I am in a really surreal place.........

Public Archive
241

Morning Clare… and definitely a good one.
Thank you for sharing your overnight experiences… it must have been very frightening indeed. I’m glad your XOH is being so helpful and that your relationship with Jon is so tender and supportive. Both he and XOH must be quite special in their different ways, I feel.

I hope you are able to get out to lunch today, and to see your friends again. Wise to avoid loos but your story did make me smile… I have rescued my share of ladies from lavatories (chapter very large number of ‘It Shouldn’t Happen to a Vicar’).

Wishing you snowdrops and bluebells, hugs and smiles.

242

Hi Clare,

Hope you managed to have a doze and that you can get to your lunch and have a lovely time, a good nosh and a laugh does wonders!

So sorry you had such a rough time last night but pleased to hear your XOH actually came up with the goods and was supportive. Jon sounds like a nice chap too, enjoy the extra cuddles.

It is jolly cold here today but the sun is shining and it’s lovely!They are threatening snow over the next couple of days, I hope they are wrong as I’ve got my zometa on Thursday and though I live in Sussex I have my treatment in London.Well no point fretting about it best just enjoy today.

Love & hugs xx

243

Hi Clare
So glad you managed to pull your knickers up! I have a terrible habit of forgetting to lock public toilet doors which is very embarassing when someone flings it open and finds me sitting there lol!
It’s lovely that your ex and Jon are being so supportive :slight_smile: Cuddles and kisses are a great medicine.
Enjoy your meal out
Hugs and prayers, Chris xx

244

Hi Clare
Hoping lunch went well, with no hiccups, or knicker problems :wink: But sorry to hear you had such a scary experience last night. Hope that it doesn’t happen again.
I want to thank you for opening my eyes to the beauty of the inner snowdrop! Absolutely beautiful and I have taken a couple of photos. I can change my avatar if you want so you can see them every day lol?
Have a peaceful nights sleep and hope the spoons have been plentiful today.
Nicky dx

245

Hi Clare, no knicker problems today I hope! Sorry you’ve been having such problems with your leg muscles. It sounds a bit like the problems I had when on Tax and steroids. I could barely walk for weeks. It was called Taxotere Induced Myopathy and was a severe muscle weakness in my arms and legs, combined with fluid retention. My onc told me that both drugs go for the big muscles, which sounds like what you’ve been told about the steroids. I hope your reduced dose has the desired affect and you can get out and enjoy those bluebells.

All this talk of fish pie inspired me to make one for dinner tonight. I made it with cod and salmon (on offer in the supermarket), topped it with a sprinkle of super strong cheddar and had it with sugar snaps and broad beans. It was massive and absolutely yummy. There’s plenty left for tomorrow as well.

My big stress of the day has been waiting to hear that my son got home safely from his first trip out after passing his driving test yesterday. He took my lovely old Mini, Spike (he had a day with no school lessons today) and I had to drive DH’s tank of a Volvo to work. He was fine but has been out three times during the day, including for a pub lunch and used about half a tank of petrol (not that hard to do in a Mini!). Maybe I need to educate him in the cost of petrol…

Fingers crossed for a better night tonight Clare, and may the snowdrops be with you.

Jane xxx

246

Evening Clare, it was such a lovely day today. I was in Devon with my husband inspecting my son’s house which is under construction right on the river estuary. I thought of you because every bank was spotted with snowdrops and Devon violets. I hope you had a fun lunch, and will have no beached whale problems tonight. Sleep well.
Big Gentle Hug
Cackles

247

Evening all :o)

I didn’t manage to get out today :o( So no stray knicker problems to report or any kind of flashing. I just felt too weak and although Wendy and Neil are friends, I didn’t feel I could put on them if I couldn’t manage. So they just came round for coffee, which was nice of them on their days off. We just mainly chatted about work and stuff, filling me in on all the gossip…good to catch up.

The rest of the day was fairly dull, just pottered around and had a lay down, which I haven’t done in ages.

