Morning Ladies,
Caz, I hope you enjoyed your son’s concert. I love all the xmas stuff with schools and kids and am dreading the fact that this is my youngest’s last year at primary school and the round of christmassy stuff will get smaller (though hopefully she will keep on at guides and church will help with the need for carol services). What with the “no Santa” this year and me not cooking xmas dinner for the first time in 20 years I feel xmas is changing, not for the best.
Soo, sending you my thoughts today and prayers that you will have choices that you can make that you feel in control of, rather than just imposed upon you. This disease is so bloody tiring and at times unending - I never thought even 3 months on I would still be living with cancer every bleeding day - I thought it would be a walk in the park and back to work and normality in a heartbeat (oh the joy of ignorance!).
Tanya, I understand from other’s posts that you may be unwell again, sending you love and hugs for a speedy recovery.
Bella, glad to hear FEC4 was a bit easier. Having just done FEC3 I have reached that, “do I really have to do it another 3 times?” bit rather than, “thank god thats 3 gone and only 3 to go.”
Liz, hope your family are still working together for you. My OH has just lectured my son (who’s just returned from boarding college) about doing his bit by making me cups of tea etc. I nearly laughed at the irony until he said that its taken him a while to figure it out himself so he’s passing on the tip. (Its only taken him 15 years and he’s only been managing it for 2 weeks but at least its progress, even if slow).
Cat, I hope you are feeling better and that James is thoroughly ashamed of himself. Reading posts prior to joining you ladies and particularly the ones re your son’s party it sounds like you are a fab mum. I know that when mine were little the work I did for xmas/birthdays was me wanting to create magical memories for them - a childhood to look back on (and I so enjoyed it). Now they never mention those xmasses (though hopefully they are still there) and only think about what they will get. Now I still work hard for xmas/birthdays but I realise they are to create magical memories for me.
I hope you ladies on Tax are coping okay and that you get your paincontrol right. Taking a dose of whatever regularly and religiously is important at keeping things at bay - its much harder to fight pain once its there.
Irina, glad the line is working well. Caz and Pheebster, its so true that they down play the harm to your veins. The head chemo nurse came and had a go last week when my chemo nurse couldn’t get a good vein and said something about it only being 10% of patients whose veins play up. Must just be statistically unlucky!!!
I insisted last week that they NOT use my surgery arm for kimo but they insisted more, having failed twice and let saline leak into my non-surgery arm! I won’t be letting them again! They are hopeful that my veins in my good arm will have recovered from a rest by the time of my next kimo but I don’t think so to be honest, whilst the pain in my forearm is subsiding my veins on my good arm are dark as anything and I am dreading another battering and do not want to be press ganged into using my surgery arm again (they won’t be the ones wearing a sleeve for life if I get lymphodema!). Funnily enough I dreamt last night about having a line and it was not a pleasant dream but in my dream it was still a relief - think my subconscious is as worried as my conscious.
I am feeling a lot better today having spent a quiet day at home yesterday drugged up on lemsip etc. I was a bit of a emotional wreck yesterday though, crying at the doctors when they dressed my back wound. They are still insisting that now, 13 weeks since my op and 13 weeks with a hole, that I pay for my own dressings and take them and the medical honey I have to pay for to my appointments for them to dress it. I don’t want to have a hole in my back and am pretty pi**ed off that I have to pay for them to dress it for me. I think what with the steriod crash, feeling unwell anyway it was just too much for me and I spent lots of yesterday randomly bursting into tears. I am sooooo bored with having cancer/treatments/being ill/having a hole in my back and so fed up with being told “you’re so brave”, “tiny steps”, “one day at a time”. My BCN even said to me last week “Thats why we call you patients!” ARRRGGHHHH. You try being ill/pricked/drugged/cut/dressed/bald/wonky/scarred!!!
Do any of you other ladies have a heightened sense of smell on kimo? I think having 3 months of a wound, medical smells, sweats at night etc I have become seriously sensitised to smell and EVERYTHING I own seems to have the same horrid smell (including me). Everyone tells me there is no smell but to me its horrid. I can’t even stand the smell of my own deoderant anymore because it makes me think of cancer/wounds/kimo. Once I finish kimo and am healed I am chucking my bed, underwear, pjs, deoderant, etc and buying all new - I never want to smell these smells again!
I think I need to go and lie in a darkened room.
Love to all, xxxx
Speak soon