Hi Welsh girl
Had another good day today, I really beieve it’s the sunshine. Don’t push yourself too hard, remember you’re a few weeks behind me so you’re entitled to a few more days/weeks on the sofa!!!
Take care.
Annys x
Going to get my results tomorrow from surgeon, although I have been told I will have to have radiotherapy sessions which was extremely disappointing! Previously told, mx was the last hurdle!!!
After 7 months of:surgery,waiting for results,bad news,more surgery, more waiting,bad news and then the wait of 3 months for mastectomy I am emotionally worn out. So to be facing more unexpected treatment is a bombshell for me.
Got to write up my questions tonight so I think the anxiety is responsible for my current weepiness.
Also my arm still doesn’t work and is so weak that I really feel worried about ever returning to a ‘normal’ independence!
I have ME/chronic fatigue so hope surgeon won’t dismiss me and my painful arm as NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT…
Sorry but I am very worried.
Welsh girl x
Glad your days are going well
Hi Welsh Girl,
I don’t think I’ve ‘spoken’ to you before, but just want to wish you all the best for tomorrow. I know what you mean about the weepiness, I coped really well with all my treatment last year and then two days before Christmas my oven blew up and I completely fell apart. Since then I’ve done so much crying I could fill a bath tub! I realize now that it was not the oven that really got to me, (A kind friend fixed it for me the same day), but just the whole reality of everything hitting me. It was just the straw that broke the camels back!
Re. your painful arm, I had a MX and ANC in Aug. and couldn’t believe how weak my arm was, but 6 months on I’ve regained a lot of movement and strength, so be patient and do the exercises they give you as this helps a lot. I think perhaps we have to accept that it will never be quite what it was, but it certainly does improve.
It’s a pain about your rads but you will get thru it. Thank heaven for this forum! I only discovered it a week or two ago but it’s so good to get such a lot of support from others in same situation. Be firm with your surgeon. Will your BCN be there? I always find it easier to let mine know if I have any worries as she is a good backup! Perhaps you could speak to her before you see the surgeon?
Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
Esme x
Thanks Esme, How lovely to hear from you.
I know what you’re saying about the oven incident, mine was the pot of cheese sauce that splattered everywhere as it fell out of the fridge! I just balled as I knew I couldn’t do the scrubbing action with my dead arm and the left one just doesn’t do the right sort of job!!! Luckily a friend called and found me crying about the stained carpet and took over! She’s a good pal!
Great to have your good wishes for tomorrow. I’ll let you know how it goes. Must get to bed now but it was so kind of you to respond.
Goodnight, Welsh girl x
I did speak to my BCN today to rehearse one area of concern, to check whether it was appropriate to raise with surgeon. She was very supportive so know she’s on my side. Good advice though!
Hello everyone - had mastectomy, SN and Tamoxifen since June 2009. I just wanted to say its OK to cry and yes it does ease up once the treatment is under way and you know that your coming through the darkness.
I admire you ladies, Welsh girl, Anys and others as you are going through the most terrible days but are so strong. Can we just remember we are not superwoman and that it is ok to cry, get angry, laugh and have fun even - life is exactly that. I was frowned upon for having a laugh with my son - he caught me trying to hide the crying and just sat with me and he just tried to make me smile and it helped. He doesnt get the fear and is ignorant about the facts (his own fears)but he is trying and always there. I have joint pain and cannot walk in the mornings and the tiredness I had at the beginning of all this did not compare to the tiredness I felt on taking Tamoxifen at the start. I seemed to be exhausted just going to the bathroom but I did combat that with daily walks - first I went for 10 mins ha end of the road and when I got back I slept for and hour haha but I kept going and now I have a part time job in the afternoons (couldnt go back to teaching) and although I still get tired it is a normal tired.
The sun will shine again and its just that you have to go through this now. It doesnt just go but you learn how to deal with it and everyone is different. My consultant says Tamoxifen has a common SE of joint pain and my GP says none of his Tam patients has any joint pain - making me feel silly for mentioning it - do I care - no I deal with it myself thinking how inadequate he must feel not having knowledge about this drug and remember that I have a patient survey to fill in haha
I wish you all peace and hope that treatment goes well with you all and allow yourselves to grieve for the person you were, the breast you had and allow the natural full recovery of all the emotions with a positive thought for the future.
