Hi I am Tessa and I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on Friday (2 days ago), it doesn’t feel like it is happening to me, I feel like when I tell people about it I am speaking about it with no emotion, I feel like maybe I am broken as I am not crying (I mean I cried when I heard the results but now its a just get through it siuation). I just don’t know how to feel.
Waiting for the results took just over two weeks and felt like forever, when I had the ultra scan the way the doctor reacted to it, and suddenly needed to do a manogram and then biopsi’s, I knew then that it was likely Cancer. You go in there and told at 39 it is really rare to get it under 40 and there’s a 97% chance that you will have nothing and then to be told you are that 3% what are you meant to think!?!? (maybe I should have entered the lottery).
I now have an MRI booked for Friday coming and need to have another manogram with dye and possibly more biopsi’s, a genetic test as my Aunt had it at a similar age and also a meeting to discuss whether I freeze my eggs (another thing to think about). I guess at the moment I am just focused on each task that comes along, and just get through the next one and then the next one, etc.
What I find most difficult is being out in public, wondering how am I meant to act, with something like this just hoovering there.
Everyone is saying how strong and positive I am, but I feel like maybe I am just putting on a front to make everyone around me feel better. And maybe its a “fake it until you make it” type of situation.
I guess my body is telling me I am not coping and handling it as well as I think I am, I am tired all the time even though I sleep during the night. I went shopping with my mum and sister on Saturday, I just wanted to feel normal after getting the news on Friday and suddenly felt dizzy and and hot and had to sit down.
What is normal anymore… I feel like I am just blabbering on, sorry whoever reads this, I guess this feels a little like an outlet to people that will know how I am feeling.
Everyone says just call anytime of the day or night if you need to talk, cry, or shout, I just don’t know what I need to do, but maybe talking to people who understand will help.
Thank you for reading x
Welcome to the forum @tessie86 . Sorry you’ve had to join us but there’s lots of people here who understand how you are feeling . being diagnosed catapults you into “ cancer world “ which seems to be some kind of parallel universe to the one others without cancer are living in - it’s a surreal experience . There’s no right or wrong way to feel we all just survive those early few days / weeks the best we can. Lots of support and advice here when you need it . Best wishes Jill
I went in for my biopsy and the dr who did it said I am fairly good at this I am sure you will be fine, To find out later he isn’t as good as he thinks I was diagnosed with DCIS. I found out through mychart portal and reading lab result at 5:03pm so I went all weekend and Monday morning when my NP called me I said you are calling me to confirm I have cancer they apologized for the way I found out. I told them it doesn’t change the information. The next thing I knew I had someone calling me with like 20 different appointments and a surgery scheduled for 2 weeks later. This frustrated me so much because I work and I hate having people plan things for me. It feels like once you are diagnosed with cancer your life is no longer yours. I am now past my first surgery which was the lumpectomy and breast reconstruction (which that has been depressing) I am not happy with any of the reconstruction, but I guess I have to suck it up. Pathology reports came back and now they have found invasive cancer cells and so they scheduled a surgery a month out to biopsy my lymph nodes. I feel like you it just seems like this is happing to another person not me and I am just watching and dealing with the aftermath. My family tells me I am dealing with this great. Only if they truly know what is running through my mind and all the fears. When I tried to talk to my younger sister about my fears and concerns about the 2nd diagnosis she said don’t worry God has a plan. I was too angry to hear that response and wanted someone to just listen, but she came at me with the praying and God this and that. I do believe but at that moment I was pissed and angry I have already lost more than half of my breast dealing with recovery from that surgery and now there is more and a possibility of chemo when this all started; I was told chemo was not part of my treatment plan and now it is a possibility. I guess in this post I do have a lot more emotions than I let my family see. I am with you and this fake it till you make it, or it is what it is. My sister says she hates when I say it is what it is says it sounds like I am giving up. I told her no there is nothing I can do to change the situation but do what the Dr says so it is what it is.
thanks for your time I am sure many of you know this feeling and the frustration of how your life is suddenly taken over by Dr appointments and you feel like you have no control of what happens next
@tessie86 You’re at the right place. This forum had been my saving glory since I knew I have breast cancer on January 2025 at the age of 41. I’m learning and braving this journey with all the ladies in here.
I had chemo for 6 months, surgery last Monday and now trying to wait for the results and for the next steps. But was already told that I will need radiotherapy.
I had tried to keep my diagnosis to small circle of friends and family and colleagues because I find it exhausting breaking the news to them. Two of my friends just knew it because they where working on the ward that I was an inpatient and they where really sad and I’ve told that’s the reason I did not tell them because seeing them sad made me more sad.
Try to take it step by step, when you go for the appointments, please do ask them and make them aware that you have not done procedures (MRI, CT SCAN, pet scan)before , if you need it. I find clinicians can be sometimes auto pilot and forget that not everyone knows what’s gonna happen. I really hated when I get to asked have you done this before (am screaming inside and I just want to scream hell NO)
I also try to stay away or change conversations when people tell me how strong i am and positive, or even when they say you’re hair is growing back.
