I should know better

Hi ladies
I know I should know better but cannot do anything about it, frozen! This sounds daft I know but I think maybe it am being paraniod.
Had cysts in other breast for years,still there, have an area of lumpiness, but having lost a lot of weight this year(stress) have now found a few more lumps on this side. I tell myself not to think about it but easier said than done, it is probably just lumpy breast tissue! The cancer found back in Dec. was lobular and I am aware can be missed so inspite of having had both breasts ultrasounded then who is to say… oh I am sure you ladies get my drift.
I somehow do not seem able to follow this up, what is wrong with me? If it were anyone else I would tell there to get it checked, but I don’t seem to be able to shift.
See oncologist in June, so maybe then.
Had WLE(jan and feb 08) and rads finshed a few weeks back, now tamoxifen. Alicex

Oh Alice, I really feel for you - I know exactly how you feel. I was diagnosed in December last year (but not without first waiting a few months before seeing my GP in the first place and only after being persuaded by a friend) had a mastectomy and immediate reconstruction in January, currently going through chemo and, as far as I know, will be on tamoxifen for 5 years afterwards - but a few weeks ago I broke down in tears one evening when I thought I could feel a lump in my other breast. I did post on the forum and, as you say, the advice was to get it checked - if only to put my mind at rest. I also told my oncologist nurse of my worry at the time when she phoned to check up on how I was doing one week post chemo - and she assured me that all I needed to do was to contact her or the breast care nurses and they would arrange for me to be examined - you see, I’d already convinced myself - and explained to the nurse - that there was really nothing there so I was just worrying myself - and others - unnecessarily - but I find that I am checking myself continuously throughout the day every day to the extent that I’m making myself increasingly agitated so that really getting it checked now would perhaps be less upsetting. Of course, though, I’ve not contacted anyone. I’ve reasoned that I only had a mammogram/ultrascan a few months ago, that I’m on chemo now and that I should be having another scan shortly when the chemo finishes as part of the annual check-up - but that if anything definitely materialises in the meantime I will get in touch with them immediately.

I should perhaps have just told you to get it checked out as soon as possible - and not wait until June - but I wanted you to know that I fully appreciate your state of paralysis. The only advice I would give - and it was the clincher for me when I was dithering about whether or not to go to the GPs initially - is that, if it is anything, the sooner the medics know the better - and if it isn’t anything then you have saved yourself a few days/weeks of worry.

I hope that this isn’t too offputting. I never know whether it is best to speak or just keep quiet.

Could you perhaps telephone your clinic/nurse about your forthcoming appointment and mention - as if co-incidentally - your concerns?

Naz, xx

Sorry, Alice, I’ve just re-read what I’ve written - I should have said that I was diagnosed with IDC and not lobular, which as you say is something else entirely. Do give them a ring - if this experience has taught us anything, it is that we have to be more forthright.

xxx

Please both of you if you are concerned…which obviously you are get it checked out.
I was dx in jan.04…last friday when checking myself I was a little unsure about an area round my scar…kept poking around and thought oh I don’t know think its just boney…anyway rang BCN who said I was obviously concerned so to over and get it checked…BCN and consultant both though nothing to be concerned about…did ultrasound couldn’t see anything except a small fatty lump…although BCN said she couldn’t even see it…had FNA…all that came off looked like fatty stuff.

I have spent best part of a week completely freaked out…[.had clear mammo in jan and check up in mach]…just got results and it was as suspected fatty stuff.

I have spent a week worrying and poking around, so know exactly how you feel re constantly checking yourselves, my consultant also said its not unusual to get fluid build up even after 4 years too.

So please get checked…you’ll only be stressing until next appointment.

karen x

Thanks ladies, still have not followed up but will. Naz have you?

