Hi all
I looked on this site when I was first dx, in June, and posted after my op at the beginning of july, but I was in such a state my post was very down and I was totally terrified. I’m a lot better now I have learned to deal with it, and I’ve been reading all your posts and it has given me loads of confidence so thanks. I had lumpectomy and full clearance beginning july, started chemo beginning august. I was grade 3 triple neg. I am having 4 fec and 4 tax. 1st fec was ok, got next one end of this week and my hair is falling out all over the place. My hubby is going to get the clippers on it for me this evening. I just want to get on with it now. I’ve got 3 kids, youngest is one, and I thought for ages I wouldn’t see them grow up but now I am in fighting spirit and determined to see this through then get on with my life. I’d love to hear of anyone at similiar stage of chemo or in similar boat generally. Mind you that’s all of us isn’t it?! I live in south Manchester, so anyone in this area say hi too. Reading this site has helped me no end. I’m 36, and thought I was young, but some of the girls on this site in their 20s are amazing and have inspired me so much. Thanks everyone.
Hi, Sarah
I know this is in the younger women’s forum and I’m not a young woman but I was once so I guess I can post in here as well 
Sorry that you’ve had to join us, but glad that you’re feeling so much stronger now. I do so admire you younger women with small children. You can give yourselves a big pat on the back.
Good idea to get hubby to cut your hair short while it’s falling out. I remember paying £10 to someone to cut mine! And there was nothing left anyway a week later 
Second time my hair started to fall out, I cut it myself then wore a towelling turban I bought at Christies when I was in bed at night because I was fed up of all the hairs on the pillow and duvet.
Which hospital are you being treated at? I live in Stockport. Had surgery at Stepping Hill and chemo and rads at Christies.
Good luck to us all.
Maureen xx
Hi Sarah
I am the other side of treatment. I was dx on June 4th last year. I still have my grey days but have a fighting spirit and fantastic support. I take you are at the Christie for your treatment. What an amazing place. I live in the Worsley area of Manchester and have two children ages 6 and 7. I was forty when I got my dx, had mastectomy clearance and six zaps of chemo then radiotherapy. Its do able. Poor you I remember my hair coming out this time last year and I too got my husband to clip it. Unfortunately the clippers didnt work as well as they should and the effect was not what I thought. I had images of Demi Moore in G I Jane however the effect was more akin to having been nibbled by a goat! It did all come out over the next couple of days. My girls accepted me without hair straight away. I told them it was a sign that the medicine I had to take was working. I have met some pretty amazing people along the way and you will too. Have you heard about the Blackburn Younger Womans Forum? Its an overnight stay in September and I was told at BC night at John Lewis Traff Centre that they are really good. You may not be upto something like that but look out for future events. Good Luck with your hair later, its the right thing to do.
regards
Missi
Hi ladies Yes, I am at Christies. I think it is an amazing place too. A swell as my chemo, and rads later, I’m having hypnotherapy there too every week and the woman that does it is fantastic. missimodo that made me laugh out loud that you looked like you had been nibbled by a goat. How funny. You have to laugh don’t you or you would cry! By the way Missy is my pet name for my baby girl. Maureen I am taking it you are on the other side of treatment too, hope you doing well.
I was fine on my first fec chemo, getting a bit tired of know-it-alls who haven’t even been where we have saying ‘ooh you just wait, it’ll all change as you go along’.
Yes, i know it will but why do some people have to say such things? Do they think they make you feel better saying that? Isn’t it funny how this BC thing makes you realise who is good for you and who is not. A friend of mine said, when I was dx, ‘oh i’ve got a breast cancer story, my dad’s mum has got the gene, and I’ll be able to find out next year if there’s a one in ten chance of me getting it when I am over fifty. Nightmare isn’t it?’
I’m sorry to be a cow but I felt like punching her. This was a while ago though and I am a bit more chilled now!
Hi Sarah
I’m 39 Mum of two and am having chemo no 3 next Tues. It has been going really fast but I do long for it to all be over and get back to the life I had before.
Was just browsing and came across your thread. It was the comment on friends that got me, since being diagnose three months ago I have really gotten to know just who my friends are many have been extremely supportive and have helped to keep my chin up. There have been a couple one in particular who I thought would be a great support, who I have only heard from a couple of times as she is “really busy”( aren’t we all ). As I am normally one to let people know if I have a problem I have decided to give them a wide berth in future and concentrate on my real friends.
