Hi all
Never ever thought i would end up using a forum like this. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last week and now my life is upside down. I am 33yrs old with two beautiful children who are my reason for living. My mum died of breast cancer when i was eight (nearly the same age as my son after being diagnosed when i was 5, nearly the same age as my daughter)so this is like living a nightmare. I feel so well, currently awaiting mastectomy and the joy of chemo!!! i just wanted to hear from others in the same boat as all this feels unreal!!!
Hi brighteyes,
What a sad story! At your young age you just should not be having to face any of this. I hope being here is going to help you, that you will feel not so alone, but there is not much we can do to take this nightmare away. I was older than you when first dx at the age of 45 and I felt at the time at least my children had got to a decent age, but all of this was 19 years ago now. Let’s just say I have had a lot of bad dreams along the way! but I am still here to tell the story. We are here and will help you all we can.
Dawn
xx
Hi Brighteyes,
Welcome to the BCC discussion forums, you’ve come to the right place for support as the many informed users of this site have a wealth of information between them.
I have put for you below links to 3 of BCC’s publications which I hope will help you. If you would like to talk to someone in confidence then please do phone the helpline here where you can talk to a trained member of staff. Calls to the helpline are free, 0808 800 6000 lines open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 9-2
Resource pack:
breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/nav.718/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/82
Breast cancer and you:
breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/nav.718/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/89
BC in families:
breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/nav.718/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/70
I hope this helps. Kind regards,
Jo, Facilitator
Hi Brighteyes - welcome to the club no-one wants to join. And a real crock at your age, and with young kids - you’ll find there are many of those on here (not because there are more of you overall, just you’re the generation most like to use a discussion forum!)
Probably all of us will identify strongly with your comments about the shock and unreality of it. It takes a while to get your head around this new reality that’s suddenly hit you - I certainly found that for a while I felt like two people, the “me” I had always known, and the “me” with cancer. It took a while for the two to even start speaking to each other.
Many of us have found that once you get started on treatment, it begins to feel a little better - you feel more in control, as if you are fighting back. I have my last chemo (of 6) TOMORROW (oh joy!!!) which followed a lumpectomy in February - then I start radiotherapy. Of course we all react differently to the treatments, but it is do-able. And it’s worth remembering that these days, the vast majority of us will be like Dawn - popping back on to the thought-driven holographic internet of 2028 to tell people about when we were first diagnosed!
And Dawn - thank you so much for that. It’s lovely to hear from people who have survived, even from when treatment was nowhere near as good as it is now. I think I hear every week another story - “My mum had it twenty years ago and she still plays tennis” (I’m hoping the tennis isn’t compulsory!) And my auntie had it in 1937 - she survived another 20 years, and died in her sixties of something completely different!
thanks guys!! my hubby thinks i have a personality disorder kids loving it as they are getting spoilt!!! I think the isolation is a biggy plus crying in the street and being soooo angry i havent got time for all this. Very sick of the constant “are you ok” when im really angry. I know its early days but im bored of it already.
I can identify with the bored! I’ve always been so healthy, it feels really tedious to be “ill.” And what’s weird is that with early stage breast cancer there are no symptoms - it’s the bl*ddddy treatment that makes you ill. The weirdest is having the district nurse come round to give me my GCSF jabs - very minor stuff, but just having them call makes me feel like some kind of invalid!
But most people have been very nice. One of my neighbours mows my front lawn for me - it’s pretty big, and even when I’m well I look at it and think “oh no-o-o-o” (note to self: when buying new house, check out size of lawns!) My other neighbour offers to get me stuff when she goes up the shop - she knows which is my dodgy week now.
Hi All!
I’m a newbie at this, so bear with me. I know that people mean well, but I’m getting a bit peed off with the ‘OH you look so well’ comments too.
I’ve had my mx for DIC, all clear now and just about to start on the radiotherapy/tamoxifen bit. Like the rest of us all I want to do is move on, and get back to work.
Am I being ungrateful?
Julia
Hi
Welcome to the forums, I’m sure someone will be along to support you soon.
In the meantime you may find it useful to contact our free helpline on 0808 800 6000, opening hours are Monday to Friday 9.00 – 5.00 and Saturday 9.00 – 2.00
Best wishes
June, moderator
Oh I can so relate to all this!
