hair loss???

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1041

Hi girls,

Well, I hope the Easter Bunny was good to you all!!! He came here and left little monster all sorts of eggs all over the house and he had to track them down following clues! The Easter Bunny ate the carrot we left, but forgot to leave Mummy or Daddy anything!!! ShaME ON HIM!!

We’re off out somewhere with animals today.

Bright - I thought I was more “with it” on Tax, but I feel so much more like normal now I’m away from it all that I must have been still in my chemo fog. I found that my appetite was weird though and am still “off” mince meat… and chilli was my favourite food! Ate a lot of jacket spuds!!!

Caro - Still have my clear “hard as nails” stuff on my nails as wasn’t very good at painting myself with dark nail varnish. Not sure what they are doing. A bit yellow looking!! I heard from somewhere that the dark nail varnish was about protecting them from UV light, but have no idea if this is true!! I lost lots of eyelashes on Tax and had very watery eyes for which I had eye drops (but still looked like I was weeping occasionally and still do!). Pubic hair on my head (that’s what it looks like) did not get affected.

Kathy - I grew up with standard poodles…I love them! And Weirmeraners are my second favourite dog…so you have the perfect dog for me!!! Would love to meet him sometime! I don’t have any animals now, as can only cope with one little monster!!!

get some sleep early birds!!!

GXXXXXXXX

1042

Hi again,
I have been geting lots of my stuff out of the garage where it went into storage before the lounge was painted back in Oct!!! Feels lovely to see my books and Cds again. Have spent the last 2 days putting my CDS in alphabetical order (you can see how I began life as a Librarian!!!). Steve and I have very different music tastes - it’s very funny loooking at our tastes(he…more pop and dance…me more rock, folk and wafty…we meet at “The Feeling” and their kind!!!)
Anyway…found some of my poetry books and have been reading them a bit. Here is a lovely poem (well i think so) from Mary Oliver.

Gailxxxx

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

1043

Dear all,

Well I am now four days post tax. I have experienced the flu-like symptoms, the aches and pains - the worst of which rather strangely have been in my jaw, making it unpleasant to drink in particular. Fingers and toes including nails seem okay at present.

I am still staying with my parents in Sunbury - a small village on the Thames. It is peaceful and green, both qualities are very welcome at present.

Yesterday I went for a walk along the Thames and sat for a while watching the ducks by the old boatyard. And today we went to a farmshop and garden centre near Esher - which has lovely fresh produce. I bought the whitest plumpest cauliflower I have ever seen - which I plan to make into a Creme du Barry soup - so called after the 18th Centuru French Countess Du Barry as her powdered wigs were likened to cauliflower florets - mistress of Louis XV.

I like the poem Gail - and you little monster’s easter egg hunt sounded very enticing. Always wanted to go on one.

Going to have a lie down now.

Love Bright x

1044

Katemate… was thinking then maybe we should start a wide awake club? lol
I never got up today until 3pm! well at least it was earlier than yesterday, I need to go to sleep earlier then 12 hours from that I will wake up.

Dinner yesterday was a bit of a disaster (Steve’s ccoking!) we had haggis swede/carrots boiled potatos they were rock hard !! so they got left then we had pudding which was rhubarb crumble well not exactley crumble it was all stuck together, anyway the rhubarb was nice.

Been doing my magazines today. Watched Hells Kitchen did you watch it?

I hope my hair doesn’t fall out AGAIN!! it’s only just coming back!
When I go see nursey I will make sure all my eyes are red from wiping the streaming away! ( knowing my luck she won’t give me anything!).
And why oh why are the ulcers you get the size of a penny???
why can’t they be normal size?

Katemate you ought to get the broken tooth seen to as when I was small about 7 I was pulling a girl along in the snow and I fell over and broke my tooth years later when I was 22ish it had developed an abcess in the root of the tooth I can tell you it was no fun! I was in agony until the dentist drained it for me he wouldn’t do anymore because I was pregnant with Jamie then and I had to go into the maternity home for rest as my 1st baby was stillborn at 33 weeks so there I am in the home the tooth started playing up again! I had to get permission to leave for a couple of hours so the dentist could drain it again!!.

Marble is still ok I think they think she will be ok as they haven’t even asked to see her anymore!!.
Poppy my cat with attitude has scrathed Betty’s eye!(naughty cat)
right night night I will try to go to sleeo earlier!! love CaronX

1045

sorry that was meant to say Poppy scratched Betty’s eye!.
Went to sleep earlier last night at 1am so woke up at 1pm today!
So actually managed to spend some time with my family for once.
Glen my sister in laws brother is still critical and he had a small stroke yesterday.

My eyes are doing my nut in !!! constantley running!.
The vets have rung up today they want to see Marble on Friday to make sure she is ok.

