Hi ya,
I feel like my world has collapsed.
I’m 43 years old, married with a 12 year old daughter and have reasonable good health, plenty exercise, non-smoker, red wine drinker. I did a self check (like I always have done) on my breasts about 6 weeks ago and found a small lump in my right breast. No other problems, no change in breast appearance, nothing - so left it for a couple of weeks before asking my GP to check it. She agreed she could feel something and suggested it was a hormonal problem and referred me to the Rapid Access Breast Climic. I went there on Friday and had a mammogram and an examination with the Consultant. By this stage I was still fairly confident and laughing and joking with the nurse who took my weight - saying having my weight checked these days is worse than having a mammogram (I’m not overweight but have always been a bit obsessive about my weight). It wasn’t until the Consultant mentioned lump removal and biopsy did I realise something wasn’t going according to plan. He did the biopsy there and then and I’m scheduled to have the lump removed on the 29th November. I feel like there has been some terrible mistake - theres no history of this in my family, I seem to tick all the right boxes and the day before the diagnosis was dancing and exercising with my daughter. Now I feel like the wind has been blown from my sails and since Friday have cried a million tears. My husband hasn’t said a lot but found this website for me which I’m already finding useful as at the moment I feel at an all time low. Each time I look at my daughter I start to cry. I’ve told her about the biopsy and she seems to have taken it well - she’s a clever kid so I couldn’t lie - its amazing what our children know and understand, infact she is a lot braver than me at the moment as I feel like I’m going to pieces (tears are streaming as I write). I know I need to get a grip but don’t know how - I can’t pretend that I’m a brave person because I’m not - I’m terrified…
Hi Milli,
I am sorry that you have joined us but you will find a lot of support on this site. You have had an awful shock and it’s a lot to take in. Let those tears out but try and find other things to do or think about apart from what is happening to you. I know easier said than done but focusing on what is normal for you will help. Try and carry on doing what you would do with your family. Soon the 29th will be here and gone and you will be back at home.
Please post with any questions. I am thinking of you. You are not alone.
Margaret x
Hi Milli
I am sorry to hear about your recent experiences. You are most welcome on this site, one which nobody would willingly join. But hey, I can tell you I have found this site to be a tower of strength.
There are so many really experienced ladies and men on this site as well as access to the helplines. If you want to read the different threads (that means the subjects commented on) you will get a feel for how you can be supported. There are no rules as such except I would say, ask any question, none are too silly, if they are too personal then people will either reply or not.
There are some ladies that have read extensively on the subject and others who know enough to understand their treatment, all contribute well.
Like you I read up on websites, my advice is not too read to deep at this stage you may end up scarring yourself unnecessarily. Read enough to understand what the consultant might tell you so that you can take in what he says.
I would also advise you take someone with you to consultations, they can make notes, thats always a good thing as often you can become bombarded with information and forget half of what has been said.
You will see lots of threads about how bad the waiting is. I found that the waiting to hear has been worse than anything I have been told or treatments received.
The 29th seems an awful long time to wait so I hope you can get some good nights sleep. You will also see the inconsistency in care across the country. For example I knew my results the day after the biopsy. However the one thing in common is that there is treatment out there. If you are faced with breast cancer please bear in mind you don’t have to die of this, its treatable and there are many people out there who have survived years with secondary breast cancer.
Keep in touch
Take care
Carol
Hi milli
I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I am sure you will continue to receive lots of helpful advice and support from the other forum users, in addition, and as Carol said you are welcome to contact our freephone helpline on 0808 800 6000 where you are able to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment. The line is open Monday - Friday 9am - 5pm, Saturdays 9am - 2pm Breast Cancer Care have a Resources Pack which you may find helpful to read, it is filled with information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. You can download it from the following link or you can ask for a copy to be sent to you via the helpline: breastcancercare.org.uk//content.php?page_id=7514 I hope you find this helpful.
Kind Regards
Katie
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Hi Milli
What a terrible swhock it is to all of us, those first few days are the worse, I promise. This site is wonderful and you are very brave to join us so quickly, it took me about 3 weeks to summon up the courage to post anything on here - it made it all too real for me, think I was in denial for a while.
Please feel free to rant and rave, ask questions, be upset, tell us how you feel, I am sending you a huge cyper squeeze and a hug xxxxxxx
It is very difficult to advise anyone one early on in their treatment as the whole experience seems to be so surreal, you almost just have to go through the motions and wait for some time to pass so you can begin to start getting your head round things, its difficult darling but doable.
Here for you if you need us
Jackiexxxxxxx
Hi Milli
Having found this site I am sure you will find a tremendous amount of support. I certainly did. I was recently diagnosed (1st Nov), and similarly had no history or health concerns. I am now at home recovering from surgery and awaiting results of same to find out next stage of treatment.
