Diagnosed 31 May and a wreck!

I’m 45 and was diagnosed on Thursday. The lump was thought to be another necrotic fat tissue lump, looked fine on mammogram and ultrasound, but they took a core biopsy to “be on the safe side”. So, despite usually being a really anxious person, I went to the results appointment alone. Grade 2, invasive breast cancer, ER positive.
I have 2 children: a daughter aged 15 and a son of 12. My son has autism and really needs me to be around, and I hate the thought of them losing their Mum while they are still growing up.
I have a lot of general pain, back pain recently got bad period pain around ovaries and now, I am terrified that all these things are all connected to the breast cancer. I can’t think. I burst into tears continuously. I know I need to be strong for the kids but every time I look at them I feel guilty about leaving them and start crying.
I have a breast MRI and abdominal ultrasound booked for Wednesday.
How can I get my head together?



Right take a deep breath,


I know this is a place no one wants to be on but you will get loads of help and support from the wonderful ladies on here.


It is early days yet so everything is very raw, but take one day at a time, try not to think too far ahead, small steps.


You will hear from ladies who have had the same diagnosis as you and life is back to normal for them.  I was diagnosed with grade 1, tubular ER positive in 2016, had my op and rads which finished in Jan 2017 and life is back to normal.


The aches and pains you are experiencing will be the anxiety you are feeling because of your diagnosis and you are more conscious of what was probably usually there before your diagnosis.


The good thing is that it has been found, can be treated and very soon you will have a treatment plan in place specifically for you.


Do you have any support at home, friends, family close by who will be able to support you with your son?


Keep coming on here whenever you need to and we will support you in whatever way we can.


Sending you hugs


Helena xxx

Hi Allypops,

Do you drive? You probably have as much or more chance of being involved in a car crash than breast cancer killing you. Nowadays the overwhelming majority of people are successfully treated. Having said that, it is a complete pain in the proverbial to have to go through this sh-1t. (I refuse to refer to it as a journey cos that suggests a holiday to me).

Just take it each day as it comes, an appointment at a time. There are monthly threads you can join where you’ll get support from others going through the same as you, in the Going through treatment section.

When I was diagnosed the first time 12 years ago my youngest was 7 and when we told the kids he asked if I was going to die. I just told him no because I knew it wasn’t an option. I think the notion of cancer is scarier than the actuality and you’ll feel more positive once you know what’s going to be happening and when.

Good luck.


Hello Allypops


Sounds similar to me - I’d had that many non-cancerous lumps - some needing aspiration, some just fatty lumps disappearing on their own after having had them checked out, had a history of bad periods and pain round ovaries, before menopause. I am 64 and had had a clear mammogram a year before so this latest lump, well, I had more to worry about with my husband’s health, so was a bit dismissive of it.  

After core and lymph biopsy was hit with the sledgehammer that it was Grade 2 Invasive Ductal - 6 cm size ER + and positive in at least one lymph node. Was scheduled for a CT scan. I was a mess. This was on 9th May. 

Since then I’ve received nothing but reassurance, kindness and support from all on this forum, I’m less of a mess and feel a little more in control, (to me, that was the worst, feeling so vulnerable, emotional and raw.) Please know that it will pass, this first awful stage, - I’m not through it yet, by a long way, but inching there slowly. 


All the very best, you are not alone…xx





Sally, Thistledown and Helena.
Thank you so much for your kindness.
I haven’t been outside since Thursday and have hardly eaten (not like me at all) so I don’t think that is helping. I need to concentrate on each day as it comes but have no idea how to do that. They’ve given me an appointment for the mri at 3.30 and an ultrasound at 4.20 - does that sound like enough time for the mri?

I do have my mum, brother and a couple of friends nearby but not a wide circle of support, to be honest. My mum looks so sad.

Thanks Thistledown. Sounds like it might be ok to have the appointments on the same afternoon, then. I’d prefer that anyway.
My Mum is lovely and it kind of makes me feel guilty to be making her so sad. But hopefully we’ll get through it.

Hi Allypops, I was dropped the bombshell at 6.30 the day before Good Friday. I spent the weekend trying to get my head around it, and, bizarrely, only told my boss. My husband was away for the weekend and I didn’t tell him until Tuesday. I was given the number of the Breast Care Nurses by the hospital. I wasn’t able to talk to them until the Tuesday but it really helped. Have you been given a number? If not it might be worth checking with your hospital. Another good source of support, apart from this brilliant forum, could’ve your local Force centre which will allow you to drop in.