I know they mean well but what I’m burning inside I still have a moment where I think why do i need to be the 1 out the 7.
Welcome to the forum @junebug1
I’m a year out the other side, but I remember the period between biopsies and results as inducing a feeling of disconnection with the world. I didn’t cry either, you don’t necessarily when feeling more numb. Its not mandatory to fall to pieces, though its understandable if some people do. There is no right or wrong way to feel.
What still gets my back up though are people who try to tell you how strong you are, as that is just a BS platitude and can actually come across as minimising your fears and emotions around it all. Somewhere a society of people who have not personally experienced cancer, decided that telling everyone who has, that they are brave or strong, is a good thing to do. Its not, as anyone who has had cancer knows, you are no different to anyone else, not special, just unlucky. Its also avoidance so others don’t have to get deal with it, because hopefully you’ll cope in your own way.
What you are feeling is totally normal. How you feel about life will never quite be the same, you will reach a new normal and a common level of understanding. Unfortunately, breast cancer is so common that the community created of people going through it is vast. But that means we are never alone, and there are so many of us who understand and can help each other.
I am so sorry for the way you have been dealt with by the doctors, that is not the way to treat someone that is going through this! I guess I have been lucky so far, I am a control freak so it is hard to now be dictated to with all these appointments.
I literally said to myself yesterday “it is what it is” and do i have a right to be upset when others are going through much worse. Just dont feel like i am giving myself permission to be upset. Maybe when its all over itll help.
But you deserve to feel the way you feel and your sister should allow you that! And I guess thats what this forum is for allow us to speak to people that will get it, and its a shitty thing to be going through. I really hope your second surgery goes well! Here if you want to rant and show your real fears! X
Yeh it doesnt feel a lucky thing to be 1 in 7.
So far the doctors and nurses have been beyond lovely. But i guess the next steps will not be so much in the breast clinc so maybe more auto pilot doctors so that is really good to know i can say that.
I think when these tests start itll feel more real.
Ive told most people in my life as feel like i need to be able to not have a good day and not have to explain why and just be myself. Especially because i am single and live on my own, but it is kinda good in a way to have that so i can be on my own and just breath a minute.
Thank you for sharing what you are going through it really does help, and I really hope you are recovering well from the surgery! Xx
Thank you so much, it really helps that people know how i feel.
Also so sad that it is so common, but seems to be an amazing amount of support out there.
Goodness i already looks so differently at people and thinking how many people around me are going through something like this and you have no clue!
Thank you again and I hope you are doing well x
Sorry you have to join our club but I’m glad you’ve found this forum as it is invaluable. I was diagnosed in February and can really relate to everything you have written. It feels so surreal to be told you have cancer and then you are suddenly on this rollercoaster of appointments and waiting for results. Like you I didn’t feel particularly emotional about it but my body knew as I was very tired and couldn’t concentrate on anything. The emotions do come but it’s not always linear and some days feel completely normal. Even now 7 months into treatment I sometimes feel like it’s happening to someone else not me. Basically whatever you are feeling at any time is normal.
Once you get an idea of your treatment plan things feel a bit more concrete and you get into a rhythm of getting on with it. In the meantime try to stay away from googling as there’s a lot of outdated information about. Stick to reputable sites like Macmillian, CRUK & this forum/ website x
hi @tessie86 Sorry you have to be here, but welcome to the forum , you’ve come to exactly the right place. As @Jill1998 says ‘cancer world’ is a completely different universe you are suddenly in, and you have to make sense of it in your own way. But remember there are so many people here who can understand and help you make sense. Sad but true that people (friends,family etc…) not in this world can’t really imagine how it feels. That can make you feel mad at them sometimes but ( unless they are completely thoughtless/heartless) really its not their fault. It’s best to tell people exactly what you need/want from them, when you know yourself that is.
That won’t come immediately, and coming to terms with it doesn’t happen immediately. A bit like bereavement, there are different stages , denial,acceptance etc…that vary according to every individual. Just dont be hard on youself. It’s ok to fall apart sometimes, be really practical at others, or even employ very dark humour at other times if that works for you… Always reach out to folk here when you need to . My thoughts are with you. I’m just over a month into this journey, still feeling my way but coping much better all the time xx
Hello Tessa
I’m fairly new on here. Diagnosed 3 weeks ago and had lumpectomy 6 days ago.
Until today I hadn’t cried either, but today was pushed over the edge.
Like you i’m single, no family apart from my 95 yr old mum who I care for who has dementia. I’ve managed to hide everything from her.
You will get through it, it’s so common but please stick to reputable UK research otherwise youll ober analyse and go down rabbit holes.
I’ve asked so many times why me, not overweight, non meat eater, no smoker, non drinker, play sport - just seems bad luck.
Easy to say but try and keep to your normal routine.
