For Millicent 3

For Millicent 3

For Millicent 3 Hi Dani,

it’s so hard to watch our girls suffer isn’t it? It doesn’t seem fair that they have to suffer physically as well as mentally. At least ours is mainly mental!! Was very impressed to hear about the fried breakfast though. H has fads and phases food wise. Off most of her normal faves, She is into herrings and lamb from the bbq at the mo!! Got my orders for post chemo dinner on Fri night, come rain or shine, lol. They have to be well spiced/marinated, we would make a real chef cry, but let them try having to eat with that strange taste the chemo gives them eh?

You are so right about the DVDs, and tv as well, these storylines can just pop up from seemingly nowhere. On some TV they have the cheek to give out helpline numbers at the end in case you are ‘disturbed’ by certain issues, but even that is not for everything. Need the warning at the beginning, surely, or at least in the listings.

Please tell me your ‘not crying’ for so long secret! We had a lovely weekend, except I had to go and bleeding spoil it by bursting into tears over nothing. All because things are bubbling just under the surface for me recently (again). I was doing so well and then my head has gone into ‘I am going to lose her’ mode and the mere thought of her going off to her friends’ for an overnight visit on a weekend, was such a blow, like I am losing out on precious time with her. Perhaps I need a talk about ‘all or nothing’ thinking!!

Trying to get myself back in that positive place again, you know, the place where the future is she lives years and years and years and we wonder what all the bleedin fuss was about! She is very much there and I want to get back there again. Any talk of the future, ie next year (!) and I begin to crumble again.

We have nicknames for each other at the moment, I am sniveller and she is ranter, we take turns in making the other one feel useless while we (well I ) snivel or (she) has angry outbursts. Its cool though, we each know the other can handle it, it doesn’t put a real strain on our relationship now we are both acclimatized to each other’s way of handling things. So easy to think you are failing the other one in some way because you can’t ‘fix’ things, can’t make things better.

The chemo has really started to affect H’s thought processes now. If we didn’t know it was a side affect, I would have been scared silly she had dementia. Its really frustrating her at the moment. She says her short term memory is now down to about 30 secs. Three times in a ten minute conversation she asked what day it was. She got really frustrated today when she repeatedly missed junctions we were supposed to take on our journey. She says she is going to have a rest day tomorrow. I won’t hold my breath, lol! Chemo five is on Friday and I think things are going to be a bit tougher the next month or so for these last cycles. We have to remind ourselves and our girls, that this is in the short term, and the benefit is for the long term. I am sure that when things are tough for S, when her resolve weakens, you will be there with the support she needs to strengthen it again.

One of our ‘strategies’ is very dark humour. After the frustrations of her chemo’d brain today she asked, ‘can i die now?’. I said I didn’t think she should as she was looking rather unkempt and hagard and that wasn’t a very good look for immortality and perhaps she had better wait for another day when she was looking her ravishing best. She agreed and got on with the rather miserable task of living knowing that tomorrow is another day and there’s nothing like sleep to help you see things differently. She was much more perky tonight and we had a fantastic storm that was far more entertaining than anything on the telly, and had a rather therapeutic effect and cleared away the stresses and strains away, for tonight at least anyway.

Am ready for my bed now and think I will get a good sleep, was awake a lot last night. so prbably sheer exhaustion will do the trick!

Thinking of you both and sending lots of hugs and best wishes.

T x

Hello Tracie.

I’d love to share the not-crying-for-so-long secret, but the strategy officially failed me last Saturday.
In fact, we seem to be imitating your roles (ranter/sniveller) (Do you think it’s a FEC side effect? Maybe they should include it in the side effect leaflet.)
I had a bit of a weepy evening, and when I get weepy, S. gets angry. She said some pretty hurtful things, and what’s worse, I guess I kind of deserved them.
I know I should be grateful that she found it early and that her prognosis is good and I know she is right in saying that my crying is ‘self-indulgent crap’. I know it could be so much worse, I know I should count our blessings. I know she’s right. But I can’t help being scared.
And hearing her say stuff like that hurts. Particularly when she said that sometimes she thinks that she’d be happier with someone else. (She has never, ever said anything like that before. In 9 and a half years she never had, Tracie, never.)

Until then, we had a really nice day. We had breakfast in town and then mooched around the food festival. (Luckily the chemo taste doesn’t seem to hang around for very long.)
Then we watched DVDs. I can’t even really remember how it all started. It just feelt like one big mess.
Then, the next day we were ok again. We talked and we were ok.
So surreal.

