i was feeling OK, but...

now im not!!!

as i just found out my friend who discovered new lumps just after her chemo and surgery has an inoperable tumour… i had been doing all that thinking the worst stuff so things wouldnt be so bad but now i am scared and feeling a bit shit about it.

shes triple negative like me although she is a few years younger at 35 and im 41 but i was hoping she would good results and that would be a good omen for me… but now im not feeling so good about things. anymore

i never thought about the possibility of chemo not working when i was having it and when i found the new lumps i actually thought they would say there was nothing there and i was imagining it.

but obviously i wasnt and now waiting on results of my biopsy its 3 weeks since i had my last chemo and was supposed to be starting rads yesterday but they are on hold till they know whether the lump is a fatty necrosis or a malignant tumour… why couldnt they have said theres a 1 in 100 chance of it being more cancer instead of 50/50!

sorry just feeling scared and sorry for myself and just wanted to talk to somebody so i just figured nobody was about really but cyber world would be a good place to go.

Lulu x

hi lulu, im hanging around incyber space to. hun i feel for you and its easy for me to say look on the positive side etc etc. its that waiting game that is sooo stressful and sleep just doesnt come.

Hi Lulu

Thinking of you and wishing you the very best results from the biopsy.

Waiting is the pits, isn’t it?

Take care.




Just read your thread here and on the Rads page you are giving me advice!!! So, so feel for you, please try to keep your chin up, I have foiund some of your postings most helpful since I started this ‘journey’. I really hope your biopsy results are good - Bahons is right - there’s nothing more stressful than waiting for results!!!

Thinking of you - Big Hug Leigh xx

Lulu, cant even imagine how you are feeling honey, you must be so scared especially with your friend, this disease is so crap and so bloody unfair.

really hope you get good news on Tuesday, sending you a big hug


Carol xxxx

Hey Lulu

So Sorry to hear about your friend, but it doesn’t mean that your lump is going to be the same. You know we are ALL here for you anytime, day or night. You have my mobile number, please text me anytime you want a chat. I’m often awake through the night anyway, either cos I can’t sleep or cos the baby’s awake!!

Loving the sound of your pink Christmas Tree, and glad you’ve ordered it to cheer yourself up a wee bit.

Remember, we have CP to look forward to, whatever your results.

Huge love and hugs

Shenagh xxx

P.S. I met some of the Pentland Lodge ladies for coffee yesterday and Sandra and Barbara (the two that came with me for Look Good, Feel Better) were asking for you x

Hi Lulu

I feel for you. My close friend recently died from bc which had stopped responding to treatment and in a way i had always ween us as running mates - same primary diagnosis, similar prognosis and same treatment. We had always assumed we’d be cured, then kind of well, maybe not cure but live a long time and as time goes on learnt to moderate those hopes.I felt awful; at her funeral because I am still here and unhappy and she has gone at a ridiculously young age, before she had a chance to marry or have a child.

There’s nothing comforting to say,however, this is highly individual and we are not our friends. We are not looking in a scary mirror and we still need to be normal around our mates who have had progression. I would feel awful if I had a good test result and she didn’t, but my good luck did not impact hers, if that makes sense.

Not sure if this is helpful Lulu but do take care and love to you and your friend.

Jane x

Hi Lulu, just to let you know i am thinkingof you and i am sorry to hear about your friend. It is the dark, early hours of the morning when you cant sleep and have no distractions that all the worries and fears go round and round in your head, but you do have support here if/when you need it and i am sending you positve vibes. xx

Would it help to phone the BCNs as they gave me my results first time round.Not sure if you want the results without the clinic appt though.
Its a terrifying wait especially for you as you have been here before!
Please give me a ring anytime.
Love n hugs,
*everything still crossed*

Hi Lulu,

Sending you a big hug right Now!!! can’t imagine how you’re feeling, you have been through so much this last few months and not forgetting you’ve been through it 3 years ago… So sorry to hear of your friend and it is very cruel that it is inoperable… surely though this must be very rare? It happened to Sharon as you know at the end of her treatment which is triple neg too but hers was operable and she’s doing really well. We are hoping so much that it is on the good side of 50/50…will be keeping everything crossed for you…

Big Hugs
Fiona xxxxx

thanks for all your wonderful support.

i am actually feeling much better today and my friend is staying optomistic too and shes just looking forward to spending as much time as she can enjoying herself and spoiling her son.

