Getting so fed up and angry.
I feel like society makes you feel like it’s your fault that you got cancer.
First of all it’s- eat healthy
Then it’s excersise
Then it’s don’t drink
Then it’s have kids before it’s 30
Well I was pretty much tea total for 15 years.Drank little through out the years before, teenage/ early 20s/ 30s never been totally wasted in my life.
I don’t even know what it’s like to be drunk 
I ate healthy,
I did some exercise,
Don’t have have kids
I lived pretty much same life as my sister ,she don’t get cancer .
I know people that drink alot they don’t get cancer .
I know people suffer with so much stress they don’t get cancer.
I know people overweight/ no kids - they don’t get cancer.
It’s all just fecked up ,I’m fed up of it.
Its doing my head in.
Seriously just so fed up !
I’m only 38!!
I’ve been dealing with cancer since last June, I was born with scoliosis and as also dealing with that before, during and still, when I was diagnosed with BC I knew that if anyone in my family would get cancer it would be me, I feel I’ve never had any luck with health my entire life…during my treatment I’ve had lots of very tearful and emotional days…why me, why me?
BUT, it’s do or die, so I get up each day, take a deep breath and just make the most of what ever kinda day I’ve been thrown…you have to.
Yes I’ve been angry also and get fed up with going backwards and fowards to different hospitals for treatment….but I do it and will ck tinge to do it.
I think it’s good to get it off ya chest (no pun intended)
Talk to family or friends on your bad days or call the McMillan team, they are great.
I wish you luck.x
I’m 42 with 3 kids (by 32), a BMI of 23, don’t drink, super fit and strong and have Stage 3 BC. I totally get how you feel and if one friend send me a link to the Royal Marsden Cancer cookbook one more time, my head will explode. She is morbidly obese and inactive and can fuck the fuck off.
I think that some people are searching to calm themselves about YOUR cancer when they say and do these things. It can feel personal but it’s not. It’s their own fear and them wrestling for some control.
My own Oncologist said that for most cancers there is no clear cause and to not even bother trying to find one. We don’t have the level of control over our lives that we think we do and there’s a freedom to accepting that and living a healthy (in moderation) live going forward but, most of all, realising that we and nothing is permanent and to just make what time we have be enjoyable and peaceful. That’s the only but we can control.
I completely get where you’re at though and it’s so tough to get your head around xx
Cancer will happen to 1 in 2 people. Does that mean that half of the population do everything according to the book and the rest of us don’t?
This journey is hard enough without being blamed for having breast cancer. Everyone seems to have a reason why, knows how we should feel and behave, what treatment we should have and what to do to cure ourselves. I’m sure that they are trying to help, feel they should say something but don’t know what. One friend apologised for just saying ‘I’m so sorry that you are going through this,’ and was surprised when I gave her a hug and told her I wished others just said that.
My husband says it’s because I had the flu, pneumonia, shingles but mainly covid vaccines. He’s convinced that there is more people with all cancers because of the covid vaccine. This from a supposedly intelligent man.
I did think it was COVID vaccination,
I decided not to bother actually getting anymore jabs, not even flu.
Never had flu jab in my life.
I had my two COVID jabs as I worked in NHS before I was diagnosed.
I regretted getting them.
I was told you have to have your jabs as your vulnerable, but I decided against it,I had no jabs since my diagnosis/ treatment.
caught COVID during my chemo ,I was absolutely fine , didn’t even show up in my bloods,had no inflammation.
I’ve listened to my gut, thought well I was fine , my last bout of flu was over 20 years ago.
I eat healthy still, proper organic food from the ground to help my fight viruses
I listen to my body,
Hello all
I can complete sympathise and empathise with what you are all saying: trying to rationalise the irrational, the “why me?” Personally I found this the hardest part of my diagnosis and treatment
As you can probably tell by my user name I’m based in Manchester which is home to the charity Prevent Breast Cancer (which was previously known as the Genesis Trust) they do amazing scientific research into breast cancer the causes and treatments. Towards the end of last year they were present at almost every ladies event I attended and I challenged them on their name for exactly the reasons you set out above.