I very much understand how you feel about losing precious time. It’s difficult to share them, isn’t it?

You mentioned the TV helpline numbers after programs – whenever I think of those, I have to think of the one they showed after Hollyoaks once – normally they say: ‘If you have been affected by the issues raised in this program call this number’. Well, after that particular episode they said: ‘If you think you have meningitis, don’t call this number, but go to hospital NOW.’ I thought that was amusing.

I went to my GP again today (I had a letter asking me to go back if I’m still worried about my symptoms. And I kind of am, so I went back and my nice GP has written me a referral to the breast clinic.)
I probably have a big H for ‘Hysterical’ stamped on my patient notes, but I don’t really care. My left puppy just feels really different from my right one (and all of the 3 doctors I have since seen agreed – yes, 3. It’s a HUGE H stamped on my notes. In bold and red) I can’t remember if it has always been like this, and it still gets sore. I’m sure it’s probably nothing, but I know I’ll feel better once it’s all checked out properly.

Does H. get steroid highs? S. says that day 4 after chemo she always feels full of this artificial mad energy that makes her do uncharacteristic things. After first chemo, she insisted that we look for properties to buy in Germany (I’m German, but have no intentions to ever move back) (nor does she normally want to move there). And after her second chemo she laid a wooden floor in my dolls house and then cleaned the entire flat top to bottom.
I am currently compiling a little list of jobs I’d quite like her to do after her next session, but S says that’s not very ethical of me. (Booo, hiss.)

I’m currently having the mother of all toothaches. (bodged root canal 9 years ago that plays up once in a while) I’m on very strong painkillers and two different types of antibiotics. (Ouch.)
I think I’m going to have some more pain killers and lie down now.

Will write more once pain has gone.
Hope all is well with you and your baby.

Lots of love, hugs and best wishes,
Dani x

Ok, now I’m nervous Hello Tracie.
the breast care unit called me yesterday at work to say that I could come in TODAY at 10.30, but they promised me it was so quick just because they don’t have many referrals at the moment, not because my GP is worried. (I have to say I felt quite sick when I answered the phone and it was a nurse - I really didn’t expect that, I didn’t know they had my work number, but they called home first and S. gave it to them.)

I suppose it will be good to get it out of the way. I just want someone who really knows to take a look at it.
S. will come with me, even though her immunity is low and I don’t think she should. (I think she is more worried than me now.)

I still feel like p**. My abscess is still really hurts and I feel like I’ve got a cold coming on, so I can’t even snuggle up to S. and feel sorry for myself.

Anyway. I hope all is well your end.
Lots of love,

Dani x

The puppy is not sick! Hurrah!
They did an ultrasound and all is normal.
It’s still sore and lumpy, but apparently that’s just ‘one of those things’.
The staff were really nice and nobody called me hysterical - they said they understood how I felt after what happened with S. And if there were any more changes that I was worried about to keep coming back.
One of my friends’ husbands has just e-mailed me to say that his sister had something similar - their gran died of cancer in her cheek and his sister’s cheek swelled up and stayed like that for ages afterwards.
I guess it’s stress manifesting itself in some sort of physical form.

My boss was really sweet and told me not to worry about coming in after the appointment, so we had lunch in town.

God. So, so, so relieved right now.

Lots of love,
Dani xxx

Sorry!!! I abandoned you, just when you were going through all that. So very very very very pleased for you that your booby is not sick!! What a rollercoaster that must have been. I am sure that if i was in thast situtaion i would not have been reassured by the ‘not busy’ line and i would have been convinced there was something seriously wrong. One less thing to worry about. But don’t feel that your not right to carry it through, you still keep a close eye and get it checked again if necessary.

My pooter took a nose dive and I had no money to repair it straight away, but have people around who are a wizz with these things, they are just so busy and have to wait for them to be available. Was checking out my e-mail at the library, but wouldn’t check this site out, in case i started blubbing at something!! Well so far so good, whatever they have done seems to have worked, been bashing at the keys and its not dying on me, lets hope my typing is not in vain, may post this in bits to make sure!!! …

…there’s more… Thought I had better do it now that I have said it, or i will be screaming at the box of useless wires and kicking myself if I don’t, i can just see it.

