I have posted this for new user Nikki
Jo, Facilitator
Hi,
right up to the moment i walked into the room i thought they were going to say it was just an infection and give me antibiotics and send me home. i never thought that a week after my 26th birthday i would be told i have cancer. my eldest boy is 3 on 1st feb, my youngest is 16 months, and when i got home they just hugged me. ive never cryed so much in my entire life.
i know there is nothing i can do til ive had my ct and bone scan, and that is so frustrating, i wish i wasnt snapping at everyone all the time, i just want a hug.
I feel like i have to run a marathon but i have never run in my life and if any one has any tips i would be everso grateful.
thank you, Nikki xxx
Hi Nikki
I justed wanted to say hello and sorry that you have had this news. I just wanted to let you know that the time you are going through now has been for me the very hardest part. I wanted to reply as we are in similar situations( Im just turned 29, my son is 18 months, I was diagnosed sept 08). I think getting your head round it all is really tough- when things become a bit clearer and you know what your dealing with and what treatment lies ahead then hopefuly you’ll find things a bit easier.
Yvonne xx (if you ever want to chat just message me)
(sorry im not brilliant with words- but wanted you to know I was thinking about you)xxx
I’m sorry we meet in these circumstances and of course your head is spinning. I was diagnosed on 17th December, had a lumpectomy and node clearance on 22 December and get the results of tests on what they took out tomorrow. The first few days are really hard - I didn’t have too much time to think because I was operated on 5 days later and I’ve spent the last 2 weeks dealing with recovery from that and Christmas. I suspect once you (and I) know exactly what we are facing and what the treatment plan is there will be something to focus on other than panic and fear.
I’m 41 and I have 3 young children so I can relate to the feelings you must be having on that score and I find myself being snappy too so you’re not alone there. There are a few of us recently diagnosed who will be starting our treatment in the next few weeks. Holding your hand tight, Nikki - we’ll all march forward and beat this thing!!
Like Gennie I didn’t have much time to think as I was diagnosed and operated on within 8 days just before Christmas. But what you do think makes these first days the worst of your life. Just take it one day at a time, keep breathing, don’t bottle it up, and tell yourself you will get through this. Use every support system you have, and know that we’re all here and have been or are going through it, and will go through it with you, every step. You’re not alone. From my experience the NHS staff that will take care of you are wonderful and will answer all your questions, no matter how daft you think they are. Use them as much as you need to.
So sorry you’re here too. It was a year ago today I was referred by my doc for a suspicious lump, I was 33, never thought it would be cancer and had no idea what was coming next. But it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be and in all honesty for me the waiting to find out was much worse than the treatment.
The cold, dark, long nights don’t help either. Try to keep distracted and wring every little bit of joy out of anything you can while you wait.
I hope all of you get good results like I did. It’s really easy to be overwhelmed during the first few weeks and months, there’s so much information. Try and take a partner or good friend to your appointments so that you don’t have to remember everything yourself. I never realised at the time how strong the shock was, it took months to wear off and even now it makes me jump sometimes. But life is moving on again for me, I’m doing normal things like moving house, working, seeing family and I appreciate things in a different way now.
Don’t be afraid to ask question of your team and on here.
I forgot to say… I had a bilateral mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and about to start Tamoxifen and honestly the waiting was the worse part of the lot.
Thank you all, you are so kind!
i knew my bone scan is on 12th but just after i posted this i got a call from the unit saying my Ct scan is on 15th and i can go in for the results on 16th, so it feels like i have a light at the end of my tunnel.
Thank you Yvonne, your words have really helped.
Gennie, i hope your results come back clear it sounds like you have been thru enough!
Lisa, You sound really brave! 2 is more than enough for me! i Was fostered and my foster Dad died of lung cancer only 18 months ago, and i wouldnt be here today if they hadnt let me into their home and looked after me. it was so hard to tell my foster mum.
Thank you Carole, my team are brill and although i dont feel ready to talk to them, as i dont have a diagnosis so they cant tell me cold facts, (if that makes sense???) but im sure they`ll be sick of me by the time im fit and well again!
Ta Angie, my Hubby came with me thankfully for my diagnosis, when we got to the hospital, i didnt have any change for the stupid parking, so i began to say go and get the milk we need ill be out in a jif, but he was determined to come along, im so grateful he did. and My Mum has been a tower of support, although she is 200 miles away, she really know how to make me laugh!
i hope i havent left anyone out. im finding it hard to sleep, even with the tabs doc gave me, brain is racing! but reading your posts has lifted my spirits, thank you all again! Nikki xxx
oh meant to say, i have seen loads of posts where tumour size is 10-20mm, mine is 35mm, is that big?
im starting to think im reading to much, but right now its all i can do.
