First FEC 2nd October

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Morning all

Irina, good to see you post, have been concerned about hos FEC3 went for you. Glad the sickness has been controlled but sorry your wrist is still hurting. I’m sure the young postie will ring again, he’ll admire you with your beautiful face and courage to answer the door. I know how we all hate having lost out hair, but it will grow back, and at the end of it all, it’s just an adornment, it’s not what makes us all beautiful people inside (how sick-making is that comment, but I believe it).

Bella, sorry you’ve had tum trouble, but as my MIL always says, better out that in!

Pheebs, MS dinner yummy? And lunch cooked for you today, think I’m gonna move in with you! I like the idea of having the thread printed but really would like to stay in touch with everyone, you’re so wonderful and caring and I don’t know how I’d get through this without you all.

Caz, have a lovely quiet day today. The neighbours’ cats must have stayed in last night, they didn’t break in at all. I’m surprised they come to my house because our cat is a very large tom. That said, he’s soppy and not much of a fighter.

I went to bed at 9pm last night and although I woke quite a few times, managed to sleep through until 7am when my son woke me up to tell me it had snowed. We have a light smattering of the fluffy stuff so looks like I’m going to have to get us dressed up in our warmest outfits and go for a polar expedition - oh joy!

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Just a quickie - in the middle of getting breekkie.

Our snow has gone…raining heavily now - on the one day I’ve washed my (thinning) hair too…marvelous!

PS: I ended up eating a whole M & S fish pie to myself last night which was supposed to feed 4!!!

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hi Ladies

nice to see what you have been up to here.

Irina- same here for my TESCO delivery guy- forget to wear my scarf and saw a horrified face from that guy- well, he is not so cute so i did not miss out much!! hehe

How are you all doing Cat? Pheebs and Cazzb? My FEC3 was slightly better than no2 but still knock me off my feet a bit again. - Just feel a bit human this moment.

The flu jab before FEC2 definately a killer. Without the flu jab this time i felt much better.

Not sure if the manuka honey worked- has been taking it for 2 weeks. But at least this time i felt i have more stenghth to talk …

Was expecting snow this morning- but just heavy rain in here- never mind- maybe i will go back to bed later.

How do you feel like appetise wise- mine was not too bad and i guess the pheebster yours also good!!

take care
xxx

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Hi All
I,ve been sleeping well the last couple of nights, Hehehe I think the alcohol has helped LOL
I have been short tempered though but think that is due to the fact that my Mum is returning to the UK (she has been staying with me for 3 months), and I know I,m going to miss her like mad (even though she drives me crazy sometimes LOL).

Off to Antalya on Wednesday for No.7. Soon will be over. Although the Herceptin will be until May ish

Hope you are all OK

Soo xx

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Hi everyone, hope you’re all OK?

I’m still getting over FEC3, still got washing machine guts and so looking forward to feeling a bit better, which I hope is around the corner. I’m still on the Manuka but have no idea if it’s helping or not.

I also thought I’d feel a bit more buoyed up now being half way, but as my dear hubby said, it’s the ‘half-full or half-empty’ syndrome - the thought of having to go through it (3 cycles) all over again which is getting me down. I know I haven’t had any major problems like many of you, and am probably fortunate in that I’m sticking with FEC, but think my cheerful veneer is finally wearing thin. I thought this might happen. I’ve been on this wretched roller-coaster since the beginning of August with diagnosis, surgery and the start of kimo all happening very quickly. I think that time is finally starting to slow down for me and the realities are hitting home.

I keep telling myself there’s only 3 more to go, only 8 weeks now until no.6, it’s not that long, then it’s over, but it still seems like heck of a long time at the moment. I keep thinking Christmas will take my mind off it, but it’s not at the moment, even though I’m trying to keep myself busy.

Do any of you also keep dwelling on the administration in the party room? I keep trying to block it out of my mind but think it’s bothering me because it hurt quite a lot last week. The nurse could hardly get the cannula in so I was sore anyway, then one of the drugs had been in the fridge too long, was very cold, and hurt like bug*ery when it went in. I still have a huge bruise on my hand and am scared of the next one. I keep thinking of this and feel so sick every time I do. I know I should be able to not dwell on it but it’s haunting me at the moment to such an extent that if next time they can’t find a vein I’m walking out. (Lines are not an option for me…I told them from the outset that I would refuse to have one as my body is allergic to so many things and rejects foreign bodies…I had to have a second drain inserted 2 weeks after mx which was horrid because I got a clot in the 1st one then I got a seroma in…yuk…:-(…)

Sorry to wallow, but I know you lovely ladies are the only ones who will understand how I’m feeling. I feel better for having written this so will try to move on now…

Lots of love as always, Bella xx

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Hi There Ladies. How’s everyone today?

Bella…I know where you are coming from re: anxiety. I am getting stressed about Thursday’s kimo…not cos of the effetcs but getting the dam stuff into me. My veins are shattered. I am starting on the water as from this afternoon and am going to have a hot bath and keep really as warm as I can before going into the kimo lounge to let them do their wicked work on me.

