Dear jaxre
I had my diep surgery at Guyās and I was looked after really well. I now do 45 minute and longer walks with our dog, I also joined a local gym to swim and do circuit training in the gym. I am 68 and had the operation on 8 Sept 2022, the day the dear Queen Elizabeth died. I was in hospital from 7 Sept 2022 so one night before the op and then three nights after. Getting home to East Sussex on Sundayt proved quite a chore as I went home on Sunday morning as there were so many mourners coming into central London. Hospital transport was great, I felt pretty tired and ill for a few days but I kept doing the exercises three times a day. Two years later I am still taking the letrozole, Adcal, and a lot of other medicine, and every six months I have infusions of Zoledronic Acid to strengthen my bones and in theory keep cancer from recurring. I donāt believe it will. I also donāt want to have any further surgery for cosmetic reasons as I canāt see how the reconstruction will ever resemble my other one except in clothes. I also donāt think I will escape secondary breast cancer so I think it will come backā¦No way of knowing, but I am preparing for the worst.
I have some pains in my elbow and foot which I am not bothering to get checked out. I donāt want to be given any more unpleasant treatments to extend my life, mainly because I have relatives that have lived into their 90s and died miserably from Alzheimers and heart disease.
I am 70 next year but I know how difficult it is for people to finding NHS dentists, get an appointment at a GP surgery or get a diagnosis from a hospital. The events going on in many communities round the world are also so dreadful I feel I donāt want to live that much longer. I was born after the Second World War at a time when a lot of families were having children, and it was a society not as obsessed with the internet. And it was the early days of the NHS and everyone loved it.
We had far less information about medical matters at our disposal in those days, but maybe that saved us from learning as much as we now know about cancer and its treatment.
I had seen a black and white photo in a book showing a woman with only one breast which was pretty unpleasant, Sheād had her muscles removed as well as her breast as that is what they did in those days.
There was no such thing as reconstruction and they would make you sign to say you would agree to a mastectomy if they found cancer after you went into the operating theatre. They would test for cancer while you were out cold and then you would wake up one breasted.
A friend of mine refused to sign, and was bullied and not allowed to leave the hospital until they eventually gave up. She didnāt go back and sheās still alive at 85 or so.
That was why I was pretty wary when I found a lump in 2003. That turned out to be breast cancer so I had partial mastectomy and radiotherapy.
When I found another lump in the same breast in 2022 I was pretty much sure it would be cancer and it was. It is a very variable and unpredictable illness and I have to die of something. I canāt decide whether Iād rather die of breast cancer or of the results of treatment, or alternatively go on a dignitas trip.
Shame we donāt have the right to a pleasant end in the UK but we did have Shipman so I can see why there is resistance to assisted dying. He was only too keen to assist the deaths of his older patientsā¦
xx