I am in a really surreal place.........

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Dear Clare

I picked up mention of this thread on one of the others so I’ve just read from the beginning to this point. I agree with all the other posters who say how good it is to read your words. You are one very creative lady. It must be so hard for you as you will be saying goodbye to everyone whereas everyone who loves you will be saying goodbye to one person.

You will be leaving your children a wonderful legacy- my Mum died of cancer 55 years ago when I was nine. I have so few written reminders of her- just a few words ie shopping lists in the back of a notebook and hand written recipes, I would love to have more. Your children and no doubt your friends, will read, then re read your words, treasure them and gain an inner strength as they remember you.

I know you didn’t set out to provide a service but you are. In talking about dying you are taking away some of the fear of dying that many people have- nobody wants to die too soon but fear makes it so much worse. The replies and other posts on this thread show just how much you are loved and appreciated.

I hope you have extra lots of daily spoons for the rest of the week so you can enjoy the visits of your friends and your Mum. May your bumps and bruises resolve soon and your snowdrops multiply!
Hugs & love Diana x

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Hi Clare :slight_smile:

Sorry to hear about your fall. I’m so glad that lovely man stopped and helped :slight_smile:
I saw 3 snowdrops in my garden last night and thought of you.
I agree with everything Diana just said about you leaving your children a wonderful legacy and also helping others along the way :slight_smile:
I do think having a pet is a good idea if you’re going through cancer as they’re comforting and accept us as we are. I have a very loving cat called Florrie :slight_smile:
Have a lovely day and a good rest
Prayers and hugs Chris xx
“Life is not waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”

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Hello Giddy

How strange that you posted the quote about dancing in the rain. I just ordered a plate for my dresser with the same words on it. Hope it won’t take to long to arrive as I got it from E-bay and it has to be shipped from America. My cat is called Coco and is rather lazy and spoiled. She loves to sit with me all day if she could and must be the only living soul who is sad that the drains have gone since she thought they have been there for her amusement. We are both curled up on the sofa with the fire going and having a large mug of coffee.

Clare I do hope you are feeling better since your fall. Spotted one tiny snowdrop in my garden today and thought of you. Just hope it will not get battered by the snow we are expecting this week.

Hug to you all from Alanaa and Cat xx

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Hi there

Just a quickeeee as Mum is waiting to go to bed :o)

I have no lasting effects from the fall, just a grazed knee and a loss of dignity lol.

I got my zoldronic acid infusion today and saw my bcn, who always tries to pop in if I am at the unit. I look like the moon child with the steroids and she thinks perhaps the dose is too strong, so I will ask onc tomorrow. She did say an interesting thing about steroids that I never knew. She said that they also may be contributing to my loss in strength. Which as interesting as always imagined that steroids built you up rather than sapped your energy.

Had a nice day with mum, couldn’t stop her cleaning a little, so I joined in and them made a rather splendid fish and egg pie for tea :o) (nothing like blowing your own trumpet)

Night night, hope everyone sleeps well, I hope to, I and my daughter overslept this morning and she got her first late mark lol.

I have set an alarm now, just in the hope I sleep well, not had to do it before as I was usually up.

Bye
Clare xxx

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Hi Clare

Lovely to hear from you. Fish & egg pie sounds nice - any chance of the recipe or a quick idiots guide…lol. Hope that you sleep well. I’m snuggled up on the sofa to give hubby another good night before I demand the marital bed back & he gets the sofa for a while. His coughing is still too bad for me to sleep soundly with him and I need to get strong before the chemo hits me! Hope your cleaning & cooking didn’t rob you of too many spoons from tomorrow.

Twinky x x

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Hello Clare,

Hope you and mum have a nice natter in bed before sleeping. Pleased to hear you had a good day, and a scrumptious dinner.

Good to hear you’ve bounced back after your fall, gosh you’re a tough cookie lol.

