Hi everyone, I will apologise before you read my post but its going to be a moan.
I have been very up beat and positive so far,but for some reason today I just don’t have the energy to put on a smile. Small aches and pains and waking every morning with a headache have finally got to me! My hair has started to fall out with the slightest touch!
I had a really horrible experience going for a wig this week. The hair salon was like going back in time and we were escorted to a broom cupboard.The wigs were just not my style. They are going to order me 3 in to try but only as I had gone with 2 friends and I think we bullied her into it!North of Scotland just not ready for younger people needing wigs! Good job we could giggle afterwards had I been on my own I would have left in tears!
I can’t believe its only a week to my next FEC.I think the not knowing was a better emotion than the one now!Yes i know at least its 1 down 5 to go but the thought scares me at the moment!Perhaps I will feel like doing the maths tomorrow.
Well sorry to moan but everyone tells me how well I am doing but it saps your energy putting a face on and today I just don’t have it!
Hope you are all having better days.
Looking forward to a better day tomorrow!
One day at a time! That’s all we can do, hopefully the next day will be better! I think the wig thing is very hit and miss, I am going on Tuesday for a look in a local wig shop but honestly think I will stick with the hats and buffs, they are nice and warm, too, never thought I will be wearing a night cap!!
I get my boys in the morning to help me choose a hat and always ask are you happy with mummy taking you to school looking like that? The answer has always been yes and then I feel ok, because to me they matter most! I think the psychological side effects from BC worry me as much as the physical ones, I feel like I lost trust in my body and hope that I will not attribute any ache or pain in the coming years to panicking about the cancer coming back… What a roller coaster ride this year is turning out to be!!xxxTina
sarah- i certainly cannot criticize anyone for moaning, have you seen my posts on this thread??!!? I have had a few really good days and i really appreciate them nowadays. Have just done my normal stuff on my own with no help, great! My hair has turned to straw today and have got hairs coming out when i run my hand through. Stop running my hand through would be a good suggestion, but i am drawn to do it. To be honest, all this “will i/won’t i lose it” after using the cold cap, and not washing it/blow drying it has been doing my head in anyway, but i just hope it holds on til after sunday as its my eldest sons 5th birthday party and will be hard enough facing everyone without adding in the wig thing. My wig fitting wasn’t as bad as yours, but i do think they could have done better as it felt like going to a very old fashioned corner shop hairdressers ans there was no fun to be had. And i agree, finding the approach to second fec much worse than first, gald a have my super relaxing tablet to take first. Hope you have a better day tomorrow Sarah,xxx
Tina- I have been psychologically F****d by this BC business. After chemo was a week of hormonal emotional sobbing and anxiety and i have not got a clue what was triggered by the chemicals and whta was triggered by the emotions. I have had a few panic attacksand can’t get bc out of my head for more than half a second, i think there will be a lot of mental mending to be done when the physival treatment is over ( but then theres the tamoxifen…)
Saffronseed…glad to hear that you are good and enjoying your cups of tea…who would ever have thought that such a simple thing would ever be such a huge thing? Well done for the head shave and good luck with the wig and hope that it stops being itchy for you, you are so brave and I am dreading it and posts like yours make me know that I can do it too - thank you xx! Keep on the good work! :-))
Tors, I am at the Victoria Unit at 12 on Thurs, is your treatment there or somewhere else? The heasdscarf approach seems a good idea too…thanks for your positive words on that it’s very reassuring, Sorry to hear your hair is not behaving and drying out, mine is pretty dry to begin with so still have to decide about whether to try cold cap or not. Anyway I have everything crossed that yours stays beautiful for your party and that you have a fab day.
Gosh all of these decision we have to make and each one is not a nice one to have to make :-)xx
Jayne, thanks for dropping in with some reassuring advice…always welcome here I’m sure everyone would agree :-)) xx
Sarah…you are very entitled to a good moan and what better place than here so do it, where we can all associate with how you’re feeling( says she who is nowhere near down the line as you are - but I am in training and ready to follow your footsteps and glad to be able to read how others cope) so you keep ranting if you wish…and don’t forget to pop in when you’re feeling great too so we can share the good days with you…keep smiling xx hugs xx
Tina, I love the way your boys help choose your headwear and the way they are involved, that must be very reassuring for them and help you feel good too. I agree with the one day at a time theory too, just take each day as it comes and thank goodness that each day comes…and a very long time may it continue xx
Crikey I feel like I’ve just done a school report(sorry ladies!)…must be a sign that I need to get back to work…I have asked to go back until I start my treatment as I feel fine and am just sitting here eating up my sick entitlement which I know I would regret when it runs out and I find myself in a biggggg pickle. So maybe next week I will be back in work for a little. Hospital today for third time to get results from op on 7th April…it has all come through in dribs and drabs, maybe today I will have full confirmaton of the full picture. I received a letter this week with all stats on it finally, I read it and thought heck…how poorly was I(and I didn’t even know)? Scary to see it all written down and had to do some internet research to find out what some of it meant, at least I can go through it all with consultant this afternoon and know that whatever is on the letter is now out of my body, then onto the next bit to make sure it’s not lurking anywhere it is not welcome.