Jenny, my gardening friend texted and I have the choice of a trip out or stay in tomorrow, so we shall see how I feel in the morning. She’s so supportive, every week she either takes me out or just comes and chats for a while, she’s always a tonic, she has such funny stories to tell, even after years of knowing her she can always pull one out of the bag :o)

Then its a maybe lunch om Friday with my girlfriends from the village, just got to see who’s working or not and how I feel, although my comfort zone with them is much easier, as if I did something silly and get stuck in the loo, it would be funny and not embarrassing and made into a joke. We all used to go camping together, so we have all seen each other at our worst and best. We would load up a big pick up with all our gear on a Friday and arrive at a local campsite, looking like we meant business, pitch up and then cook a barb-q. All the kids loved it, usually we had about 12 of us, playing rounders, footie and just chilling for the weekend. So really whatever I have the misfortune to do, if we go out, I can cope with it better as we are more familiar.

Interesting what you say about the steroids Jane, I’m a bit cross no one warned me. I am still waiting for my son to book his first lesson in driving, I expect I will end up doing it.

Devon sounds lovely, I hope you saw a bit of sun. I haven’t seen any Violets yet, perhaps its a bit warmer there.

I’m glad you took some photos, it would be nice to see Nicky, just a flash will do :o) they are truely perfection inside, still facinates me.

I hope you manage your appointment Julie, i think the snow is more to the east, so you mayb ok. Hope you did enjoy today :o)

Intriguing you should be such an expert on ladies stuck in loo’s Rev. Is it a particular vocation or are you just called :o)

I’m off to bed now, hoping to sleep well, I feel like I should. Just hope I feel stronger in the morning.

Clare xxx

248

Good evening Clare, I am glad you were able to pop on the site tonight despite the fact that you are feeling a bit weary.
I have to pace myself all the time but a couple of days ago I went out for a while with my friend to do a little shopping. All I wanted to do was look in Next to look at perfume as another friend had given me a small bottle of everyday perfume which I liked.
Smells are very important to me in the sense that if something has a smell I don’t like I cannot buy/use it. If you ever wee and oldish lady opening the bottles of fabric softener etc and having a sniff…it is probably me!
Why is it that perfume that smells lovely on other people smells horrid on me and vice versa…body chemicals…and all the pills I take probably alter things too.
Anyway we got to Next only to find that the branch had closed in December!
We were in Evans, not a shop I ever go into, in fact I seldom go into any shops but my friend likes to look. We bought costume jewellry. They had some trashy stuff but quite a lot of it was good. Well I always like a bargain and couldn’t resist. I got a lovely jet black necklace which was originally priced at £12.50… and a bracelet and ring which matched it ( similar price) but both were £2…but it got better…when we found out that it was buy one get one free! That is the true Scot in me, very canny!
I love Devon and my Dad comes from there. Near Exeter. Have lots and lots of family there. Dad was one of 6 children.They live mainly around Crediton. I always feel quite at home when I am down there, always have done, must be in the blood, which it is I suppose!!
Well I hope everyone has a comfortable night and we are all renewed with the energy that will allow us to do some of the nice things we want to do, like snowdrop hunting. Love and hugs to all, Val

249

Hi Clare,

You have the wonderful gift of making people laugh, and feel at ease. What great company you are, and thank you for allowing us into your world. Had to chuckle at your knicker story!

It’s always good to catch up on work place gossip, which reminds me I’m due a visit to my past work place. Before retirement I worked in a University Library and people think it a dull working environment, oh …if only they knew!!! There was never a dull moment.

Whether out or in tomorrow sounds like you and Jenny will have a good day, hope she has you giggling with her stories. I hope you make lunch on Friday as that sounds to be just what the doctor ordered, nothing as comforting as time spent in easy company, and no doubt you’ll have lots to talk about and things to reminisce - shared memories.

My day was spent catching up on phone calls to friends, ironing (had to be done), resting and family history research. I had wanted to go for a short walk but it wasn’t possible as my legs, feet and ankles were more swollen than usual, couldn’t get a pair of shoes or boots on, not a pretty sight!

Wishing you a good sound sleep and hope tomorrow you feel strong.

Much love and lots of hugs.