That lady who I know who lives near me who got diagnosed just after me her partner has just walked out on her, I think this is very hard on relationships and it tests you to the max!

I got my winnings today from the grand national it was 7.50p ! lol
hope everyone is ok ? love Caron.

ps just think my next chemo is next Wednesday already!! (gulp)

1046

Dear all,

I am now home after spending a few days with my parents over Easter - a quiet place to stay whilst I got through side effects of the taxotere. My energy levels are depleted compared to those I once knew, I am more tearful than I used to be: my emotions are closer to the surface. I remember with fondess my previous life, and how I did not know then about the dark days ahead. In the old life, I looked forward to trips away, staying up late to catch a particular film on the television, planned where I would be in my career in ten years time and where I might live when I retired. By comparision, my new life is like a dark tunnel of yew trees on a stormy day, with only the suggestion of light from a winter sun at the end of it: a low flickering kind of light that could be extinguished so easily if the weather turns.

I have filled the last few days with my work - spent at a laptop on my parents’ dining room table - looking up once in a while at the garden visitors; the cats, the squirrels, and the intermittent drill of a woodpecker - a greater spotted I think. And each afternoon I have gone for a walk by the river, visited a farm shop to buy fresh produce to keep my immune system boosted, taken lunch in a teashop - and yesterday a slow walk around an antiques emporium in the parade of shops by Hampton Court. I bought some 1950s beads, described as vintage, but could be more accurately described as old Woolworth’s - which someone had probably cast out - but happened to match perfectly the colour of a pair of shoes I own. A subtle shade of red.

I wish I did not feel so lost, and separated somehow from my old world. I try to think of the future and all the wonderful adventures that could potentially happen. Life is what we make of it afterall. All I wish for now is that we each have the chance to seize the day, and the day after that, and after that…

Love Bright x

1047

Hi everyone,
Bright, I found Tax so difficult. I completely understand what you’re going through physically and emotionally. Life will never be the same for us. I often think how uncomplicated life was for me before diagnosis. I know I’ll never be completely carefree again. I’m lucky that I have very good close friends, when I’m with them, I can laugh and be ‘normal’.
I try and count my blessings but it is so very hard at times. I hope
these feelings will pass for you. Afriend of mine was given 12 weeks to live recently, and she copes with that by appreciating simple pleasures, feeling the sun on her face, enjoying spring flowers etc.
I wish you well.
Andie I’ve sent you a pm.
Caron, you’re right about the wide awake club. Even with sleeping tablets some nights I’m up for hours. Having said that I slept for 12 hours last night.
John is back in Somerset, reunited with his beloved Bertie. So he’s happy. The situation we’re in is so difficult, but he is coming up here next week and we will be temporarily living in my friend’s house while she tries to sell it. I do get very emotional about it all and very down. But as we all know life is never fair.
Love to all,
Kathy

1048

Sorry Ladies, not posted for a while but been so busy trying to entertain the kids over Easter holidays! have to say I’m really exhausted and secretly looking forward to them going back to school/nursery next week to catch up on a bit rest, feel a bit like Janet from another planet today, sort of walking around on auto pilot!!

Bright, I definately think TAX causes a bit of depression, I know I got very down and tearful on it but not so on the FEC. Interested to know that over Easter, when you were with your parents you mentioned that you were in Cobham. I go there quite often as have a friend who lives there and Michael used to have an office there. Was the farm shop that you mentioned, Garsens by any chance? If so I go there regularly as I to love the shop and garden centre, great gift and kitchen dept!! not to mention the cakes!

Kathy, so very sorry to hear about your friend. It’s devastating news for you and even more difficult for us to deal with given our situation.

Caron, this wide awake club is costing me a fortune, I lay awake at night listening to him snoring his head off and I kick all bed clothes off, due to hot flushes! then I cheer myself up by downloading music for my Ipod, it’s become a bit of an obsession! I’ve got quite a playlist now. I think to myself oh it’s only 79p for a single but the problem is I’m having so many sleepless nights that I’ve ran up quite a bill!! My eyes are very sore to, hardly no lashes left at all now! Ask your onc for some artifical tears, they really do help!

Oh Gail, do I ever need the help of a librarian to sort my house and my life out! we’re in total dissaray as I can never be bothered to do anything!

Good news, my mouth Ulcer has gone, thank goodness wouldn’t want that back again in a hurry, bad news still no hair!

Night night Ladies, must go and catch up on desperate housewives, by the way anyone watching new series of Britains got talent? I’m there on one of the London audtions sat behind piers Morgan, but I’m wearing a terrible wig so hopefully I’ll go undetected by people who know me!!!