Ta, Nikki xxx
Hi Nikki
Mine was 3cm square (found out yesterday), which puts it at what they call Stage 3 (just going on size). So it’s not classed as small, but that doesn’t mean anything terrible, so don’t panic. Mine was Stage 3, what they call aggressive, and mine still came back yesterday with clear margins and no spread to the lymph nodes at all. One step at a time. Don’t leap ahead, it’s not worth the sleepless nights and cold sweats!
Hey Carole thank you and im so glad you’ve got clear margins! im slowly getting the hang of all this jargon, all the shortenings get quite confusing!
i keep thinking im not ill, ive just got cancer so why the hell am i finding so hard to do simple things? my son has been taken to hospital cos he trapped his fingers in a door at school and i felt so bad that i had to let my hubby take him as i have to look after my liitle one, and to be frank im sick of hospitals already and the thought of it all has given me a huge headache. i am going to find letting others help difficult, ive always tried to be in control and as independant as possible.
i know mine is grade 3 but i guess ill get the stage on 16th, when they’ve see it on the scans. right gonna have a cuppa and buck myself up, got tonnes of paperwork to sort out, what with closing my business etc. thanks again for all your kind words, most apprieciated, Nikki xxx
Hey i just found a thread about BC links with thyroid function, i was over active for yrs and it nearly killed me, made me remember how strong i had to be then, and has made me feel stronger now. was interested if anyone knows of a link with implanon? its a contrecptive implant i had put in after having little’un, and problems with leaky boobs started just after having that put in, its oestrogen only i think and ive read a bit about the HER2 tests, maybe this might have sped things along? probably reading to much into it again but im definatly gonna check it out. Nikki xxx
You’re doing it again! Stop reading! One of my friends went through this two years ago and she said she spent months trying to figure out what she did to cause it, and it really messed her up. In the end she realised that it just happened. It can happen to anyone. You haven’t caused it, you just got unlucky. It’s a bummer, but it happens. You’re probably still in shock. You also sound really strong, capable. Use your strength to simply focus on each day. Eat well, rest well, do your paperwork. I Googled for 2 days pretty much non-stop between biopsy and getting the results. It helped me understand what a general anaesthetic is like (I’d never had one and was really scared - it’s a breeze!), gave me an insight into what I’d be looking at for the next year, and brought me to this forum, which has been marvellous. Other than that, I realised all I was doing was packing my head full of scenarios that might never happen, details I couldn’t possibly understand, and fears I didn’t have to have.
This is a process, and one, sadly, you cannot get out of once you’re in it. Try and stay cool and relaxed. Impossible I know! Try anyway.
ive had a barny with the hubby when he got home, little one is fine, but he had a go at me about trying to find a way to cope. i realise what he meant now, and ive calmed down and now im gonna fight this with everything i got, and im gonna look good doing it! hope your all ok today nikki xxx
Hi guys, cant sleep, had bone scan today and just want 9am to be here so i can call for results.
this is really getting the better of me, all this waiting about. but i am getting more and more positive every day, even tho some people close to me are finding things hard.
hope everyone is ok today, Nikki xxx
Hi Nikki,
I’m 30 and have a 22 month old. I know it feels scary but you just sort of get used to each stage as you go along. I was diagnosed 6 Nov. and had op to remove tumour on 20 Nov. Margins clear and lymph nodes negative so I am now having chemo to “mop up any cells that may be lurking” as my nurse puts it. I had the first on on 29 Dec. and I have the second one on Monday. I have having x8 lots of chemo (docs says when we are young we we will have as much as poss as we have a longer life ahead to prevent it coming back) and then I have to have radiotherapy but I aren’t thinking that far ahead.
I was spending ages on Google researching anything and everything relating to breast cancer but took the advice from my nurses who said that I am entitled to any information I want from my notes so that I can look into the type of cancer that relates to me. They have said that everybody has an individual case and the treatment is tailored to that case so it’s best not to overload on information from the internet that doesn’t really relate. I think it’s really good advice.
The waiting is the worst part as you are out of control. Lots of luck and if you want to chat, send me a message.
Lynsey xxxx
Hello! im back! i have also posted “is anyone here near Llanelli”, so sorry to repeat myself but got results today! it is DCIS with 1 node, hasnt spread to spine like they feared! WHOOP!
but back to the waiting again now, gotta have the chemo first, waiting for Onc appointment. 4-5 month o the good stuff then op, then herceptin, cos its HER2 positive, whoop again! feels like im going to be able to start fighting this horrid thing now!
they said i will loose hair so im gonna be sponsored to shave it off, decided something good has to come of all this, and if i can help someone else then thats what ill do! trouble is dont like the idea of wigs so im gonna have to do some hat shopping, aint that a crying shame!
Hope you are all ok today! Nikki xxx
Nikki - I had a very jolly time in Accessorize today buying hats. They have loads - I wanted them all! Well, I did have to give some consideration as to whether some of them would be itchy on a big baldy heid but otherwise there were plenty to choose from.
Now I never thought of sponsoring the head shave - what a great idea!