Libby xxx

250

Libby, I didn’t realise you were into golf. Isn’t that what you meant with this ironing thing?

Clare, ditto to the thanks for coming on and keeping us in touch with your daily doings. It’s so lovely to hear about your days and the little happenings. The important thing is not the going out to lunch (with the accompanying loo worries!) but the contact with people who want to spend some time with you. And sounds like your boss and former boss were very happy to do so wherever was most comfortable for you.

Alto, the word is “Effect”… :wink:

Clare, I hope you and the other followers of your story have a good night’s rest, so that you’re ready for your “lady wot lunches” activities tomorrow.

Love and hugs,

CM
x

251

Hope you all get a peaceful long nights sleep. Libby I second what you have to say about dear Clare - Clare you indeed have a wonderful gift of making people laugh. The number of friends you speak of here show what great company you must be that they seek you out at a time when many would avoid. It really is quite a privilege to have a small window into your life. It is almost like pulling up a chair with you and hearing what you have been up to :).

I have acquired bad habits of late nights with the result that often if I don’t get off to sleep easily I am sleeping in till late morning. I excelled myself today and woke at 12.45 p.m.!!! Hubby is so good - and never disturbs me unless he knows I have to get up for anything.

All this talk of snowdrops violets bluebells etc make me long for spring. It is so cold here just now that I am staying indoors and watching the birds at my new birdstation. We have quite a bit of land where I live and a very old orchard. It is so beautiful because we have allowed a lot of things to seed (don’t mow the grass in that area) and we have many wild orchids that have spread there now, and bluebells. Then last year I saw quite a few winter anemones but I haven’t seen any snowdrops as yet.

Sleep well everyone - think I will have a little read tonight if I don’t fall asleep on the first page I open.

Dawn
xx

252

Hi there,

Dawn, your comments about all the people I see amaze me too. Its lovely to have such a loyal bunch of friends, who come to see me. I’ve found it totally overwhelming and not what I expected at all. I thought they would get bored by now after the first emotional burst over christmas, as we all said good byes then lol.

I do feel very privaliged in some way, knowing that they are all routing for me, its nice to have so many people on my side, all willing to help.

I feel a bit wibbly, wobbley today, so going to use my stick around the house today. My legs are all swollen too libby, I find though if I put those lovely white stockings on before you get out of bed in the morning, that helps and they do go down during that day. Have you got water tablets? They will help too. I have one brilliant pair of boots that will always fit, so I can get out.

Back off to bed

Clare xxx

253

CM, I knew you’d get me sooner or later! :slight_smile: *Smacks wrist* I promise to be good from now on. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to switch off from the job every now and then? Noooooo, that’s utterly impossible - I think we’d get the shakes!

Clare, your legs really do sound ike mine were on the Tax/steroid combination. I think it was CM who told me to lie on my back with my feet resting up on the wall. It helps but it isn’t very easy to get up from that position so maybe not one to try if you’re on your own. We wouldn’t want a repeat of the red-cord-and-knickers episode, would we?

I’d just try to keep your feet up as high as possible (feet above your hips at least) whenever possible.

Have a lovely day pottering Clare, but please, whatever you do, don’t do that ironing thing. I know Libby’s been indulging in it as well but it’ll never catch on you know.

Jane xxx

254

Hi Clare
Hope you have a good day today and do get to see your friends, either out at lunch or maybe at home. Take it easy and do what you want, and can, do - I’m sure you will :wink: Maybe Jane’s top tip about the legs may help?
I have changed my avatar to one of the photos I took, it’s not the most spectacular snowdrop, as I didn’t realise they are so different, but it doesn’t make the photo look like a snowdrop on two sausages lol, I think you can actually see they are my fingers in this one! I may change it later to the better snowdrop but only when it’s obvious about the fingers!
Dawn - I love my bird table, something I asked OH to get me for my birthday when I’d just been dx with a local recurrence (worse was to come!). It’s positioned just outside my kitchen window and the birds are so used to it being there that they allow me to watch, and photograph them from only a few feet away. We are also lucky to have an open garden right next to fields so get a lovely variety. Unfortunately no-one has told the pheasants that it is undignified to sit on a bird table, as one of the ladies is doing right now :wink: and this is a table with a roof!
Nicky xx

255

Thats perfection Nicky, so sweet, there are loads of varietys, I like the doubles but they differ too, so the choice is endless.