Speak soon (that was a big post today!)
Hugs to all Sue xxx
Fingers crossed for you and the onc appointment - you really have had to wait for so long. You’ll probably be relieved to do some work while you wait for treatment to start - I did a bit and it did take my mind off the BC thing for a while.
Tell us what the plan is and you’ll get plenty of support.
M&S has a nice range of summer hats and caps out, bought a nice one with little roses/grey today (per una) and a matching scarf, find these don’t draw any attention at all when out and about. I think most of this hair business is in my head anyway! It’s just so odd and maybe the adjustment just takes a while longer than I thought! Found the buildup to 2nd FEC worse than the first one, too. Now dreading 3rd hoping the allergy will not get worse. Hope everyone will manage to have a quiet weekend. xxHugs, Tina
Hope you were ok with your results sue, am thinking of you. I am upstairs in the unit for chemo on thursday, so may or may not see you depending on how long it takes as am in at half nine. If hair carries on coming out ( quite a few hairs now if i brush my fingers against it, think it is waving goodbye quite soon, but these things happen i suppose) THEN WILL NOT BE HAVING COLD CAP AGAIN AS WILL BE NOTHING TO SAVE! ( sorry caps again!) If no cold cap then hopefully will be out quickly…!
I have had really great and bust few days and i really appreciate them. Have made my sons birthday cake this morning, will ice it tmrw for his party, and we are off to another friends birthday party this afternoon. I am so pleased to be going out and living my normal life for a bit!
Hope everyone is managing to enjoy some of this weekend,
Hi tors think we are about the same. I didnt use cold cap and my hair is certainly on its way out. Seem to find it every where ive been. It seems to be coming out evenly at moment so hoping it will last till thursdays chemo before I need to shave! I am hoping to see lady at accesorize on wednesday she will help me with scarves and hats and comes highly recommended. So fingers crossed better than the wig experience!
Like you have said the past few days have been good and I even popped into work to see if I can do a few days every few weeks!
Hope your party goes well tomorrow and you enjoy it!!
Tina agree with you think the build up to number 2 is worse than the first. Not knowing what to expect is a good thing sometimes!
Hope everyone has a good weekend. Weather good up here at moment(north scotland) so hoping to get out for a lovely walk along coast tomorrow maybe even a bike ride!
my head has been shaved and i have been out in public, to school, with just a hat on, but have whipped it off to show a few people. I also showed it to my little boy’s speech therapists who came round today to video me and my son, and then had to watch myself ( with cap on) on our big screen telly whilst we went through what they had videoed! Feel proud of myself for that. I haven’t cried about my hair and how it looks, i quite like it in a wierd way, though i did have a cry about not wanting to die as my skinhead brought it all back to the forefront,
Hi everyone just posted on adventure thread everything fine with me, and first day at work was good.
I seem to be settling into a pattern with my chemo in that day 5 and 6 I feel really tierd (that was saturday and Sunday this cycle) I just couldn’t motivate myself to do anything and although didn’t feel ‘unwell’ as such, felt under the weather. Started the injections again though (day 5) and I think when they start kicking in it definately makes me feel better - so today I am fine and feel I have some energy again.
Tors, Brave you re the head, I did the same got it shaved off although I haven’t been brave enough to wip off my headwear(since the 4x4 incident its made me think twice!) I think the hair thing is a far bigger deal that I realised it was going to be… I knew it was going to happen and I knew I would be unhappy about it… but at the moment its at the forefront on my mind all the time and I keep thinking about having no hair and I am finding it hard to come to terms with…
I think the hair issue brings it all home though, the reason you have no hair is because you have this horrid disease and Tors I think its quite natural to get upset about it all. We all know though that the reason we are having chemo is because the doctors have evidence through trials that it works and it kills off those cancer cells. I really don’t think they would put us all through this and the cost of medications, treatments and nursing staff etc if it didn’t pay dividends and help us live long and happy lives and this period of time will be a dim and distant bad memory.