The nurses do provide us with hotwheat bags but they aren’t great and make you itch like hell. I’m also going to ask them to put the cannula in before I put the cold cap on, and will take a nice blanket with me. I also may have to have a line in…but I’m refusing it until there is absolutely no alternative. Apparently only 5% of patients need a line, accoding to my onc…a fact I find hard to believe! I did ask if they could use my leg but they said no to that.

I’m trying to look at my kimo in two six-week blocks…one for FEC and one for TAX…just to try and separate the two (not sure if it’s working though).

You’ve been so positive up til now, so you are entitled to a blip, but as I said, I’m feeling a bit like you at the moment too…x

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Hi everyone, particularly those ‘celebrating’ now being half-way through kimo. Had 3rd FEC last Weds and Indigestion was worse this time. But lovely kimo nurse managed to get me a prescription for something called Omeprazole on Saturday night (hubby fetched it from Tesco). You take one a day and it calms the belly down enough for you to have a glass of wine - yippee!

Conflicting reports on Tax. Is it easier or harder??? I have my first TAX on 10 Dec - so will I be feeling crap over Christmas or not? And 2nd TAX is New Year’s Eve!!! Nurse said I could defer it a week, but I’m reluctant to delay anything - just in case, and because we all want this to be over as fast as possible, don’t we girls? Oldest friend Jane has invited us to their place near Cambridge for NYE, so I’ve said we’ll go. Just hope I don’t end up pooping her party too much.

Hubby said he’d work from home to ‘look after me’ during last kimo, and it was such as disaster I bundled him back to the office as soon as I could. It’s just so not restful listening to one side of his work phone calls all day long - I’m much better on my own till kids get back from school.

Got planning appointment at hospital for rads on 16/1. Nice to think about moving on to next stage of treatment, isn’t it?

Nice to read all your comments, ladies. You keep me going
Liz

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Darling Bella

You wallow as much as you want and as long as you want, we’re all here to listen, support, offer hugs…so sorry that the canula is a pain for you and that drains aren’t an option, you’re having a tough time of it, by the sounds of it.

It’s bl00dy hard work, this kimo stuff, and I’m celebrating the half way mark, also. People around me seem intent on bringing me down, telling me how awful I must be feeling (d’oh, think I may have noticed without their help), how difficult it is, that it won’t be forever. I know folks mean well but sometimes I just want to hit them because they have no clue. My MIL keeps ringing and leaving messages saying she wants a ‘word’ which always means she’s going to nag me to do something. Last time we had words she forced me, through my kimo brain fug, to work out what presents she was getting for my son’s Birthday and Christmas, totally oblivious that I also have to figure this out for my own gifts - she always wants the choicest, bestest presents to give.

So, I’m half way through, FEC all done, and on to the dreaded and seemingly evil Taxotere. I’ve got to change hospitals for the change of drugs and am not looking forward to it at all. I’ve been there and the nurses seem so busy and unfriendly, at least at Kettering they’ve been lovely and kind and supportive. We all hear so many different things about the side effects of Tax being worse, but ona positive note, a friend told me that she suffered through her FEC but found Tax a ‘breeze’ in comparison. Here’s hoping it works for us all that way.

I’m shattered 5 days on from FEC3, slept most of yesterday and have had a nap today, too. I have to lug my aching bones off to the doctor’s soon to have the first of five shots to boost the white blood cells, oh joy - more aches and pains and chronic insomnia induced by the drugs. Gosh, re-reading all this, I am the biggest Moaning Minnie on the planet today and am not liking myself.

Thanks to you all, ladies, for being here as friends and support at this time, I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Much love to all of you,

Cat xx

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Thank-you, gorgeous girls, for your replies. Loads of love and virtual hugs to you all xxxxxx

I’m off now to do my books so hopefully they’ll take my mind of it. Bella xxxx

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Hi girls

I am feeling pretty low today too- thought i recovered but still have a wired thing in my nose this morning and feel very head heavy and sleepy.

Not sure if the drugs or so- anything small could easily piss me off or get my mind occupied.

I had a chat with my best friend - who I knew for 16 years. Since my dx- she never contacted me unless i contact her. I was feelling a bit better so decided to get this out of my gut so i contacted her and asked her why she never bothered to see how i am. She said- she was crazy with work… excuses.!! I told myself not to angry but i still feel very low…

She made a bad chioce - it was not my fault- but i could not helping feeling sad…

On a brighter note- i will go to have my first relexogogy section today- even feel a bit nervious to go out of the house- as I have been in for most of the week after 3rd Kimo. Could not help wondering what it is going to be… see my manupause syptom really kick in now!! Thought i wont be so useless!!

sorry about the moarning but i really feel quite sad and low…

xxx

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Avonlea, don’t think you’re useless, it’s these blooming drugs that are knocking you low, just like the rest of us. As to your friend who has excuses and hasn’t contacted you since dx, it’s hard to say but she’s the loser here. You need folks around you who are there for you, strong for you, not full of excuses because they’re afraid and don’t know how to handle things. I had a couple of friends like this, been really selfish and cut them out of my life because I don’t need the stress or worry or upset.

