Hi all
I was diagnosed with BC in May and am awaiting surgery for a mastectomy in early July. I am 42 years old with children at school aged 8, 10 and 10.
So my dilemma is this - I am sure you’ve all been there when those well intentioned people walk straight up to you or yell at you and ask you very personal questions or make statements to you about what you are going through, that make you want the ground to open up and swallow you - the best one yet yesterday was ‘so it’s just the breast off then is it?’ when someone was asking/telling me what is next for me.
So girls, what I need are some really good one liners that show I am not a bitter, falling apart, sad, individual with BC but that says ‘I am OK and I don’t want to talk about it now in front of all these people (especially my children) - I’ll talk to you off line’ in a really upbeat positive way.
I love the support but not the prying. Does that make sense?
Looking forward to your support as I am starting to dread meeting these people and that’s not like me. I will not let individuals stop me from going out and about.
Yours very determinedly
Ruthus xxx
I would be tempted to answer the ‘so it’s just the breast off then’ with ‘no - the tesicles are going as well’… now that would shut the buggers up !
lol - was thinking the same Lilac!
or “no - they are throwing in a free ??? enlargement” insert whatever word is appropriate (brain, penile etc)
Ruthus, they should be thankful you didn’t respond with just a smack in the mouth. You must have been sorely tempted!
PS I wouldn’t think any less of you for avoiding some of these charmers until YOU are ready to deal with them, on YOUR terms.
In the meantime how about “When did you have your tact removed?”
Or as someone else here aid, “Yes, I’m a one tit wonder now!” Mind you, I have got fed up with the earnest look, the arm squeeze, accompanied by the meaningful, “How Are you?”
I did have a fascinating, if drunken discussion with a male friend I’d known for over 20 years, who was genuinely concerned for me, and he eventually asked, “But which one has been removed?” which I thought was a great ad for the bra and prosthesis I was wearing.
Another thought: tell them to pop round for coffee while the children are at school, so that you can show them all the pictures of the surgery, and go into great, graphic, gruesome, if necessary invented detail, that should shut them up.
Hi All
Just finished giving the kids tea. What wonderful women you are - these are great and I love them all! I shall use them all too! God i know what you mean about the sincere ‘how are yous?’ My husband said he is going to get me a t-shirt printed saying ‘I’m fine. I don’t want to f*****g talk about it’ with a little pink bow in the corner.
I will put all of your comments in to my new armour and head off tomorrow morning with a fresh glow of confidence. The good thing is that I am laughing again as I spent most of yesterday in tears.
Thank you so much for your help.
Ruthus xxxxxxxxxxxx
Glad we were able to make you laugh. Tell your husband I am a size 10 when he’s ordering the t-shirts.
I wish I could say 10, 12 or even 14 but after chemo and steroids I’m a 16 but I’ll look great !!!
xx
My mum told me to decide how much you want to say before had and just don’t answer the questions. Someone asked me what operation I was having and I just said ‘I don’t want to answer that question right now’. She rang me to apologise that evening, realising that she had overstepped the mark.
Good friends knew I wanted to be treated normally and let others know so that I didn’t have to cope with sympathy in the playground just as my children were about the come out and I really didn’t want to be in tears when they first saw me.
best wishes Pauline
Hi Girls
Well it looks like we’re in the T-shirt business - had my first real belly laugh in ages!!! Just to let you know the lady in question who made the comment has apologised for being insensitive. And thanks for the advice Pauline - perhaps I am too honest and worry about appearing prickly and sensitive when people ask me. Maybe I should just say ‘i don’t want to talk about it’. I’ll practise it.
You’re all amazing. Thank you.
love Ruthus xxx
Just love the t shirt idea! Perhaps we could have a new thread with more ideas for “interesting” wording.
I seem to have solved the problem before it starts by saying bluntly to people who are making enquiries but who are not close family or close friends. “I’ve got breast cancer, I’m going in for surgery next week so I’ll be lopsided next time I see you!”
I’m sure it’s probably a bit easier for me as I’m older and have no young children, but I’ve actually discovered that it can be quite fun as most of them are absolutely flummoxed and have no idea how to reply - it certainly shuts them up!
