secondary breast cancer and feeling it today… drinking and smoking too much… people don’t understand…I do normal things, act normal, work really hard… but noone know whats underneath… sorry to be deep and meaningful… but would soooooooo like to meet others like me… x
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Hi Goldie,
I don’t smoke, but if I did I would have a cig in my mouth 24x7. I am drinking to much too and to be fair I’m not bothered by it anymore.
I agree people do not understand. If wish people would stop asking me how I was feeling because they don’t really want an honest answer, do they? I too am going through the motions of doing all the things I did before I was diagnosed when what I really want to do is stay in bed all day. However, I am sure if I didn’t force myself to go out that I’d feel much worst than I do now.
I’ve started on antidepressants and they have cleared my head a bit. I don’t feel completely dysfunctional anymore. The hardest part for me is looking too far into the future. Other people look forward to their lives improving or doing fun things; whilst my perspective is the opposite.
My only advice is to ask for all the help and support you can get. I’m glad you posted.
Oh Goldie
So sorry u are at the dark thoughts stage …we have all been there and felt like our lives have been hit by a double decker bus !!
The only thing I think …is we all die sometime and this way we have time to do a bucket list and get things in order.
If u have a heart attack or hit by a train …nothing is planned !!
Try to have a focus everyday especially now with the dark nights …a hot chocloate at a cafe or a little treat in a shop …lipstick even or something !! Most of us have developed a really bad shopping habit !!! Or in my case …chocolate time at 2pm !!!
Stay with us here …we are all swimming in the same direction and understand if you want to let off steam !!!
Carolyn xx
Hello Goldie. As the others have said we know how you feel and do understand. People do ask how we are when we know that they don’t really want to know. Like me you probably say “oh I’m okay” but then quite often they go into a long list of THEIR complaints, which I sometimes think is a little thoughtless.
I don’t smoke and I have gone off of alcohol a bit - mainly because I have reflux and it really seems to affect that these days. - doesn’t mean that I don’t keep trying though, I do enjoy wine with meals and Baileys in my coffee (and by itself in a glass!!!)
I do ‘comfort’ eat though and have put on loads of weight since Dx - mainly around my middle which I know is the worst place to have it. I actually buy treats and hide them so that my hubby won’t see how much I am eating.
whereabouts do you live? I go to the BCC secondary meet ups and find them helpful, there may be one local to you.
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Hi goldiecat, just also wanted you to know that others of us with SBC feel the same way. In fact I think I over compensate at work sometimes by acting happier than my colleagues who don’t have so much to stress about. I too feel guilty for having a glass or wine or two …won’t tell you the size of my glasses!!! My excuse is it keeps me sane. It IS hard dealing with this and also knowing that it’ll never go away. I often visit this website as it helps reading other ladies post just so you realise you’re not alone in this (thanks ladies). Hope your treatment is going well . Best wishes.xxxx
Hi Goldie,
sorry you are feeling so low. Sometimes people comment that us old timers sound so together and calm about things…maye a lot of the time we are…but often we have the very same as you do…
My problem when im feeling sad is gorging myself, tonight ive had some fudge…quite the wrong thing and im not hungry! I dont sleep very well either, so thats another thing to tackle. I do hope you feel better soon…we are all here with you, and are like youxx
moijanxx?
Hi Goldie, just wanted to say hello and welcome and just echo what the others have already said. No one knows this disease and how it affects your total life until they’ve lived it. Well-meaning friends, visdit to the coffee shop etc all lovely but whats in your mind never goes away. I’m not sure if i’ve learned to live with it or am i denial that its even happening??? rest assured we have all beenwhat you’re going through and often re-visit that dark place but we are always here, through good and bad. Wish you hadnt had to join us bt welcome aboard!!.x
Hi Goldie,
My ways of coping with my SBC are a bit of denial and loads of distraction. I’m very fortunate to still be able to work and that helps keep me busy and my mind occupied. I also read loads, watch box sets and go to the cinema as often as possible. I basically try to fill my head with everything but cancer. This may not work for everyone but it certainly helps me. Best wishes xxx
Hi Goldie
I know exactly how you feel I do not smoke not done for 7 years but drink more than I should my head tells me drinking not good for me but it seems to relax me and feel better, not had much rest from this was diagnosed in April 2015 with bc then in July 2016 secondary in bones then 3 weeks ago in lung so having dark thoughts at moment
If want to talk we all here and we all individuals going through individual diagnosis but we all have the same feelings
Lots love x hugs
Karen xxx
Hi goldie Karen Stacy and coolgirl
Welcome to our forum I do hope you will find some salvation here and good tips and fun.