I too spend a fortune on bird related things, they give such pleasure, I have what we call the hotel ( a big hedge) we have usually about 20 little birds sitting in there and they seem to take it in turns to come out and feast. I make up fat balls and they have different seeds, they seem to differ in what they eat according to what type they are. We have nosy pheasants and partridge to that wander in and think they will be able to get in and have a feast, they soon give up lol.
I am tempted to try and go to a garden centre, although its freezing so it maybe wiser to go next week. The baskets at the front of my kitchen are getting on my nerves… also my other sping delight, not for a while yet is watching ferns uncoil. I have a collection of about 8 varieties in front of my house, as its in the shade and has all the right growing condidions for them. All are enormous and need a little chopping and tiding so I will be able to catch the first ones to unfold.

Hope you all have a lovely day, its sunny here but I reckon still - something outside, needless to say I am not walking the dog today. XOH is off today, so he can have the pleasure. We have a Tutor meeting for Aisling, so I will be able to discuss my sister and her up and coming role in my daughters life. Hopefully they will keep her informed, if not I’m convinced she will be on the case :o)

Clare xxx

256

Hi Clare
We also have a hotel, ha ha. It’s an elderflower tree, or are they weeds lol. It’s past it’s prime but just the other side of the low fence from our garden. This is why I think the birds are happy to fly back and forth to the table, again we have about 20 at a time. I sometimes think they must use up all the energy they get from the one seed or sunflower seed they pick up and fly back to the tree with to get any food at all!
I hope the meeting goes well with your daughters tutor, it sounds like she will be in good hands all the way :slight_smile: A very capable young lady and with your sister to carry on your good work.
Take it easy if you do go to a garden centre, it is bitter out there, but at least it’s sunny. I bet your baskets are annoying you but I’m sure they can wait a bit, mine have learnt to do that every year :wink:
Nicky xx

257

Hi clare i hope your leg muscle problem is solved now. Today i eat chicken rice and i enjoyed a lot. and also visit my doctor so that i would feel less stress. Now after visiting i am feeling much better.

258

Hi Clare - I hope your tutor visit goes well too! Im sure it is very very important to you to spend time sorting these things out. I wondered if your sister was going too so she can meet the tutor?

Warm hugs - as it is SOOOOOOOO cold, but a very lovely day!

Sadie Xx Xx

259

Hi Clare

I’ve woken up to a beautiful sunny day here too so will be out walking later to work off those choclates from last night! I’ve not started chemo yet. Had my MX two weeks ago today but I’m doing fine and looking forward to a bit if personal space next week when my hubby goes back down south to work. I like a bit of alone time but shall also go catch up with friends & reassure them I’m still me…just a little less loaded in the chest area!

I’m looking forward to a spring walk through a bluebell wood in the spring where my best friend Cheryls ashes were sprinkled. She lost her fight last March but she lives on in my memory. My friend Rosie also succumbed last Jan & I drove Cheryl to her funeral not knowing I’d be at Cheryl’s funeral a week later. Such lovely ladies & I count my blessings that I am still here (we met when I had my fight first time around…always much hilarity in the chemo waiting room…we were a noisy bunch determined to not let our predicament get us down).

Been very lazy & slept in today! I hope that you’ve got a few spoons stashed away & enjoy your day even if it only means resting & watching the feathered visitors! Am going to look for snowdrops in my garden later. Hopefully they’re not a tasty bunny snack ( I have three who run freely in the garden & house).

Hugs

Twinky x

260

Hi Clare

Just checking in to see read your post and see how you are. Hope things go well with your daughter’s tutor tonight.

It’s my daughter’s 12th birthday today; mixed emotions. I find occasions like this really difficult (loving the birthday but wondering if / when… etc)

Sounds like you daughter is coping well and is managing to handle all the stuff that is going on superbly. You’re doing a great job!

Laurie x