I really hate it when people tell me I look well and it’ll soon be over, I understand you wanting to punch someone ( if only you could get away with it LOL )
Hope hubby is good with the clippers, don’t go too short as it can make your head itchy. Hope you look like GI Jane and not a goat bless!!.
Best wishes.
Ann
xxx
Well hubby did hair and I too look like I have been nibbled at by a goat! I cried for 5 mins then we started laughing, and my sons have been cool they are so lovely to me bless them. Told them its a good sign the medicine is working. I have got a headscarf on now and look like mystic meg but hey ho, there are many people far worse off than me in the world. Baby daughter wants a headscarf too now
Ann you are similar age to me, hope you and kids are coping ok, it’s a massive shock isnt it but you sound like you are getting along ok good for you. Glad you understand my desire to punch people, I am not normally an aggressive person at all believe me!
Sarahx
Oh Sarah, Bless! I think accepting the hair loss is one of the hardest things. I had loads of people telling me they knew someone who had chemo and lost their hair and it grew back, thicker, stronger, longer, green whatever whatever and all the time you grit your teeth smile accept it with a nod when really all you want to do is tell them to bog off and punch them in the face!!! Because how do they know when they arent the ones there with the hairless head. I gave the window cleaner the fright of his life once, opened the door to him and stood there yacking away when I suddenly realised I didnt have my hat on. OOOPS. Just said BYE! shut the door put my hat on and opened it up again and carried on where I had left off! I still wear hats a lot of the time. This is to hide my bad hair days! Mine is coming back now and its thick and its curly but its not green! Me and hub affectionately refer to the style as the Irish Mammy! Incidently I am 42 was dx at 40 and missimodo is in fact my pet name for my youngest girl! Gosh this is quite a yadder but when I think on when I wore hats after losing my hair I found that a head band underneath helped to keep it secure and in place and it also disguised the fact that you have no hair a bit better and at the Christie they do a Looking Good Feeling Better make up afternoon. Lovely. You get a whole bag of make-up goodies to take home and the girls who do it are lovely. You can register at the rehabilitaion unit. I was really impressed and they showed the lady next to me how to pencil eyebrows in. (I actually had semi permanent make up eyebrows done, its like having a tattoo tiny little strokes very effective, it was quite expensive but some really good friends clubbed together for me to have it done. Wonderful Mine have now grown back but the tattoos are underneath and look great) I also noticed the cold at night so would quite often go to bed in a wooly hat. MMMMmm very fetching. Keep me posted on how your doing.
Missi x
Ha ha that’s funny going to be bed in a woolly hat. Just a funny image but I think I’l be the same coz last night my head was cold! Those semi permanent eyebrows sound like a good idea. I’m dreading my eyelashes and eyebrows going but after all the crap I have been through I might just not care. I’m going to the rehab unit this pm, go an appointment with the hypnotherapist, who is fab. Missi, what chemo did you have and how was it? I am having 4 fec and 4 tax (had heavy lymph node involvement) and found fist fec ok, but have read lots of bad stuff about tax so already getting nervous about that even though it wont be for a couple of months yet.
sarahx
Hi Sarah,
I had 3 FEC 3 Tax. I wont hide the fact the the Taxotere was bad. I felt tired immediately after FEC but in a relaxed way and managed to eat, however found I lived on fresh pasta and sauce!! After my first Tax felt ok even managed the school run, thought was going great then at tea time Saturday evening had a bath to relax me and felt as if I had been hit bu a bus that then reversed over me to make sure I knew I had been hit! Awful, even the soles of my feet hurt when I tip toed to the loo. Stayed in bed till Thurs and at lunch time someone flicked a switch and hey presto it all went. It finished as quick as it came on. Thats my experience of it. Second and third dose were no where near as bad but I used to plan something nice on the Friday to focus on and help me through. That and baths. I have spoken to other people about the Tax and I think everyone is different plus a good positive approach which you obviously have helps. I also found with FEC that horrible taste that comes in your mouth whilst your having it can be lessened if you eat sweets (Foxes fruit ones/mints) whilst they are squeezing it in and drink loads of water. Loads.
Enjoy your hypno, I had reflexoligy with Irene from Christie, however it was a private one with her but she volunteers there and she is incredibly lovely. Dont forget to ask about the Looking Good, with what we go through we deserve nice treats. I just had some good news this morning, I had a bone scan a couple of weeks ago and the letter arrived this morning to say it was satisfactory! So I think I deserve a big treat! Defo a glass of wine me thinks. Which hospital are you at Sarah? I am at Hope/SalRoyal whatever its called these days and have a fantastic surgeon and BC nurse.
