I think I should leave...

I really am starting to become too involved in reading some of these posts and in turn they are causing more upset than good. From vomiting, aches, pain, wbc, nails and the list goes on.
I love the ladies with humour, but sometimes it goes to far. Note everyone is going to have side effects from treatment, but there comes a time when you start to believe you are. I have just read a thread where someone had said they feel like they are dying after fec 2. That’s the last straw for me.
Happy days…

good news good news i was little troubled by fec or tax nor the removal of my lymph nodes. Come on people there has to be loads of good news not just gloom and doom. We are here to help each other dont go elttiks mail me ill give you good news every day.

I asked in one message what the “blessings” were that people were finding… I have found out how much I’m loved by loads of people - who would never have said before I had cancer… and it’s very precious… Not nice to have cancer/chemo, but here is a “gift” for me in the middle of it all… must be more of those out there… hang on in there Mr Bump!!! Jane

I avoid the serious threads I’m afraid to say as I too would be scared witless most of the time… Humour has definitely just got me through 6 rounds of chemo( last one was 2 hours ago hooray!). Stick with the funny stuff if that helps you, it’s horses for courses I guess. Of course this is a forum to share every emotion, ache , pain , fear etc but you don’t have to scare yourself, if it’s too much then don’t read. Xxxxxx

Hi Mr Bump, You just put into words how I have been feeling for quite some time now but could n’t put it into words. The ladies on here are amazing and have been of great help in many ways but sometimes I find it all too much, I have decided not to read a lot of the threads ,The funny stuff is great and the practical things like dealing with chemo are good, but a little while ago I posted on SEs of Tax and how I feel taking gentle exercise helps with fatigue but was ‘shot’ down by a fellow poster saying I was only making things worse for myself later down the line, I felt awful , that I was implying she was to blame for her being confined to her bed for 4 days ! Not at all but surely that’s what this forum is all about , sharing advice . As some one has said when ladies don’t have problems they don’t post often as they are getting on with their lives, think I will take a leaf out of their books. Sorry rant over !

In deference to my own delicate happiness (and I’m really happy at the moment) I find I can’t read a lot of the secondaries threads. I have found myself in tears reading some threads, so in general I stick to a few - the threads that are time-related (I started chemo in March so I read that thread), specific questions that I have, if I can’t find answers elsewhere, and the cheerful or silly ones, my personal fave being the dark dark woods thread.

I think I’m going to have to bump the “What made you happy today” thread, where people can post the little things in their day that made them smile - not just cancer-related stuff, but things like “WMMHT is that I’ve spent a whole day at work, not thinking about cancer, and I feel like a common or garden regular person today, instead of a cancer patient. What a lovely day, even if I’ve worked hard.”

Ellticks, please don’t leave us, instead be a little bit more picky on the threads you DO post on.

pleaseeeee dont leave, have just PM you.
but there are lots of nice threads , like choccie just said and also i agree stick to certain ones.
tilybob, thats awful u felt like that when u posted. most of us are nice, and ignore the bullys

Hi Mr Bump

Sorry you are leaving us. I have found this site invaluable during my DX and treatment.The advice given by the ladies has helped me through many a bad patch. I suppose we are all different and can understand that you might get upset by some of the posts.

Hope you keep well and remember if you feel like joining us again we are always here.

Weeannie xx

sometimes i think people arent bullys they are just angry at the cancer and so take it out on the forum. Anyone seen Pollyanna play the glad game always find something to be glad about. Its great fun when i have something bad happen i think what can i be glad about that this has happened and guess what you usually can try it when it happens to you.

Hi Poppy
your absolutely right about the bullies I have noticed some on here, and also most ladies on here are lovely,I think many ladies are just choosing to read relevant threads ,
I thought I was alone in thinking like this.

Please don’t leave us. I don’t read the secondaries threads as I don’t have secondaries and for me it would be too upsetting. I have a few favourite threads and feel I’m getting to know people quite well and am making new friends, who I hope I will meet soon. I also have a few people I steer clear of but I soon pick up on those and just think,‘oh there they go again’. We can’t like everyone here just as we can’t like everyone in our daily lives. I believe that we’re all doing our best with what we’ve been given and to be gentle with the people who are a bit upsetting as they don’t mean to hurt. We rely on tone of voice, body language and other subtle thingw when we communicate and it’s too easy to misinterpret text sometimes. You could start your own thread for like minded people on positivity and caring.