As far as depression goes I think my other mates have said it all but I like coolgirl’s attitude regarding putting a brave face on it and remaining happy with people. I have always tried to stay my cheerful self when I meet up with people friends and especially old work mates I don’t work anymore I retired through poor health MS and then C. But i do envy those amongst us that can still work even if it is part time. I am involed with other things were I meet people cancer group MS therapy at one branch and social at another MS group also coffee morning with friends.But I am finding it difficult with so many hospital apps I have weekly chemo right in the middle of the week.Don’t look too much into the future make the most of the here and now and what you can achieve you will feel so proud of yourselves some people call it a bucket list. Enjoy the time with your children they are important.
Love and (((hugs))) xxx
Hi everyone, yes, us cancer ladies can often get low. Part of it is that we are in such a lonely place…non cancer ladies really cant understand as they havent been tnere!
Marirose, you are right. I havent any kids tho.Bonariensis posted on my Tips for anxiety thread That
HEAD SPACE has now got a meditation path just for Cancer…might be worth a look.
headspace is an online meditation prog which is free at the first level. Helped me with controlling those monkeys which flit around our brains painting anxious thoughts !
Lots of love and warm hugs to everyonexx
Moijan???
Hi everyone. Sorry goldie you are feeling so low. I know exactly how you feel…probably we all do. When people ask how i am i always say fine…bwcause thats what they want to hear!
Personally i cope by using the denial tactic. Maybe that isnt really coping but it gets me through tbe day…usually. x
Carolsav, the denial tactic works for me too. I haven’t “put my affairs in order” and still plan to be around for 10 years at least. That said, my trial keeps wanting scans done which I hate, another on Thursday …eek!
Hi Lisad
My husband who is the sweetest kindest person I know use to say that about me he says I became a different person when I was first diagnosed think this is because so much was going through my mind and I was keeping it all to myself, we made a pact that if one of us was low or had something on our mind we would talk about it this seems to be working although I still have my moments
Big hugs
Karen xxx
Oh lisad, so sorry to hear of your troubles but you are not alone,believe me. No one can go through what we do and not change in some way. It is also tough on loved ones as they feel hopeless and helpless, i’m sure. We are another couple who dont really talk…i keep things to myself in order to protect him and others and because of that he thinks i’m ok. I was one of these people who had control of everything…money, household, the lot. My husband didnt know what it was to clean, see to finances, even go in the loft or put the bins out, He did do the cooking when he was off shift. I always put everyone else first and i dont think it went down very well when i had to make myself the priority and needed the workload sharing. My husband moans that he comes second, third etc etc to my daghter, the cat anyone and the more he does this the more i resent him. He has no friends to speak of and so has no outlet. He also has his own health issues so things arent exactly plain sailnig here and i’m sure everyone on here could tell you a similar story. You will get through it i’m sure…i think he probably blew up out of sheer frustration that this has happened to you and he cant do a damned thing to make it go away. Stay strong and think of yourself before anything and if you need to rant and rave, we are all hear to listen. xx
Hi. It must be hard for our partners. I am a control freak and organise everything and because of our diagnosis i feel so frustrated that i have no control over whats happening inside mybody! Also my husband has cancer…with a better outcome…and he gets down about it and i feel awful but i cant help thinking that at least he will be ok and yet i have to be cheerful and positive! Oh dear rant over!
It must be incredibly hard for both of you to have cancer and still be a support to each other. Maybe you do good day, bad day in turn? I shamefully admit I’d feel envious of his better prognosis.
My hubby is incredibly positive, I can’t really work out if he fully understands my prognosis but I go along with his thinking that I’ve got years to go.
I go to my trial appointments on my own (out of choice) so I suppose he is not in the loop but his positivity helps me cope. Also home is my sanctuary, no letters, phone calls about cancer allowed!! Reading the forum is ok because I can control it! Maybe we are all control freaks when life is so precarious xx
Hi, I had ovarian ca 24 yrs ago, then ducal cancer with mastectomy12 yrs ago and have just been diagnosed with secondary cancer in some lymph glands and my sternum. I saw my consultant this week and am to have chemo and Herceptin I am so frightened after being told I may only have 2 years, my daughter is devastated and lives 400 miles away, my youngest son is 33 and is trying so hard to be strong for me, I have ten grand babies who I adore but most are too young to be told and would be so upset. I feel I have to b strong for everyone but I feel very alone. I have been given written info but have only been able to bring myself to read bits. It’s not like m e to put my head in the sand but I feel so out of control sometimes, it’s like a nightmare I know I won’t wake up from, did anyone else feel like this sometimes I feel so alone xx