Thanks Saffron, thats a great way to look at it. I have been focussing on it being me who has caused my hair to go, not the cancer. As i see it, the cancer invaded me, and i have chosen to fight it by having the operation and now the chemotherapy, and the hair loss is merely the collateral damage of me fighting back.
(However, as this is only day one of no hair, please feel free to shove that thought back into my face when i start having the inevitable sobbing fits!)
Hi Saffronseed, Sarah and Vickie,
I posted on adventure thread first then read this one…
Vickie …want to say well done for taking control of your hair situation but well done doesn’t seem the right thing to say and can’t think of any other words…I’m proud of you and hope I can be as strong when it’s my turn in a few weeks…you’re an inspiration :-))
wow, three of us back in work or going back and Vickie on a career break (except for your full time post as mum - you’re probably the busiest one!)
Keep well
Sue xx
Well done Tors for taking control on the hair issue. I will continue with the cold cap even on my patchy no.3 paxman say that it can help with regrowth, too! Went to hairware in Swindon today, they also sell online. Very nice advisor, private room! Now I have “hair” again and the wig is a new image which makes me giggle, Jennifer Aniston eat your heart out!! See what the school run brings this afternoon, prepared for the funny looks again!!
I must admit I really think the hair issue is the biggest in all this cr*p we are going through. My wig whilst it looks ok is not comfortable and I cannot see myself wearing it very much - particularly with the warmer weather coming. I thought Sally (coronation st) looked good today on TV with her buff, she seemed to have made the most of her features, maybe I need to try more make up and see how the scarves go.
I would be interested in hearing other peoples experiences of their wigs and whether they can get used to them. i do have a ‘popsock’ on my head but that doesn’t really help much either…
x
Seems like I have joined the rest of you and I had my hair shaven. It was the worst day so far and even though my brillant friend came to do it even she was trying to hold back the tears! I thought I would cope better as I kept saying I wasnt making my hair loss an issue! Find it very strange when I catch myself in mirror as looks very patchy and ‘cancer’ like!
I have apointment with onco tomorrow then 2nd chemo thursday. Just want this week over with!
I am the only one wishing for an average summer as I do feel winter would be easier to cope with hiding behind a wooly hat.(usual for north scotland in winter).
Hope everyone has a good week and enjoys the nice weather, just not too hot please!
Well done for going through the shave! Must have been a big moment in the whole process.
My scalp feels v odd even though just a week after 1st chemo. Bought a sun hat today which hopefully is quite a deep shape for when I’m bald too! I think losing hair is a big deal as it makes the whole thing more public. At the moment lots of other mums at school know about the bC, but those who aren’t my friends don’t. In a week or so, I’ll be hat/buff woman so will be ‘outed’ and I reckon I’ll feel v self-conscious. I just can’t see myself wearing a wig everyday. I go everywhere by bike ans surely it’ll fly off!
HA HA SCOOBS well ive tested mine standing on the platform of the metro station when the train came in with sudden strong gust and i said to my mam look out mam we might have to run down the line to catch it ( but it stayed put ) ha ha
Well done on the head shave too tedoris. I have got used to how mine looks, i thin there was more hair left than i thought, but too late now! Am pleased i have done it still, and think i actually really suit short short hair, though not this short! Has given me more confidence for when it grows back, that it should look okwhen it is still relatively short. I have mt fake strip of hair now to tuck under hats, but haven’t worn it out yet. I have ordered a blond and a brown half wig to wear under hats too as theywere so much comfier to wear than the full wig. I keep trying my full wig on and it does look really good, but it still feels wierd and freaky to be honest.
My shaved head, even under a hat, had caused a “ripple” through the playground, and that has dredged up feelings again as new people are asking/ looking at me in a way that means they obviously know. And though i haven’t been very upset at how i look, the visual reminder of having cancer has affected me and thrown up my fears and worries again, though that could equally be tomorrows chemo which has been on my mind a but today!
ps. many people have told me what a great shaped head i have…anyone else heard this a lot?! though thats better than the numerous people who have sid i lookjust like my brother now! ( I do, thats the freaky part!)