A practical suggestion for people who find some threads are just not for them. If you find a thread you like, you can save it to your profile. At the top of every thread on the right of the purple bar is an item to click on, “Save discussion to profile” or something like that. (Can’t see it while I’m replying.) If you only want to look at your saved discussions and not even SEE what’s in the Latest Posts section, click on your name right at the top (just under “Community”) and then click on “My saved discussions”. That way, you only see the threads you have chosen to see, and don’t even see the titles of threads you haven’t specifically chosen to view. As was mentioned a couple of weeks ago, sometimes even the titles can be upsetting, particularly if the titles are worded to include more detail than we might want to be exposed to.

Hope that helps.


Hey elttiks,

I feel EXACTLY the same as yourself, the forum can be a fabulous place for some, but for others it can do more harm than good.

I don’t tend to post much, as have been made to feel like I’m complaining about trivial things, or I’ve just been completely ignored, 7 months down the line it doesn’t bother me, but in the early just dx days, I really couldn’t find the support I needed here, which I found upsetting at the time.

The thing is you probably won’t see all the comments asking you to stay, if you’ve already decided to leave - and have done. You have to do what feels right for you, I hope you have a strong family who you feel you can talk to, also if you find someone on here who you feel can help you, just chat to them through the PM, that’s what I do.

Take care love x

Hi Elticks, agree with you absolutely.

I find myself too affected by some threads so I do as others do and read and post very selectively. There are some threads and, I’m sorry to say even, some posters who are not for me so I stick to the threads which give me useful advice or cheerful support. I am also a dark, dark woods reader. It lifts me up, some of the other threads bring me down. CM’s suggestion of created a tailored set of threads that you find helpful and enjoyable might be a halfway house if some of the forum helps. Whatever your decision, good luck with your treatment xx

hi eltiks…please dont leave just step back for a while,andwhen u feel up to it come back the whole experience is daunting and it is hard but this site is great with many inspirational posts ,whatever you decide just know the door is always open take care x

Hi ladies, i’m still here.
Just taking a back seat for a while. Not 100% this week, and will be up to speed in a few days. Catch you in a little while x

hang on in there don’t let it all over whelm you , you are doing the right this just take a deep breath ( or large swig of wine in my case :slight_smile:

r x

Hi Elliticks please don’t go I agree with CM’s post perhaps just select threads and save these to your profile.
I remember at this time last year 'loitering’on the Forum and the 1st thread I butt into was not for me but take you time and I found myself on a very supportive thread shortly afterwards.Take care Jackie xx

I defo now just stick to my saved threads and post on others when feel I can offer something but dont read too much, I have found friends on here that got me through some hard times with humour and shared understanding and that far out weighs anything Ive felt negative about. Hope you stay on xxx

Hi eltiks
I think cancer forums can be a bit like a double edged sword sometimes, they are great for finding support and friendship with others who know what your going through,but also enevitably we will all read things which doesnt always do any good for our mental wellbeing.
Its hard,i remember when i first joined BCC i would read threads sometimes that would put me in a dark place for days because it would play on my mind so much,but then likewise i would also read other threads that would make me laugh,threads like the “Wind” thread (fantastic thread if anyone needs a good giggle) and so many others which gave me hope and inspiration, especialy from some of the older members on here and thats what realy helped me most through my worse days .
I guess there will always be such a mixture of different personalities on a cancer forum ,and just like in real life we will all meet people that we dont realy have anything in common with (except BC) and wouldnt proberly mix with in other circles, but its a crap hand weve all been dealt with, and i guess we all have to accept that we all deal with things differently,i think because ive been on here a while now the one thing ive noticed most over the yrs is that the forums is forever changing directions as many people move on and new members join but thats a realy good thing as it keeps the forums current and fresh.

I think for one reason or another some ladies do feel like leaving at times ,and sadly i know a few members that have ,ive felt like this too sometimes and did actualy leave once when i was feeling ganged up on and bullied in a few debates, it isnt a very nice feeling and shouldnt happen on a cancer forum, but i suppose people get very passionate about things sometimes and they take the anger of their cancer out on others ,though theres never any excuse for any nastiness.
Anway, i decided not to let the bullying behaviour win , and rejoined again (aka Lindiloo )so i realy hope you will stay too eltiks, and please reconsider ,always remember there are always ladies on here who will give lots of support and friendship no matter what and there are so many lovely ladies on here old and new who do that everyday.
Hope you stay.
Linda x