Hey Ali- B , thank you for your kind words, they really hit home to me, I think youre right about the whole psychology part of things, the fact that I stopped work on Friday and then the pre op appointment today after the weekend made this whole horrible experience seem much realer to me… Signing consent forms etc … I know there’s no other option and I have to get through this…Im just so scared and feel like i have no control over anything… I did go through the whole why me thing and I don’t think I’ve felt anger yet but im pretty sure I will., at the moment its just tears and feeling numb, the worrying thing being the nurse said she is seeing more and more cases of young women having mastectomies, you dont really realise how life can be so cruel til you’re in this situation. Sorry to wang on, just feel like I’m really on a low ebb today… When is your op btw? X
Hey AIi-B , thank you again for making me feel I’m not alone, I’ve said countless times already but this forum really is a godsend, chatting with other ladies going through similar or same thing… My op includes auxillary node clearance aswell as the mastectomy but any thing remaining which could bring it back I want out of me… There is the lymphodema risk but ill take that if it means less chance of recurrence… There is also the chance of recon in a year or so providing alls well with the healing process…
I will be thinking of you on Thursday… What can I say but keep being strong … Huge hug Sandi xx
Hi Ali-B ant Sandi1977
Big hugs to you both. I ve been to see doctor as can t deal with the anxiety and they gave me 7 tablets diazepam to try and relax me. I just need sleep. I ve cried on and off all day but kids home from school now so hot to put normal act on again now. So hard when all I want to do is curl and cry. Take care all x
Hello All,
Just saying that I have just been hugging my husband crying about being in this situation. Angry that I am here and ‘grieving’ for my loss of ‘innocence’ before I had to think about cancer. My life has changed forever in a way that I had never dreamed of. Just want to see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel right now’ - seems so far away.
So as I said in an earlier post - it really gets to me too.
*sob*
Ali xx
Hi Julia, I hope you get some rest girl xxx
Ali-B I give you a massive hug, I’ve just been crying on the phone to my mum this past hour, seems such a long and stressful journey… We must keep each other going somehow… Just think we will have the thing out of us by the end of the week… One major step will be accomplished… Love Sandi xx
Sandi1977
Big massive hug. This time next week you will be recovering knowing that gone from you and then have to remember that any treatment is just a preventative step. ( I m sounding all brave here but not feeling it). Perhaps when all this is over and done with we should arrange a girls weekend away somewhere. What do you think Ali-b xx
Hi Blossom Hill ( love the name btw) could kill for a glass or bucket of the stuff right now!! Thank you for your lovely message, hope all goes well on Wednesday, just had a real crappy low day today , 80 percent of which crying and whittling myself into a panic frenzy… Humph : - ( My surgeon wants to wait to see how I heal before the recon which is ok with me, when’s your op? X
Well took the diazepam that doctor prescribed and still in a state. Tossing and turning and just sick as can be. I need sleep somehow or other…
Julia ,what dose of valium did the doc give you ,I found anything less than 5 to 10 mg didn’t have any effect on extreme anxiety at all.Go back to doc or speak to them on phone if you still feel this bad ,did they look at your anti depressant dose/type some just don’t work well for anxiety ,sometimes you need a higher dose.Do you feel you were listened to by GP,if not ask to see someone else.
chuffing Nora Blossom Hill, massive respect on the housework front!! I need some tips!! I’ve got an ironing pile that would choke a horse at the moment!!
Hope all goes well with your C.T scan, all positive that things are happening!! Hopefully you will get your treatment plan sorted shortly as a result
got to pop up to hospital now to give another blood test and then it’s the mastectomy tomorrow, yikes… I was freaking out a bit this morning , ok a lot but had a lovely lady called Angela from the helpline chat with me which calmed me down knowing that she went through exactly the same thing way back in 1990!! So goodbye boob!! Xx Julia I hope your MRI went ok, and Ali-B all the best for Thursday… Thinking of you all xx
*sigh*
Having a bit of a crisis moment - my ‘random googling’ brought me up on something I probably shouldn’t have read but I bloody well did didn’t I. FFS.
I wish I didn’t work in IT … online all the f&*%ing time and google is only a click away.
I wish this wasn’t happening to me. I sort of feel like a failure (if you know what I mean).
B45t4rd cancer.
*double sigh*
Ali xx
Ali its impossible not to google, does us no good but we do it anyway! You ladies are all in the early stages and this really is the absolute worst time where you feel like your going insane! Fast forward a few months and you will be feeling so different and will be sharing your experiences with all of the terrified newbies on here, none of this is your fault, we didnt ask for this crap and I will never be convinced its anything to do with something ive done! Xx
Hard I know but stay away from Google you can scare yourself witless.Sentinel node thing is weird but ok,you have injection into boob (stings a bit),wait an hour then go back for CT scan so then can check it has worked and is highlighting nodes that cancer is draining into .You will feel much better when you have had the bigger removed !!!
Or even the bugger !!!
Ps make sure your have a pillow for return journey from hospital ,the seat belt goes right across affected area and you need some cushioning !!!?
Hi ladies, had my blood test which went straightforward enough, then cos my blood pressure was high yesterday had to have it measured again and surprise it was even higher today… Nurse is like try and calm down??? ??? Hmmm yeah … Now feel even more anxious as now I’m scared they won’t operate as its so high! Grrrrrr
I have white coat syndrome and always have high blood pressure initially when they take it ,they told me at the pre op check that if your are walking and talking you they will do op!!!You would have to be pretty ill for them not operate as modern anaesthetic techniques are very good and they can manage most conditions .
Thanks for replying Jill! The nurse who took my group and save blood test and then checked my pressure again was quite vague, I guess she can’t really answer for the surgeons, but she did mention they might give me a sedative… Just worrying they won’t operate even though I am scared and apprehensive to hell of having it done, now I’m worrying there’s something else wrong with me., god and they say stop worrying???
Well they pretty much told me I would have to be on the verge of death for them not to operate ,so I think you can assume it will go ahead !!Yes they may give you a sedative to help,but they do give you a sedative before anaesthetic in operating theatre anyway ,it’s rather nice actually !!!Everyone is very anxious and has sky high blood pressure ,why would you be calm!!!
Bring on the sedatives!! When was your op Jill? X