I was reall sad when I read about the strain this b*****d disease is putting your relationship under. We too have had some similar experiences. I think it is a case of they get their fear under control, and manage to ‘bury’ it away, and then when they see us being afraid, its like we are a mirror, showing them what they are ‘burying’ and bringing it all back out for them. H too has been angry at me for being fraid when she has her fear under control, and I can understand that, and now I shield her from that much more.

Sometimes I forget how far in denial she goes. A recent appointment with a consultant who dealt with her original breast cancer knocked her for six again when the doc says ‘you realise its incurable’. H’s reaction is like she had been told for the first time again. Even that I am getting used to now, when that first used to happen I used to get frustrated thinking she had not taken stuff in. …

…and more… But you know that ‘muddle’ that I have spoken about. It sounds like you have your version now. S saying what she did, you feeling the way you did, that’s all so familiar. It wasn’t that long ago I said to H that she was giving me the impression that she didn’t want to be with me that she wanted to be dealing with it on her own, and asking her what she wanted, and her saying she didn’t know. Knocks the wind out of you, but cancer takes our heads to places nothing else would, and all ‘normal’ rules of communication and sharing and mutual support seem to have gone out of the window. I often feel like we are freefalling and I have no control over the emotional soup going on, so instead of tensing up and trying to unravel it, which tends to make more knots, and makes them tighter, I try to go with it and see where it takes us, and that seems to be working so far. Then in the more ‘normal’ moments we talk about it and acknowledge how stuff has made us feel. But its like we need that distance before we can do that. A totally different way of dealing with things to what I am used to. I kind of see it like there are bad ‘cancer’ episodes, and just have to go with them, and then when we are out of them, we can actually talk about it, but not at the time, because it is all just so raw and messy.

That was rather stream of consciousness, i have read it back and can’t begin to make that make any more sense than it does!!!

H has her 6th and last chemo tomorrow. I know she is dreading it, her veins are knackered and its very painful for her now even to have a blood test done. She is also fed up with the fatigue and the aching which has worsened the more chemo she has had. We have booked to go back to tenerife in two weeks time, wher I can give her my undivided attention, and we can both unwind and de-stress, which we did manage to do last time, despite just having had the diagnosis. But then there was the prospect of coming back and treatment strating. That won’t be there this time, we can just focus on us.

Hope you have got the tooth thing sorted, can you not get a permanent solution to it? Or are you too frightened to let anyone near it after it was bodged the first time. Glad to hear work are still treating you good though. Soak up all that positive vibe and allow it to vanquish the negative, take care of yourself, and allow anyone who can to look after you while you are busy using all your energy looking after S…

…last bit now… As to your question about steroid highs, I can’t say that I have noticed H have any, manic moments are part and parcel of her anyway. But she too has spoken of moving, and has made a few impulsive buys, not her normal self, usually far more cautious and researches first. But now she will mention that she is thinking of buying a portable dvd player and we start lookin and researching and then a couple of days later she has ordered a lap top!!! Lots of mind flitting going on like that.

I hope S is still coping well with the chemo, and i hope that emotionally its not taking too much toll on you both, sending you lots of love and good wishes,

Tracie x

Thinking about you… …hope you are both hanging in there on this hellish white knuckle ride. We have had another loop the loop just recently, but are looking forward now to going away again on Friday morning. H most excited about going on the airport buggy and to be honest i am too, lol.

Mentally she is in a weird place at the moment and I can kind of make sense of it. While we were on the ‘chemo ride’ we knew where we were, i think she is very unsettled now not knowing what lies ahead. She is not happy at the prospect of going back to work, but feels she has no real choice financially. I really don’t want her to go back to work until she is ready, and I would say that is more like months away than weeks. Going to keep buying lottery tickets in bulk, lol. Well at least 10 days away may gain her some ground.

On a really good note that may be relevant to S, her hair is growing back already!!! She has a full covering of short baby soft hair. H says that she will prob keep her hair short (though longer than it is now) as she has loved not having to mess about with her hair everyday. We will have to see if she holds to that. I do think Kylie looking so gorgeous in her short hair helps.

Sending you lots of love and good wishes,

T x

Long time no post (sorry) Hello you!

