Hi all, I had a routing mammogram just over 6wks ago & had my appointment at breast test Wales in Swansea yesterday.
Nothing in the letter gives you any info abt WHAT or WHERE they found something. Nerves shot to pieces. Arrived at clinic & had mammogram, sat waited & went see female Dr for exam & intra sound. Significant changes on mammogram from 2014 in left breast. 3 seperate areas of concern. 1 x Lymph node & 2 x deep behind nipple.
Dr very concerned abt changes and wouldn’t be happy if I left without biopsy. GULP - she did scan & took needle biopsy from node below armpit. She couldn’t get the other 2 on scan so I had to go for core biopsy. By this time I was pooping myself.
No one had gone with me & being wheeled around topless and pinned to that machine TWICE taking 6 samples from each lump or point of concern.
Get dressed & nurse says she will ring me Friday with a date & time to speak to surgeon & make a plan.
Bigger gulp, surgeon!! Make a plan !! Are they telling me I have cancer without actually saying the words?? Can they tell by looking at some mammograms because of years in the job ??
I have no clue when I will get results & all is up in the air. I’m in shock & numb. I’ve not cried but keep picturing my G cup left breast being half size or gone completely.
How fast do cancers spread? Wot does significant changes in 3 yrs mean ? I wanna cry but I’m numb but so scared. Surgery, chemo, radiotherapy are all whizzing around my head.
I’m gonna go mad waiting with wot if’s
Sorry for ranting
Hi Mumgonemad,
So sorry you are in this whirl of horrible uncertainty at the mo.
Honestly, not knowing is the worst place to be, once you know where you are with it all, it falls into place more. Unfortunately, the mind goes into overdrive whilst waiting for results.
IF it is bc, then please be reassured that treatment is excellent now, as many of us who have been through this can testify.
There is loads of support here, so come & chat whenever you need to & do let us know what happens.
Thankfully, IF it is bc, then it can now be dealt with.
Sending hugs.
ann x
Thank you Ann-m
Uncertainty & bc is a B****
It certainly is! But, we do get through it.
ann x
Hi Mumgonmad,
Sooo sorry to hear you are in limboland. Horrible for you being up in the air, but they have to yet wait for results from your various numerous (!!) biopsies, so that they can give you the conclusive results. Think you said you’re waiting for a call from the nurse Friday (today in fact) to book an appointment with surgeon. Wondered if it may be worth you having a chat with her when she phones, but it may be too early yet.
Good that they’re being so thorough and fingers crossed it isn’t something to worry about. Your mind goes into overdrive, it’s only natural. I kept thinking positively with my first boob, but the result wasn’t good, so it’s difficult to say what to do.
You’ve done a good thing to come on here though. I’m eleven years down the line now, and am among many others on here, so I hope that’s of some consolation to you.
Do keep us in touch with how you are doing and your results will you. Have a chat, vent, sob with fellow women who know. We don’t mind, and it’s what this forum is for.
Good Luck. We’ll be thinking of you and hoping for the best, but will be ready with warm, soft shoulders if it isn’t.
Sending you love, strength and a big hug, Delly xxxx
Thank you so much for your reply delly xx
The clinic rung yesterday & jill gave me an 11.15 appoint for Tuesday. I asked her if I was reading to much into things the staff where saying. Her answer was "No, the doctors are extremely concerned
GULP, I still haven’t cried. I am doing the same as I’ve done for 30yrs - push to back of mind and not deal with it BUT that isn’t gonna work this time.
I’m undergoing rape counciling at moment and there is so much going around in my mind already.
Best tit forward x
Ohhh, Flip Mumgonemad - I’m soooo sorry. I’m not receiving post notification responses at the mo. Had I done I’d have been back on like a shot.
Jeez woman, so not only are you having to go through what’s going on BC wise, you’ve now revealed rape wise also. You poor woman. I’ve literally got goosebumps from reading your last post.
And we’re now a couple of weeks further down the line from your last post of 21. 10. Where are you up to now with your results?? Let me/us know would you, when/if you can.
Darlin, you CAN’T push this to the back of your mind. Just as you MAY have done with your “rape”, and has now re-surfaced with it’s, no doubt, many and obvious repurcussions.