Enjoy your reflexology session, relax and enjoy it as much as possible, it’ll really helps!

Remember, we’re all here together for support, you moan as much as you need to. I just did, feel a bit better for getting that off my mind.

Cxx

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I am scared of the cannulation too. My arm has been very painful since the last one and I am on 2000mg Flucloxacillin a day. Last time I took a hot water bottle with me and the nurse found a vein straight away. It worked better than the wheat bags.

Let’s not feel guilty about moaning, if we can’t moan on here where can we? It’s normal to feel sad and anxious when we are going through this.

Avonlea, it’s true you find out who your friends are when going through this, I have a few people who haven’t contacted me at all - I don’t think “not knowing what to say” is a good reason. And certainly being busy with work is no excuse!

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Hi Ladies,

So sorry to hear that so many of us are feeling about down right now, and am sending hugs to all. Think it might be the fact that a) it is very hard going through this b) we try so hard to be upbeat and cope with it all and c) even though most are half way through or nearly half way through there is still a long way to go. Thats how I feel anyway. Hubby has noticed I’m not ‘myself’ andeven though I feel ok physically, mentally I know I’m not myself but don’t know why and can’t explain it and don’t want to keep explaining why I’m quiet, I just am!! then I feel really selfish and moody for being like this, its not his fault but he’s just the closest thing to me. Am also worried that after no3 tomorrow might feel even worse.

Will try and buck myself up.

Take care all, don’t be hard on yourself.
Love caz x

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Hi All…

I’m feeling exactly the same… LOW!
Although not a sick on No.3 Wednesday… I still don’t feel good… have ache in left arm… muscle ache… really weird… +still that horrid taste! but mainly feel sad :o( had a good cry when I watched Divas2 last night… and feeling that perhaps I have been covering up my feelings… and just hate the idea of 3 more!!! O and did I mention I managed to gain 5lbs between cycles… Bald and fat! …Christmas parties (ex work do) coming up and really don’t feel like going… let the kids have a day off today and we all had a duvet day…

Moan over

L x

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I wish we lived close to each other and could all go out together and get absolutely bladdered, and cry, and talk and go home with mascara faces and broken shoes where we had all fallen over in the street laughing so much cos we all made each other feel better.

I wish we had never got bc

I wish all we had to worry about was the sodding credit crunch and VAT being reduced

I hate cancer

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You and me both Pheebs! xxx

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It’s just all this bloody sitting around the house in grotty weather, but not feeling well enough to get out. God I am so BORED with these four walls and the telly. I suppose you’d expect cancer to be miserable, but … Hopefully those of us climbing out of the last kimo trough might look forward to a couple of better weeks. So, girls, is Christmas going to take our minds off our plight, or intensify the gloom? Shopping??? Taking my mum to Oxford Street tomorrow - but wore myself dragging round the supermarket today so don’t know how I’ll get on. Chins up lovelies. Liz

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Well said, Pheebs, wish none of us had ever gotten BC, but at the same time I’d not have met any of you amazing women without it so there’s a silver lining to everything. I hate BC too, it sucks.

Lorna, cry, you’re allowed to. I cried yesterday (at my doctor’s for goodness sake) and it’s the first time I’ve cried in public with anyone. The feelings have got to come out somehow, sometime.

Liz, sitting around is blooming boring. Is there anything you can do that won’t drain energy that’d be more fun than daytime telly? I bought some Christmas stickers and bits and bobs and my son and I are making a couple of cards a day so he can give them to his family and friends. Not the most stimulating thing to do in the world, but it beats thumb twiddling, and I’ll bet you’d produce something better than me and my sprog!

Pheebs, going back to your comment about shame us lot not living near enough to go out for a drink (or several) and get bladdered. How about when we’ve all finished the vile kimo parties that we find a central part of Blighty and actually go out and get hammered together? Maybe what we all need is something like that to look forward to, a night away in a fancy hotel, nice food and wine, and excellent company, the company where we all understand exactly what we mean without saying it, and being able to say things in the most outrageous way possible and none of us will be shocked. What do you think, girls, as a medium-term thing to do in the Spring?

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Fabulous - count me in!

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Hi ladies

Hey Cat what a fab idea! i would definately be up for that, I’m sure we could find somewhere thats not to far for us all to get to. It will give us something to look forward to as well. A girlie night away in a hotel what could be better!!

Your sons cards sound great fun, I love kids cards that they make themselves - blobs of glue included lol

Had FEC 3 today, woo hoo half way through and am on the home stretch now. Speaking to bcn today she not sure if one of my lumps is her2 pos or not, so possibility that could be on herceptin which is another year of jabs every three weeks - not a prospect to inspire joy. Will have to wait til next fec 15th Dec when I see onc. Anyway feeling ok at the moment so hopefully will not succumb to any horrid side effects.

Hope everyones having a good day.
Speak to you all soon
Lots of love caz
xxxxx