It’s great to hear that you are ok.
I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch for quite a while - I know it’s no excuse, but I just found it difficult to think about the whole thing enough to write it down without getting panicky. *insert eyeroll smiley here*

I hope you two had a wonderful holiday. (And your lottery numbers have come up.)
(I confess to buying a weekly ticket too…)

S has had 4 treatments now.
She’s finding it difficult, she has been struggling very much with nausea and sickness and she says each time it’s getting harder to go back for the next treatment. I go along to her treatments and she tends to squeeze my hand really hard, to pass on some of the pain.
For her third treatment the nurse asked me to nip up to pharmacy to pick up some of S’s medication (we’d run out of antibiotics) but she didn’t want me to go and she wouldn’t let go of my hand. (So the nice nurse asked the porter.)
It is very hard to see her like that.
For her 4th treatment they offered her some tranquilisers, which made it more bearable and helped with the anticipatory nausea. Also they found a bigger & better vein, so it didn’t hurt quite so much. We got some tranquilisers in a doggy bag, so she can have some more before her next session.
For afters she now has Nozinan, which basically just sends her to sleep for the first 48 hours after. (So much better than throwing up.)
We haven’t had a repeat performance of the ‘massive row’, which is a relief.
(S just looked over my shoulder and said that it wasn’t that massive a row, but I think it was.)
In fact, the last few weeks have been remarkably good. (I’m touching wood as I type)
I had been getting really stressed and run down and was picking up any bug going (I had a coldsore, a cold and an abscess in a row and it hurt when I swallowed – I’ve also started malting (my hair tends to fall out when I get stressed) and that was making me more stressed. I’m just so paranoid about passing on an infection to her.
But I had some days off for S’s 3rd chemo, got lots of sleep and I’m making a conscious effort to sleep loads, not work late and not worry, but just have some fun with the wife.
My counsellor suggested that I’m so worried about losing her that I’m not actually enjoying my time with her. And I figured she has a point.

S is working from home and because she can’t always concentrate she started working on my dolls house. I had bought it years ago and lost interest, but we’ve both really been getting into it.
She made a chest of drawers from scratch and it’s really good!

Great to hear that H’s hair is growing back already!
(S can’t wait even though she never had very long hair – Personally I have to say she looks rather sexy with a bald head.)

I hope you are both keeping well.

Lots of love,


Don’t apologise… …its not an excuse, sometimes you just need to not have to think about it and not discuss it etc.

H found treatments 5 and 6 the worst in terms of anticipated dread. I can imagine it was like spreading out your fingers knowing that when you did someone was going to smash a hammer down on each and every one, but knowing you had to do it. I am so so glad it is over, as of course is H.

What worries me is that it is extremely likely she will have to have chemo again in the future and I know that will be so hard for her. She was so relieved when that 6th dose was done, and she said she never ever wanted to go through it again.

The weakness, tiredness and aches and pains are all still there and she is so fed up with it. We still managed to have a great holiday and in the last few days went on a couple of day long excursions. Having a night flight with delays didn’t help though when we came home this morning. She looked absolutely shattered, like a gentle breeze could have knocked her down.

But we are both in positive mode now (it all has a life of its own, neither of us can control where we are with it most of the time!). Planning a trip to the Diminican republic to go swim with dolphins sometime next year and neither of us are ‘pretending’ to be positive for the other one’s sake, we both really are. Just going to enjoy this part of the ride for as long as it lasts.

Don’t worry about the fact that you were so fearful of losing S that you couldn’t enjoy the present, I am sure that is normal to go through that, I was very aware of it being that way and still had to make a serious effort to overcome it. Am sure you will too, as more time goes on and the more information you get, you will be able to slowly release that ‘grip’ even if sometimes you still tend to grab right back and hold on tighter. Its all part of it.

Its good you have a hobby that you can both relax and enjoy, getting lost in something like that is brilliant. As for the hair thing, I totally agree, maybe we are just biased, maybe our girls would look fantastic to us in a bin bag tied with old rope, but I have loved H’s ‘baby chick look’ she had going on, she never lost all her hair, most of it and had the rest really short. It has a fair length to it now,it full y covers her head , and I love it. H says she has found it liberating and would never have had the courage to have short hair, but now is going to keep it short.

Well am off to my bed now as I only got two hours last night because of the journey home, so going to catch up and hopefully be less zombie like tomorrow!

Love and spooky halloween wishes,

T x

I can’t believe it’s November already! Hello!

5th chemo is over with!
She’s on the couch and she’s got her ‘blue Sunday’, but she’s eating and she’s not been sick since we got home. (She was sick during – they gave us a screen as to not scare the other patients.)
I used to be quite squeamish with puke, but I’m immune to S’s. Good job really.
I think you are right about the ‘even looking great when wearing a bin bag’. I don’t think I could ever not fancy her.
Friday and Saturday she spent mainly sleeping. I mostly lie next to her, apart from when I’m working from home. Every few hours I wake her up, give her more tablets and make her drink water.