Christ - you’ve a lot on your plate, girl. I do SOOOO feel for you. Would give you the most humongous long, tight, warm, loving hug if I was near you right now, believe me. Flip. . . I’ll have to make do with giving it through the ether. You ready >>> Oooooh, Ahhhhh. <<<< Crikey, that WAS <<tight>> You obviously needed it !! :smileytongue:
Have you got partner family, friends around to support you?? You probably NEED to have a good sob. It’d do you a whole loada good to, let loose on. But pref with someone you can trust to let go with. Do you have someone??
How is your “rape” councilling going?
Get back on here when you can. It won’t solve all your probs, but it’ll certainly help. Even if just a smidge, but possibly more than, if I, and others are aware of where you’re up to. Please do, and feel free to let rip with any and everything, have a rant, sob. We can take it - honest
Much love, Dellywelly xxxxxxxxx
Hi, sorry been REALLY low.
Had my appointment the other Tuesday & I have breast cancer in the 3 lumps plus one lymph that they know of. Mastectomy is my ONLY option because lumps spread out etc.
Nurse said abt reconstruction but only to a C cup & reduce other side.
Cancer not sinking in. Having my breast removed has hit me now. THAT man mutilated & destroyed me emotionally & psychologically & now this bloody cancer & the NHS are gona mutilate me & leave me deformed.
I know lots women will say they had breasts removed & they don’t feel or consider themselves mutilated etc BUT this is MY view abt MY body.
I feel out of control. All these things happening & I have/had no choice. I feel dirty, humiliated, angry, violated & so many more emotions that come in waves. My body but everything happened/happening is out of my control.
Breast nurse visited me the following Monday & dropped the biggest bombshell and had me thinking of rejecting surgery.
Apparently they don’t do reconstruction on anyone with a higher than average BMI.
Can anyone else stick a boot in & make my life any worse!!!
Women everywhere will be saying at least you be alive BUT having been raped & parts of who I am destroyed, never to be what makes me ME anymore & then to loose my breast is just too much psychologically to handle. That nurse couldn’t have stuck a boot in any harder.
She said she would get me an appointment to see my Surgeon to see if she thinks I be suitable for implants/reconstruction
Mumgonemad
I really can not add any more to what the ladies have already said, but I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you, really hope you are able to get the professional help you rightly deserve and sending you loads of hugs
Helena xxx
Hi Again, Mumgonemad
Hi also to Anniej. Optimissy and Ann - good to see you on here, dear friends. I think that’s a brill suggestion of Optimussy and Ann to give the “Help Line” a call. Have a real heart to heart chat with a real person. Not quite the same as IN person. They may come up with something or not, but it’s certainly not gonna do you any harm, is it.
Ooooo, got goosebumps again Mgm. I can only presume the “issue” about BMI bombshell that your nurse dropped on you, is because of “possible” future fluctuations in weight possibly affecting recon boobs. I’ve never heard of such a thing being said before, by anyone on here or elsewhere, but she obviously had her reasons for. Hence, as yourself, I’m waiting in anxious anticipation of your surgeon appointment, as yours really IS an extra exceptional case though. Feel you need to push that at all and everyone. Do you have someone you can rely and lean on, to go with you at this appointment and help you fight your corner?
If immediate recon would make a massive difference to you, physically and therefore mentally, and if it IS possible to have done, but the only prob being this BMI biz, What’s more important? - Giving you an immediate recon and something of an immediate semblance back to yourself? Or leave you without, because of a “possibiltiy”, that some time in the future, a fluctuation in your weight “may” alter things for your boobs.
My concern is, that it could rob you of an opportunity that could have massively help move you forwards after your massive traumas. You could have it and never ever suffer any further probs??!! And “if”, somewhere down the future line, you “did” have probs, maybe they could be easily rectified ?? All of which gives that major importance to “bash it all out” with the surgeon.
I felt exactly the same as you. “Mutillation” was the exact same word I thought and felt. I was to have a boob cut off, which is what you’re thinking/feeling. I can also understand other womens thoughts and feelings about not being so bothered by.
