hi Welsh girl
All the best for Friday. I hope all goes okay for you
x
Hi welsh girl
Trying again to wish you all the best for Friday.I’m sure you’ll be fine, believe me. Our pre op experiences seem to be very similar. I too viewed my surgeon as a ‘butcher’ and that my mx would be a mutilation instead of a life saving procedure. Now I’m post op and I’m on the other side now. Medically my mx went well. My drain fell out on its own so I was allowed home 4 days after surgery. The pain was definitely bearable. I wanted to reduce my analgesia 2 days after coming home but my bcn advised me to keep taking the full dose just in case the pain became bad and would be difficult to keep under control.I need prodding to do my exercises because they add to my discomfort but that’s the only annoyance. I’m sure your mx will be as successful as mine.
Emotionally I’ve not been as brave. I’m having my staples removed tomorrow as well as receiving my test results. Another worrying wait. But more than anything I’m dreading meeting my surgeon again.I’m worried he’ll make insulting comments about my breasts again like he did when I was in hospital.He has adversely affected how I feel about my body image. This time last year I felt confident about how I looked. I had changed my hair colour, I am slim and people comment that I look younger than my 50 years. Now I dont feel confident about my body image anymore. I have one gel implant, another breast that I no longer feel is attractive and the prospect of a false nipple, which will have no feeling. I tossed and turned in bed last night, albeit quite painfully, and decided I needed counselling to help me come to terms with my lack of confidence. I rang my bcn to find out how I could get this but she told me there in none available in my area, not unless I go to my GP and wait 9 months to see an NHS psychologist. I need a breast care expert … dare I say like a bcn… rather than a psychologist, but she doesn’t see that as her role. She has seen me once to hand me a wad of leaflets and to show me photos of some well endowed ladies with their reconstructions, knowing full well mine could never look like those.Although your name is Welsh girl I hope you don’t live in my area of South Wales because there are no facilities available for us.
Anyway, back to you. Stay strong and believe in yourself. You will come through this and I look forward to hearing about your experiences when you are recovering.Yes, It would be nice to continue chatting. In the meantime I’ll be thinking of you on Friday. Love Annys xx
Thank you for your support.
Yesterday was quite a struggle but calmer after speaking to counsellor. However, she must have conveyed what a dreadful state I am in because my BCN phoned me with an offer to go in one day earlier…
So I’m first in the queue Thursday morning at William Harvey hospital, Ashford. My BCN at Canterbury has liaised with Ashford so that there will be a BCN waiting for me to help me through the registration part and then the deed is done.
My BCN Penny has been wonderful and although I’m worried I appear as a difficult child, she has recognised my depressive behaviour and sorted me out some very thoughtful BCN support.
These BCNs are to be respected and gloried for their efforts. Now maybe I can cope better with my ‘distant yet efficient’ surgeon because I will have the ‘warmth’ from elsewhere. A little tenderness goes an awful long way!
Thanks Annys for your 3 posts. I will be in touch asap. Thanks for your practical info about Mx - very useful.
Good luck for tomorrow when you get your test results.
I really really hope this surgeon is more empathetic tomorrow and will not behave in such a misogynist way.
His words have really broken your self image and left you so fragile.
I do hope that there are others in your world who can help you talk and share these feelings.
Remember you can always tell me… very soon.
Tomorrow is going to be a difficult day for both of us.
Good luck!
Welsh girl
Hi Welsh girl and annys - so sorry you are having such a difficult time - I’m thinking of you both to-day.
I wasn’t sure whether to chip in here. I had my mx 6 months ago after 6 months of chemo. I very nearly refused the surgery, but kept telling myself it was necessary. Did a lot of crying afterwards for my lost breast, but slowly I have got used to my new body. I had 3 weeks of rads after recovering from surgery and now I’m back at work on pahsed return.
If you have any questions please ask.