It is a worrying time - and again as you will read on here - everyone copes in their own way, be it tears, silence, disbelief etc etc no one way is right or wrong - you are who you are.
I have been lucky (if lucky is the right word!?) - in that things have moved so quickly for me - i almost haven’t had time to think - diagnosis 1st Nov, additional scans on 8th November, Mastectomy on 13th and now I’m home - it’s been a complete whirlwind
There are tons of lovely people on here who will support you through this - as will your family. I know I have found great comfort from the threads on here - and my family have too. Hubby has been great, after some denial lol, - I have two girls, one aged 21 and one aged 9. The 9 year old has just come in from school and announced that she is ready to see my scar (so I’ve shown her and all she said was ’ oh it doesn’t look as funny as I thought it would - but aren’t you flat chested there now!’
Please keep us posted as to how you get on, and try not to search out too much info before the 29th I would recommend just staying on this site. The leaflets and booklets are a godsend too - so helpful at explaining everything.
please take care
Margaret x
Hi Milli
Just to let you know that there are a lot of ‘old timers’ on this site as well - I was diagnosed in 1995 and I got my biggest boost of confidence from knowing that there are a lot of ladies out there ‘living’ with breast cancer 17 plus years down the road. It’s not necessarily a death sentence for all women diagnosed now like it was 20 or 30 years ago - the majority go on remission free until they die.
Pinkdove
x
I think I qualify as an old timer, I had my first diagnoses 22 years ago and while I did have a recurrence 2 years ago feel there is no reason to suppose I wont get over it again.
I don’t post very often these days but you seem so sad I just thought that if you do discover you have bc it would help to know as Pinkdove says its not a death sentence and most of us will probably die eventually of something completely unrelated to bc.
Take care.
Jan
Hi Milli
I just want to echo what Janice says above, BC is doable and not necessarily a death sentance. There are many ladies on here who had treatment years ago and they are probably fitter than a lot of us!
I only finished treatment earlier this year and am currently going through a little scare due to 3 months of endless back pain (boring story…) which I have finally decided to get checked - but even if it is something to worry about, I won’t let it beat me as I have too many things to do and not enough time to be ill. I’m 42 and have a young daughter and she was an absolute rock during my treatment and really looked after me during chemo when I needed extra help. My hubby has been and still is a star - they are what kept me going through it all.
Fingers crossed that your biopsy comes back ok, there are many ladies that have biopsies and subsequently lumps removed who do not have BC, take it from a nurse that used to work on a surgical ward where we cared for ladies having lumps removed daily. It sounds like your appointments are pretty quick so you should find out whats going on rapidly, I had to wait just over 3 months from my first surgical consultation before being diagnosed with BC.
Good luck for your results.
Lynn
Dear All,
Many thanks for your lovely messages of support and advice - still crying but I’ll get there…- going out with my Mom & sister for a girly day out tomorrow, something we don’t do often enough.
I’m already having messages coming through from my work colleagues and an offer of a holiday in Spain - whooppee - didn’t realise I was such a popular girl!
I’m popping into work on Thursday to see a friend who is leaving the country and I’m going to set a competition for my colleagues with a prize box of chocolates.
Since the mammogram and biopsy last week I’ve had terrible pain in my right breast which is ironic as this time last week I felt as right as nine-pence.
Milli
Hi Milli
Have a good day out with your mum and sister and take people up on their kind offers, its means that people care and they want the best for you. Take it easy and have a good day, catch you later
Jackie x
Hi Milli,
I know where you are coming from. I went to my GP after finding a lump and she brushed it off saying that I was young (31) and it did’nt feel like a cancerous lump. She actually gave me the option og being referred for a needle test, can you believe it. Obviously because she was not concerened neither was I so I declined. A few days later the doctor caled me and said she had just discovered as I was over 30 it was actually a standard 2 week referrel. Thank god for that (never thought I would praise the day I was over 30!). Like yourselfr I was not concerned about the needle test. Got the results about half hour after test and the doctor told me the lump was benign and I went merrily on my way. She said as standard procedure they would send me for an ultrasound just to be 100 percent sure. Again I thought nothing of it and went for ultrasound the following week. Doctor on this occasion asked me what were the results of my needle test? I informed her it showed lump was benign, but she said it had come back inconclusive! She then sent me for a mammogram and biopsy. Even then I was still not concerned and went on my own to the hospital. It was only then they showd signs of concern! But even then I was oblivious and thought I must have had some kind of trauma to the area in the past. Even when I went for my results with my friend we were laughing and joking outside in the waiting area and then boom they told me I had cancer. I could not believe it as was not prepared at all. Considering the news I think I have dealt with it quite well. My theory is that you cannot do anything to change it and you just need to get on with it as by me crying all the time it won’t do my health any good and I look a right state (not very attractive :). I am staring Chemo next week (MondaY).