Clare, the steroids you take are different to the ones some body builders or athletes take, they take anabolic steroids, whereas yours will be corticosteroids, I too did think as you and imagined I’d grow muscles, but I asked my BCN and she explained the difference between anabolics and corticosteroids.

Sleep well Clare, and have a nice day with mum tomorrow.

Lots of hugs.

Libby x

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ooooh fish and egg pie… not had that in years… thnaks for the idea!

Hope you have another good day today.

Stay warm and safe… no weight lifting!! :wink:

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Good morning,

Just about to slope off to bed again… I have slept 3 nights in a row, needed an alarm tooday to get Aisling up, although she was eatin breakie when I got up. cold and frosty here, so no rush to face the outside world :o)

Twinky, easy fish pie is a stapple for my family, its something my daughter luvs to cook. I used Haddock, smoked fish and salmon and a few prawns from the freezer, I cover and microwave that for 3 mins. I make a white sauce with just seasoning. Boil some potatoes and some eggs and chop an onion.
Just mix the fish, flake it, with the onion and chopped boiled eggs. Mix with the white sauce and whatever cooking juices come from the fish and cover with mashed potato with a grating of cheese to top it. Then put it all in the oven for half an hour and then eat…yummy

Very easy, hope you have a go :o) I hope you have slept too last night, sounds like you really needed it.

I have to really do my pills in my box but I think I’ll just take the morning ones and do the rest later, so I can snooze a little now…got a bit of a thick head…so wats new :o)

Hope you all have a cheerful day and it brings good things for you all.

Clare xxx

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Recioe, I make a St Peter’s Pie which has half hard boiled eggs PLUS leeks. You cook the leeks to soften them, put this on bottom of dish, pleace in the halfed eggs, then the fish I use half smoked and half haddock ( or all white fish) then pour over a sauce made with the milk I cook the fish in ( just a sort of white sauce), put on the mashed potato ( a potato ricer makes this easy peasy, then some nobs of real butter, Try this variation. LOve Val

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Must say I’m not a great fish eater but those pies sound nice girls!

Clare hope you have a nice cosy morning, have a lovely doze.

Revcat hope you enjoyed meeting your forum buddy - I get together with other Sussex secondary women every few weeks (4 or 5 of us)and it really is good to be with people who know where you’re coming from.

Just had a man in my loft treating woodworm, meant I had to have door open and am freezing! Hope we get a bit of sunshine later to make the day a bit brighter if not warmer.

Have a good day everyone! xx

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Hi Clare

So glad you’re sleeping well. That fish pie sounds delicious :slight_smile:

Alanaa- that is a coincidence! It’s such a lovely saying.
Coco sounds adorable :slight_smile:

Love and hugs Chris xx

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Hi there,

That sounds a lovely variation, with the leeks Val, I shall have to try that for next time.

Had a nice day, although so very tired this evening. I took advantage of mum being around and had a long hot shower, which woke me up enough to get moving. She had another potter around and tidied the kids rooms, she luvs to organise, so i left her to it.

Went to see the oncologist via Dunelm mill, heaven on earth if you luv bedding and soft furnishings. We bought some lovely fleesey throws for the kids beds and lots of odd bits, really enjoyed it.

I had another unfortunately embarrassing event, I got stuck on the loo and had to pull that awful red cord to call someone to help. Luckily i had managed to make myself a little decent (knickers up lol) It took two to heave me up to some dignity and then face the waiting room…boy did I blush :o)

Apparently the steroids weaken the top thigh muscles, so I heard afterwards from the oncologist, so we are lowering the dose but not stopping them as she said they have a good, indirect effect on the Liver, which is obviously what I need. Also the pharmacist is going to sort me a lower Capecitabine dose and get back to me with it. Ohhhh and she said she saw no problem with me driving short distances, just not to fly off on a road trip that takes my fancy ( she knows me too well ) So thats got mum off my back too as I promised only to do short journeys, which suits me fine :o)

So all in all a good day but I will have to be cautious when approaching a toilet in future. Not sure what I will do tomorrow, as I’m going out for lunch, I think I’ll just hold the water tablets and take them later…couldn’t bare the thought of getting stuck in a pub toilet lol.

