Hi I had similar experience I did have mastectomy right breast with implant was very happy and when dressed I didn’t look any different , unfortunately had infection and implant was removed , I am coming to terms with being flat one side , friends keep saying you don’t look to bad or can’t you put something in your bra to even yourself out unless it happens to you people don’t under stand or they just don’t know what to say , there is a lot your surgeon can do to help you and breast care nurse talk to them it does help it helped me .I am waiting for my prosthesis but in the mean time I’m wearing knitted knockers which are great , I wish you all the best your not alone .
2 Likes
Some folk don’t know what to say so end up saying stuff that is so off. I feel they mean well but it doesnt stop you feeling so down with what they say. If you can speak to them and let them know that they have upset you.
I have been really lucky with my family and friends. My issue is they want to wrap me up in cotton wool which so isnt me at all.
Remember you have this forum to come on for support and advice too
2 Likes
I think people are really scared of exploring hiwbyou might feel.
In my experience when i told people, they responded by telling me about someone else they know with cancer who was worse off.
I already feel like old news and im still having treatment.
So it can be a bit lonely.
I hear you 
3 Likes
Oh Sue this is awful for you and people can say some really strange hurtful things, without meaning to. I had a mastectomy 10 years ago for Lob Invasive BC and no reconstruction. Then this Summer was diagnosed with secondaries. I am nearly 75 and not too old for sex, until two years ago I had been without a partner for 10 years! Mastectomy is irrelevant, it really doesn’t make you less sexy. We are talking about you and your life here not your lovely children and grandchildren, who hopefully will live healthy lives regardless. I hope you have some answers now but try and get as much support as you can as all of this can knock you sideways but there are people out there to get help from all over the country. Big hug 
x
1 Like
Hi Sue, I’m so sorry not just about the responses from some of those you’ve shared with, but the fact that it’s your second diagnosis. I got my diagnosis 13 Jan 23. It was pretty advanced but not metastasised- so I clung onto that. Mastectomy was almost the 1st response of the cancer team - their faces said it all. The shock of the advanced diagnosis was what placed me in the “do whatever u have to do” mind set. BUT it’s very personal there is nothing easy about the diagnosis. Please keep strong, & when you can’t & need the blow out we are all here. We are all in different places, dip at different times, over different things, it’s what you need at these times. Hopefully your family will cocoon you. My 2 adult daughters came with me to early meetings with the surgical & oncology team. It worked for us all - they heard it first hand & could ask their own questions. Also they understood/believed what they heard, not a non-medical, half remembered account 
. I had neo-adjuvant chemo, left breast mastectomy & 19 nodes removed. The chemo was brutal - they allowed me to sleep, eat little & keep me hydrated. But the signs are looking hopeful. I’m not having a reconstruction; I went braless until I had my kids (luckily smallish pert breasts!). I’m enjoying the freedom of my left side, plus showing off my asymmetry; but that’s me. Oh I’m 70 in Feb & no 69 is neither past it nor too old for sex. Please let us know how you are doing. Love Ana
1 Like
Hi - my diagnosis was advanced invasive lob BC HER2+ & ER+. I’m so sorry to hear that it’s recurred. 
Truly hope that new treatments (they are coming on a pace) means that a second diagnosis also carries good stats. Hoping for you. Ana xx 
1 Like
Hi barca151
I have told my 2 sons but my daughter is very emotional and stresses easily
She has 2 little ones age 3 and 6 and if i told her it would ruin the little ones Christmas as she would be crying and emoting all over the place
So Im waiting until after Christmas when I’ll have results and a plan
It’s very difficult and she senses im a bit distant and she’s being quite mean about it, saying I don’t care about her
But I really can’t cope with her dramas
So im looking after the grandkids from time to time and leaning on my wonderful friends and my 2 sons
It’s this waiting that is so hard as I remember from last time 10 years ago
This time it was 2 weeks to see surgeon
2 weeks wait for biopsy and now 2 weeks waiting for results
Hey ho I know we’re all in the same boat but this blooming boat needs to get a move on
Best wishes Sue
1 Like
Hi Sue, the waiting is very hard. I do hope that they get the results & plan out to you quickly. We are all in the cancer boat, but it does need to pick up some speed for you. that things ease up on you soon. Agreed this time is yours. A
1 Like
Hi,
I’m 60 and just diagnosed with TNBC. You’re the first person I’ve come across in this age group who’ve had it. Guessing that you must had it for the first time when you were 60.
I’m a total mess since diagnosis and constantly doubting my treatment plan (surgery first- lumpectomy) and may not need chemo.
I really don’t want mastectomy, but feel I should have one. Petrified my treatment isn’t aggressive enough. The thought of recurrence is enough to finish me off. I thought I had 10-20 years post retirement to enjoy with my husband and now it just feels like crap ahead.
My friends have mainly said the right things. The thing that does tip me over is the " you can have your breasts reconstructed and nipples tattooed on if necessary" !!; my breasts are a massive part of my sexuality and I too was not ready to give up my sex life. I’d be the first to admit that I have never wanted to get old, now feeling this had scuppered all my plans.
Can’t sleep since diagnosis and keep crying. I don’t know how to live with this thing
2 Likes
Hi midwife60, yes i was a total mess 10 years ago when diagnosed with tnbc at the age of 59
Mine was small, 15 mm and i had a very neat lumpectomy and 6 months of chemo and have had 10 years free of recurrence
I am so pleased i had chemo as had all I could to keep this thing at bay. Its all we have. Its your choice but if you’re fit enough I think chemo is a must
My new cancer is hormone positive but it may be a recurrence that has changed its spots as my consultant put it
Im awaiting the results of my ct scan which is causing me stress
I’ve developed an upper respiratory infection ( yuk) and a weird stabbing pain in my temple, both stress induced i think.