Hi Alice,
I am also a ‘lobular’ lady also treatment in Dec - mastectomy of the left breast due to the position of the tumor, no lympth nodes involved. Had 3 weeks of rads Jan / Feb to the chest wall to reduce the stats of recurrance as there was only a 1mm clearance between the margins and the chest wall.
Being lobular its harder to find isn’t it? and mine was only discovered after I had gone to the gp with a cyst. The cyst was a cyst but two very small areas also showed up which turned out to be cancer.
They were too small to be felt so really it was a blessing that I had found the cyst and dealt with right away.
There is a slightly higher risk with lobular cancer of recurrance in the other breast so I do check the other side with ‘fear and trepidation’ I know its scary but if there was a recurrance I would like to catch it as early as this one.
You will probably be told you just have lumpy breasts, I was 4 years ago when I discovered a cyst in the right breast but better safe than sorry. However like you I would feel pretty scared. I have my first visit to see the onc. in 10 days time and I’m sure that will bring back memories of sitting in the waiting room on a Wednesday evening - I really began to hate Wednesdays.
Have you got anyone to go with you to give you a bit of support?

Magsi

Hi Alice.
There is nothing wrong with thw way you are dealing with this. The emotional impact of being diagnosed with BC, the trauma of treatments and the knowledge that it can recur is overwhelming. It’s easy to say you should have it checked but I do so understand the not wanting to know. At the monment I feel I’ve taken as much as I can handle. I just don’t want to have to deal with any other scares.You have done so well getting to where you are now, that it is so understandable you wanting more time to come to terms with everything, but I do hope you mention it to someone. June seems a long way off and you will be worrying about it. It most probably will be nothing serious and then you can put your mind to rest and enjoy being back at work and looking forward to the summer hols. Do let me know how you get on.
Fondest thoughts from the lost and found thread
Trish

Hi Alice

Hope you are feeling ok, please email or ring if you need to talk, hope you are ok

Sending love and hugs

Karen

Trish have tried to email you but email coming up wrong, hope you are ok too.

I WILL call BCN today from work and see what she saysx

You’ve made the right decision Alice, scary as it will feel.Please let us know what the consensus is.
Thinking of you
Trish

Hi Alice

Good luck for today hope everything goes ok let us know how you get on

Sending love and hugs

Karen

XXX

Well I made the call, spoke breifly to BCN and I should get appointment to see consultant in next week or so, hopefully just to confirm that the lumps are nothing. I could not keep ignoring them, head in sand. Thanks for being so understanding : ) love Alicex

Well done Alice,

As you say hopefully the consultant will be able to confirm that the lumps are nothing to worry about.
Do let us know when you get the date to see the consultant - I’m sure there are lots of us who are thinking about you and will want to do so when you have the appointment.

Until then try to enjoy the lovely weather we are having.

Magsi x

Hi Alice

Well done not easy but the right decision hope it all goes well, here if you need me

Sending love and hugs

Karen

XX

Hi ladies
Thanks for your gentle support, as always. I wait now for my appointment time and wonder…hmmm, hopefully will get a letter in the post today. Very busy at school, inspectors in and I am in on supply as well so f/t this week, money is good and welcome.
Hoping you are all coping with your different challenges! love Alicex

Hi Alice

Its lovely to hear you sounding much more upbeat today, wow f/t you will meet yourself coming back. Good luck with those inspectors LOL!!! Hope you are going to treat yourself to something nice with that extra money?

Sending love and hugs

Karen

XXX

Hi there,

I am so glad you bit the bullet and rang the BC clinic, well done. I sent you a PM on this thread last week and really hope you saw it.
Gosh all the inspector thing sounds like they are keeping you busy. Hope you are making the most of the lovely weather. i’m on an early shift this week so am going to post in here and off to the end of the garden to bake a bit after I have slapped on the factor 50 that is.

Love to all and hi to Karen and Trish too. Shonagh xx

Hi ladies, we are still here, so much for my stepping away/back, I am clearly useless. It is lovely to hear from you all. No appointment yet, maybe I will hear tomorrow. Mind you had anyone called I would have been at work. Maybe if I do not hear tomorrow I will call BCN again. I am ok in the day when I am busy, it is at night when wide awake and wondering, not in a panicky way, maybe a little concerned…x

Well letter for clinic appointment arrived today for next Wed. I am sure it will be fine! : ( x

Alice,
you are most certainly not useless. Each one of us takes a step back when necessary and then return for support. I feel at times like a yo-yo …some days logging on and reading everything,…others just trying to get on with my life.
Will be thinking of you next Wed and sincerely hope you have good news
Take care
Trish