Diagnosed 29th - Hello Ladies.

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Hi BC babes

Well what a terrible day yesterday. I went to bed after being at the hospital and woke up in the early hours in a puddle, the wound had leaked AGAIN. I put it down to all that prodding and poking at clinic lol. I was just so hacked off, I had had a really bad night the night before and ended up on the settee for the rest of the night again. Consequently felt awful yesterday. I had tickets to go and see Paul Potts (remember the opera guy who won Britain’s Got Talent?) and I had bought them months ago and was taking a friend for a birthday treat for her. Thankfully by the evening I was able to stagger off the settee and we did both really enjoy it. I do think that the shock of facing chemo didn’t sink in at first, it has just done so. I feel much better today after a reasonable sleep and have phoned the hairdresser, she is going to come and shave my head (I would rather be in control of the hair loss) and I have ordered my headgear.

Shonagh: thanks for your good wishes, we will just have to see what happens with you now. The onc said to me that if he treated 100 women with chemo then only 10 would get a discernible benefit from it, but he didn’t know if I was in that 10. I said if it was your daughter what would you say and he said he would tell her to go for it. In the end it was my choice and I think it might be yours too?

Dyzee Glad you are in touch with work, it will make you feel more connected to the outside world, I have already found that a problem, this BC has taken over my life. When is the next chemo? Is your husband home tomorrow?

Julie Sorry to hear that you are low, honey I don’t want to interfere but do keep an eye on your temperature, they have already told me it is serious if you get an infection on chemo and they like to zap them straightaway. Sorry about your hair, I think it must be one of the most distressing things about this bl**dy disease, that’s why I am having mine shaved first.

Dear Dilys How are you doing? It is strange to think of us all on different parts of this path, just as you swan off on your much deserved hol, I will be coming up for air after my first chemo. Had some lovely news yesterday, Mum phoned and said that she wanted to pay for me and my husband to have a little hol after all my treatments, whoo hoo, that will be something to aim for.

Maddy and Wendy love to you both and hope things are getting better

Love to all

Louise

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Good morning All

Dyzee - hope the working from home is cheering you up. I am beginning to think about looking around again for a new job. I am just starting to get slightly bored being at home and of course the money wouldn’t come amiss either. Once I have hair I can go out in I shall see what is around for an aging, battered cancer survivor!

Julie I know just what you mean about the sudden reality when your hair comes out. It is vile but you DO get used to it, honestly. That well known unmentionable site is just great isn’t it? And Louise - can’t believe you are still leaking my love. All that and hair loss too - hugs and hugs to both of you. Glad Paul Potts was good, and good on you for managing to get there.

Everyone else - how are you all? I am fine. At oncology yesterday all seemed to be well, and I bumped into my breast care nurse by chance as well. She is going to get in touch about the continued inflation of the implant. And I have clearance to use smellies again - lovely shower with shower crème this morning - yay! Really missed those little things. I am starting to feel guilty at being ahead of you all, but hope at least you can see there is light at the end of this tunnel. Making my next heart scan appointment yesterday for April I realised it would be a year to the day since diagnosis. Time flies when……… And all that!

Love to you all

Dilys
xxxx

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Blimey Dilys, don’t feel guilty, you have really been through the mill and I, for one, am very much inspired and comforted by the fact that you are “coming out the other end”, and you are a great support to all of us!

Love, Louise

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Hi Louise and all

Thanks so much! Just had a call from the breast nurse. Inflation starts again on Monday! Ouch!!!

Loads of love

Dilys
xxxxx

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Hi Babes!

Dilys my lovely - I am enjoying working from home. I have had a few meetings and everyone came to my house - great. Spoke to my boss and he is cool about me working from home, he is very sympathetic and understands that there is only certain weeks that I can do it. So, we will see how it goes. Glad to hear you are finally getting your inflation, I hope it is not to painful for you.