Have never felt better, feeling and looking good (other than a dented boob from surgery)… and about to fill my body with toxic chemicals which will affect me for the rest of my life. I’ve been given the choice of chemo or not - who actually wants to poison themselves given half a chance?, and I really don’t want to do it and go from being at the prime of my life to an invalid… but I suppose it’s better than being dead which is the alternative a lot of women had 30 or more years ago.
I had counselling today, not because I can’t cope with the cancer but because I don’t seem to be taking it seriously enough! It’s a difficult one to convince yourself you have a life threatening disease when you don’t feel ill. Surreal is not the word for it.
Sorry I don’t have any words of advice, but it might make you feel a bit better to know you’re not the only one.
Good luck with everything, hope it all goes well
Helen.
Helen, I’ve just finished my chemo - last one was this morning. I know we all react differently, but apart from a bit of sickness with the first one (they gave me some different anti-sickness pills, and I adjusted what I was eating) and a bit of drama last time when my blood pressure dropped, I’ve really been OK with it. I will be starting radiotherapy soon.
It does feel weird, having to go for all this treatment which makes you feel ill, when the cancer itself isn’t making you feel ill at all. But for me (although I’m nearly sixty) it was no contest. The long-term side-effects of chemo are rare, whereas my prognosis (specific to me) with all the treatments offered is 85% chance of being alive in 10 years - without the treatment it would be 64%
Hiya - another newbie joining this thread, and ooo I’m relieved to find that I’m not alone in feeling like this is not happening to ‘me’. I was diagnosed 24th June with an invasive ductal carcinoma, and was expecting WLE with rads. Turns out the little rascal is more pernicious than first thought, so ended up with a quadrectomy + recon at the same time. Having a lymph node clearance on Thursday; then chemo, rads, tamoxifen…the full monty, but even still it all seems surreal to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased I don’t feel ill, or have bits hanging off, but being asymptomatic makes being a patient truly tricky! My mum bless her is wonderful but when she pops in to see me she keeps insisting I put a blanket over my legs when I’m chilling out in front of the TV…Eh - why? And as you say, the sympathetic look when someone asks you how you are, how you *really* are. I find myself looking over my shoulder wondering who we’re talking about.
There is another thing I find hard too. My persona is so much about being a bright and breezy person, the most stressful thing to me about having cancer, is the suffering and worry I am inflicting on other people. That is what makes me sad and stresses me. Whereas the cancer - it chose the wrong person to pick a fight with, and I’ll throw all I have at it to see it off! Looser!
Good luck to you all, and keep on feeling well 
xxxx
Well you are all making me feel better!!! Big fall out with hubby as i hate the fact that his life carries on as normal.
I had just worked my but off an landed my dream job and was doing really well trip to States planned for work. Just canceled family holiday and trip to Florida next year in the middle of my chemo. I feel like i am canceling my life, even though its “only temporary” I still hate it.
Woke up early this morning thinking about the last post, so want to add a bit.
I’m not a heartless beastie, and am aware that there are folk out there who are suffering both physically and mentally and I do appreciate how lucky I am. It is just so hard to relate feeling physically weary, to the diagnositic label it has been given.
I am not so naive to think that this will last; and when that happens I will be more than happy if anyone out there wants to make me eat my words.
Will be back next week minus my lymph nodes, to see how you’re getting on
xxx
Hi Loocie and brighteyes
good luck with the surgery, I didn’t have lymph nodes removed but I don’t think it’s too pleasant, but it’ll be over and you’ll be recovered soon.
As for the holiday I had planned to get married this November - fortunately hadn’t booked anything! Had to put that off for another year, but at least it is something to look forward to. Unfortunately the plan to grow my hair for the wedding will now hit the buffers - I’m planning to just have some hair for the day! How quickly does hair grow back after chemo?
Sorry about the good job - but if they are a good employer they will support you all the way and will keep your job for you - by law they should for a certain time. If they don’t, you’re better off without them. My bast*rd employer made me redundant as I was diagnosed and then refused to pay my holiday pay when I was signed off sick. I’m better off without them (ok financially I’m in a bit of a hole, but mentally so glad to not be there any more).
Here’s to keeping feeling well
Helen.
Hi Helen and all
My employers have been fab!!! its just im really angry at it all. I am by nature one of life’s planners and have over the past 2 days canceled everything i have strived for so not a happy bunny. I do have a question if anyone can answer- does your eyebrows/lashes fall out with chemo??? sorry to sound silly but will i still require maybelline???
