Help! I really need some useful one liners

HI All

This is such a tonic for the troops as I count down to M day on 4th July - weyhey!! I absolutely love the one from Waiting Angel its a belter!! I love the r rabbit one too.
Perhaps we need to have a t-shirt with a phrase, rabbit and bow. The rabbit being for our sexy side! We could invent our own rabbit sign. Any ideas - how about…

[;;] F off I am OK :wink:

I haven’t laughed so much in aaaagggggess! Thanks loads.

Ruthus xxxx

Hi all

Found this hilarious just what I needed (I,m new to all this)
I was out last week and someone came up to me and gave me a hug saying they were so sorry and that they would come to my funeral!!! I was so stunned I just said thanks, then laughed every time I thought about it!!!

Helen xxx

i will add to this thread, if you dont mind … when i was in hospital waiting to go down to the opperating table …the lady sat next to me said … so you are going down first for surgery i replyed yes… she then said the nurse said the first one down is just a quick opperation …i sat there stunned … she then said well im going to have kiddney stones taken out … i said nothing she was going on as tho she was the most important and the biggest opperation that was happening that day…my hairs were standing up on my back…getting reder and reder in the face… she then asked what i was having done …i didnt want to say but then i said im in to have a mastectomy …well she did’nt know where to put her face …even tho i felt like giving her a smack round the face …some pepole are so thick …or just think about them and only them…


perhaps a caption on a t shirt saying ‘’ my sense of humour is still OK but I just need to get something off my chest!‘’

Check under the ‘toxic to others’ thread and you will see a great discussion over another extraordinary claim - that if you have sex soon after chemo your OH’s penis could get burnt…

Definite potential for more great T-shirt slogans!

And please a set for me too, love the rabbit logo idea.


Hi all

This thread is really funny - I needed it today - I am in a FOUL mood and don’t know why - have next chemo tomorrow - they keep cancelling them due to neuts …

Anyway - I LOVED the T-shirt idea and waiting angel’s remarks were nothing shot of hysterical!

I am in the closet and when I read this lot I know why …only about 6 peope know what’s going on and 5 of them are fabulous and 1 of them says the most stupid stupid things that I just avoid her … and she is a nice person BUT driving me nuts… I’ve written them before but I’ve had:

  • how do you know you won’t get it in the other one?
  • you look really really tired
  • cheer up (i was more than dog tired)
  • you’ve put on weight (teling me she’d lost and pirouetting)
  • your hair’s gone thin (telling me she’d just been to the hairdressers)
    and asking a million other questions

so know I know why I’m in the closet! I am not good at spontaneous one-liners and could never compete with waiting angel

… I have thought about jokes about death like “funny I look so well- I’ve only got till next Wednesday” but we shouldn’t really joke like that … so the only other way i can think of to shock people would be to say something like "let me help you examine your breasts - I’ve become quite an expert an I am sooooooo worried about you!

… then there’s the chaps! … !!!

anyway - off to apologise to OH …
love FBxx

i have now lost all my hair and go out often without anything on my head and acctually quite proud of it. It makes me feel strong to know that many of these paople who stare are probably thinking I could never go through that WELL WE ARE.

But my classic was on lady in the pub kept staring all night at me so eventually I went up to her and asked " do I know you"

She replied “No I dont think so”

I said “its just you keep staring at me”

The look on her face was worth it she couldnt get out of there fast enough so ladies dont feel you need to hide it be proud that your facing this a beating it


oh Ruthus,hope you have had some brilliant ideas,dont know about you but when read Waitingangels post,I almost peed my pants laughing so much,what a great thread,we all need a good laugh at times to cheer us up…definatly want to order a t shirt…size 14 please…D…xxxx

These are fab! Jenny - totally loving it! And Fiz - that’s a really good one. These are all wonderful. My husband and I have totally enjoyed these - it’s really cheered him up too! Oddly it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one with an ‘insensitive people problem’ - and that we’re all in this big ‘cyber’ boat together. It has really helped.

I know the next thing I have to look forward to will be ‘reconstruction comments’ - mmmmmmmm I just can’t wait to hear them comin’ at me across the playground, street, road. Any ideas for responses? I can practise them during the exciting 1 week stay in hospital. Yeh!

Ruthus xxxxxxx

Hi All

I was out with my dog today thinking i look so much better ( finished chemo Feb, rads May and on Herceptin ), i met a woman who i don’t know and we were chating about dogs when she suddenly said “have you had cancer,” erm yes" i said, to which she replied “yes you can tell” !!! i was so dumstruck i just said " oh right well id better be off bye", at first i found it upsetting but, by the time i called at my daughters later and told her i actually found it funny and we had a good laugh all afternoon about it ( but then we find the weirdest things funny ) i suppose when you walk around with 3 mths growth of hair it is a bit of a give away…
Mizzy XXX

One of the guys in my work didnt know what op I was going in for and shouted across somerfields checkout JOANNE ARE YOU GETTING A BOOB JOB we all fell about laughing


ah ha - a new one today -----

on starting chemo:

Nurse (they really should know better…) ‘you’ll look lovely with no hair. Just like Cameron Diaz’

‘Oh yes - I’d noticed the likeness I have with her. And you know, she actually really does have hair - she’s an actress you know, playing a part…’

Yes, but a method actress… I expect she’s really shaved it all off…’

‘Great. Maybe they’ll pay me all that money too then if I shave mine off. And maybe she’ll adopt a child with leukaemia too…’

‘no, I don’t think she’ll go that far…’

so all the one liners in the world won’t work for some people… !!!



this is not quite right for this thread but wanted to share it and here seemed the best place …

after our session at the lymphoedema clinic - poor OH looked a lovely white/green combo colour and really was gobsmacked - as I had been the week before … I had been trying to explain it and he just wasn;t getting it and suddenly it clicked and he was shocked to say the least …

anyway … he then said a lovely thing …along the lines of

" I just don’t undertand how all you women are coping with all of this - it’s just a complete nigtmare … if it was all men I think we’d just be hitting the bottle … you are all so strong! is amazing" .

… many apologies to all you chaps on here … unless you are on 20 lagers a day …or any amount of extra strong cider … and of course any amount of meths …

I agreed and promptly ate a magnum and a cream doughnut! … ENOUGH SAID!!!

lots of love FB xxxx

if ANYONE ELSE mentions Kylie Minogue to me I will do violence.
And I’m sick of “Are you OK?” to which I just want to say well, apart from the imminent mastectomy and the fact I’m going to go bald, Im bloody fantastic!

My lovely OH bought me a wonderful cap from the US which says f**k cancer in chinese. There aren’t any people in my village that speak chinese so I don’t really offend anyone but it makes me laugh.

I also couldn’t stop laughing at my own bald reflection yesterday. Steroids gave me puffy cheeks and hair now baby fine but I looked like a little cute hamster and the laughter hurt so much I was in stitches. I didn’t think that would happen.

As for one liners II can’t remember any of them but I’ve just been brutally honest with people in a firm but polite way, seems to have worked.

An odd look like they just spoke complete nonsense works well too :wink:

i would love a t shirt that answered everyones questions that they dont ask ie_:

Yes I have cancer

Yes I know it will grow back

I know I look good

I Know i look well

Lol any more additions you can think of.


I know I’m brave

When I had my prothesis I always said it gave new meaning to “get your tits out for the lads”!!!

lol - now u realise the whole office is wondering what I am laughing at !

hi all this has made me smile … waiting yours was priceless as for the t shirts Im a size 10 … i also got asked which one is it by my OH best mate after he had sat and stared at my tits for an hour while his missus kept digging him in the ribs !!