Julie - Oh goodness, I know how you are feeling hon. Although you know the hair is going to come out one day, it is a gut wrenching shock when it happens. I think you can look like a cancer patient, but I have really tried not to. I think you just have to be a bit brave and inventive with the headwear! Dilys gave me a great tip, she has a stick on fringe. Glad to hear you are getting some sleep my love, it makes you feel so much better. Don’t worry about the wind - ask my hubby. After on particularly long and loud f**t (a lumberjack would have been proud of it), my hubby just looked at me and just said “nice one” and carried on reading his newspaper, it was soooo funny, it cracked me up. We have to laugh at ourselves!!! I’m squeezing your hand hon x.

Shonah - I think in some cases they do give you the choice of whether you want Chemo or not. When I seen the Onc, he said that I could either have Chemo or just go for Rads, Radio and them Arimidex. I asked him what he would advise if it was his wife or daughter, he wouldn’t answer me. He said that it would only improve things by 3%. After a lengthy discussion I said 3% off a dress in a sale is nothing, but we are talking about my life here and 3% sounds like a lot to me, therefore I went for the chemo. After our meeting, he stood up, shook my hand, and said "you chose what most women would have, then he nodded his head and smiled!!! The reason I am telling you this is because it took me totally by surprise, I was really shocked and a bit gobsmacked (very unusual, for me, I know). My consultant had told me I would have to have Chemo so that was my expectation. So hon, be prepared mentally, just in case they do give you the choice. There may be questions that you will want to ask, write them down, don’t know about you but someone takes my brain cells and speech mechanism just before I see a consultant!!!

Louise - Oh dear -BIG HUG. What are you like, surely that must be the end of your leaks. You are doing the best thing, taking control, and you deciding how, where and when. Good on you girl! I am proud of you. My hubby is home tomorrow thank goodness so we will have a few “good days together” and then the dreaded chemo is next Wednesday 30th. (Yuk).

Wendy - Has anyone heard from Wendy? I am really worried about her.

Lots of love and warm hugs,
Dyzee.X

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Hi Girls,

Im feeling poorly my temp is 37.6-37.9, got a cough and cold, going to chemo unit tomorrow, fec number 2 is due next wed, but i really cant see it happening, hair departing rapidly, im wearing a pink terry towelling cap to stop it from falling all over the flat. Having my head shaved on saturday. OH being a love. Being teary, and pale. Been like this for 2 days now, and being ratty with OH, cause Im sooooooooooo tired.

I know it will pass but im rubbish at being ill I feel I have no reserve. I will write when I feel perkier take care everyone.

lol Julie xxxxxx

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Hi Julie and all

Julie darling - your temperature is enough to get to A and E now! Never mind the hair. That happens and makes you feel vile emotionally. But you MUST get that temperature checked. Mine hit 39 before I bothered and I ended up in hospital in isolation for a week. No fun unless you have enough books. Please take care my love

Dilys

xxxx

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Hi Julie,

Oh sweetheart, please listen to Dilys and go to the hospital. Don’t wait, you need some medication.

We are all thinking about you hon.

Lots of Love and Great Big Hugs,
Dyzee.X

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Hi Dyzee, Julie and all

Julie - how are you today? I hope the chemo unit sorted you out? Let us know when you feel up to it

Dyzee - how are you? The sun is out here today though it is freezing. I am so sad I was inspired to clean the bathroom! Afraid I have rather let things slip since all this started. Housework never was my favourite thing. Its a good thing people visit sometimes as it makes me do something!!! Bet you are just glad to have your husband home again. Hope you have a lovely few days back together again my dear.

How is everyone else?

Loads of love

Dilys
xxxxx

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Hi Dilys and Julie,

Julie - I have been thinking of you. Please let us know how you are, when you can.

Dilys - Hubby is home (Wahay) it’s lovely to have him back!!!
Sorry you had to clean the bathroom, what a shame. As you know, I am not a big fan of housework and very easily distracted. My Mam is like Mrs Bucket, her house is always pristine, so when I lived at home, I had to be mega tidy. I think that is why I am so chilled about it now. Well, that’s my excuse so I am sticking to it!!! LOL.