Her oncologist wasn’t there again – it’s the third time they managed to arrange an appointment when he wasn’t in the hospital.
I was very cross. I’m mentally scripting how I’m going to have a go at his secretary for not calling us back. I really dislike her, I did right from when I first met her.

It’s great to read that you are both feeling positive.
I’m doing better, I still get scared, but I don’t give in to it any more. Part of that is cutting down on how often I come here – I tend to get sucked in and read and then I get scared again, I’m now writing in Word and then copy & paste – I apologise, but I’m also think you may understand.
I wish I could get my e-mail address to you. Do you think I could maybe ask the moderator to pass it on? Then I could send you a link to the pictures of the dolls house, too!

How is the trip-planning coming along? I admire that you are brave enough to swim with dolphins. I think I’d be to chicken. I mean – what if they suddenly decide they don’t like me? They’re big, they are!

I promise to be in touch more frequently – I think the copy & paste strategy is working.

I’m pathetic, huh? *insert eye roll smiley here*

I hope you are both keeping well.

Lots of love,

Dani x

Oi woman… you are not pathetic, so we will have none of that, nah then. I totally get you with the not wanting to come on here, so don’t you worry about not keeping in touch, though it would be brilliant if the Moderator could get us in touch through e-mail (do they actually do that, not sure, other posts i have read in the past have complained about this???). I tried and failed miserably to register on what others seem to refer to as ‘the other site’ where you can have private contact. Can’t re-register as they say my e-mail addy is already registered but when i try to sign in it won’t let me.Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Would be able to open up a bit more about stuff as well, we have just had a serious blip, less than a week after being back from our hols, and it was horrible, but it has resulted in us being back to how we used to be, before the nightmare began, that muddle i have spoken about is now completely untangled and sorted, so there has been a happy outcome.But it was really really horrible to go through. I don’t think that it is a coincidence that at that time the onc said he doesn’t want to see H until beginning of March, that has helped a lot as well. As I have said before, I am uncomfortable about going into any more detail on here, as whilst it doesn’t bother me churning out my innermost thoughts, I feel I have to protect H’s privacy. So please moderator, if at all possible, would love to be able to pass on my e-mail address!!!

Only one more chemo to go, that is brilliant, goal post is near. Is S having radiothearpy after the chemo? Would be a lovely christmas present to be treatment free, eh.

As for the trip planning, well got to save money first. Have been busy this weekend applying draught excluder to loads of windows as I don’t have double glazing and H really feels the cold. House is much cosier now, and hopefully will make savings on the bills that can go towards the holiday next year. I never considered the fact that those peaceful, smiling, intelligent creatures may actually be hiding sinister desires to hurt us soppy humans!! Will have to research that. After all if they are that intelligent, they will know its us killing their planet!!! Oooh. Creeped myself out now, lol.

Would be lovely to see the photos of the dolls house, i am all fingers and thumbs and it just fascinates me. My hobbies include photography/journalling/scrapbooking, and anything too intricate ends up a gluey messy splodge!!! Perhaps I am too much of a perfectionist too. You can’t see that side of me most of the time, i am not compulsive or anything,and i don’t expect others to be perfect, just myself, lol.

H talking about going back to work in a few weeks, though I know her heart ia not really in it, she still has a lot of pain and fatigue, I can’t see how she can do a full day’s work, but I will support her in whatever decision she makes. After all if she gives it a go and it doesn’t work out then she will just have to give in and take some more time off. What worries me is that if she is stressed and tired that it may give the cancer what it needs to start to grow again. But as I say, its not my decision to make, and would probably be the same in her situation.

Nearly lost this lot then, computer behaving oddly so i will say ta-ra for now, hope u have a good week,

thinking of you both,

lots of love Tracie x

Hello there. Hello Tracie!

You know what - I’ve just IMmed the administrators on ‘the other site’ and asked them if they can help.
Maybe there is something they can do to sort out your registration problem.
Or you could always set up a hotmail account and then register with the new e-mail address?

Has H gone back to work yet?
S was very lucky – she has been able to work from home as and when she felt able to. She said it helped her take her mind off things, as there is only so much daytime TV she can watch. (She finds that Jeremy Kyle wants to make her gauge her eyes out.)