Sorry I feel what I have typed about Tax is a bit negative , I think what I am trying to say is that its not a bed of petals but there is another side to it and you do eventually pop out. My first time was the fear of not knowing how long feeling bad would last but it does stop and you suddenly forget how awful it can be because you know it must be doing some good to the nasties that can be flirting about in there! Hope this helps. Can I just say as well that although I have read the forum from time to time this is the first time that I have contributed to a thread since last year. Let me know how you get on today.
Missi x
Hi Missi
Your thread wasnt negative - just really helpful thanks. It sounds like you got through it really well and with fighting spirit. And huge congrats about your letter re bone scan that is so brilliant I bet you are buzzing and rightly so. I’m at wythenshawe hospital. I was diagnosed there and will have my aftercare there, but had my surgery at spire in whalley range. When I was told it was cancer the date they gave me for my op was 3 weeks later and my parents and inlaws offered for me to go privately to get me in quicker - 2 days later i had op. I would’ve gone mad I think waiting. But now I am at Christies for all my treatment and will be going back to wythenshawe after that. Wythenshawe is fab, and my surgeon and the bc nurses there are brilliant I must say. I’m so chuffed for you for that letter I am dreaming of the time when I am on the other side and getting nice news. Sometimes I wonder if that will ever happen as i am permanently paranoid about secondaries although I think thats probably normal and of course the chemo will hopefully be getting those nasties indeed! I’ve took lots from your thread thanks, especially that you got through the tax no matter how awful you felt you got there!
Thanks
Sarahx
Hi Sarah,
The fear never goes think you just brace yourself for a bit of ‘hey ho here we go again’ and the face you put on gets a bit braver looking. How was your hypnotherapy and did you ask about the Looking Good thing? I have been mooching round the threads and website a bit and have found some good ‘chats’ however for a while last year I posted a few threads and then found there seemed to be a group who really knew each other well. They seemed to take over and I got all paronoid and stopped logging in. I have noticed there is a Lingerie Evening at Altrincham on Dec 2nd if its near to you. I beleive the ladies that run the place have been affected personally with BC and are very good. I really struggled after my surgery to get some nice undies and I found it a real disappointment. Anyhow details are on the Events on this website.
Are you ready for your next chemo? Or as ready as you can be!!! Will be thinking of you, its all still a very real memory for me. My hubby always tells people about the fantastic breakfasts they do at the Christie! He would keep his fingers crossed my bloods would come back quickso we could get to the restaurant before they stopped serving!!
Missi x
Hi Missi
Hypno was fab. We did immune system stuff and I feel really ready to go for my chemo tomorrow now. I felt fine as well walking into Christie with my headscarf on. Thought I would feel like a victim but I just strolled in and people dont stare or make comments like I felt like they would. Big hurdle today going to sainsburys in head scarf but yet another hurdle to get over. I completely forgot to ask about the looking good thing. But I work in telly and the girls in hair and make up have been showing me how to do my wig and are ready to do my eyebrows when they go. I’m lucky in that respect I guess. I live in Altrincham actually. I had a lumpectomy on my left boob, and the scar is pretty neat, so I can get away with any bras, but I still might go to that event coz if there are other ladies there who have been affected that is so helpful to me at the moment. I’ll have a look at the details thanks a lot for that. Your hubby sounds great. I know there are a lot of women who don’t have supportive partners but mine has been amazing. I know what you mean about the paranoia thing. God I have been paranoid since I found out in June. About bloody everything. You’ve been big help to me on here I didn’t dare post after the time I first did and I mustve sounded suicidal. Don’t really post in general but this chat we are having is realy a big help, so thanks! Yes, all ready now for chemo tomorrow. I’ve even got a work meeting scheduled in on tuesday so I am hoping that I will be ok again like last time But also, if not, then will just cancel meeting and take rest. Bring it on!
