Hi all I finally plucked up the courage to post. I was diagnosed with HER2 breast cancer a month ago. I had mamoplastic after the removal of the cancer and a lymph node removed.
I know I am going through this but I have no one really around me to support me and my work colleagues have shown no compassion yet they did towards one of their own who had a cyst on her big toe they bent over backwards for her, all I got 2 days after my op was why are you not answering your phone and are you actually doing any work.
I can’t go for counselling because in myself I feel fine, I don’t look poorly and I know others that need the support more than me.
I feel so selfish for wanting a little sympathy and compassion and just someone to care for me.
Does anyone else feel like this , I am a single parent of a teen and am the sole provider so cannot go on the sick as my wages just cover the bills and universal credit is a joke they don’t help one bit so I have no choice to work.
I’m sorry if this sounds like I feel sorry for myself I don’t as I know I am lucky to have had it caught so early my mum wasn’t so lucky she died due to the chemo.
I’ll start by saying, don’t apologise for your feelings. You have been, and still are dealing with a life changing medical condition. Whether it’s the smallest and lowest grade of cancer or the other end of the spectrum, it changes how we think and how we see the future.
People associate cancer with obvious things like surgery or chemo, but many don’t realise how it affects us mentally, and the extra stress when you have others, like children relying on you. They don’t see or understand long term side effects of radiotherapy or hormone tablets. And perhaps they never will often unless they find themselves in the same position. Your work colleagues have not been very supportive, and your employer has a legal obligation to make reasonable changes under the disability* (meant equality) act. Perhaps a discussion with them might be useful?
As difficult as things are right now, try to remember what you have achieved so far, and the progress you have made. Try to pace yourself, and take some time to rest or do something you enjoy.
As for being lonely, you have a network of friends on here. You can ask questions, rant and rave, share experiences - what ever, and you will receive answers, sympathy and engagement with others. The BCN nurses are also on here, and have a helpline if you prefer to talk to someone in person.
Would it be worth looking into what support is available locally to you via cancer charities ? Locally to me we have a charity that offers counselling , complimentary therapies and support groups also support getting to appointments . I found Talking to people who really understand how cancer impacts you can help you feel less alone . Cancer is a lonely experience even if you have supportive friends and family .
I’m so sorry to hear your diagnosis. I’m sure you must be still adjusting to the shock of it - and I’m sorry to hear you don’t have much support around you and that your work colleagues aren’t being sympathetic. Well done you for taking the jump and posting here - the forum is an incredibly helpful and supportive place, and I hope it brings you some comfort. You can also use the search function in the top right corner to find posts about topics that you’re interested in.
You are definitely not selfish for wanting sympathy and compassion. You are dealing with a massive thing and you need space to be able to talk about it and feel comforted.
If you have breast cancer, employers are required to make reasonable adjustments to help you continue to work, return to work, have time off for medical appointments or for continued treatment and recovery. Your employment rights are protected under the Equality Act 2010.
Please know that our nurses are here for you any time, if you have any questions, or just want to talk things through, here on the forum on the Ask our Nurses your questions or over the phone 0808 800 6000.
Tell truth I feel a fraud there people out there that are in worse position as I am. I look healthy and from the outside I look like myself. Round strangers I am shy and hard to be open with.
Thank you for your advice I do appreciate it.
You shouldn’t feel like a fraud , cancer scares the out of you no matter what grade stage or treatment you have . My GP said to me you can’t underestimate the impact on you of being faced with your own mortality .
Have a read of the Mountain Lion story - I will post you a link.
There’s always someone here to vent to , it can be a great stress reliever . We understand how much this experience turns your life on its head ( temporarily at least ).
Sorry you feel alone. But we are here for you. I’m sorry to hear about your Mum.
As you are HER2+ I wanted to signpost you to a very friendly and supportive thread called HER2+ and need some buddies.
Please ask for counselling, I have had two lots and was told most people that need it say, ‘I’m not sure why I’m here’. Could you access some via work?
MacMillan offer financial support to see what benefits and or grants you may be able to get. You can also apply for Personal Independence Payment (PIP) and Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) if you statutory sick pay finishes. Maggie’s also offer financial guidance, if you have one at your local hospital, if not there is lots of information on their website.
Take care and know we are here for you and listening.
Hi @ibizan55 - I’m so sorry you lost your mum…. I’m not surprised you feel so overwhelmed right now after receiving your diagnosis especially with how disgracefully unsympathetic your work colleagues have been …
It’s hard enough being a lone parent without a cancer diagnosis being thrown into the mix… how old is your teen?
First off you’ve come to the right place - you are not alone here x
Do come and join us on the Her2 thread, we are a lovely bunch!
First off your employer MUST make reasonable adjustments for you now you have this diagnosis
Second if you are unable to claim SSP then do put an esa claim in and id second the advice to contact Macmillan as they can signpost you to grants and any other benefits …
It’s worth saying that although UC is a minefield , if you have to claim it , do . You will be entitled to the extra payment of LCWRA due to your diagnosis .
Cancer Is cancer … you don’t have to feel dreadful to get a cancer diagnosis … please don’t feel guilty for wanting support , it’s a frightening and life changing thing to happen .
I’d really recommend counselling , I had it when I was diagnosed last year abd I really found it helpful x Arty1
Oh dear, poor you. Sounds like you need a huge hug! OOO
My mum also died of breast cancer, so I am pretty twitchy about it, and when I found out 18 months ago that I had it, I thought, Oh here we go.
Regarding work, did you actually tell them you had cancer and had an operation? You would have needed several weeks off to recover and get your strength back. It sounds like they totally didn’t get it, expecting you to be working straight afterwards.
But I do understand about the finances. SSP is so minimal it’s hardly worth the bother.
Good luck girl, Thinking of you.
I am so sorry you’re going thru this alone. You have so much to deal with and abandonment shouldn’t be added to your stress.
I, too, have dealt with abandonment so I know how hurtful it is.
Unfortunately, I have no solutions except to keep reaching out here where we all know the struggles.
Is there one person at work that you could go for coffee with and tell them how you feel? I know it’s hard but maybe they will understand.
Keep on breathing!
I know that feeling, I’ve been well through chemo till last week and felt like a fraud, it challenges your perspective on cancer and what a cancer patient should be in your head. It affects everyone differently and your experience is as valid as anyone else…you’re dealing with cancer treatment and it’s your right for time off work or adjustments for that. As others have said it’s a legal responsibility of your employer to provide this.
Macmillan councilling is really helping me atm with trying to deal with the mental impact of cancer and chemo, I’d recommend speaking to them, it does help. They also offer financial advice and support re benefits and sick pay.
It’s a rollercoaster for sure. Stay in touch and let us know how you get on x
Awww thats awful that you feel so alone with this, your colleagues need a wake up call, this is a really really hard time for you and all the people on this forum and if you ever need some empathy we are all here for you always!!!
Hi William thank you- yes they. Knew I had breast cancer and the op was to remove it - I’ve no support at all from work or anyone else.
Thank you for your kind words x
Thank you to everyone for all your kind words, they make me feel welcome and not so alone.
Nobody tells you about the ups and downs you go through but just reading your kind words makes me feel less alone.
out of you no matter what grade stage or treatment you have . My GP said to me you can’t underestimate the impact on you of being faced with your own mortality .
Arty1