1049

Yes Jo - Garsens Farm - I love it too. And the Prince of Wales pub does good food. I love the row of cottages on the walk up to the farm - especially the one at the start called the missing wicket - with a cricket bat on the gate.

If you go to Cobham - you probably go to Painshill Park - one of my favourite parks ever with all the follies. Love the fairy grotto and the turkish tent…

Bright x

1050

Katemate,
Boy am I glad you said you slept for 12 hours!!!
meaning it’s not just me then!
I managed to get up today before bedtime!!! mind you I really had to force myself.
I am really sorry for your friend , I honestly don’t know how some people manage with news like that, I know I would fall apart.
On a more positive note I’m glad John is reunited with Bertie!!

JO : I will look out for you on Britains got talent (do you know what week it will be on?)we should be able to see you when the judges are commenting!! you must be really famous now!! rubbing shoulders with the stars!.

Glad your ulcer’s have now gone and just think you would have been having your next tax on Monday! That must fill you with glee knowing that it’s finished .

Has anybody heard from Shelly???does anyone know how she is??

Gail hope your having fun with your little monster.
Susanne hope you are well too.
Bright glad your appointment went well!! love Caronxxxxx

1051

dear ladies

I was thinking this morning about how self-indulgent I was yesterday when I wrote - I didn’t even mention all the dreadful things others on here are going through. I am going to be more considerate in the future - hopefully tomorrow. As not too well tonight. GP sent me for chest xray today as she was concerned about my breathing - and my cough. Nothing seems to stop it. Initially told to stay back at the hospital - but said I should get full results tomorrow on another appointment, though unofficially it did look okay. So on with the antbiotics.

Jo - going to look out for you on britain’s got talent - I’m sure your hair looked fine. We all tend to scrutinise ourselves too deeply. Though I know from personal experience - thinking about how others see us, is something we naturally would do.

Kathy - hope things work out with your new single life. You are very brave and wish things had been different for you - especially with the bc.

Caron only three words: pie, mashbo, peas… ‘wonderful’ - well that’s 4

Bright x

1052

Morning,
I started,well almost finished, posting yesterday and it suddenly all disappeared. I didn’t have time yesterday to go back on line.
I’d written something to everyone and my thoughts were very centred on you individually.
However just to say, I am having a great weekend. Yesterday I drove to visit this ‘mad redheaded Irish’ headteacher called Dolores. She is by far the busiest and bossiest person I know but also the loveliest.I don’t know how many times she drove late on a Friday night from work down to Somerset from St. Albans just to see me. She has the gift of walking into a room and just lifting and lifting your spirits, however you feel. She is the eldest of 14 children, and she is the sister I never had.
We are extremely close, and we would do absolutely anything for each other. She is the person with whom I have the most fun.
Even through all this trauma when we’re together we enjoy ourselves. She is the only person I can laugh and cry with.
What a friend!
Victoria, don’t feel bad for indulging yourself. I don’t know about anyone else, but I know I do. We’re all in a dark place waiting for the sun to shine but,when it does I grab those moments.
I seem to have given the impression I’m newly single, but I’m not. With the demise of the business John is in Somerset sorting things out. He is coming up accompanied by Bertie, on Thursday to join me in 7oaks.We’re not, for the foreseeable future, going back except for visits, our original plans have changed.
Caron, what IS mashbo?
Love to all,
Kathy

1053

Hi people,

Bright - Don’t aplogise for being self-indulgent. We have to be able to share this stuff with each other or we would go mad. I love the way you write too - you have a lovely gift for expression.

Jo - sorry to disappoint. CDS are in alphabetical order, but house looks like the titanic after its meeting with the iceberg!! Plastic parts of power rangers everywhere. I loathe housework and tidying!!!

Kathy - lovely to hear of your time with your “mad friend”. My best pal visited from Bristol last week. We have been friends since 11 yrs old and I had forgotten how deeply I missed her! It was fab to see her. She too is the sister I don’t have. Glad to hear it cheered you up - you have been through so much!!!

I’m off out tonight…well early evening. Off to see a bellydance show and catch up with some of my dance buddies. had kept myself away, but no reason to not get out is there really?? Sometimes i seem to think I have to stay in wearing my cancer sign and looking glum. It always shocks me to think I can go out. I think I’ve lost a lot of confidence in all this! BUT…have now also started to hate the sight of myself in wigs. Really wish I had bought a posh one like Bright!

Next week: Monday: inital radiotherapy meeting; Tuesday: Herceptin time and Dealing with stress course at Maggies Centre; Thursday: Nutter doctor. What a week!!!

Love all,

Gailxx

1054

OHH how you made me laugh!! Katemate… (I had the same thing with Victoria! mashbo!!!)
mashbo = mashed potato’s!!
Sandshoes = thankyou
squeeze me = excuse me
bleb = bread
pilots = crumpets

Can’t think of any more at the moment !! all silly sayings we have in our silly house!!