Remember, you are not alone. We have all ‘been there’ and have either come out the other side or are getting there. Big hugs xxx

Hi Allypops, sorry you find yourself here.  It’s really hard at first, as the other ladies have said but it does get easier and you will find yourself in less of a spin once you start treatment.  You have a similar diagnosis to me. I was ER+ invasive grade 2 DC including 9/12 lymph nodes and age 48.  I’ve completed my treatment and I’m doing really well now.  Here’s my story which I hope you find some comfort from:  lifeafterlola.blogspot.com/

sendng hugs. Xxx

Hi Ktk. My breast cancer nurse was there at my diagnosis and I have her details so might call her tomorrow. Thanks

Hi Mai7.
I’m glad to hear that you are doing well. I will certainly pop over to your blog and have a read. Thanks for the virtual hug - I need them at the mo xx

Allypops, definitely call your BCN. Ring in the morning and they will call you back at the end of clinic. They don’t mind how often you call and will answer any qs.

After my bombshell meeting it was the BCN who rang to say when the biopsy results would be in and she gave me a heads up about the next appointment which was great. I promise you will feel better when you have the biopsy results and you know the treatment plan. It is the ‘unknown ‘ that is the worst. Kxx

Hi allipops. Know exactly how you are feeling I had similar diagnosis 27 March. I start radiotherapy Wednesday so that light is at the end of my tunnel. I was grade 3 invasive. Feeling at the beginning identical to yourself. Your bcn will help you threw this along with this amazing place. As Sally says you have more chance of being knocked down by a bus than this killing you and trust me lol Sally is not very often wrong she is a gem as I have travelled with her through this the last few weeks and helped me lots. Advise from me is take one day at a time, take support from others and talk. If you can’t talk to those close to you come on here because there will always be someone who will respond. Take care and yes it is a roller coaster journey but you will get through it.

I’m 56, diagnosed last Tuesday. MRI today…I am taking my own music on a CD. My favourite tracks to listen to during the scan. Small steps…and we will get there together!

And isn’t it wonderful news today that the chances of needing chemo with BC are now greatly reduced! Sending you lots of love and hugs! :heart:

I am getting my head around it and I hope you can too. x

Ally pops, as for your aches and pains I think I can speak for a lot of us. Since my diag last week I have convinced myself I have bowel, lung and brain cancer…that it’s spread all over. That’s all **bleep** of course…just my brain working overtime. I liken it to being faced with an impossible ‘join the dots’ drawing: I can’t stop trying to join the dots, metaphorically…Dr Googling, irrational thoughts…and of course when I ‘look’ at the failed picture I’ve created, I can’t make sense of it. This is entirely natural I guess…the waiting plays tricks on you!

Keep busy, keep upbeat…sounds hard I know but it’s working for me. ALSO it looks like me and you are pretty much on the same path, just a couple of days apart, so imagine me ahead of you, holding your hand and leading you through. We will both discover and work through this together until the day we join those dots up, look at the pretty pictures we’ve created and KNOW we’ve come through it, just like the other girls on here :heart::heart::heart:

JaneBelinda I hope MRI was ok. My nurse said my appointment for Wednesday’s mri results will be next Thursday. Another wait ?

Thanks Gill. I have mostly been the same today but have managed a few moments of feeling a bit more normal (if you know what I mean). It’s just such a shock and so scary that I can’t yet fully take it in.

Hi Allypops,

Your message resonated with me so much that I didn’t want to read and not reply.

I’m younger at 34 but with two young children too - a five month old and a two year old.

I was diagnosed while breastfeeding my little one with 11mm grade 2 ER + . All of the feelings you are feeling right now, I had. And some days still do. But I just wanted to reassure you that things to get easier. You are by far in the worst stage as everything is so raw and shocking.

Do you need chemo? I’ve had lumpectomy followed by rads (currently doing these) and I have been on tamoxifen for five weeks. So far all is ok, although I appreciate early days.

My oncologists have been so positive that when I’m in my dark place - which was only last week when my first period after pregnancy arrived! - I recall what he told me ‘I’m cancer free and the rest is my insurance policy’. It’s hard, and I still wonder ‘what if’ but I just wanted to say that day by day it does get easier.

My main piece of advice is to not google!!! I did not take my own advice and nearly sent myself loopy ??

C x

Hi C,

Thanks for your message. I am pleased that your treatment has progressed well. I won’t know about a treatment plan until after the mri etc but I have been googling and you are so right: not a good move!

Have you got many more rad sessions to go? It must be hard to manage appointments with young children.