We face so many choices in life pursuing careers having children or not breast feeding or not the list is endless and yet 1 in 8 of us get a diagnosis and the idea that we could somehow have “prevented” it just plain wrong!
There really is no substitute for talking to others in the same boat, it made such a difference to me when I finally sat down and chatted with my friend’s mum who has breast cancer 20 years ago.
Sending you all lots of love
AM xxx
This topic crops up from time to time and it really frustrates me.
The average age at developing cancer now I understand is around 64.
In 1900 the average age at death was 45. There wasn’t so much cancer about but there was a lot of other diseases and accidents which would kill you, but there was still cancer.
Fortunately many diseases have been eradicated now, enabling most of us to live far longer and unfortunately more time for 50% of us to develop some form of cancer, regardless of who we are or what our background is.
In the 1960’s average age was 70, and 2018 it was 81, so if more people live longer than those 50% of people have more time to develop cancer.
Of course, not all cancer shows up in our 60’s, but isn’t that because medical knowledge has advanced so far that it can be picked up before many are even aware that they have cancer? And survival rates have doubled in the last 40 years. These stats are from Cancer Research UK.
We all need to stop beating ourselves up that we find ourselves here, and determine to beat the c**p out of cancer with the help of the amazing people who have found ways of finding and blasting cancer out of our bodies!
It is a lottery if we develop cancer or not.
Hi
I totally understand. Although older when diagnosed i ticked all the “prevention” boxes. Regular at the gym, ate well no processed food, drank very little alchol etc. Reported any lumps (usually cysts) and had them checked.
Post diagnosis found out that not having children, and having dense breast tissue increased risk.
Roll on 4 years and wham diagnosed stage 4 as spread to bones. Thought what did i do wrong… hospital staff were good and said its not your fault its just the luck of the draw and possibly crappy genetics. Medical staff don’t look at you and think this is your fault we know better.
But, the general population think you must be to blame… its a lack of education.
Do not blame yourself, take joy from doing what you love and the people (pets) you love.
Hope this helps
Hi I was 35 diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer and lymph nodes under arm I was always healthy don’t drink eat well I have 7 kids I’d just had my 7th baby when I found out I had cancer. I had chemo radiotherapy and surgery they didn’t find anything after surgery I need yearly checks. But I’m constantly worrying about everything will it come back will I get another cancer I suffer with health anxiety. I hope ur ok xx
Cheers,
Tho the whole kid thing drives me insane,
I still don’t quite believe that’s a reason to get breast cancer.
I know loads of women with out kids & no cancer.my own aunt is in her 60 no kids, no cancer,
Few other family members no kids ,no cancer.
I know women with kids with breast cancer.
Back in the day it was woman over 50 with cancer that had had all there families.
It’s crazy ,to put it on women about not having kids cause cancer.
I do have very dense breasts there small but dense.
I hope your getting the best treatment there is
Thank you .xx
Both my mumm and her mum had bc in their 60’s and 70’s. They had 5 and 4 kids respectively and never used birth control or hrt, never smoked and had little to no alcohol. My mum’s sister never had kids, smoked for many decades, yet no cancer and lived past 90 with dementia.
The biggest bc risk factor for us is being a woman.