I’m so pleased to hear that your muddle is all sorted out – and an oncologist break until March sounds fantastic. (Ours keeps cancelling. Or rather NOT cancelling, we turn up and he just isn’t there. He’s done that THREE times now – and we’re supposed to be private. I’m going to complain, their appointment booking process s*cks.)

Yes, she has to have radiotherapy after, but we don’t really know the dates yet.
We’re hoping that December will be treatment free. We’re seeing the oncologist on Friday to find out ‘what happens next’. (If he cancels, he’s going to meet my pitchfork.) S is very ready to get some sort of normality back in her life. She says that she feels really alienated from her own body, like it’s falling apart. Not nice.
Saying that, we had a fantastic weekend.
Today we went for a long walk – probably the longest walk since she started chemo. We were woken up this morning by chainsaws (tree surgeons – don’t you just hate them?) so we left the flat and just walked and talked. We had lunch in a little café (we used to go there all the time when we first got together nearly ten years ago). It’s a vegetarian organic place and makes us feel all wholesome.

I still get wobbly and worried, but I guess that’s just human.

Fingers crossed the admin guys from the other boards come back with a solution.

Have a fantastic week.
Big hugs.

Dani x

That was quick! I just had an IM back from the nice admin lady on the other site and she said that the problem was that your account wasn’t activated.

It should work now. :slight_smile:

How exciting!
Hopefully hear from you there?

Ooooooowwwwww! Right going to give the other site a go, fingers crossed!!!


Hello. Hello.

Haven’t heard from you for a while - I hope you are ok, honey.

S’s last chemo has been delayed from Thursday. (Until next Wednesday) Her white cell count was very low. She is calling it her ‘stay of execution’ and is really quite glad. As usual she has been taking it a lot better than me. I cried when they told us. I’m rubbish at this. Bad wife, that’s me. *insert eyeroll smiley here*
She was on tranquilisers when we got the call (they put the canula in when they did the blood test on the day – to avoid stabbing her twice, so she had a tranq beforehand.), maybe that had something to do with her reaction.
She’s got to the point where she feels sick when we walk into the chemo place. She nearly threw up when they gave her a flushback through the canula (with saline solution only.) because the sensation reminded her of chemo.

Now she’s asleep and I’m having a G&G. That’s just like a G&T, but you replace the tonic with gin.

Five days after chemo she will go onto the radiotherapy waiting list – apparently it’s 4-6 weeks, then she’ll have 3 weeks of radiation to the whole breast, and a 5 day boost just to the area of her scar. It’s been a bit of a shock to realise the timings of it all – it’s all going to go on for a lot longer than we thought. So I don’t think there’ll be a big 10 year anniversary party in March.
Anyway, we’re telling ourselves that that doesn’t matter, there’ll be loads more anniversaries.

She says feels really alienated from her body. I think I understand. (Even though to me she looks just as fabulous as she always did and I don’t fancy her one little bit less.)
But I really miss the S that didn’t feel that way.

Anyway. That’s quite enough whining for one evening, I’m sure.
Take care of you and your girl. I hope you are both doing ok.

Lots of love,

me x

Just a quickie Sorry not beenaround, my pooter dead again and i havejust had my 5 min warning that theis public library pc gonna kick me off as my hour’s nearly up (groan) will write again soon, thinking of you both xxx

It’s nearly Christmas! Hello!

So good to hear that you are doing ok.
Sorry to hear about your computer. That’s a bummer.

S’s chemo is finished! Woo-hoo!
She had her last treatment last Wednesday and the queasiness if finally all gone.

We now don’t have to go back to the hospital until January 11th.
We still don’t know her HER2 status, I guess we’ll find that out then - but for now, we’re just enjoying our temporary freedom, we we’re not thinking about it.

I actually am so happy at this present moment that I feel all squishy inside.
And that’s really nice. I’m just going to enjoy this Christmas and spending lots of time with S and her family.

All things being well, we’re going ‘up North’ to see Sarah’s parents on the 22nd and we’re not coming back home until the 2nd of January.
(My lovely boss let me have time off in lieu. She’s been SO brilliant during all of this.)

I’ve bought S that new hoodie-proof indestructible hairgel as a stocking filler.
I think that everytime I look at her her hair has grown a bit more.

How are you doing, chuck?
I hope all is well & you aren’t too stressed out by the run-up to Christmas.

Love & Hugs,

Dani x