Sarahxx
Morning. Just logged in to re-read a thread about buying bras I read late last night and saw your reply. Hypno sounds great. Christie offered me accupunture for hot flushes (they came after chemo round 5 but stopped in June.) Know what you mean about facing the world with your scarf on. I chose hats most of the time as I had a fair collection to start with and felt ok until some stupid pr@*k at the co-op put a box on his head and said some comment about tw!!ts in hats! I just made the comment thathe was the t!!!t and I actually looked good in mine. God I felt so vunerable I cried all the way home and thought I would never leave the house again. Sounds like you are getting good support too and it really helps. Inlaws and outlaws are stars for paying for your op. Iwas very lucky (if it can be lucky!) that I was diagnosed on a Monday and was admitted the following Monday. I was a childminder and the week meant I could focus on making sure all my littlepeople had somewhere to go in my absence, that was sad because at that point I knew with having bad days and good days I had to let them go so their parents at least knew they were getting continuity of care. I then spent my good days as a volunteer my local school who are now supporting me to do my Level 3 NVQ in Childcare. A bit bizzare really 8 years ago(after 16 years in med sales and no sign of ever having my own) I was the quickest to move at the mention of kids and now I get such a buzz from being with them. Good for you for having the determination to work when you can. However try not to be to hard on yourself if you cant do things. I had mastectomy and lymph node cleareance, I found underwear a real pain to get so I think will go to Betty and Belle as the one at the Traf Centre was really nice. The Lavender Trust here do weekend forums for women under 45 so keep your eye out for them, I have heard they are very good. I am on one in Sept at Blackburn. Must admit was a little apprehensive but now looking forward to it. I have posted to see if anyone else is going and so far no-one has responded! EEK. Well today we are doing the Traf for school uniforms! Oh I wish I could be organised and it was all done. If I dont get chance later, good luck with your FEC tmoz, remember sweets and water! And breakfast. (when we were going I would go to check in and hub would go and grab a bloods tickets straight away! That way if there was a que or hold up a check in you still had a good no in the bloods que!!) I will be thinking of you.
take care
Missi x
Hi Sarah
I’m just about to have 2nd lot of FEC(I’ve got to have it every 3 weeks for a year) The reason being because I’m only 33 they want to throw everything at me so to speak so i can beat this bloody thing. My hair started to fall out on Tuesday, then when I washed my hair this morning the bath was covered in hair. So like both you and Missi the clippers are coming out. The nibbled goat comment made me laugh. I think a glass of wine or three might be needed tonight(for me, not the OH, he’ll be in charge of the clippers!).
Thinking of you tomorrow when you have next FEC, mine is next Wednesday.The thought of having the canular in my hand makes me cringe. Any other needle doesn’t bother me just that one (ouch). The first time I had FEC they couldn’t find a vein.It took 2 attempts.
Missi, sorry to hear that you got negative comments from wearing hats.There are some thoughtless p***ks about.
I too shall wear them rather than my wig, although that looks ok. I know I shouldn’t but I’ve become more outspoken since being diagnosed with BC. I used to be one of those people who tried to please everyone but now think sod it! lifes too short to pussyfoot around everybody.
From the start of being diagnosed with BC i too have found out who my real friends are. I’ve got 3 really good friends who I can call on at anytime. They each have their own special qualities, I don’t know what I’d do without them. Hope you don’t find school uniform shopping too stresfull.
Love to you all
Kerry xx
Hello again
Well sainsburys was ok in the end. Saw a woman from my son’s school with her little kids and her daughter shouted ‘whats that lady got that on her head for?’ but to be honest that’s kids for you and I just laughed to myself. The woman didn’t recognise me. Glad really I’m not one for nattering whilst food shopping! Can’t believe the comment from that man, Missi. What a pillock. Can you imagine being like that to someone? God I just think people are so ignorant. What goes around comes around maybe hes gone bald by now, through age and stress with his crap life rather than us poor sods with chemo!
How brilliant Missi that you changed your career path. i think that is fantastic. Good for you.
HI Kerry, we are at pretty much the same stage of chemo. How did you feel after the first fec? I was ok actually. Do your hospital offer alternative therapies for your canula fear? I know exactly what you mean. My nurse had to submerge my arm in warm water to ‘get my veins up’ eeww i just cringed. But once in that was that and i was fine. Youre right about being more outspoken, sod what people think, we have enough on our plates. You’ll have to let us know how you get on with the clippers. My hubby started on mine, took the sides off, I cried, then said carry on, and then i started laughing. We are all used to my headscarf already and honestly Kerry its not that bad. Youre younger than I am only 33, blimey I thought i was young, and the others on here in their 20’s they are blody amazing. What operation did you have? I was grade 3 trip neg and lymph nodes involved, lumpectomy and full clearance. that feels like ages ago already it does pass doesnt it. Good luck heres to the next nibbled goat.