Hope everyone else is keeping warm and snuggly, the wind here is really strong and howling.

Love and hugs,
Dyzee. XXXXX

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Hello to all BC babes
I am still leaking but I have talked to the hospital and they said just let it come out, we will see you Monday if it hasn’t settled down, so I am swaddled up to the neck in dressings and having to do extra washing, yuk. So I worked from home today. We are remortgaging at the moment and there have been phone calls to and fro about that.

The good news is that my Mum met an old friend whose daughter was dx with BC ten years ago and has just had her permanent discharge from the clinic. She was able to reassure Mum and said her best advice was rest, rest, rest. The other good news is that my stepson and his partner went for a baby scan today, all Ok and it’s a boy and is due early June, another grandchild eh? Whoo-Hoo. I wonder where I will be treatment-wise by then? My head is being shaved next Saturday. We are going out for a posh meal tonight, I will report back re the menu, Dyzee!

Julie Hope your silence means you are being treated now, honey, Dilys is right.

Dyzee you sound so much brighter with being able to do some work and especially with having your husband back. Enjoy!

Dilys oh I know what you mean about the cleaning. Hope you are enjoying pampering yourself with smellies in your new CLEAN bathroom!

Shonagh How are you doing? Hope you are well prepared for next week and can think clearly, I am here to hold your cyber hand as we go through it all (HUG)

Wendy and Maddy hope you are both Ok

Love to all

Louise

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Hi Louise, Dyzee and all

Oh such great news Louise. A boy grand child. Just lovely. And good news about a bc survivor. Which we will all be! My hair is nearly, nearly, a number one. I see men now with less than me. But they are men!!! And I am a 55 year old girl!

Dyzee - just be there with your husband. It must be great to have him back. And Louise I am so sorry about the leaking. That seems to have been going on too long. I stayed in hospital an extra day and that was that. Take care of it, won’t you?

Love to everyone

Dilys
xxxx

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Hi girls,

Im ok, Im over the worst,I rang the chemo unit today, and told them how Ive been the last 72hrs, today Im actually much beter and temp hasnt been over 37.0, checked on 2 thermometers just to be sure.i saw my GP on monday for my insomnia, she prescribed zopiclone, after 10 days of broken sleep I was tearing my hair out( a bit previous if you get my drift!).Sleeping deeply since,I wont take it every night . My OH is away for the weekend- tickets booked long time ago, I insisted he went today. I have friends on standby if I need ferrying to A+E, honestly I do feel better than I was. Im going to be with 2 friends tomorrow afternoon(indoors) hair shaving doodah tea party. otherwise keeping very snuggly, drinking lots of smoothies, eating tasty snacks and doing sweet fanny adams.
Monday is pre chemo bloods day ,FEC 2 on wednesday,… I very much doubt it will happen, shall we place some pretend bets!!!
I bought , paints and brushes on the internet… and a friend bought us a subscription to a DVD rental co for 4 months, so look out for my recommendations, so Im now armed with staying in gentle hobbies, its taken me a while to stop still. its a way of coping I guess.
Good to hear all your news, lots of it happy!!! hooray.
take care lovely people, and thankyou ,
Julie xxxx

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ps Have any of you read Taz thread about his late wife LaraC, its beautifully written and a must for any one sharing their recovery with a partner.

What a brave soul for sharing in the way he has.

Bless xxx

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Hi there ladies,

Well just got back from my best friends surprise 40th birthday party and my first none family social event since the diagnosis. I had forgoten how many people we knew. Phew!!! It was a bit wierd because I wasnt sure who knew and who didnt so when people were asking “are you ok” I wasnt sure if they meant generally or “was I OK ???” in a BC way so I just kept saying fine, great and trying to read their faces for signs they thought I was slightly mad. LOL. Wished I had typed out the whole story and diagnosis on a sheet, laminated it and left copies at the bar in the end I have told that many people but they were only being kind and its new news to them. Helen (the birthday girl) thought she was going for a meal and her OH had ordered a surprise limo so when she spoke to me yesteday she didnt mention it so neither did I she thought I wasnt coming so she promptly burst into tears when she saw me…its the first time since the op. Bless her.