Love to you both
Clare X
Hi Clare
Thanks for you post. Today went well for me - at last some good news. My surgeon was actually quite pleasant. He told me that I did have invasive cancer, when previously he thought it was non-invasive so the decision to have the mx was the right one as the cancer has now all gone. It was 8mm grade 1. He is 90% certain there is no lymph node involvement so no chemo thank goodness. He’ll know completely when I see him in one month as pathology are checking again. I handed him 6 written questions I wanted answering and he answered them all. He even called me by my name and made me feel human. He was also very admiring of his work, my new reconsruction, and I have to admit it’s much better than I thought.So for the first time in 3 months I feel quiet light hearted!!
I hope Welsh girl is coping well tonight. My thoughts are with her.
Nice to her from you . Annys x
Wow Annys, such a relief for you, I’m so glad you had a good appt.
How are you doing Welsh Girl?
LOve Clare X
Had mx on Thursday 4th Feb and had the most kindness offered before surgery and afterwards at William Harvey hospital, Ashford.
What was I worrying about?
But the weeks of severe depression before were so unbearable!
Once new date set up by BCN the tears stopped and the awful body pains and a real calmness descended over me…
The waiting, the worry and the fear were just unbearable and it seemed no one understood until the depressive symptoms became hysterical in nature! I hope other sufferers are recognised earlier than myself. The support found for cancer is just not evident for mental health patients! They have two hideous conditions to deal with and only the cancer symptoms are recognised and understood. I am very angry and it doesn’t help now to be told that the ‘system’ failed me.
I don’t want anyone else to go through what I did and when eventually I am stronger I will have to try and effect change for others who follow…
Felt very safe in hospital and didn’t want to leave… Been out a week now and had loads of practical support from friends and family which with my jelly legs, memory loss, confused brain and dead breast I really needed as I live on my own.
Still very uncomfortable despite pain relief and area of node removal is so very very sore.
Is this ‘normal’?
Emotionally, I’m coping with a wound not a loss of breast! Anyone else had this cancer block after mx?
I’m calm,relieved that op went well and have just about got enough brain cells to write this… with left hand only! I’m very slow!
Thank you to all of you who wrote to me and wished me well that week before. I can never explain what a great comfort you all were. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your kindness is immeasureable… I will stop rambling now!!!
A very big hug to you all, from Welsh girl xxx
PS Surgeon and I actually laughed together before op as I instructed him to do very tiny neat stitching and leave me with no dog-ear!!!
He was great and has indeed stitched me up very neatly! 10/10 Doc!
It’s me again…
Going for results on Friday 19th. As I’ve lost my right breast with mx should I be worried? Or am I being too naive?
Nobody really explained about the node removal beforehand and I didn’t ask surgeon as I was too busy enquiring about his needlework skills…
What questions should I be asking this time?
Welsh girl (again)
Hi Welsh girl
Here’s a BCC publication called ‘Understanding your pathology report’ which may be helpful when you get your results:
breastcancercare.org.uk/upload/pdf/pathology___feb_08_0.pdf
To read about lymph node removal and recovery information following surgery follow these links:
breastcancercare.org.uk/upload/pdf/bcc08_treating_final2.pdf
breastcancercare.org.uk/healthcare-professionals/publications/quick-order-list/*/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/100/
Please call our helpline to talk through any concerns or for any further information on 0808 800 6000, weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2.
Take care
Lucy
Hi there, welcome back (if you know what I mean ) - you’re sounding very calm now. Well done for everything you’ve been through. I hope your results are good too.
Re pain from lymph node removal - unfortunately I can only agree, I had 9 removed at MX on 28th January and still find it v painful 2 and half weeks on. Only advice I’ve been given is to keep taking the pain meds and not to “go light” on them.
Wishing you all the best with your recovery
Lynn
Hi Welsh girl
Nice to hear from you again and that your surgery went well. I hope this catches you before you see your surgeon on fri. I had so many questions to ask my surgeon. I knew I’d never remember them or if I did I wouldn’t remember the answers! I listed the 6 most important questions I wanted to know the answers to and wrote them down on two separate pieces of paper. I gave him one and as he answered each question I wrote down his answers on mine. I found this very helpful because even though I was much calmer this time round I still didn’t remember everything and found it really useful to read his answers hours later.