Good luck with the uniforms missi. I did all that at the trafford centre last week. my son going into 6th form had to get him a suit! h and m great. and for girls stuff a dream!
sarahx
Hi Sarah’
Can’t believe what I’ve just done. Typed out message to send back to you, went to send it and I’d not signed in and the whole lot disappeared. Here goes 2nd time lucky.
After having 1st lot of FEC i thought it would be a walk in the park(how wrong was I). Whilst having chemo my veins felt all tingly so had to slow treatment down. Then throughout the day I had a few of the other side effects such as, feeling tired, sick and that horrible taste in my mouth, Also strange as it sounds i had a prickly bottom, A few of the other ladies on the forum have had that side effect too. Another side effect was wind. How embaressing!! Talk about wrong place wrong time LOL.
I too had to have a lumpectomy and had 5 lymph nodes removed with it spreading in to 2 of them. However I had to go back for a second op as they’d not taken enough healthy margin away, that was just as a day case though. My cancer was grade 2. I’m not really up with all the technical stuff. It’s a good job the OH goes with me as he takes it all in better than I do. All i know is, it’s better out than in and throw everything at me to get rid of it.
Off to sit out in the garden now making sure I put the sunblock on. The things we have to remember.
Will let you know how i get on with “clippergate.” I could be howling with laughter or blubbing like a baby.
Best wishes again for tomorrow. Keep me posted.Would like to keep in touch whilst we travel this rollercoaster of a journey.Sorry if I’ve waffled on too much
Kerry xx
How mad I just did the same as you typed out a reply then hit a tab by accident and it all went. Bugger.
A friend of mine called the prickly bottom thing a fuzzy bottom which made me laugh.
We could exchange email addresses i think you have to send a private message not sure how to do that. Can anyone help? How thick am I? Was going to suggest same to missi.
Will defo keep you posted, and yes it is a rollercoaster!
I am having 4 fec and 4 tax, are you going to have tax? and I will be having rads too. Long haul. Necessary though.
Good luck with clippergate i am sure you’ll be fine you have a good fella there if he is helping you do it.
Speak later
sarahx
Hi Sarah
Just wanted to reply to your post, as i replied to your first one when you were in that very early
days scary place.
I was the one who also had full lymph involvement, and triple negative also, and guess what, i live
in South Manchester and attend Wythenshawe for my surgical follow ups, im under the lovely Mr Baildem
and was treated at Christies for my chemo and rads.Im under Mr Wardley there.
So glad you are feeling a little better and you are having a very good chemo combo with Fec and Tax.
As i said in my last msg to you i am now 2 years and 1 month after diagnosis. Im still on 3monthly
check-ups at christies, so you never know we may bump into each other.
If you ever want to compare notes, feel free.
Take care,
P.s i used to where a pink stripey wooly hat in bed, a right passion killer that was…lol!
Julie xx
Hi Julie
How brilliant to hear from you and thanks so much for posting. I am under mr wardley too. bloody hell what a coincidence (in a weird way) and we live near each other. Glad my combo is good is that what you had? I am laughing at the pink wooly hat. I was considering putting on that thing that you get for under your wig, like the end of a pair of tights, but thought might look like an armed robber, or just really unsexy. ah well, worse things to worry about i suppose. Hope you dont mind me asking, how old are you? I’m 36. My breast nurse said it happens a lot like this round my age. Where abouts do you live? I’m in alrincham. Your post is so inspirational for me so thanks for taking the time to help someone out. Coz you really have. Would be great to bump into you at christies and have a brew at that funny little cafe in the lobby.
Thanks again
Sarahx
Only me again.
Well I’ve done it, I’ve gone for the nibbled goat look. To be honest it doesn’t look too bad. The OH thought it looked ok too. I’ve pre warned my mum so she doesn’t get a shock next time I see her It is a bit patchy but hey ho.The big test will be going out the house tomorrow. OH has said that to PM you just type your user name in the box where it says send private message to and then send as normal. It should appear in an inbox somewhere. To be honest I’ve not got much of a clue either but we’ll have to give it a go and see what happens. Well off to bed in a mo after I’ve cleaned the bath out.Didn’t think I had that much hair left!! Will be thinking of you tomorrow. Take care big big hug too for tomorrow
Kerry xx