Marble had her check up yesterday the vet is very pleased with her (she is putting some weight back on now) She said if she is ok for another week then she should be ok full stop. (Please let it work).

We have stir fry tonight bell peppers onions mushrooms healthy choice beef marinated in chinese flavour glaze.

The kids have all gone to pleasure Island for the day so the house is all quiet!!
And believe it or not I never slept 12 hours!! I slept 10 1/2 !!
Hope everyone is ok? love Caron xx

1055

Hi ladies

caron- glad to hear Marble is on the mend.

Bright- sorry to hear you have a bad chest, hope you feel better soon,

I am trying to catch up on all your posts.

Ive been having my Rads every day for the last 3 weeks and ive been worn out,my scar seems to have opened and is weeping all the time, only Monday and Tuesday to go now…
Hopefully i will start to get some energy back soon.

Thinking of you all and sending you all well wishes.

Shell
xxxxxx

1056

Hello everyone,
Shelly I knew you had started rads as I follow the triple negs. I’ve heard that it is very tiring, mine starts Wednesday next week. As for weeping, I’ve had my wound cauterised by silver nickel? However it has started seeping again and it’ll have to be done again. Do you know anymore about the trial and when it starts?
Caron, I am so pleased about Marble. We had funny words in our house too when the kids were young. We still use them.
I had a brilliant day with Dolores, but unfortunately I haven’t felt too good since. Nothing to do with Dolores or BC except low immune. I have been sick, unable to eat, upset stomach.Last night I went to bed with socks, 2 cardigans. I was so shivery, I put 2 blankets on. Still felt cold so put on another duvet. I’ve obviously got some virus or other. So I’m off to see the doctor tomorrow.
I also need to get benefits sorted with regard to our situation.I’m going hopefully to Maggies sometime this week. We are supposed to be moving in on Thursday. How I feel physically and mentally at the moment I think I’ll stay away until its done. The next few days are going to be so difficult… so sorry to wallow.
Gail, glad you’ve got a mad friend too. Dolores has kept me “sane”
through all this.
Love to all Kathy

1057

Good news about Marble, Caron - do hope it sticks this time. My Ollie has recovered extremely well from his toe op, you wouldn’t think there’d been anything wrong with him now. We get his pathology results on 27th - I tried having a “mutual support of cancer suvivors” session with him, but he just gazed at me down his long nose as only an Affie can, and strolled off into the garden to lick his doo-dads!

1058

Doo Das (first time Iv’e heard it called that!lol
Katemate ! (hope it was you ?) who was having historial reports??
Anyway like I said we paid 620 in the end for Marble. but then when we took her for her check up last Friday they gavr us a other bill for the historial reports !! another 130!! so all in all she has cost 750£’s !!!

Shelly how does the rads make you feel?? can you feel it? and how longs it last?

I had really bad constipation today and spent most the day sat on the loo! ( I know too much info ).
I did manage to get up today but not until 2pm, so back to 12 hours again! thought it waswearing off?

Oh we had a game of frustration (ludo) and then me Chloe & Owen played Monopoly.
We had minty lamb for dinner there is enough left so I will make anther dinner for the kids tomorrow.
Watched Hells Kitchen and I must say I thought that Jody eserved to get sacked.
I doubt I will see Steve tomorrow as I will probably still be snoozing!!night night all love Caron xxx

1059

Hi all,

Had a lovely weekend. Went to the dance show on Sat night and it was fabulous…made me want to do some dancing again . , Then took little monster to a birthday party which was great - lots of chance to chat to other nice Mums etc and watch monster dancing and playing. Spent most of the time standing up and found I had stiff back and legs last night. have really been sat on my bottom for too long!!!

Off to hospital today (radiotherapy chat).

Hope you all feel better soon. Kathy - sounds like you have a nasty bug. Shell- glad to hear rads nearly done.

Caron - prune juice???

Gailxx

1060

Hi

Not been on for a few days partly because both OH and I picked up a bug of some sort which left us both with awful coughs, at times I was struggling to breathe. It is on the run now but the cough seems to be taking forever to completely go away.

I am still waiting for my rads schedule. I phoned the hospital today to be told that the hospital guideline is rads should be started within 31 days of the planning. So much for the radiographer telling me that it should be started within the next 2 weeks.

As the sun was shining this weekend I started to sort out the jungle that used to be our garden. Following DX last August I have done absolutely no gardening and it shows badly. I have realised that after the chemo and surgery my body seems to have lost an awful lot of its mobility. I used to be able to work in the garden for hours, now I need to take tea breaks with boring monotony. The plants and weeds are growing quicker than I can deal with them.

Hope everyone is OK

Take Care

Andie