Oh, yes, indeed! The things that people say… Sometimes I wish I could mute them using a remote.
Your post truly strikes a chord with me. But what can I say? Non-cancer people always seem to have a treasure trove of advice and comments, and they’ve got these fantastic witchcraft remedies ready to blow their trumpets! They’re like the Hogwarts of advice, except they forgot the ‘listening’ spell. Whatever they think or feel, it’s as relevant as a fart lost in a tornado storm.
When it comes to seeking support, this is not what you signed up for. I’ve shared my thoughts about some of these comments with my closest friends, and surprisingly, they responded positively. But breaking old habits is like trying to get a unicorn as a pet - you end up with a cranky cat.
I wish this choir of incompetent well-wishers and adviser gurus would have their tongues removed, and their ability to communicate only restored when they have something nice and the capacity to say something intelligent and sensitive.
Here’s to hoping you find the support you need, and remember, the forums are like the Diagon Alley of understanding and camaraderie!"
I hope you are doing ok. There is nothing more demoralising than feeling like you are not surrounded by the love and support of some of your friends. I felt the same after my diagnosis. I think we have all had fairly unfeeling things said to us at some point.
What helped me was going to Maggie’s. You will find like minded people of varying ages, who don’t try and make you feel like you’re being dramatic, they give you the space to cry and talk and laugh. Until eventually you feel like you are getting on top of things. Their courses are very good too. Do you have a Maggie’s centre or similar near you?
Let us know how you are doing.
Hi and thank you everyone for your lovely understanding responses
I had my mastectomy on Tuesday and came home yesterday
Im feeling surprisingly ok
Friends and family have rallied round which is great
However I am aware that I may need support from Maggies when the initial post surgery days fade away and people assume im getting on with things
We do have a local maggie which was great when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago
So once Im healed and able to drive I’ll take myself there
Again thanks for the understanding messages, they mean a lot xx
I have found Maggie’s great too. Only been once so far but I felt safe as soon as I walked in. My (fairly) local one has 2 monthly breast cancer groups, one each for primary and secondary cancer. I hope to go to my first one in a couple of weeks. They also do lots of sessions both social and focused to help on our cancer journey, or just go to use the space to talk or just be.
Whatever they think or feel, it’s as relevant as a fart lost in a tornado storm.