I asked questions about my original dx because if you remember he was quite horrible to me and I only had a hazy understanding of what was wrong with me. He then elaborated on what he found.I asked questions about my lymph nodes. I also had to ask questions about why my full results are still not back and he said it was to check up again but he was so up beat about the whole operation and how mx was absolutely right for me given the fact that 8mm turned out to be invasive. I’m due to go back in march for the rest of my results but he seemed to think it was only a case of dotting the i’s and crossing the ts and that I don’t need chemo.I also asked if my cancer was oestrogen positive and it was so I’ve now started on tamoxifen.
I was determined he was going to answer my questions, given his previous treatment of me and I had rehearsed a few sentences if he was going to brush my question sheet aside. But he didn’t and in fairness to him he did give me all the time I needed.In fact he was so admiring of his handiwork (and so far it looks good)he was very nice to me and spoke to me as a person rather than an object.
Good luck with your results. I agree with your comment about the mental aspects during the waiting period and the lack of support. I went to a breast cancer support group in my area 2 weeks after my surgery and found it really helpful to speak to others like me. An ex pychiatric nurse gave a talk about depression and stress,and she was so sympathetic about anxiety attacks I felt really comforted. If only she had been around before my op! She made me realise that I have spent all my life dogged by anxiety, as I worry about everything. I even had a day of hysteria about taking tamoxifen because of the side effects. I have started it now , one week on and so far have had no side effects at all.
I have had some inflammation in my implant site but am treating it with anit-imflammatories. Otherwise I’m recovering well. Hope you are too. Good luck and let us know how you got on.
Annys xx
Had an awful painful seroma sloshing around my chest which made me feel so rubbish. Couldn’t use my right arm at all!
Consequently couldn’t e-mail so have been absent for a while now.
Yesterday had seroma drained and it felt worse last night but today I have arm movement back so I can restart my exercises and begin e-mailing again! Hoorah!
Mood still good since mx.
Awaiting results next week…don’t know what to expect!
Just hoping the mx was the last step before I can look forward again.
Been reading the forums throughout time away but it’s great to be able to write again and be back in touch. However I have ‘lost’ this contribution 3 times now so feeling pretty exhausted now!!!
Goodnight to you all and thank you again for your support, especially Annys and Lynn.
Welsh girlx
Great to hear from you again Welsh girl. Sorry to hear about the seroma. Sounds nasty! I sent you a pm but I’m not sure if it has arrived because nothing flashed up on the computer to tell me it had gone. Apologies for not replying to your pm as I didn’t know it was there, only discovered it yesterday. Hope you’re still feeling good today. Take care.
Annys x
Your PM certainly arrived! Thanks Annys.
I WILL respond but I went out today for the first time and feel quite wrecked! Think I overdid it!!!
Will be back after a long lie-down…
Welsh girl
Hi welsh girl
Just glad that for once my computer skills have worked. Hope you enjoyed your trip out even if you do feel wiped out. I went out for a lunch time meal on Mon with my OH and really enjoyed myself. Felt human again although this week has been very quiet and lonely. My sister’s daily visits after work have finished now and I suppose its up to me to be more active now. The weather doesn’t help as I’m not inclined to go out for a walk if its cold, damp and wet.Must make a bigger effort. Take care.
Annys x
I’m sorry you are feeling too quiet and lonely.
That’s a really horrid feeling when you can’t find any distraction…
I’ve been through a major illness before and had to take ill health retirement from my job in teaching so I suppose I’ve had years of practice to get used to my own company but it wasn’t easy!
Life without routine of whatever nature can be very very difficult.
I must admit I sleep a lot because I feel so uncomfortable still, 3 weeks after mx,watch TV, do crosswords and make food. I achieve so little and yet feel so weary so I do ‘waste’ a lot of time on the sofa! Sometimes I feel guilty when others come into my home and see I haven’t done the washing up etc but other days I just do exactly what I feel like and I always run out of time…
I think you have to do what feels right for you.
We shouldn’t beat ourselves up so much.
I know people hear my voice being strong and ‘normal’ again and they think I’m ok whereas in fact I’m still really sore and achey and this seroma is building up again so that makes matters worse.
I’m not sure if any of this is making sense Annys but maybe you need to be quiet at the moment or you need to plan some different types of distraction for yourself. Either way make sure you can contact people too.
