Am I really strange,I always want to go to hosp on my own,like to get my head round things before anyone else has to.
hi walton
I went for everything on my own even my results think I prefer like you to be able to deal with the emotional side on my own before having to deal with others even now through my treatment I prefer on my own everyones different in handleing things i guess
joanne
Glad I not the only one,we spend alot of time at hosp with my OH and have done for the last 14yrs and though I love him dearly and still want to go with him,I know it is very tiring waiting around,feel as though I’m being selfish not letting him come to support me,he does say he understands.I hope so cos he isn’t well.
I went for my biopsy myself but my husband says he wants to come to all appointments - except my radiotherapy treatment as he will need to be at work!
My friens’s husband did not attend any of her appointments so each to his own!
Angela
I feel as though I should let him come because I know he wants to be there for me and worried about me.
my daughter also wants to come.Bless them.
I feel much the same. I don’t mind occasionally to have company but having been so often over the last 18 years (and at least every 3 weeks for the past 6 years) I still much prefer my own company.
dawnhc
I went to radiotherapy on my own. I felt no-one else could go through it with me and they had signs up saying the fire brigade had said that relatives couldn’t sit in the corridor we had to wait in as it would be a fire hazard, they’d probably burst into flames
Sometimes I couldn’t take in what they told me though so my brother took notes for me after diagnosis. I could have done with someone then as they kept me hanging round for ages and I’d been told previously that I definitely didn’t have cancer.
I was cross in a way though as it’s a bit enfeebling to think you need someone with you to hold your hand.
Mole
Hi I’m a real bookworm so always have a book to read,
I get lost in a story while sitting in waiting rooms,time then passesquickly.It is also worth considering asking them to let you have a copy of there report,we did this when my husband had his transplant, it was really helpful.
No you’re not alone.
My husband has always come with me to all my meetngs and treatment but to be honest I would rather be on my own but I didn’t want to upset him. I feel I can cope with things better on my own. He doesn’t know how I feel and doesn’t always respond in the way I would like. It’s better (I feel) to get your head round it yourself before having to deal with someone else’s feelings.
Mal
I go to most of my treatments on my own but my partner always comes to consulations with me. I was on my own at diagnosis and this was such a traumatic shock that I’ve wanted her there for the talky bits ever since. She comes to CT scans too now cause I find them so traumatic cause the radiologist always tells me roughly what’s she seen immediately afterwards.
Jane
Yes I feel the same as Jane. I have been to all the treatments by myself but want someone with me during consultations to help me remember what has been said and also be with me when the news is not good.
Margaret
Interesting. Personally, I much prefer to go to the hospital on my own, but one thing I’ve learned over the last few months is that it’s sometimes important to let people help - or appear to help.
I’ve always been seen as strong and capable and supportive of everyone else, so sometimes it’s been hard for those close to me to know what to do or how to cope. So my best buddy picks me up from chemo sessions and we go for a coffee afterwards and she gives me a lift home…even though I’m very capable of getting home on my own. It’s a nice little treat at the end of a chemo day, and much appreciated.
I also much prefer to see the oncologist on my own. I get twenty minutes to half an hour’s quality consultant time once every three weeks, and I don’t actually want that mediated through anyone else. My cancer, my agenda! Or something like that.
There have been times when I’ve missed something, but the BCN is great if I need something clarified. You’ll all be thinking I’m a great anti-social grouch, but am heading for mastectomy and recon in September and am trying to work out how to tactfully keep post-op visitors to a minimum. I can’t bear to have loads of repeat conversations while trying to recover… any tips gratefully received…
L.
My OH wasn’t with me when I was given the dx, as the appt the day before, which he was at, I was told that it was a fibroadenoma, then they rang me back the next lunchtime to ask me to come in again, which I did. expecting them to need another biopsy, not to give me the bad news.
He came to the first chemo, but since then drops me off, goes shopping or whatever and then picks me up. He comes to see the onc (although he never says anything). It makes it all seem a bit more normal as during my pregnancies he only came to the scans and consultant (and births!).
When I have radiotherapy, I have to fly away from home on a Monday morning, stay away and fly back on Friday evenong; I expect that to be a lonely time, but it will also give me the time that I don’t feel I’ve yet had (have kids aged 4 and 2, so v limited time to myself) to get my head around all this.
As to hospital, Lanterna how about getting a few friends to let everyone else know how you are? Good luck.
It just proves that we are all different in how we cope with a dx of bc.
Kinden
x
I am alone for all of it. Some of it is partly the logistical need to have people care for my baby - but I also prefer it that way.
I like to handle this stuff alone because I don’t have to waste any energy in trying to make other people feel better, or worry that they’re bored/tired/stressed etc.
I agree with msmolly - And most of you seem to feel the same ? prefer to not have to worry about others and just get on with it - friend came with me to first chemo tho and we had a good laugh - if OH came it would be serious stuff - just what I don’t need - but it is a case of each to their own! x
Hi chebsy
I don’t like OH coming with me,even though I always go with him(double lung transplant) Why you might ask,Yeah he never listens to what they say.lol
Actually, when I was diagnosed the consultant asked if I had anyone with me before he told me. I didn’t bring anyone - have not had anyone at any of this stuff and actually have always done the tough stuff on my own. However, I was struck by the fact I was sitting in a room with him, nurse and BCN nurse and I found that quite inhibiting - all eyes on me for reaction. So I smiled my way through it, not wanting to let my feelings show. Generally i am with you all. The more people there the more you have to think of them and put on a show etc but the point about letting people feel involved is well made.
Hence, I am allowing an anxious friend to turn me into a Barbie doll for the hospital stay.
Hijacking this thread for a minute!
The sports hall and gym in the hospital that I work at allows the local transplant group to use the equipment on a monday evening.
I was chatting to one of them and he said that he had won a medal at the transplant games and he was a bit miffed. I asked why and he said that he had undergone a heart and lung transplant (easier than just lungs then) and came second while his heart had come in first in someone else!!!
I would be pleased just to finish a race - I’m not built for running, walking yes, running NO.
Angela
Apart from the original appointments, and the need for someone when having certain chemos to drive me there and home, I always go on my own. I find it less stressful.
My partner came with me to both my initial tests and then again for results. She was brilliant, being a nurse she was able to ask the right questions and just as important remember the answers, that 1st day in particular, I was numb, listened to what was said but did not hear! Mostly I didnt remember much . Lets face it, it takes a hell of a lot of getting your head around. I have several family members offering to go with me to chemo etc, and so far have not gone alone, except for a couple of tests. I would be fine to go alone, so yes you are always thinking of the person with you, are they ok, bored, thirsty etc. Will they get upset then I will have to be strong. Again, I let people go with me mainly for them. They have offered their support and really want to do something to help as I would in their position. It would make me feel bad to say no thanks.
Chrisxxxxxxxxxx