I am in a really surreal place.........

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901

clare im sorry to read you are feeling down right now but its understandable… its so disappointing the LO nurse couldnt help you more now.

im glad you found the massage helpful… i only ever had one back massage i was so looking forward to a nice relaxing experience but the girl doing it kept sniffing cos she had a drippy nose and in the end i couldnt relaxing with her sniffing because i was sure i was gonna feel a big drip on my back! that was 15 years ago and she put me right off but have had hands and feet done and really enjoy that.

hope you have a good sleep and wake up bright and breezy after a restful night and hope things will be looking more rosey in the morning.

much love xxx

902

Just creeping in late…don’t tell Matron but I’ve been out to a gig tonight in Birmingham. Had to wimp out a fair bit and retreat from my stage side position to places to sit down but really glad I went. Felt very cold without my hair. Just wore a Baker Boy style hat tonight. You’d laugh if you could see me now, flopped out on the bed with a furry deer stalker type hat on just to warm me up a bit!

Hug for you Clare. You’ll feel better after some sleep. Can I pop in for a brief visit Monday? I have something I want to show you x

Need to have a very quiet day tomorrow to replace the spoons lost tonight. I am away this weekend to see my family which will be tiring & also a long drive too. Hoping to catch up with CM on route for a cuppa & bite to eat. Next juicing is next Weds…sigh soon comes around!

Night all

Twinky x

903

Twinks, how do you want to do this - a rest stop in Guildford for coffee and cake on the way? That might be worth doing, as it is a bit of a schlep from yours down to the coast. Let’s talk about it tomorrow, give me a ring when you’re up and about after your gadding about.

Clare, no wonder your poor legs are so sore. I’d be tempted to sleep completely upside-down with that much fluid loitering around. I definitely think you should take your laptop into your bedroom so you can play poker or post on UAN while keeping your legs raised. You might be right about avoiding a back massage unless you have someone you really trust who knows exactly what’s what with the bits that pop out of place.

You’re such a love looking after your friend. I have to say, I think you’ll both do each other good, as I’ve always found I feel better when worrying about someone else’s troubles (that’s part of the reason why this site is so flipping helpful!)

I’ve had a major meltdown today, despite ragamuffin’s crossed fingers for a bit of peace, and the lovely ladies on this site are amazing. Various “authorities” keep asking “so where are you getting YOUR support?” (if you knew what’s been going on you’d understand why I get so p****d off when they ask!) I just tell them to mind their own business and do their flipping job. But the answer is, my lovely counsellor (who left this evening’s session a lot damper than when she started), my big daughter, and BCC FORUMS!!! Eventually managed to turn the taps off q couple of hours ago but I’ve been in bits all day and it’s exhausting. I completely HATE falling to pieces in front of people, and even worse being unable to put myself back together quickly. I end up feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck.

I’m off to bed now, taking the cat with me. Must call the vet tomorrow. He’s been losing his fur, on his back by his tail. I thought it was just a bit of over-zealous cleaning but the thin patch has got a lot bigger. I reckon he’s coming out in sympathy with my friends on here. That’s going to be an enjoyable journey (not! He HATES the car!) I left it for a while wondering if it was just a very minor irritation but I discovered yesterday evening that he’s lost a fair bit off his tummy too. He’s a bit of a feisty cat and doesn’t let anyone stroke his tummy without ripping their hands off, so I hadn’t noticed until he rolled over when in front of the fire. That’s going to be an expensive trip, I reckon, vets aren’t cheap.

Hugs all round, and some virtual upside-down-ness to Clare, to help those sore legs drain.

And I hope everyone has a better day tomorrow. Things are usually brighter after a night’s sleep.

CM
x

904

What a big disappointment it must have been for you Clare to learn you have to wait for lymphodema treatments. You’d think they’d realise that when in pain you want relieving of it YESTERDAY, not next flipping month! That’s a lot of fluid you have, it equates to about one and a half stone in weight, or at least I think it does, maths USED to be a strength of mine pre chemo! The aid you’ve been given to help with putting the stockings on will be a big help, trying to pull and tug them on takes so much effort.

You are far removed from useless Clare, so please get that idea out of your head. The inspiration you give to ladies here is so worthwhile, and you always have time and compassion for others’. You’re a blinking marvel.

I wish you a good sound sleep tonight, to waken feeling refreshed and for you and Di to have a good chat and nice day. Warm hugs x.