Looking forward to hearing how you’ve been today. I trust it was ok but as you say the rain and gloom doesn’t help!
This is a really tricky journey isn’t it?
Welsh girl
Hi Welsh Girl
Sorry to hear the seroma is starting to build up again. It must be very uncomfortable? How’s your recon coming along? Are you pleased with it? Mine looks awful now. Its moved up and sunk a little and just makes me hate looking at myself. I’m due to see the surgeon on Thurs - scared at telling him I’m not happy. He’s not someone you can chat to easily. I’ve also been out for a few walks this weekend and found that my knees start to hurt really badly about half a hour’s steady walking. Thsi has happened three times now and I’m a bit concerned as walking is the only form of exercise I will commit to, being a natural couch potato. My OH is sure it’s not the tamoxifen as he doesn’t think it could act that quickly on the joints - been on it for 3 weeks. So that will be another question to add to the list on Thurs. Also getting the last results in for my pathology - they were re checking them. So plenty to think about this week. Am going to start being ‘normal again’ as in housework, cooking etc as I’ve let the house go to pot, although I’m nervouse about hoovering, my hoover is very heavy, and ironing. Paranoid about getting lymphoedema so don’t know when it’s ok to pick up heavy things again.
Hope you have a good week too. Take care.
Annys x
Hi there,
Been away at the weekend staying with good friends who look after me very well but I still feel really knackered all the time - whatever I do!
Even social company tires me out!
Seroma filling up nicely again so I’m presuming that contributes to the discomfort! Seeing surgeon for results this Wed so I’ll have it drained again then. I only had mx because previous infection from last lumpectomy prevented imm reconstruction. Upset at the time but thought I will have it in future sometime but this surgery experience has put me right off! Don’t want any more operations or anaesthetics ever again… Obviously I may change my mind in the future.
Sorry to hear your recon is so uncomfortable. I think you’re really courageous putting up with it! You will have to be very strong and tell your surgeon exactly how you feel and I really hope he listens kindly and is able to reassure you. I’ll be thinking of you on Thursday.
Like you my body is really feeling wobbly. I’m full of aches and pains and I’m not even on the cancer drugs however I do suffer from ME/chronic fatigue! (I keep wanting to put up a new post about ME and cancer but I don’t know how to set it up!!) Housework is pretty minimal and some areas are really in chaos but I don’t have the energy to sort it! It’s so very frustrating and sometimes I just get overcome by how difficult this situation is. Also responding to phonecalls is just too tiring for words! Afterwards,rather than prepare meals for supper I just have to lie down and recover and then I’m too weary to cook a meal and just rely on snack meals! I worry that my body is not receiving the correct amounts of nutrients and then I’m even more worried…
Sorry to moan but living on my own I do go round in circles and it is good to put it into words at last. However I am delighted that my mood is still good so that indeed is a plus.
Good luck for your week ahead.
Take care.
Welsh girl x
Hi Welsh girl
How nice for you to get away for the weekend. But I’m full of admiration because going away involves some planning and packing etc so no wonder you’ve felt so tired.
First day of March with the sun shining has done me the power of good. Carried out my plan to start cleaning up and felt better that the kitchen looked clean for the first time in 5 weeks!! Even cooked dinner tonight but put an extra chicken portion in the oven for lunch tomorrow and forgot about it, so could have done better. Rang a colleague from work as well tonight so I feel pleased with my achievements to day.
Good luck with results. Have you seen the leaflet Understanding your pathology report? It can be downloaded from the breast cancer care but I asked to have it sent to me and I wish I’d had it to hand when I went to get my reuslts. I shall be thinking of you on Weds.
Take care of yourself and your seroma!!
Annys xx
Thanks Annys.
Your positive progress with your chores is going to spur me on to do the washing up right now!!!
Who needs Olympic games we have just as courageous trials to complete! Pity there aren’t any medals though!!?!
Congratulations on your achievements today. Well done you!
You deserve a chocolate medal or some sort of treat anyhow,maybe a glass of vino???
My seroma says thank you for your kind wishes!!!
Welsh girl x