I aim to get there and have the all clear in 4 1/2 years time!
God bless
x
Thanks for your lovely post Daisy, it did me the power of good reading it. That’s one of the great benefits of this forum, reading how others further down the line manage to pull through, whilst understanding what we’re experiencing at the moment.
Welsh girl, I’m so so sorry to hear about you having to have rads after all you’ve been through. I hope your results were ok? Pm me if you want to as I’d like to give suppport if I can. Take care.
Annys x
annys, I was reading of all you have managed to do and so pleased for you even the chicken portion had me thinking that there is a reason for everything and that you deserved an expensive salmon fillet and a lovely desert.
Well done so far its a fantastic start and more good things to come. When you talk to the consultant just think “I deserve” and tell him your issues - he may just have the solution to the problem as its his job. This disease knocks the confidence out of us - but not for long.
Look in the mirror - what an amazing sight and I dont know you but hey to come this far needs appreciating.
God bless everyone and heres hoping welshgirl is ok and with good news.
xxxxxxxxxx
Thanks again Daisy. I’m penning my questions for my surgeon as I’m browsing through the forum. Let’s hope alll goes well tomorrow!
Annys x
Hope all goes well for tomorrow annys -
Please let us know how it goes and we are here for you.
Daisy
xx
Hi there,
Lovely to meet you Daisy and Esme too, and of couse Annys.
Your interest is just so kind.
Results were nodes clear, mastectomy was definitely needed as two new lesions found in top half so total measurement of 115mm was really extensive! Felt glad that mastectomy was necessary after all.
18 sessions of radiotherapy needed now. Next appointment with oncologist,who is a woman and supposed to be very approachable so I will learn more about it then.
During my meeting with surgeon my mind went to mush and I couldn’t remember any responses nor even ask the questions. I was really hopeless because I kept on supporting the surgeon as he has to give out so much bad news and he was so pleased with my scar. He kept saying it was a good outcome and behind my false smile I was so unhappy with all the lumps and bumps and discolouration of my wound. The seroma had to be drained again and I still ache, am very sore with a totally dead weak right arm that he can’t explain away so he has directed me to my GP to be referred on…
And so it goes on…
My BCN recognised I was ‘pretending’ so I had a good cry with her later. It didn’t help that I was all on my own to receive my results as my friend couldn’t attend and I have no one else to call upon. No one in my family remembered that it was my result day so I felt very alone indeed! E-mailed a couple of people today but not spoken to anyone. Tomorrow I will see GP and know that I’ll start crying again…I just hope she ‘sees’ beyond the tears and hears my plight.
Fingers crossed.
Hope your results were ok today Annys and that you’re feeling they were what you were expecting. Get in touch when you can. I’m thinking of you.
Thanks again for listening, I really appreciate your concern. It’s good to have you as cyber pals.
Take care tonight, Welsh girl x
Hi Everyone
I was really pleased to read that your nodes were clear Welsh Girl– so no chemo? If so, wow! That’s really great news! A real bummer, however, about the rads but as each one gets done you’ll be that much nearer to being clear of this horrible business. Just one question, why do you need rads if you’ve had an mx? Sorry to sound ignorant.
I was so sorry to hear you were on your own having the results. I quite understand the brain turning to mush scenario. That’s why I write all my points down on paper now before I go. That really helps, and on my first post op appt I didn’t even ask the questions, I just handed him the paper! My OH hasn’t always been much help, bless him. When I was given the dx, he felt so upset the BCN had to hand him paper towels because she thought he was going to be sick! I had my head down wailing and couldn’t work out why the nurse was fussing with him. The second time I needed him to listen properly was when the bcn called at home with details of the op and he was fussing with his phone, as someone important from work had called just at that moment and wanted info asap. He hadn’t listened to much she had said and I, of course, was too busy wailing!! So, the third time round I gave him the duplicate questions I gave the surgeoen and it kept him busy scribbling down the answers because once again, I was busy starting to wail. Yesterday, he proved himself, however, because I forgot to ask for a copy of my path report and, prompted by the piece of paper I had given him , he asked the surgeon for me. I would have been mad mad if I hadn’t asked for that.