Lulu, you look great on your new profile pic, I’m so jealous of your eyebrows. x

Twinky, it’s good to hear you sounding more cheerful, enjoy the relaxing day you’ve planned for tomorrow. x

CM, I’m sorry you are in such a bad place at the moment and I do hope the situation improves soon, good to hear your dau and counsellor are supportive and there for you. Gentle hugs, x

I’ve had a better day today. I moderate on a genealogy forum and my fellow mod’s arranged for a bottle of champagne to be delivered, they are extremely kind and considerate people, previously I’ve received four bouquets from them by Interflora, what lovely workmates.

OH and I went to meet friends for coffee, and then had a leisurely walk, the weather was glorious, company good and uplifting.

I hope a good day was had by Revcat, Cackles, Annie, Nicky, Ragamuffin and ALL Claredrops.

Night all, hope everyone sleeps well.

Libby x

905

Hi there,

Feeling a bit better, well not much, but its a start. Cassie and I are just waiting for david the dog walker, he should be here soon. Then I may attempt a shower…although my hair will have to be done gently as it is falling out in bucket loads. He’s just arrived :o)

Monday is good for me Twinky, you intrigue me now, with something to show me :o)

I am going to rest the next few days in rediness for the party on Saturday and I will take the lappy into bed CM, ur right that I need to keep those heavy legs up…it will also stop me nipping to the fridge too as often as I am doing at the moment :o)

I managed to sleep till 5.30 so feeling more refreshed than usual. I may make a start on my 'beginners guide to bringing up Aisling to give to XOH and I also feel like writing the kids latters as so much has changed and I was in such a hurry to get them done that I can’t remember what I put!!! I’m still putting off the admin/finance bit as I know that will depress me, its not like i took out a funeral plan or anything but i expect Mum and Dad will sort it out.

So many plans, what a choice…the one thing i will do, when I am dressed is to plant out my window boxes with the plants I bought the other day when out with Mum.

I hope the rest of the day is kind to you all

Clare xxx

906

Big hugs to you Clare and I’m sorry that all this cr@p is getting harder to deal with, it’s just not fair. I don’t expect any of us really understand how difficult it must be to try to be the person you are inside but the outside bits aren’t letting you. Be good to yourself and concentrate on those window boxes, nothing else and then legs up young lady :wink: I hope your day gets easier and you can find a positive today to make you feel better. However, in this fog, that inspiration isn’t going to come from outside LOL
Hugs to everyone else having a hard time at the moment, life certainly can be cruel whatever your problems are BC or not BC.
Nicky xx

907

Well said Nicky, you are bang on.

Clare, please think only about yourself and your loved ones, keep your spoons for the precious things. Sorry you have fog - guess what, we have grey for a change! I was chatting to someone yesterday who said the same - everyone she knows has weather, we have greyness. Golly, we must be bad!

Hugs to all.

908

Glad you’re feeling a bit more refreshed, Clare, and yes Nicky has hit the nail on the head. Planting the window boxes sounds like excellent therapy though. Your little crocus bowl looked lovely when we were there, I’m sure they’re all out, smiling at you, as will your window boxes when you’re done. AND THEN GO AND PUT THOSE LEGS UP! reckon that’s a good way to replenish those spoons.

Further update on the cat. Got appointment to take Tigger to the vet. It’s so funny, when I called and told the receptionist his name, she recognised it and clearly remembered what he was like last time he was in. You’d think they must have hundreds of cats on their books, but my scruffy ole moggy is one of their faves, for being a complete tart.

909

Hi Clare

Just to reiterate what the others have said… Time to put yourself first for a bit, hoard those spoons and put your legs up.

Spring is definitely in the air.- I came within 30 feet of a hugh jack hare yesterday - beautiful. Then there was another one on the other side of the field - they’ll be boxing soon!

CM - Ahem, I’ll just whisper this (((have you checked for fleas)))? A flea allergy can give just the symptoms you describe and if Tigger is still murdering squirrels, he could easily pick them up.

Indiscriminate hugs to all
Dx

910

Hi Clare

I am seeing my Oncologist in Solihull at 11 on Monday morning. I will then drive down to you & bring lunch with me! If there’s anything in particular that you really fancy then shout & i will deliver.

Twinky x

911

Hi CM…will give you a call later today. Need to go sort a few things out. Meeting you in Guilford sounds good, will break my journey up!

Twinky x

P.S. How about a profile picture from you. You’ve been a grey blob for far too long!