I hope you all had nice days too and looked after yourselves. You are always in my thoughts, each one of us on this journey together, all having ups and down days but most of all supporting each other in such an invaluable way. Its nice to have the understanding and compassion that ‘gets’ the situations we find ourselves in.

Luv Clare xxxx

Luv Clare xxx

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You made me smile Claire!

Lynn
x

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Clare do you remember the old song…

Oh dear what can the matter be?

Poor old Clare got stuck in the lavatory,

She was there from Monday to Saturday

As nobody knew she was there.

Love V

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Ya know, I always wondered what happened when you pulled that red bit of string, so thank you for finding out for me! Clare, I have to say I did giggle at the thought of you sat there with your dignity round your ankles (until you added that you’d retrieved undies).

Very glad your mum’s doing the housey pottering, and that you had another good day. Make sure you do wrap up warm if you’re heading out though, it’s rather parky out there. We even had a delicate dusting of snow down here in Surrey today!

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I’ve pulled the red cord by mistake before now. That’s also embarrassing, not in need of help - just stupid!

Glad you’re having a good time with your Mum Claire. Hope the tweaks they’re doing to your medications have the desired effects.

Dx

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I am glad that I am not the only one who has pulled the cord by mistake in the hospital loo. They do come running very quickly.

AlexD

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Yes I’ve done it too! oh well at least we know what happens when the red cord gets pulled by accident or on purpose!

Cold and cloudy here in Sussex but dry. Hoping for a little sunshine tomorrow - need my solar panels to work!

Have a good night Clare and everyone else too xx

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Happily I am clearly one of the few who hasn’t pulled the red cord, but live in dread of doing so especially in Costa coffee where the loos open straight into the coffee shop!

It sounds as though they are sorting out you medication Claire. I hope the reduced doce oof steroids helps. Good news about the driving, enjoy your short trips.

Hope you continue to sleep well, take care, love Mo xx

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Good morning…

Well it is for me because I am still here. :o)

Yesterday evening I had no strength wahtsoever, I was a little frightened to say the least. My EX OH was great, he had to almost lift me out of my chair, so I could get to bed…in there I was like a beached whale as I could only make a few wriggles to get comfy. I laid awake for at least 2 hrs but must have drifted off eventually. XOH asked if I wanted him to sleep downstairs with me in the other bed but he snore’s like a trooper and so I said no, I would call him if I needed him. Its an awful feeling, imobility, I had a taste of it when my back was bad but nothing like this…here’s hoping the lower dose steroid will give me back a little strength, just to get up…and not get stuck in any other places lol. (luckily not all week Val) that made me laugh, as did the kids when I told them :o) the jokes were coming thick and fast!

I am going to try and go out to lunch today, it’s my boss and ex boss who are taking me out. They have both been fab throught this, we all started at the same time and had such fun together. Neil, who’s coming no longer even works at the place but is coming anyway.
I’ll just have to warn them and put a sticker on their car (Liable to be embarrsing person onboard) but no trips to the loooooooo so I shall prepare accordingly…perhaps I need a ‘she wee’ lol

I am glad the dreaded red cord pulling has helped you ladies, I had never invisaged ever being in the position to need it, but i was glad it was there. Unfortunately no good looking man came to my rescue, now that would have been a bonus :o)

Talking of goodlooking young men ( I posted a dilema I had when 2 lovely men asked me out a few months ago) well one of them Jon is still around and is a tower of strength, seems to look past my illness and is very natural and kind. So I get lots of hugs and kisses when I see him, which boosts my ego a little and puts a spring in my step :o)

I’m back off to bed, had my pills and a cup of Tea. So I can have another doze.

Hope you all have a great day

Clare xxx