My first mast 2006, at 46, was single, and still feeling in my prime. Had always been proud of my body, kept it in good shape with regular exercise and healthy eating. I knew how badly losing a boob would affect me, mentally, confidence wise, and continuing in seeking a relationship wise, so wanted to replace that loss right away. Original surgeon agreed to provide immediate implant surgery, but was retiring, so was advised to see a new, more up to date techniques/procedures surgeon, and sadly things got totally moved away from my original wishes, due to confusion in communications and him thinking I wanted self tissue recon . Ended up not having immediate recon. Kinda got over and lived with it, always having thoughts of recon “in the future” tho. Then had to lose my other boob a year later due to another primary. Did not bounce back mentally from that.
Took me from 2007 to 2014 (!!) to finally get down to delayed recon, due to all sorts of other traumatic life stuff cropping up. I’m still with expanders, having fallen off the recon horse twice since to get/have completed, due mostly to depression.
BUT, what a boost just having the expanders installed was. Woke post op, to look down at two front bumps. Took myself off to the ward bathroom to whip off my pj top, looked in the mirror and literally shouted “Whoohooo”!!! Thought “Wheyhey, Delly’s got some of her old body and shape back”. Totally magical moment.
Afraid I’m known on this Forum for being somewhat biased about immediate recon surgery. Obviously when and where it’s possible that is.
And why, darlin girl, my message behind this post is:- I’ve spent years feeling robbed, upset, very frustrated, bitter even, held back in my personal life, when I needn’t have done. I’d hate that to happen to you, or anyone else. If it’s what you want, and it IS possible to have done, despite whatever this BMI business may be, - I would JFDI - Just Fllllippin (polite!) DO It. And deal with future “possible” probs, if, when, and AS they happen . . . . . if they do!! Dependent on how important they are, and not life threatening ones.
Sorry to you and everyone else for the length of my post. It’s because I feel very passionately and compassionately. Think other support may be along soon.
You are very much in my thoughts, and am sending you a mammooth massive hug, love and kisses.
Much love, Dellywellydingdong xxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear mumgonemad…just wanted to say i’m sorry you are going through all of this and that I’m thinking if you. I’m sorry I can’t offer any pearls of wisdom as I’m just joining this bus myself but I too have had quite a traumatic time of late and am the same with holding back the tears. For me though at the moment they just won’t come, I’m sure over the next few weeks there will be many…I’m know we will appreciate the strength that comes from the ladies on this forum in helping us get through treatment. Big hugs lovely…Nikki xx
Good morning ladies. Firstly I want to say thank you so much for all your messages.
Mama we will get through this, the same as these wonderful ladies who have been where we are now. Still no tears but I’m sure they will hit me at end if month when I’m due to have surgery.
Every lady in these forums have or are going through such traumatic times. I send a huge hug & respect to every single one of you xx
Update on my life ~ I have seen my female surgeon & although not happy at what is coming I think I would be able to cope with the end result. Fingers crossed!!
Miss Dilan was fantastic & knowing all that I’ve been through she examined me & said she needs to look at mammograms but IF the 3 lumps are in top part of breast (no biopsy taken from lower but me thinks they just went through top to get to one lower down) she could possibly remove top half of left breast and pull up and form smaller breast but if in lower breast she will have to do mastectomy BUT she WILL place an implant in and reduce my other breast to match as best as possible.
I will never be a super model lol but I’m not super model material now.
She gave me a hug & said she wouldn’t leave me flat on one side.
Tears just spilled over with relief I think but where back in check in seconds.
It will hit me when I am on my way or at the hospital. I’m putting off preparing as if I start then it becomes reality.
Hugs to all Xxxx
Oh I forgot to mention HER2 was negative but hormone was positive. I need to research the hormones.