I have rung round most folk and told them about having chemo. Let them know I will thump them if they laugh if i loose my hair, but also been very open with them, dont care what they say when i cant hear, but everyone has been supportive.
Still want a t shirt
When I was awaiting my surgery I worked until the day before and only told my closest colleagues, but had constant barraking from them, mostly about ‘how marvelouse’ I was being… one woman said ‘don’t worry, you’ll still be lovely’ - to which I said ‘and why on earth should I be thinking I won’t be?’ - she replied ‘but I always think of you as such a sexy woman…’ (nb - I don’t know WHY she thinks this!) - and I said ’ it’s my tit being removed, not my fanny being sewn up…;’ she’s never mentioned it again…!!
But DO remember, when you say I’m fine, I’m coping, add that you will need help with school runs and child care for a while after your surgery and ‘that’s a bit of a worry’ then get people to COMITT to helping with that… because the number of people that said to me ’ don’t forget, I’m here to help’ that I’ve not heard from since is untrue!!
Big love Td xxx
Just reading this thread and have now got tears of laughter from Waiting Angel’s comment - brill 
Nicky
Dear me… I have really laughed at this thread!
Exactly - why would we feel anything less than lovely???
I got an email from my boss telling me how she thought I was the most beautiful intelligent person she had ever met… and I had to really bite my tongue, it read like a eulogy! (She is based in Houston, and really didnt want to get fired! ). Not sure what all the men here think. They saw me go out of the office the night before the op, with 2 lumps, and return a week later with 2 lumps. I dont think anyone dare ask me!
Must admit, I feel very let down actually, but maybe its my own fault. I didnt tell anyone outside of my very immediate family. Then after my surgery and confirmation of diagnosis (didnt need further treatment), I told friends, and asked them to join me in the Race for Life on Saturday. I offered to pay for the entrance as long as they made more sponsorship than the 12.50 entrace fee. One friend said she would take part - but has let me down - totally pissed me off. But, I knew it was coming. Other friends have generously sponsored me.
What has surprised me is that my work colleagues have been really supportive - and has made me appreciate them as friends more and more.
I wish I had the T-shirt though!
Lisa X
I think Waiting Angel has had the best answer of us all - that was priceless.
I was in email contact with a friend of mine who lives about 200 miles away and happened to mention that in a leaflet I was given by my insurance company it said to use condoms if having sex whilst getting radiotherapy (not at the smae time obviously) so as to protect your partner from radioactivity in virginal secretions (I hasten to add this was not mentioned in any of the leaflets from the NHS or mention by the staff along the way), and what did she think of the idea of a glow in the dark fanny … her reply was ‘OMG will it melt your Rabbit?’ her husband saw what she was writing and was horrified and said ‘you CANNOT say that to her … she is ill’… my friend replied ‘no, she has a dodgy tit, the rest of her, including her sense of humour, is fine’
I won’t tell you what she said about the idea of radioactive pee when you have a bone scan!
Hi: I was very choosy who I told - I couldn’t stand the gushy, touchy feely stuff - told anyone who went there they would get a slap and that included the BC nurses. I live in a smallish village and before I knew about my BC last Christmas went to party and heard the local gossips going over someone with the - she’s been ever so good, and you know she’s had this, is now having that, and is still going to work. Thought then - why don’t they leave the bloody woman alone.
Now I am into the chemo - second lot of epi on Tuesday, had op in mid May and have the rads and herceptin to come, it is easier but am still not telling everyone. Have been to work full time right through and 5 blokes I work with are great - construction co in Leamington Spa. Luckily I am doing maternity cover and go down to two days a week from July - five day weekends - hooray! I have been lucky with very few side effects - so far, but will cope with whatever is thrown at me.
Don’t know if you will lose you hair - mine’s gone - get the best wig you can find. Raquel Welch’s are great - the NHS will pay for most of it - you pay about £50.
Love the tee-shirt idea, you really should go for it, we could always use it to make contributions to the cause. I’m going to have a Christmas party for the supporter’s club - got to have something to aim for.
Love the comments above - really made me laugh - that is the most important thing - there is always something to laugh about. It must the first time my husband has had more hair then me!!
Love to all - more funnies pls.
Julia
XX