Helen
Hi Helen, I have just finished treatment 3xfec 3xtax and 20 rads after lumpectomy and node removal. Sorry to have to report my eyebrows and eyelashes did fall out but not untill the end of chemo.Im not sure if this is the norm or im just weird. However both are back now thankfully i missed them more than my hair. chemo ended april 28th rads july 22nd. take care kitty x
My eyebrows are still missing after 2 and a half years 
Ai Brighteyes - like you I’d been striving for a new job since January. One min it was on the next it wasn’t going to happen until the end of the year. On June 9th I had my interview, got the job and was full of beans. On June 10th I found the lump and by the 18th was diagnosed and immersed in the strange world of cancer.
I’m pleased your boss is being good, it means the world not having to worry about work; but like you I’m very frustrated that I can’t be doing my job. I’d got as far as moving my desk and paperwork, and there it sits… Reading some of the other experiences (re work) we’ve been really lucky, haven’t we?
I’m learning from this experience to put me first (something which is quite alien to me) and to adjust to having to wait for things to be done (I’m used to just getting on and doing ‘stuff’); and letting people do things for me.
It will be wonderful once you get back into the work place - will be a real milestone for you Good luck x
Oh my gosh reading these posts was like looking at me, every thought, every emotion, encapsulated in one thread.
I was diagnosed in May had trial drug, followed by lumpectomy and now had 1 chemo down, 5 to go, to be followed by radiotherapy and hormones.
I work as a sick kids ITU nurse so I knew things could be a darn site worse, at least I had a bloody good chance of coming out the other side with a good qualitly of life.
So I actually went to speak to one of the psychologists at work who normally helps the kids and their familys as I was worried because I wasnt worried. Hell I felt my normall happy energetic self (well maybe not so energetic as had to come off my HRT god I miss that stuff), more pissed off cos I couldnt go on holiday or learn to kayak. Not too bothered about loosing hair mines always refused to grow, and have found out I look damn good in wigs, but bawled my eyes out when realised I could lose my eyelshes, but then found out about the look good feel better thingy you can go to plus one of the young girls at work says if it happens she’ll sort me out with false lashes or whatever.
Other peoples reaction was the hard part, glad I told them when I felt good as could not have handeled it when not so good (initially took 3 days leave not because of me but because my boss was so upset for me!). Also being so independant found it hard to have people wanting to do everything for me, especially when I felt normal.
Did deluded myself I could do some ‘normal’ work as and when I felt up to it. However looking after kids where swine flue might be the least serious of their probs means thats about as realistic as growing icebergs on a tropical island.
It only clicked with me last week, 3 months post deffinative diagnosis that cancer is an upsidedown disease.
You start off feeling normal apart from being scared as hell and an emotional mess, then you get the treament and depending how it affects you its then you feel ill. At the end of this again everyone may be different as were all special in our own way, some people will bounce back and others will need time to regroup, and get themselves together even when the majority around will say “oh your fine now you can go back to normal”. To be honest I think for most people the getting “back to normal” will probably be the hardest part, because as I say to my patients what we’ve been through is the eqivalent of being hit by a bus or being in a war zone and to get back to any form of even keel, be it physically, emotionally or mentally is not necessarily going to be easy and may take some time.
One of the other things I along with others on her have found is it takes having this s**t disease to weed out who your true friends and means of support are. Including how some people whom before you may not have known too well or even liked will come foreward and put themselves on the line for you.
Oh my gosh just realised I’ve done a flipin novel, but I know all the people on here will understand cos they all stand with you no matter what.
gx
I’m new too, and cannot really believe all this. Though I’m not young, my little girl is only seven which is really troubling me.
I was called back from a routine mamogram to a repeat and a biopsy at Barts last week. Went off on hoilday afterwards and have just been called back for an MRI tomorrow (hope I can get the holiday insurance to pay up). I know I have probable DCIS (little grains of rice on my mamogram) but really am at a loss as to what every thing else means. Why am I having an MRI? I guess these are questions that will be answered tomorrow.
As to plans put on hold, we are just about to put our house on the market as we are moving with my husband’s job. This suddenly seems like not too good an idea, so what a shame we have already paid for the damn HIPs.