@Be @swk1981 I totally understand how frustrating it is. I think it’s why I haven’t told many people that I have bc. Even two good friends had ideas as to why I had it (drinking soya milk and stress!) It does feel like people want to explain it away and in that way make it your fault but it really isn’t! I too had none of the risk factors and always thought I was at low risk… but hey ho here I am. Feel I should be finished with it by now but I’m still 10 days away from surgery. ( It happens with other things too - my husband eats well, is quite slim, doesn’t smoke, he cycles and swims but has had a heart attack and two stents - for him it’s in the family but again society makes him feel he did something wrong). swk1981 I can understand your feelings about getting the link to the cancer cookbook! Probably well meaning but…… We’re here for you if you need to offload, I’ve been up and down so much since I found there was something amiss. Take care and be kind to yourselves 
Hi Be
rant away hun it’s ok to not be ok , it’s all a feckin shit show , I’m the same never smoked very little drink an looked after myself , my aunt my mother and my lovely 36 year old sister were all diagnosed with cancer then me just bloody crap , no brca genes I’m clear but hey ho shit show 
keep your chin up my lovely and be kind to yourself, we are all here for a good time not a long time , it’s not our fault and sadly only someone in our position totally understands the anger stress and frustration that comes with it 
Rant away sweetheart xxx
Thankyou for saying this out loud! I feel cross when I see all these things about how to ‘prevent’ breast cancer. How about they admit to all the cr*p that manufacturers are allowed to put in products that we put in and on our bodies and campaign /inform against that.
I use the free Yuka app and it is very enlightening. X
I get pretty annoyed too. After my first diagnosis in 2003 I joined the Generations Study which was looking at the factors influencing breast cancer but in a huge study. I encouraged as many people I worked with to take part in it too. When I was rediagnosed in 2022 I gave them copies of all my pathology reports and anything else I could send them about my new diagnosis. I am hoping they will be able to find out the real risk factors apart from increasing age and being female xx chromosomes anyway as we have a higher incidence of this cancer than men do, although they can get it. We can’t get prostate cancer so I suppose we avoid that one, whereas men can get breast cancer. Cheers Seagulls.
Interesting!
As they give women the ovarian suppression which is used in prostate cancer,
I took leuprolelin which affects the testosterone/ androgen which then deals with the estrogen.
I find that that they do one size fits all, but we are all different sizes/ heights/ weights/ different make up.
My body totally rejected all the aromatase inhibitors,too strong for my tiny body ,they didn’t adjust the dose to suit me.
So sorry about your new diagnosis, hoping your getting the best treatment.x
I first had breast cancer when I was 47 - stage 2 with a lumpectomy and rads. The first question I asked the oncologist was “Why? What’s caused it?” His reply was that if they could only answer that question for every person he saw, they’d be able to prevent it. I soon discovered that the media, especially in October, like to highlight different factors increasing the risk of getting breast cancer. There are so many it can almost become a sort of BC bingo! It’s a dangerous route to go down because it means you’re always looking for reasons instead of concentrating on getting well again and moving forward to a relative normality when you’re not wondering all the time, “Why me?” It happens to so many people, no one deserves it and I’m afraid the brutal answer to that question is “Why not me?” I also realised that knowing what caused it wouldn’t change anything - and now, 21 years on at 68, with secondary breast cancer, I’m having to learn that lesson again. Yes, after all that time, it was a dreadful shock and my first question this time was “what have I done wrong?” Answer - nothing. For now - and long may it continue - the tumour and bone metastases are being kept stable by the drug regime I’m on and I’m trying hard to concentrate to live the life I have. Yes, feck cancer - feck the fear it causes too. I wish you a successful journey to healing and hope my words help a little.
I guess why I’m so peeved off, wonder why ,
Is because my life pre cancer was taken over with mental illness, trauma, anxiety, I spent 5 years rebuilding my life after a breakdown, boom COVID ,boom cancer lost another 4 years.
Then having lost everything all over again & so much more .
My memory/ brain is fecked, my body is fecked.
It’s not fair, life has been not good to me, I’ve had to carry on despite it,and try to pull myself through the constant darkness all the time.
It’s a constant get up,get knocked down,get up get knocked down that’s my life.
If I knew of what caused it, perhaps I can help myself more then what I’m doing,so I can live until I’m like 60, I was only 36 diagnosed.
Cheers, I hope you are getting the best treatment x
I picked up a booklet at the Breast Clinic, ‘Reducing your chances of getting Breast cancer’ (or some such) but binned it as it was so annoying! I do all those things! eg keeping weight down (within reason), not drinking, eating fruit and veg etc…. all the usual healthy advice, but a bit irritating when you.’ve just been told you have it after all.