I wish you every good health. If you are having surgery first it sounds like it is small which is fantastic
But I would definitely consider pushing for chemo if you’re fit enough xx
Best wishes Sue xx
Yes it’s small but actually 2 tumours, very close together as far as they can tell pre op.
Don’t want chemo obviously but feel I should, and will do so if advised. The thought of a different cancer in the same or other side is scary. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through it again xx
Midwife 60 
sorry you find yourself here, glad you’ve reached out to bcn a good book that helped me is surviving triple negative breast cancer by Patricia prijatel I also focused on Robin Roberts and Joan lunden tnbc survivors, take it a day at a time and step by step remember your team have seen it all before and your treatments will be tailored specifically to you and we’ve got you while you bouncing at the end of the bungi chord at the minute while your getting your head round everything also do find mountain lion on here by strawberry blonde it’s helped so many on here 
Shi xx
Just to let you know I had 2 tumours, one they called a satellite and I’ve had 10 years until a recurrence/ new primary x
Guessing you had lumpectomy ?
This is why I’m feel I should have a mastectomy both sides, but it’s not what I want
Hi midwife 60 again
I’ve been mulling over what you said and totally understand
Tnbc usually recurs in the first 2 or 3 years
Then the rate diminishes significantly
Im sure you know all this and don’t want or mean to patronise
Lumpectomy and radiotherapy give the same safety as mastectomy
Ive just been unlucky and don’t regret my decision to have a lumpectomy 10 years ago
Talk it over lots of times if you can with your surgeon
Take care as I think we’re both quivering wrecks at the moment
Im going for a walk shortly and have had a short course of valium from my gp to help until i get my ct scan results on 18 th xx
Hi Sue,
Thank you for that reply, not at all patronising and I had sort of forgotten that after I think it’s 5 years the recurrence rate is actually lower than other breast cancers, I think.
I’m glad you don’t regret your original decision, that as you can imagine is my biggest concern.
Sorry, I can’t remember if I asked you before but did you have BRACA testing?
And is triple negative again this time?
Hi midwife 60 again
Yes i had the brca test 10 years ago and it was negative
This lump is highly oestrogen positive
They won’t know if it’s a new primary or a recurrence that’s changed its spots ( my surgeons words)
So im on letrozole and awaiting ct scan to check for mets ( aargh)
Then mastectomy if all is clear as cant do radiation twice and my poor breast is a mass of scars as iv had surgery previously for fibroadenoma
So that’s where im up to
Do keep in touch
Whats the next step for you?
Best wishes Sue
Sorry WHAT. I had a double mastectomy in 2014 with implants had reconstructive surgery 2016 but got cancer in 2018. This September 2023 I got cancer again this time I opted for double mastectomy and flat. I’m a week since my bilateral mastectomy and wore my softies today for the first time, strange feeling.
When I was diagnosed in September my consultant said it was either cancer from my 2016 surgery under the scar tissue or through the blood. Panic tears emotions I had bone scan, CT and MRI scan, thankfully I was clear it was isolated and most was re by biopsies I had, 4 were done. I know how worried I was I had just turned 57 and wasn’t sure if I would see this Christmas. I know how you must be feeling and my heart goes out to you but I’m sorry these people are not your true friends.
Boobs don’t make a person and if you have a double mastectomy you have options if you don’t want to go flat. Your health is the most important thing because you have a family who you want to be around for as long as possible. I’m married no children and got cancer at 47, I had implants but failed then reconstructive surgery I was young I like my summer tops and wanted a figure for me nobody else plus they didn’t do the things now, back then.
Sex doesn’t come into it and I’m sorry your so called friend even said that to you that was nasty. As for the other person saying at least you family are healthy, yes they may be but you want to be with them on this planet for a long time. You are not old and if you later meet someone how do you explain if you don’t have boobs, this is totally understandable. I would say stay away from me if you can’t support me and tell your family when you are ready, although keeping it from them protects them but doesn’t help your mental state either. Counselling is brilliant and does help. I’m not sure where you live but I’m in the U.K. and can get support in lots of places.
I waited 3 weeks for my results, had delays then my surgeon went sick 8 weeks I waited and I am ok but I had my husband, my aunt and cousins for support the 3 weeks were hell waiting, not knowing I wish I could hug 
you. I was even planing my funeral dome I know but unless you have had cancer nobody knows truly how you feel and what does through your mind especially at night when you can’t sleep. You will get lots of support from this forum and from me. It’s a battle you don’t have to be alone in but I would question your friendships as both comments would have seem my friends gone. Unfortunately it’s times like these when you find out who your true friends are. Your emotions will be all over the place do you have family you can confide in or friends who have had cancer where you can talk. We have McMillan here I even got a little kit to take in hospital with me, I stayed in over night then was home.
You are never alone in this group, we can all suport each other
2 Likes
Thanks Sprout for your support
Another 8 days to wait for my ct results
Can’t focus on anything but going for a walk later with my son
Take ex
1 Like
I go out and walk when my anxiety starts getting out of hand. I’ve been stomping round the streets in the rain. It definitely helps xx only trouble is when you’re so tired it’s hard to make yourself do it
1 Like