Feel alone

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21

You have every right to feel awful and these unsympathetic work mates would feel differently if it was them!

It’s none of their business. Breast cancer is a disability and you are entitled to have adjustments at work. If I were you I would go to my Union but the state of employment is crap now.

You could go to your GP and say how you feel. You have a family history of breast cancer so no wonder it’s not just the recent diagnosis that worries you. Treatment is getting better but it’s a long way from perfect.

You are being treated very badly and deserve better. You need help and to expose these hard hearted people for the selfish morons they are. Rant over but it makes my blood boil.

Mind you, it’s much easier to be sympathetic when you are in the same club!

Seagulls

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22

My name is Nagu Sathappan. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on May grade 2024.Following the diagnosis, I had to undergo six cycles of chemotherapy. The side effects included heavy nausea and pain.

I informed only a couple of people at my office. Later on, I found a few friends who stood by me throughout this journey.

The girls who supported me are all much younger than me. Interestingly, I never worried much about losing my hair or my appearance. Instead, I focused on engaging in meaningful activities. I also immersed myself in music and dance—recording my own videos. I was never very active on social media, but my friends created an account for me, and I began sharing my blog posts and poetry there. These creative outlets (diamond art, painting, and knitting) kept me going.

During this period, I also attended a job interview and was selected. I’m currently working for my new employer. The journey has had its fair share of ups and downs. I experienced emotional breakdowns, lost a few relationships,but I have no regrets. I try to understand others’ perspectives, even when it hurts. I know I’ve paid a heavy price, but this journey has taught me a lot.

After completing my six chemotherapy cycles, I underwent a lumpectomy. Unfortunately, the margins weren’t clear. I then had a second surgery—a re-excision—but again, the margins were not clear. My third surgery was a major one: a vertical therapeutic mammoplasty on both breasts. It was then that I received a major surprise—the pathology report revealed that 70% of my right breast was filled with high-grade DCIS. The cancer cells were almost invisible and also I gave only partial response to chemotherapy.

Ultimately, I underwent a fourth surgery: a mastectomy with reconstruction. I opted for an ADM (acellular dermal matrix) implant.

Now, I’m undergoing 14 more cycles of chemotherapy. These cycles will continue for a year. In addition, I’ve started hormone therapy and take tablets daily.It’s been a tough journey, and I’ve been fighting this for about a year now. But I believe I’ll make it through. I hope that by sharing my story, I can inspire and help others going through similar struggles.

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23

Counseling has been the best thing I have done for myself. Cancer is the toughest thing that I have ever had to deal with in my life. I thought I could do it myself but realized that the medications, the stress and the accompanying anxiety were more than anyone should face alone. So happy you found the courage to post. I have TNBC and there are a number of online support groups which I find helpful. Usually the hospital has a social worker who works with cancer patients only. I would ask my medical team if your hospital has that support in place.
Finally, post here with any and all questions that come up. You have a difficult history with your mum and her cancer so don’t ever think you are feeling sorry for yourself. Most of us are stressed and anxious so you are with the right group!

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Where do you live? I’m in Belfast , I would love to meet others going through breast cancer.

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you have gone through a lot of trauma in the past couple of years but I admire the way you have dealt with it by learning new artistic skills and going for a new career. Alot of people would be put off by treatment and anxiety but you show a different reaction to ill health - as animpetus for positive change

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Thank you.Still the fight is on for me.

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27

Hellooo, I too have had a hell of a journey the last 6 months from diagnosis, to major operation and then radiation.
It all happened so very quickly and I didn’t even have time for it all to sink in before my major operation. I just felt I had to keep strong and focused to get through it all.
My mum also passed from breast cancer and I had walked that journey with her from diagnosis to operation, to treatment and then palliative care in her own home.
I was the same age as her on my diagnosis to her passing and my daughter the same age as me when my mum passed 30 years old.
My mental state recalling all of this was not good I was reliving that time all over again 30 years later.
My mum was so very “Special” to me. She was my Best friend, my mum and someone I loved beyond measure. Her passing affected me greatly for years!
So I too feel very lonely I just can’t express how lonely even though I have a husband.
I also am like you when I always put others first I am a giver and find it very difficult to ask for help.
I just keep going!!
Moving forward I really believe people diagnosed with cancer should automatically get assistance financially and socially without having to ask. It should be automatic for a certain amount of time.
People who walk this path do not ask for help they have to keep focused and strong to get through and survive. They have no energy left to think about anything else.
I really do feel for you in the fact your work colleagues do not gave support. Maybe the company should give it to you automatically.
To be diagnosed with cancer is massive and all support should be automatic.
Take Care.:cherry_blossom::blossom:

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28

How are you today @ibizan55 ?

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29

Hi
Just been for my post op check up and results feel relieved because she told me the cancer not spread and she caught it all. A little nervous as I need radiotherapy and then some tablets.

