I am tired of being upbeat, tired of being that good, brave cancer patient who smiles at everyone, never complains and never cries. I am tired of thinking of my husband, my friends, my parents and my children. Shocking I know. My kids are the most important thing in my life but I cannot cope with them and their needs all the time. I am tired of being the one in the middle with all the answers. Why can’t someone else see that the bathroom needs to be cleaned or decide how child number 2 should have their sandwiches.
I know there are plenty of people who are in way worse situations than I am but right now I am tired of considering them. At this precise point in time I can only manage me.
I am so tired and contrary to what my husband seems to think a half hour nap is just not going to cut it.
I have stage 3 BC. Have had chemo, mastectomy and am half way through rads.
Eight more to go and then what.
Right now I will get back up and cope again. Thank you and my apologies if I have offended anyone.
C
Hi Claire I’m quite sure many women will totally understand exactly how you are feeling,certainly sounds very familiar to me!!!You have been through a marathon of treatment but you are nearing the end.feel free to vent your spleen on here ,we understand totally.There is a thread Darling rads of August where ladies currently going through radiotherapy at the moment are talking if you would like to come and join us.Jill.
I felt exactly the same as you last week - ended up spending last Thursday afternoon in floods of tears. You won’t offend anyone on here - please join our thread as mentioned by Jill. I have just finished treatment and think everyone expects me to feel fantastic straight away but it’s going to take time to get back to normal whatever normal is now. Sending hugs, Sharon x
Hi Claire. We all feel the same, I’m sure. I feel guilty cos I know they mean well but at the same time I wish people wouldn’t keep telling me I’m the strongest woman they know, or what a fighter I am, or what a great attitude I have. It doesn’t make a blind bit of difference to the cancer. Also with you on dealing with the family; husband has been amazing but one kid going through really difficult patch and I really don’t have the will to deal with it.
And I’m only at the very start of my “journey”! First session of neoadjuvant chemo yesterday.
I don’t think you get left with many reserves to deal with anything additional to the cancer.Yeh ,the strong, brave,think positive thing,could punch people who say those things!!!
Bravescholar - you will go up and down. I feel better today than I did the other day. Nothing has changed just me. I have had more ok days than bad I would say. But the tiredness never leaves. All the very, very best to you. You will find your way. I try and keep focussed on what is best for the kids and that mostly works. Xx. (And thank you both for your support)
Normal is scary. I don’t know what the new me will be like. Different I’m sure.
New normal!!!Good and bad days are pretty usual ,this is physically and emotionally knackering and after the initial concern the help and sympathy evaporates !!!
For me, the whole point of being on this forum is to say what I am thinking to people who have been there and got the scars to prove it. I don’t think anyone else can possible really understand what it’s like.
I am fed up of people telling me how they know someone with BC who has been wonderful and worked all the way through their treatment and drove themselves to work the day after the op etc. etc. Good for them! I didn’t. I’m tired, fed up of it all, sore and wish it was all over and scared of it all being over at the same time and I’m not going to pretend to be anything else. Say how you feel not what you think people want to hear.
Well said NP, it’s a long ,hard exhausting road and people who have not been there can’t possibly understand.
Sounds v familiar Clare. It’s rubbish and tiring and one day it will be over. Good luck x
Claire, you’re not alone in feeling like this. I sometimes wonder how much more I can put up with
Luckily, no husband so I suppose that’s one less thing to bother me!
I have weeded out a few “friends” to save myself losing my temper, you know the ones. It’s either, you’ve had surgery, you should be fine and back to normal or oh you’re so brave, I would be a mess.
I am a flaming mess, odd shaped boob, being fried with rads just now, tamoxifen se, oh and just been prescribed with sertraline for mild depression
I didn’t book a ticket for this journey, wish folks wouldn’t call breast cancer that
any hoo, that’s got it off my mishapened chest for a bit
best wishes and much love to you all
sheena xxx
Totally with you Claire and ladies. Please moan away, you won’t offend us. Im coming up to one of year after dx. Mx was sept 2014, chemo Oct-april, following by recon and rads. Finally finished end of July.
I’m exhausted! I have 2 kids, worked up til march when I was made redundant. Kept up with yoga, cooking, shopping, pets etc
I’m not brave, I’m not strong or superwoman. I’ve just had to get on with it, as the world doesn’t stop for you to lick your wounds! I’m also on sertraline - positive se is that it has reduced my hot flushes from several an hour to may be just 10 a day. Also on sleeping tablets and Tamoxifen.
So glad we have this forum as no one else understands unless they’ve been through it. Even my husband thinks I’ve be strong and coped well as I managed to keep my hair so so outward sign of illness and kids got to school and dinners on the table every night!!
I don’t wish it on anyone, but I wish they could understand and not expect me to bounce back now active treatment is over.
Long and gruelling road,and I don’t expect many people just dust themselves off and carry on as if nothing has happened when treatment has finished.Im struggling with the fact that even though Im still finding this emotionally and physically hard ,sympathy and support has pretty much disappeared people have got bored!!!Yeh,me too!!!
Hi Claire2s…this may be of some help? Long read, but even now nearly 4 years from diagnosis, I still dip in and out
cancercounselling.org.uk/Peter%20Harvey%20-%20After%20the%20Treatment%20Finishes%20then%20What.pdf?openElement
You take care M x
Rose,I’m quite sure your words will ring true with many of us going through this.The impact both physically and mentally will continue for quite some time after your treatment finishes , but those around us want us to be ok ,“cured”, “back to normal” so we pretend we are.Im sure it gets better ,4 months is early days I’m guessing,don’t give yourself a hard time for feeling rubbish,next time someone asks how you are who you think may listen tell them!!
Better day tomorrow lets hope Rose,just said that on another thread too, so unpredictable how you can feel sometimes isn’t it.
I can think of better ways to spend a summer!!!
Tropical beach,Bradley Cooper, champagne ,Jamie Oliver or similar cooking tea …