Just had to get a couple of things off my chest. I’m on my 5th FEC, bald as a coot, “being brave”, being positive for others & all those other things I hate being referred as. (I think I’d be better if I was falling apart then people might be a bit more considerate!!!)
I’ve had that many friends complaining about their hair lately - don’t like the way she’s cut it or, hate the boring colour or can’t stand that bit that won’t lie flat. HELLO!
Is it just me? I wanna scream “SHUT YOUR FACE. AT LEAST YOU’VE GOT HAIR!!!” But of course I dont, just smile…
Am also looking at possible prophylactic mastectomy so got to decide whether to go through with it or have rads. Looking to friends for advice(mistake!) one said “well I hate my breasts, I’d gladly have em whopped off” Er, HELLO!!!??? Don’t think so!
Oh and finally, feeling a bit pukey & tired 2 days after chemo & my mate rings up to tell me how she’s “dying” from a bit of a cold. **** OFF!!! What planet are these people on?
Grrr. Rant over would just like to hear of your classics from similarly insensitive people. They used to be fine but it’s like the longer I’ve got BC the less sensitive I am to stupid comments!!
I can sympathise! I think bc gives you such a reality check that you are less tolerant of silly moaning from others. Someone (a man) did ask my husband when my breasts were going to grow back!!! He was getting mixed up with my hair, I think.
The “stay positive” thing drives me mad. As though it’s a magic cure and it’s just my fault I’m ill for not being happy enough. And the person who usually says it is my MIL who is the most negative, moaning person about. She will moan over absolutely nothing and I think that the next time she does then I shall take great delight in telling her to stay positive and remind her that she keeps saying that to me and if I can stay positive about bc then she can stay positive about not having been out enough that week or whatever else the silly moan is about. Her latest moan is that she feels guilty that she isn’t the one who is ill. Whatever!
It’s good we’ve got these forums to get these things off our chest (pardon the pun).
I totally sympathize and agree with you!!!
I find it very difficult to tolerate people moaning about things that are totally insignificant.
Problem is I even have no sympathy when my 12 year old complains of anything lately!!!
Hi,
yep know what you mean - just smile and think how shallow some so called friends are… Others have been totally brilliant - my Christmas card list will be a bit different this year
cheers
caroline
Don’t even get me started, I get calls about who fancies who, whether they should get their fringe cut, today my mate can’t stay out of the pub because we’re all being made redundant.
Eff Off!
I can only say I sympathise. The insensitivity is sometimes just unbelieveable!
Mammabe, your post really made me smile on one of my down days so thank you!
Oh, I would be a rich woman due to the amount of times people have said to me “stay positive”. Its drives me absolutely insane.
Another one is “oh, you look so well”. Yeh, that’s because I’ve plastered the make up on, given myself a good kick up the backside, told myself to get a grip and get out the house I just want to scream to people do they have an idea what its like to go through BC and have chemo. Well, they can’t understand can they!
I can totally relate to the hair thing and friends moaning about theres. Sometimes I sit there and think that I must be invisible. If you do mention it, you always get the “oh well, it will grow back”. Like you should be really grateful for that…emm.
One of my friends recently said to me “your doing well on this chemo aren’t you”. Hello…apart from feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus, feeling like I’ve got the worse flu ever, yeah, I’m great.
That was so funny - let my 15 year old daughter read it and she really found it hilarious.
If you ever dare to drop your guard and accidentally show how you really feel it can be quite scary - I was in getting my hair cut before my mastectomy and the hairdresser was complaining because I had only just finished growing it and kept on asking why I was getting it cut and so I told her that soon I may not have any hair and it would just make it easier and a few tears came to my eyes but I didn’t let them fall. Well before I knew it she had me up off the chair and at the cash desk paying and I am not sure if she actually finished my hair! I don’t know if she was wanting to save me from embarrassment or if she was embarassed but I felt so guilty. I laugh about it now because it was like something out of a comedy but it wasn’t funny at the time.