Thank you for asking - nobody tells you how lonely it is going through this - it’s a different loneliness to living alone.

X

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Flips that’s brilliant!:star_struck: I’m waiting for results. Hopefully this week… yeah you’re right. It’s hard cause through chemo I felt so sick and didn’t want to meet others. Now the surgery is done I’d love to meet others. I just got a contact for the Lagan dragons- a rowing group affected by breast cancer. I’m going check this out. Though arm restricted… might be good to work towards… are you gonna change your lifestyle in any way?

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31

Pleased you now know your plan.

@newbieweek2chemoec hope you get the results as planned this week. The waiting is the worst.

@sunshine20 I’m so sorry to hear your story. It must be hard with your daughter being your age when your mum was diagnosed and then to lose your mum. Thank you for sharing and know that you are not alone on this forum. The BCN nurses are available to chat on 0808 800 6000 m-f 9-4 sat 9-1. MacMillan also have a helpline 7 days a week 0808 800 0000 8-8. Samaritans 116123 for free when nobody else is available, please keep sharing it will hopefully help.

:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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32

You’re not alone. Everyone experiencing this is thinking of you and caring for you albeit virtually. Your workmates possibly don’t know how to approach this with you. Open up to them - tell them you feel alone and need their support. I think they’ll soon show a different side to themselves. Thinking of you with love and sending a big hug! xx

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I am going to start looking into things - I’ve always been independent and done things for myself with no help from anyone as in the past when I’ve asked for help I’ve always been turned down so found it easier to do things myself which means I find it hard now to ask for help.

Xx

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34

Thank you I am so glad I can on here as I felt I was the only person who felt like this - I am keeping going and putting in the brave face like it doesn’t bother me.

Xx

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35

My workplace is a clique and I don’t fit in with their clique - I’m always the outsider with them, they support each other and most of the time I’m ignored - I wish it wasn’t like this as I like what I do but sadly it been like this for the last. 2 years they go out with each other for girly nights I find out the days after, nothing is said in the office to invite me, they have private little chats, I am excluded from everything except when it comes to customer queries. I am a credit controller so my job is stressful at the best of times with no support. But no my colleagues know what I am going through but don’t care.
Thank you for answering me I do appreciate any comments xx

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36

Yeah. It’s hard asking for help! Jox

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37

Here, when does your radiotherapy start?

Was just thinking, would it be a bad idea to go for counselling?

Jox

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Thanks naughty_boob !
I’m learning patience🤣 ,
what stage are you at, I’m trying to work this site out and can’t find previous posts lol…

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I was diagnosed in May 2023 with bilateral lumpectomy, chemo with Herceptin which continued until September 2024. Radiotherapy jan2024 with aromatase inhibitors for 5 years and Zoledronic acid 3 years. So at the moment I have 2 more Zoledronic acid infusions and 3 and a bit more years of aromatase inhibitors.

@ibizan55 I have just read your posts about being an outsider at work and asking for help and being refused, so your very independent and don’t ask. This could be my story. My workplace a school was lovely but I still felt an outsider. Since taking redundancy I was told I would be invited for coffee etc with those also leaving and nothing has happened. During chemo I did ask for help but one friend had a family emergency and therefore couldn’t fulfil their promise of helping. However, a relative stranger who we met dog walking stepped up and helped out. So you never know we may help you. I did a lot of preparation before my treatment such as batch cooking and freezing. Some things just had to let go. I had my husband but he was working full time on top of looking after me, the dog and driving to all hospital trips which were at least 30 miles away.

Please keep sharing.

Take care

:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I’ve been in that position of having to work with people that have their own cliques and are constantly whispering in corners and excluding other people and had that feeling of being excluded / talked down to/ made to feel less or lacking somehow - it’s unprofessional at best . Being on the receiving end can grind you down at the best of times let alone when you’re dealing with cancer. For me this isn’t the case any longer and I get on with all my colleagues now - it makes a big difference . However when it was happening I reminded myself that I was at work to do a job that I loved and earn money and not to socialise - this helped somewhat . Perhaps it isn’t the best way to deal with it but I also told myself that I was better than them because I was prepared to try to treat everyone as well as I would like to be treated myself and not collude in making someone else feel bad. You are better than them @ibizan55 and we all know it so keep your chin up .

I would advise keeping your boss in the loop with everything as if you don’t communicate because you’re feeling down it can be misinterpreted . You are entitled to reasonable adjustments if you need them and they aren’t allowed to discriminate against you .
It can be hard to ask for help sometimes but cancer can be a lonely place / parallel universe even when you do have support so keep using the forum / helplines and if you need counselling do ask . I used to be a bit of loner like you and for me the first time I had counselling it was transformative . Sending love. Xx

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