the hospital and today had a long soothing and supportive chat with a counsellor over the phone.
At last someone who is not repelled by my depression! She was great and told me to phone her again after the op when I’m recovering at home. I thought I would have to physically visit her (miles away…) but she said phone contact was ok. I feel more reassured now.
Thanks to you all who recommended this.
Have just read all your posts. I was feeling very depressed too about my diagnosis and mx op. I have just had it 8 days ago and realsied that my depression was fuelled by fear, a lack of information and a cold heartless surgeon, who makes insulting comments about my breasts. How I envy you ladies with big boobs.
Counselling is very important and I’m glad that you’ve taken steps to start this up. I’ve asked my doctor for cognitive behaviour therapy when this is all over as I’m a perfectionist and I allow stress and strain to swallow my life up. I’ll fret and fret about things e.g. my surgeon’s cold and clinical manner when most people will say to hell with him, he’s a good surgeon and that’s the most important thing. But I want a kind reassuring doctor so I need help not to let small things crowd in on me and take over my life. Unfortunately, there’s a long waiitng list for CBT so I too will be seeking help from breast cancer care counselling to tide me over. I don’t want my depression to affect my recovery when everyone says a positive attitude is so important. Good luck with your surgery. I’ll be thinking of you. Annys x
I’m really sorry to hear about the coldness of your surgeon. Mine is ok but not great! Everyone says he’s a good surgeon but I really wish like you, that he was more supportive and kindly. He never ever smiles or shows any empathy…
The next time I see him will be on Friday when he’s about to do my mastectomy! To me he represents ‘a butcher’ who is going to slice away my breast for I know not why… When I was first diagnosed with a small area of DCIS back in August I agreed to op fairly willingly as a sensible action. But now after 2 operations it has become extensive and the only option is a mastectomy because I am small breasted. It just seems so awful and when you sob and sob it would be wonderful to have some real empathy from your surgeon.
Yours does sound horrendous. Was your BCN with you?
Was she supportive?
She surely should have intervened to prevent his callous remarks. He doesn’t sound professional at all, making personal comments like that.
As you say the fear,the waiting and a cold hearted surgeon does nothing to help you feel you’ve taken the right route…
How dreadful all this is…
CBT can be a very powerful tool. I had it years ago for a very different reason and it was effective for a good while as it changes your perception of yourself. However, I believe it needs to be topped up fairly regularly to remind you of those successful steps. With depression it’s so easy to forget and lapse into old habits of negative thinking. So get onto that waiting list asap.
Good luck with your recovery and healing. I’ll be in the same situation as you next week. Maybe we could chat then…???
I just wanted to put in a little word on behalf of surgeons and doctors. I am not a doctor myself, but most of my family are - and I know sometimes for them it is a coping mechanism too. I know this is particularly the case for surgeons who sometimes feel the need to be a lttle distant form the person they are operating on in order to be really focussed and do the best job. I don’t know if this is the case for your doctors, but it might help a little if that is what s happening.
Hi all,
I’m finding i’m having a few good days,rather than all bad but i’ve also noticed that i feel that i’m distancing myself from my old life before bc.It’s as though i’m on the outside looking in at there life carrying on as normal like i’ve stood still in time.(sorry to ramble but it’s hard to explain)i’m fine with my hubby and children, but anybody else i feel i want to avoid,some have made tackless comments in the past or have been flip, where as others have not been as supportive - as i have to them over the years. i’ve just realised that i’m protecting myself from further hurt. anybody else felt the same.Lesleyxx
Hi Lesley- really do sympathise with you at this hard time but I’m afraid I can’t agree with finty re surgeons and their coping mechanisms. If they aren’t able to empathise with their patients they should have gone into another profession- or into pathology.
I was lucky; my surgeon was allocated to me on the taxi rank principle- but proved to be excellent both technically and in his dealings with his patients. For me, his personal kindness and his perception of me as an individual made a bad situation, much less bad. I still think of him fondly though he is no longer in my area.
My daughter has just the opposite, ongoing experience - her surgeon is technically excellent but hopeless with her patients (yes, unfortunately it’s a woman- which make it worse!) She is notorious for her lack of empathy and her poor communication skills: her patients inevitably feel worse after they have seen her than they did when they went in …and they are frightened of her. This just can’t be right, can it?
Hi all,
I met my surgeon on the 1 feb and i have to say she really made me feel at ease,good eye contact and empathy.As we’ll all probably spend quite a lot of time in their company, you at least have to feel at ease with them. Lesleyxx
I just wanted to remind you about the ‘live chat’ session which breast cancer care run every Thursday evening from 9 to 10pm. This session is run by a trained facilitator and a specialist nurse and means you are able to talk on-line in real time with each other about how you are feeling. To join just click on the live chat link on the front page of the forums.
I’ve posted two comments gto you today and neither have come up. Don’t want to waste time doing it again if it’s not going to work. Just checking to see if this post appears.
I have tried three times to post a message of support for you for Friday. I don’t know why my posts are not appearing. I have so much to say but don’t want to repeat my posts if theyre not going to appear. I’ll be thinking of you and I will try again tomorrow.’