So thats my news, finally bit the bullet and bought the Crazy Sext Cancer tips book. Its a very quick read but has lots of common sense tips and ideas especially for handling friends and relatives and one of her remarks is try to be patient when you are seeing people for the first time as its new to them and they will take their lead from your reactions so I took that on board and was very calm and the dreaded “positive” word and all seemed to go well. I did make my excuses at 10.30 though. I didnt realise how draining telling so many people could be, and we did have to be there super early which meant leaving the house at 6.00pm as it was in Stockport and rush hour traffic and I was also yawning for the first time in ages so thought quick go home to bed while you are naturally tired. Needless to say its gone out the window, nipped into 24 hr tesco for raw beetroot for juicing and picked up a new sports bra…bargin £5 and very comfy too!!!

Julie: I have just caught up with the last cople of days and your temp. drama. I’m glad I didnt see it at the timeI would have been stressed just seeing those temps and not knowing if you are Ok but really glad to see you have cooled down a bit. I dont even know what body temp should be and dont own a thermometer. You can tell I’ve not had kids. Not knowing body temp at my age. See I told you I wanst a scientist!!!

Dyzee: Glad you have the hubby back. I do not expect to hear from you this weekend all that catching up. It must be lovely to have him back. I cant believe how brave you are when hes not there.

Louise: Hope you enjoyed your meal and congratulations on the baby news. I’m beginning to feel left out with no births pending and never mind telling everyone else to rest. You are back at work young lady so justtake it easy yourself especiall with the boomin leaking. I cant believe it . Yet again I seem to have been so lucky in fact (this next bit is gross but cant think of how else to phrase it SORRY) the scab came off today and all thats left is hairline scar round the edge of the nipple. So take it easy yourself perhaps all the movement when walking, getting trains to work etc is stopping the healing.

Dilys: I know what you mean about cleanng for visitors. I have had loads this week. Even my Dad came (anyone would think I had cancer or something!!!) but it doent half make you realise how dusty the place is, usually just when the door bell goes too.

I hope Maddy and Wendy are OK too.

Well must go battery on lap top beeping and power lead is downstairs. Just want to say thanks to you all on the chemo issue. I have always assumed I would haveit and pretty much stopped looking at my hair as soon as told the news. They have only since results of op started saying may not need it but now I am more worried if they say I dont. If they offer me the choice theres no contest I’m taking it but If they say they dont think its worth it I wonder how easy it is to accept that when you are so prepared for the whole thing. Somebody please remind me of this post if I’m ever complaining about feeling rubbish if I a on chemo.

Lots of love and luck. Off to take a zopiclone too. Night night. Shonagh xxx

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Hi All

Shonagh - lovely to hear all your news. It is great when you finally get back to a semi normal social life isn’t it? I know those sports bras from Tesco! I have three and they are just great. Carry on sleeping well - best thing there is for all this. I can’t believe how I can sleep in the mornings now sometimes until 9.30, when I have been up all my working life at 6am.

Julie - so glad you are feeling better my love. Such a relief. Take it easy and I bet you get to go ahead next week! And yes I have been reading that thread by Taz. It has had me in tears more than once. What a lovely man. I hadn’t come across Lara on here, had you? She sounds amazing too. Good luck with your hair shaving party this weekend.

Dyzee - hope you are having a brilliant weekend with your husband, and getting the sunshine as well.

Louise, Maddy, Wendy and all - hope you are well

Loads of love

Dilys

PS bought some lovely raspberry flavoured shower stuff in Tesco this morning! Yippee!

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Hello ladies

Well at 4am I decided enough was enough (boob like a red football) and as soon as morning gilded the skies I was on the phone to the out of hours doc and have had a swab done and got some more antibiotics. The doc was puzzled as to how to dress it but said my “maternity sanitary towel down the bra” method was probably a good idea. I have been shopping for my chemo stuff and that’s that.