My results were good. No nodes involvement was confirmed, so no chemo. I still don’t know why they felt they had to recheck the results, making me wait an extra month for confirmation, but at least when I get a copy of my path report I can see it all there in black and white. Despite my good news, I spent the entire evening crying my eyes out. It wasn’t just the relief; yesterday’s appt brought back all the trauma of my first appt, when I was told unequivocally I needed a mx. The past 3 months’ worry, despair, fear, all broke over my head and I started to mourn all over again for losing my breast. My OH just couldn’t understand it.
Like you, I’m not happy with my recon, tried to say something yesterday but told to return in 3 months when it has settled down to discuss nipple recon. He seemed really pleased with the implant, even though I’m now totally unbalanced, it’s rock hard, with dents in one side and an unsightly overhanging piece of flesh over my affected armpit. All he could suggest was an overhaul of my healthy breast to make them more balanced. As the clinic was running late, I only had 4 minutes consultation with him and no bcn present to consult with after. As I was half naked for the entire consultation it was very difficult to hold him there with my questions. How can one be assertive in these circumstances? Now I have to wait 3 months before I see him again. I really envy hearing others having a good rapport with their surgical team. Still, I’ve had good news and have to put all my experiences into perspective, especially when I read what others are going through.
Take care of yourselves everyone.
Annys xx
Hi Annys,
Glad your results showed no nodes were affected.
You and me both, eh?
I have to have radiotherapy because of problems on the chest wall so they want to zap every last cancer cell there,and now I’m over the shock of it all I want that extra reassurance too.
I never had a reconstruction as I had an infection after second op so have to wait 6 months or so… or maybe it’s 12! Either way I’m not sure I want to enter a hospital theatre again…
Still having problems with soreness and seroma swelling and cannot wear a bra at all! I think 30 minutes is my record! How about you?
Consequently, being lop-sided does nothing for your self confidence.
Feeling really low now, as going to result meeting on Wed on my own showed just how alone I am! Not sure how strong I’m going to be in the future when I have to for rads on my own.
These low patches are awful aren’t they?
Do hope your tears are ceasing now. It’s such a rocky road…
Horrified to hear you only had 4 minutes for consultation, that seems so unfair! No wonder you feel dismayed. Well done for bouncing back and focussing on your good news. Really wish I could bounce back too!
Welsh girl
You poor thing Welsh girl. I have sent you a pm. My mother had to have rads for her lumpectomy and as I’m a teacher and live 18 miles away from her she had to attend her daily radiotheraphy sessions on her own. My father had died 3 months before and she felt terribly lonely. This was highlighted by her having to attend her sessions alone. She was 76 at the time and had to travel in an ambulance first thing in the morning and wait until late in the afternoon for the return lift, even though her rads lasted for only a 15 mins or so. She felt that time of her life was the hardest to bear. even more than hearing she had the cancer because she missed having my father accompany her. Both my sister and I felt dreadful but couldn’t help her out because being teachers we couldn’t take time off work every day for 6 weeks. I understand her plight even more now.
I know you must be feeling vulnerable and fragile but I detect an inner strength that has carried you this far. Believe in yourself and you’ll get the strength to carry you through your rad sessions. If a daily bus journey seems too much, ask for the ambulance service. My mum woudl take sandwiches and books and puzzles to do all day, supplemented by tea from the WRVS counter. She survived it. Also, although I am lucky to have a very supportive partner I know that if I had to have rads he could not give up that amount of daily time at the moment because of pressures in work and I would be using that ambulance service myself - I don’t drive- and I wouldn’t have any friends or neighbours who could give up work time to accompany me. If you read my pm, I also mention a local breast cancer support group who might be able to help.
I could witter on endlessly but I feel for you being so lonely at such an emotionally vulnerable time. Take care.
Annysxxx
I’ve sent you two PMs Annys.
I just hope they found you!
If not let me know…
Welsh girl
Yes got it thanks and sent a goodnight one back to you too.
Annys xx