Nikki I have read your life at present & I send humongous hugs. It never rains but pours xxxx
Good girl…I can sense your acceptance changing already. Big hug for that…if those tears come go with them, they are more than used to them. It is an absolute bitch that we were probably all feeling very well before they start poking us around and chopping bits off or out. It makes us feel resentful especially if you have a less than sympathetic member of staff. I’m a few weeks ahead of you, I had two WLE and my lady surgeon moved fatty tissue from elsewhere is my breast to fill the gap so to speak and it definitely is a very good breast shape but much smaller. I know…but guess what…no one else does and my husband brushes it off, he says it simply doesn’t matter. What matters is getting this out and being well again…the alternative isn’t an option. I have my first oncologist appointment this coming Tuesday…the day after my dads funeral…so I am expecting many tears. In my head I’m equating cancer to labour…no one likes it but you’ve got to get it out. Hope you have a good day today…I always add ‘today’ because one day at a time is good practice through this journey. Love Nikki xx
Thank you…it is difficult and although I haven’t had the same sort of trauma you have had but it’s still knocked me for six so I know where you are coming from. We WILL get this sorted, medicine is so much more advanced these days. I was given a load of leaflets at my results day last Thursday and although i have scanned them I don’t think I have taken it in. Xx
Morning Lovely Ladies
Mumgonemad - Well, what a difference a visit and chat with the surgeon makes. So all that talk of BMI from the nurse was totally unfounded. Would have saved you a loada worry and upset. Anyway, you’ve passed through all that now. Guess you’re waiting on the surgeons check of your mammo then before your given a date? Did she mention or give any idea how long you’d have to wait?
Mamadeacs/Nikki - sorry your on here too, but a very warm welcome. Glad you’re pleased with your results. Sooo sorry to hear about your Dad - my sympathy to you and a double whammy for you. Horrible things are often never considerate in their timing, are they. Hope all goes well with your appointment on Tuesday.
Love to everyone on here
Dellywelly xxxxxxxx
Morning everyone…thanks for your comments. Hope you are having as good a weekend as you can, I know even between worry and sadness there are brighter moments and normal life chugs on. Mumgonemad especially thinking of you xx
Friday morning saw our new doors go on after the burglary. Now I feel the house is safe I felt ok about coming away for a few days. My husband booked us a lodge on a lake Fri-Mon and it has been so peaceful I feel more grounded and focussed. It’s only 10 minutes from where we live but feels a world away.
Yesterday we did some family birthday/christmas shopping and a snuggly dressing gown for me for the times I feel rubbish over the next few months. I bought myself a ‘I got this’ journal so I can write down my thoughts. The idea is that when I have bad days I can look back and see I have got through worse ones and been strong. Late afternoon I went to the Chapel of Rest to say goodbye to my dad. I was worried it would put me back to square one emotionally but although upsetting I realised I needed to do it more than I thought. I gave him some instructions of who to say what to when he gets upstairs! Today will be a lazy affair!
Tomorrow is dads funeral and Tuesday Onc appointment. I will be silently chanting ‘I am strong’ over and over. By Tuesday teatime I should know what the plans are for me for the next year. I think Wednesday I will let myself have another wallow day if I need it to reflect on the last month. But then I can give getting well again by undivided attention. Love to you all…I’m going to introduce myself in the chemo pages now so might see you over there. Good luck xx
Dellywelly yes nurse caused a lot of unnecessary distress. Surgeon said end of this month but should find out this coming week. I’m hoping it’s sooner rather than later as I’ve got dogs sorted for this month only as lady having Oscar is full 1st - 18th Dec & then I’m buggered.
I’m meeting up with the girls I used to work with tomorrow for lunch so maybe a few Brandy’s will find there way to warming the cockles of my heart.
Nikki I’m so glad the doors are on & ur feeling safer at home. What a lovely hubby you have to take you away to such a peaceful place. The journal sounds a fantastic idea.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow & Tues, my arms are giving you virtual support
Hi Delly, still haven’t heard anything. Don’t know when or what surgeon intends to do as when I rang last week Miss Dilan STILL hadn’t even looked at my mammograms in order for her to decide best course of action.
Driving me mad waiting for the inevitable
Hope everyone else are coping & doing ok x
Thanks Delly…I feel like I’ve gone a bit quite for a week or so. I’m feeling ok in myself but boob is still sore and hot sweats so far off the Richter scale I don’t know what to do with myself, I could easily hibernate for that alone.
Doors have been on just over a week and I feel safe during the day, once it’s dark I struggle unless I have someone here with me.
My dads funeral went really well, he would have been proud of me and my brother. Emptying his house is hard work and doing it with everything else is harder still.
My chemo starts next Thursday so I’m getting Christmas cards/presents sorted so I can look after myself now. Tonight I am getting my long hair cut shorter. Haven’t decided just how much yet but I think just taking a lot of the weight out will be enough for now, maybe shorter still in a couple of weeks time.
Hope the rest of you ladies are keeping well and ok.
Much love Nikki xx