912

Clare, just saying the same as everyone else, you are number one now so please look after yourself. Do the things you want to do when you feel like doing it and forget the guilt. It is difficult to let the reins loosen a little but you are the priority at the moment. Have a good and happy day and rest those leggies xx

913

Hoping that with your legs raised you are near enough enough to view your wonderful flowering window boxes. They will be a real treat to help you with the very difficult sort of planning/letterwriting you have to put in place…
So dreadfully difficult for you.
I hope they don’t drain you too much…
Not long before your daughter arrives home from school and reminds you that you are very much needed. Mums are the best!
I’m very middle-aged but I do wish and wish that I had a Mum because usually they give you unconditional love…
That is very rare in our world now. I think we could all do with some of that on constant tap…

Gentle hugs Clare
Hope you’ve got a few treats lined up for later…

Welsh girl xx

914

Evening all

Talking about mums I would b lost without mind at
The moment fighting cancer for the third time.
She holds me when I cry and smiles when I am
Happy.
What pain must she be going through knowing we only
Have a couple of years left.
Trying so hard to smile today not happening.
Hate all the side effects chemo doing to me.
Want to be out living not ill with this disease
Sorry hard today

Love rosie x

915

Hi Clare

Have you been in touch with Winston’s Wish? They are a fabulous organisation and will be able to offer help and support for you and your children. They manage to discuss the hardest things without being awkward or creepily sympathetic and have some lovely ideas of things to do with and for your children.

Love
Moya xx

916

Evening all,

Completley washed out tonight but managed to stay awake for the masterchef final and was pleased that the right person won, she was amazing :o)

Legs like balloons, all shivery again, I think I get like that if I am over tired. I’m just on my nebuliser and then i’ll be off to bed.

Twinky that sounds great for you to come. I can knock us up an omelete or something for lunch, so don’t go to any trouble as you will be traveling and have other things to think of.

Rosie ur so right about mums…not sure what I would do without mine, she can be a bossy, total pain but the love she gives far outweighs the negatives…she only nags like that cause she cares anyway.

I did my baskets, decided I didn’t need to get dressed and then dozed the day away. I feel like I should have contacted Di but I didn’t hear anything from her, so i figured she was either busy or didn’t want to off load, either way I was quite grateful as i am not sure i would have had the energy.

Off to bed now, need some rest…hope you all sleep well. Sorry to be a bit of a party pooper.

Night night

Clare xxx

917

Hi Clare

Ooh yes …omelet sounds good to me! I enjoyed Masterchef too. She was a strong contender right the way through but I don’t think she realised how good she actually was. A PJ day is fine…you just go with the flow and do what feels right for you. I shall come & inspect your window boxes!

Ought to be heading up to bed myself. Am sprawled on the sofa stroking my stubbly head…lol very soothing but my ears feel cold & neglected…lol.

Hope the sleep fairy visits everyone tonight!

Twinky x x

918

Hi Clare, hope you managed to sleep, keep those legs up and rested. Masterchef was brilliant they all did very well but I have to agree the winner was very worthy she deserved it, what will we watch now? Enjoy your visit on Monday from Twinky and your omelet. I got some pansies last week ready for my pots and baskets so will be doing them soon, just a bit worried about the frost yet, when will be the best time to pot them? Hope you managed to get some sleep, take care Clare think about you often, love junieliz x

919

Hi Clare and fellow Clare-ites

Have been trying to wean myself off the boards for a bit but just end up having to read pages to catch up so it probably doesn’t save me any time to do other things!

Clare you continue to be an inspiration (stop shaking your head and saying, “I’m not”). I keep thinking I need to start doing letters for my kids, but keep putting it off, thinking there will be a better time but sometimes, I guess we just have to bite the bullet and get it done.

Everything crossed that you get to Aisling’s birthday in health that means you can enjoy the day. Start saving a few spoons…

Big hugs to all

Laurie x

920

Evening all,

I slept like a log, apart from 1 hour where I loitered about last night!!! My alarms woke me but I turned them off and turned over and slept till 9.30, unheard of…but lovely, although it did mean I didn’t see Aisling but maybe I have to start letting go although I still have to get up for doggie walking, What a dilema.

I had brekie and then went back to bed as I feel really tired and a bit strange and I so need to be ok for tomorrow. So all in all I have rested all day apart from a little cooking tonight.

XOH massaged my legs tonight, well one LOL It was quite odd but so kind of him to do it, I would never have asked him as I felt it would put him in an awkward position. It did loosen all the water which makes it easier to walk. Unfortunately I can’t do it very much as it disslocates my shoulder and arm and hurts too much.

Hope you are all ok, I don’t blame you trying to wean yourself off the boards, it sometimes does us all good to have a break Laurie.

Look forward to Monday Twinky, hope you are having a good weekend and save your energy for a few exciting bits :o)

Night night all

Clare xxx