Dot i called the BCN secretary today but no BCNs were there and she couldnt give results anyway but she was gonna speak to a doc and get back to me… she called this afternoon to say doc had checked and the result wasnt available yet so shes left a diary note for the BCNs to call on monday, but still not holding out that they will tell me anyway.

but im not so worried what will be will be and if its benign ill be singing from the roof tops but if not then ill deal with it too… and just gonna make sure me and my family have a super dooper xmas with my fabby pink tree.

love to all
Lulu xxx

Lulu, i wish i could just put my arms around you and give you a big, big hug babe, i will at CP whatever the result, i owe you one. You don’t know how much we are all routing for you. we may have not met you (yet anyway, put that right on 15th) but we all still feel so much for you.
Lulu There is a 50% chance that this time next week you will be looking forward to a fantastic xmas with your family, with this horrible s**t well and truly behind you, just a horrible distant memory X X X X X
X X X X X they are all my fingers crossed for you chick lots of luv and hugs, pauline xxx

hi lulu,
i know exactly how you feel, you know i have just been re-dx last fri and i am still waiting for my breast mri, they say it will be nxt wk and will get results 22nd dec and they will know a lot more and that is before they do a ct body scan. it makes me think the worst but you know what it is like waiting you feel in limbo, at best tumour will be contained and then they will take both breasts off, worst case tumours in-operable, then it will just be chemo but chemo did me no good last time, so my heart goes out to you and your friend, the waiting is just awful but there isn’t much else we can do,
i hope your tests have a lot better results than mine.
thinking about you and will keep fingers and toes crossed.
love reneexx

Lulu, sending big hugs to you, waiting is horrible we all know that. Glad to hear you and your friend have your positive heads on!!
A pink tree!! sounds great!
looking forward to meeting you at CP, lots of love Debs xxxx

Lulu,Hope you are doing OK ,the waiting is just sh*t.Your life will be on hold till Wednesday.I am not sure why they say BCNs cannot give results as mine gave me my result over the phone first time round and its not as if you don’t know the score!
What did the lump feel like and where was it as I have a lump under my scar and was sure it was scar tissue. I am seeing Onc on Monday so will see what she says.
Love the sound of the pink tree, I saw a fabby purple one but we are off to get a real one tomorrow…don’t suppose they will have purple ones :frowning:
We were out last night but I was driving so no hangover…might be a different story tomorrow after my work night out tonight!
Hang on in there,everything is crossed for you

hi dot

i think it was the BCN secretary i spoke to and she said she couldnt give me the results, but wonder if the BCN calling on monday might be able to.

as for where it is and what it feels like… its not under my scar which was slightly to the side of where the cancer was but its about 1 inch above the dimple where my last tumour was removed from quite high up the chest wall about 2 inches below my collar bone… it basically feel the same as last tumour which i thought was benign but wasnt so dont wanna fall into that trap again… my first tumour was a grade 1 and that felt more lumpy than the last one which felt more smooth but was a grade 3.

good luck with your onc appt re the new lump dot… isnt it shite! you think your over the worst but you have to live with the uncertainty every day.

you could always spray paint your tree purple

hope you enjoy your night out hunny.

and thanks for all your wonderful messages which have helped me get things back in perspective.

love Lulu xx

Oh, Lulu, so sorry that you are having to go through this again so soon. You are right, its complete shite, its gross and deeply unfair. I hope the results tomorrow are good ones, I’ll be thinking of you
much love
monica xxx

hi Lulu, id just like to add that im hoping you get good news.
take care

Hi Lulu

Will be thinking of you tomorrow - sending big hug & best wishes

Leigh xx

Lulu, just to let you know I am thinking about tomorrow and have my fingers and everything else crossed XX