Meal out last night was lovely, Dyzee: I had chicken Caesar salad followed by smoked haddock fishcakes (bit potatoey) whilst OH had duck pancake followed by salmon. Also wine! Yum. Just wish I could sleep properly but with football boob it is a bit difficult to get comfy. Am seeing GP on Tuesday so I will discuss it then.

Julie Good to hear you are getting sorted and you have some support for your head shaving event. Fingers crossed for the second FEC, a day or two can make a heck of a difference.

Dilys You have to use the stuff in the shower, not eat it! Hope your weekend is going well.

Dyzee have a good time with your lovely man.

Shonagh Sounds a brill party but yes, I agree it is so draining telling everyone and the book is correct, we have to be patient. I find it hard when I have explained something slowly and carefully to someone then the next time I speak to them they clearly haven’t taken any of it in at all. I guess it is down to the shock and the fact that they haven’t been on the Internet 24/7 researching it , like us lol. I only worked properly on Monday last week (the rest from home) and have only a couple more days at York this coming week before sick leave begins again. My diary for this week reads like a medical dictionary!

Love to you all, and Wendy and Maddy too

Louise

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Hi Louise

So pleased to hear from you. You are a star. Know exactly that feeling about medical dictionary! Wait till it cools down. Felt adrift but was expecting that so can deal with it.

You take care my love

Dilys
xxx

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Hi there bc babes,
I did the right thing took myself off to hosp, chest x ray, bloods taken , antibiotics given, good to feel in control for a change!
Today was hair shaving day so feeling particularly non cheery, OH away for weekend, friends being sweethearts…
I know what you mean about telling people its soooooooooo draining, its not just what you are saying its the dealing with ‘reactions’. This week I sat down with my line manager and we composed an email to our department (approx 160 people )about my health/work pattern and responsibilities, Ive told my work friends personally of course, and will face everyone else with this new news next week, also now looks obvious- shaved head.Our senior manager is away and I couldnt wait for her return and a department meeting. Other departments I work closely with are also being informed this way. Im feeling the horrors of this at the mo, only cause Im under par physically and tired, I take citalopram for anxiety too thats been ongoing for a while pre all this,and ecascerbated by this too,
Thank you for you kind encouraging words, and please dont eat any shower products!
the asda cotton sports bra £4 also very comfy,
Good luick everyone with next week…

time to check out now , sleep night ,

Julie xxxxxxxxx
Julie xxxx

thank goodness for friends, and you , ps I picked a wig this week too, and have 8 hats/beanies to the ready!!!
Julie xxx

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Hi All,

Julie - Thank goodness you have been checked out. I have been so worried about you.
You are being very brave about losing your hair. How does it feel joining the baldy brigade? It’s a shock initially isn’t it!! What is your wig like? Colour, syle, length.
I have given up with buffs - I end up looking like bleedin noddy no matter what way I put them on!!!

Louise - Lovely choice of food. I love smoked haddock (yes I know, I love everything).
Sorry you are having so much discomfort hon, it must be draining. You must take it easy.

Shonah - The party sounds great and yes it is draining telling people the same thing over and over again and it’s very hard work being upbeat and positive all the time.
Some days, particularly after chemo, I dread the phone ringing or a knock at the door because I just don’t have the energy to be “happy” and reassure people. Sound really awful when pople are just concerned about you but that’s the truth. By the way - I don’t have any grandchildren either so you are not alone hon!!!

Dilys - Did you have a fabulous shower? I bet you smell delicious. It makes you feel so much better when you can get back to using products with delightful fragrances and luxuriate in the wonderfulness of it.

Maddy - How are you hon. Are you seeing lovely Benjamin this weekend?

I’m getting really worried about Wendy. I think she is due her next chemo around the same time as me which is Wednesday (OMG). I hope she is ok.

Going to Ma and Pa’s for lunch today -Roast Beef an Yorkshire Pud (lush)! Col and I will take Jessie for a nice walk alond the beach if it isn’t blowing a hooley!

Have a good Sunday everyone.
Love and hugs,
Dyzee. X.