Sending hugs
Lesley x
Hi @tessie86
Welcome to the forum 
First, I want to say this clearly: you are not broken, and you are not wrong for feeling the way you do. What you’re experiencing is the shock and enormity of your diagnosis—it’s huge, frightening, and overwhelming.
No one can tell you how to feel; we all react differently. It’s completely normal to feel as if you’re outside of yourself, almost narrating your life from a distance.
I felt just like you when I was first diagnosed. I’m now two years further along, but I’ll never forget that moment. I was just three months away from my 60th birthday when I discovered lumps in both breasts. Even before the official diagnosis, I sensed what it was, and the icy grip of fear was unforgettable.
I was ‘lucky’ as I had lumpectomies and lymph nodes were clear. Radiotherapy and now two years into a 5year cycle of AIs. I had to stop HRT as tumors were oestrogen receptive.
Looking back, I think that detachment was my body’s way of protecting me while I tried to process everything. I also remember wanting to scream when people said things like “be brave,” “stay positive,” or “you’re so strong.” They meant well, but unless you’ve been through it yourself, you just don’t know what to say.
One thing that helped me was buying a journal with a warrior princess and dragon on the cover (I love dragons!). I used it to record my timeline of events, questions, and notes from appointments. I carried it with me everywhere, then put it away when I came home. It gave me a way to face things gradually, at my own pace.
At my very first appointment, I didn’t shed a tear—not even when the consultant gave me the news. The nurse watched me closely, and only when she left us alone for a moment did I finally cry a little, mostly because my husband was so upset. When she came back, she seemed relieved to see that I was showing emotion—I think she was worried I was shutting it all out.
But as I said, everyone responds differently, and it really does take time to wrap your head around everything.
Sending you lots of love . Please know that we’re all here for you, whenever you need.
Lynn x
Hi Tessa
So sorry this has happened to you and it sounds like your reactions and feelings are completely normal
I’m 9 weeks in and have had surgery and now waiting for treatment but I still feel detached from it, it’s a weird feeling like it’s happening to someone else. Sometimes I get a reality check and I am emotional and feel depressed but this is brief. I believe it’s your mind/ brain going into survival mode possibly who knows!
I would say take each day as it comes in order to deal with it, take care 
Hi
A journal what a great idea. X
Hey, sorry you’ve joined the club no one wants to be in. You described how I felt when I found out.
Part of me is so angry and frustrated that this is happening to me, but I focused on each task and hospital appointments and waiting for results. So much waiting.
I had a mascectomy in July and waiting to start chemo atm. It’s the uncertainty that I find really difficult. Things that helped me…doing stuff I really enjoy, like being active. If there’s things you do or places you like to go that help you get a little head space, do them. The treatment path gets very overwhelming at times so building in time for yourself to do something not cancer can help. I worked on my allotment for 2 months up to surgery, every spare minute I had, it distracted me and helped me recover so much faster
There’s no easy answer and it’s just plain awful and lonely at times, but other times it can feel ok I guess. It’s a rollercoaster…You feel what you feel, and that’s ok x
Thank you so much for sharing, all of these messages are already helping me feel not alone, and helping me understand that it is okay to feel the way i feel.
I had been considering starting a diary and because of your message, I brought a book last night and will start that. Writing things down and being able to shut it feels like it will be a massive help! Thank you.
And good luck with all your treatment too x
I think you’re right keeping busy helps. My clinical nurse said to not cancel any plans and to maintain a “normal” life as much as you can with appointments and this hanging over you. I am actually doing an event called Tough Mudder at the weekend and thinking if I can smash cancer I can do each of these obstacles!
The waiting for the tests is frustrating at the moment the MRI is booked for Friday but meant to have two more tests this week but the appointments haven’t come through yet.
Just so much waiting and staring at your phone waiting for a call or email.
Thank you you and everyone for sharing what you are going or been through, its a shit club to he a part of but the most supported I’ve felt!
Hi Tessa
As has already been said, however you want to feel is okay! There’s no right or wrong and nobody should tell you how to feel.
I’m glad others have already given you some great advice. I used a journal too when I went through all this last year and it was so helpful. I’m glad you’re sticking with your plans too. I cancelled a holiday and a running event waiting around for various things. If I had to go back the one thing I would definitely change would be to carry on as normal and not have let cancer nick those things from me. Exercise is awesome too, it’ll definitely help with recovery and wellbeing moving forward, it certainly has for me.
Go smash the Tough Mudder! x
Hey, I know that 1, I’m checking my phone and email a 100 times a day, waiting to hear about my chemo start date. Its hard to concentrate and sleep atm.
Tough mudder is an awesome event, and good luck with it. I’d love to hear how you get on with that.
The training you’re doing is also prehab for whatever comes next, it will stand you in really good stead to be as fit and healthy as possible, to help you recover faster. There’s a thread called exercise can continue which is hepful for trying to focus on continuing training and exercise.
Keep asking questions, keep training and keep in touch, you will get through this and we are all here if you need us x