I also found out last week that my mum has womb cancer that has spread to her spine and lungs. Now that news has completely knocked me for six, more so than my owm diagnosis. I feel lile the stuffing has been knocked right out of me but I know I have to stay positive for my mum and family.
I know it is all really scary but a positive state of mind can be half the battle at times.
Chin up to all you ladies and hopefully things will work out
M
x
Hi Morri
Well what news you have had recently ! I take my hat off to you the way you seem to be able to be so positive, I struggle with that one. I want everything back to normal, my previous life. The me I see smiling back from the photographs with my breasts “in tact”.
I realise that moping around doesn’t help but I have found since my dx that I just have to go with however I feel. One day I need my bed, one day I need to shop, one day I need to cry, one day I am angry, one day I need to be by myself, one day I need company. I believe that all these emotions are natural and I think we all have to do whatever we feel is right for us.
I am really sorry to hear the news about you and your mum, but you are not alone and we are here if you need us. Keep strong, you sound like a fighter
Jackie xx
Hi Milli
I so identify with you, I found my lump 2 weeks ago and got the results from biopsy on monday of this week the 19th, invasive grade 2 lobular cancer, I now sound like a expert, not!
Gillmc
Hi All,
I had my biopsy results on Friday - Mom, Dad and husband were there for support although Dad was in a worse state than me. It was bad news (as I guessed it would be) but workable and operable. Grade 2 hormone sensitive and my nurse explained I’ll have a lumpectomy on Thurs as a day case then treated by tablet and radiotherapy rather than chemo. My Nurse is excellent and although its early days I’m already having very good support and care from my NHS - never thought I’d say that about the NHS. I’m having my pre-op this afternoon and another talk with my Nurse - Mom is coming to support me. My employer is also good and I’m getting lots of support and offers of help from my work colleagues. Although I’m very scared and feel like screaming “why me?” I do feel more positive than I did this time last week.
Hello Milli,
Just sending you some cyber ((((())HUGGGSSS)))))))
So sorry you had to join us but we are here for you.
LOL
Lambkin
x
Hows it going Milli?
I am over 2 yrs down the line all the usual treatment.
My hubby found the site for me too.
The diagnosis is just earth shattering and terrifying but as others have said doable.
You will find lots of help here and just ask any of us.
Big Hug for you
Ruthx
Hi Milli
It’s Thursday so I guess you are having op. I too was grade 2 treated with rads and Tamoxifen. I am a year on an feeling very well. Hope you are ok
Love
Debbie
Hi All
Many thanks for all your messages and support.
The operarion went very well - I’m still quite sore and tender and am only doing light housework tasks but am trying to keep myself busy at home. Its terrifying to see how many women are suffering with this disease. That morning on the Day Case Ward there were 7 of us all undergoing the same operation (ranging in age from about mid 30’s to late 60’s). Three of us got together to talk about it and found we ticked healthy boxes but had all been under some sort of pressure or recent stress which makes me wonder how or why so many women are getting this disease? Wish I had the money to research this myself but unfortunately I don’t.
Christmas and New Year for me were okay and not as bad as I expected. I’ve had a lot of support from my family, friends and work colleagues and have kept in touch with a lady off the same ward so we can support eachother.
My appt with the Oncologist is next Friday - part of me is looking forward to moving on to the next stage but I’m also very apprehensive, but it is something I have to do. I am trying to stay positive and remain calm and brave.
Thank you all again,
Milli
Hi Milli
Glad you’ve got the lumpectomy out of the way and you are moving foward and coming closer to the day when you are treatment free. I also find it interesting what you say about women who have had some sort of pressure then gettng breast cancer. I don’t know if there is an established link but my family have undergone an awful lot of trauma, sister’s little boy died, then she went into heart and kidney failure, was on dialysis, lost her eyesight completely… on the upside, she had a transplant last year of a pancreas and kidney and is doing great now but I am very close to my sister, and was to her little boy and my parents and the stress all of this put on me has been huge. In fact I never really got over the grief of losing the boy and seeing my sister go blind. On top of this, my parents who are the most wonderful giving people have had to endure all this pain, they lost a child themselves (my youngest sister) when she was 4 years old. What I am wondering is… it does make you think about how these things can affect you. I am a healthy, 39 year old woman, don’t smoke, or drink much, so why me… I guess there isn’t an established pattern but I have been surprised at the times i have heard about other women having undergone traumas then going on to get bc. Anyway, hope my little tale of woe hasn’t brought you down… you are right though it does need more research. People need to know the impact of stress and grief and upset on their lives.
Wishing you lots of luck with the next stage of your journey and hoping today is a good day for you. Carrie x