Onwards and upwards - and hopefully remember to plaster the brave smile on my face before I leave the house.
Mammabee your post made me smile, i have been exactly like that all week. Its my birthday tomorrow i thought it might be quite a special one considering what i’ve been through the last few months. Well i think i’ll be lucky to get a card! children should be old enough to give a damn 12 and 14 and husband should have enough brains to remind them, but being very stubborn this year i haven’t reminded anyone just to see what happens, i may be surprised or it may come back to bite me on the a***. I was texting my friend the other day telling her how shit i felt and how i just wanted to give up and the text i got back was “keep positive”
Just like you said this is far from what you want to hear you just would like a bit of sympathy and a hug and maybe a full head of hair to moan about!!! LOL
Good to hear from you, haven’t seen you one here for a while. I have decided to have a Prophylactic Mastectomy - so having both ‘done’ together. I feel really calm about it and know it is the right decision, it came down to Life-versus-Boobs and as I am Triple Negative I felt there was no real decision to make. My children are 5yrs and 18mths and I need to make sure I have done everything possible to be here for them. I hope you find the strength to come a decision that is right for you. xxx
Anyway - yeah I have had quite a few of those insensitive ‘moments’…and I am becoming less and less tolerant and have NO sympathy whatsoever for the humble cold/flu thing.
Highlights include…
My sister-in-law endlessly (and publicly) complaining via her Facebook profile of her cold. It coincided with my chemo weekend and whilst I was feeling rough, her ‘Status updates’ included…“I feel poorly sick…sniff sniff”…“I cannot believe how ill I feel”…and my personal favourite…“When will this nightmare end?”. Well after the last one, I lost the plot a bit and posted a heartfelt response on her profile page…something like…“She should be grateful she hasn’t been pumped full of toxic chemicals - and should get her ar*e out of bed”.
My Aunty from Colchester (a 1 hour drive from us), who has not been anywhere near the house since my DX (you can’t catch it love!!) but every time she phones she is ‘sending’ ALL her support down the phone - huh? How does that work exactly?
Oooh and another one - when I was about to start Chemo and was really scared…‘Oh you’ll soon get in the swing of things’. You know like a routine or something like a new job…AARRGHHH…
What a good thread and some of your comments have made me laugh and boy do we all need it.
Wot I can’t stand is people moaning and groaning about colds, coughs and stupid little headaches!!! I think, god, try going through wot I am going through and then see if you got anything to complain about.
And the comment “Wow, you look so well and your hair is fab” is driving me INSANE!!! Yeah I may look well on the outside, but hey, how about the inside and what my emotional state is in!!! Maybe I should try looking really ill and see what they say then!!!
Ali, completely agree with your comment " need to make sure I have done everything possible to be here for them" - I would take anything and everything if it gave me another 10 or 20 years … would have boobs off in an instance and as much chemo as I have to.
Ali - I think your Aunty from Colchester must have the same technique as my MIL who is also v good at “sending” her support along the telecommunications network. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have quite the same effect as getting on a bus and coming and hoovering my lounge for me. And isn’t it annoying when they obviously expect you to thank them and be grateful for this as though they’ve actually done something for you!
As for the “keep positive” thing, I think some people say this because they feel they need to say something and aren’t willing to make a practical offer of help, some just don’t have the vocabulary or intelligence to think of anything better to say and some just can’t be bothered to think of something more sensitive to say. But… for every idiot out there, I try to focus on the many people (sometimes from unexpected sources) who have done and said supportive things. It certainly makes you realise who matters to you and who really cares about you.
When people ask after me now, I give a fairly short response and change the subject now before they can get to the “keep positive” bit…
Do you know i love this thread so much I may just print it out and hand to all the people who don’t visit me and all the ones who keep saying ‘Keep your chin up’ !!!
“Dont you look healthy” - the red glowing cheeks, so what did I look like before?
“Its just hair it will grow back” - ITS MY HAIR lets see how they cope if it fell out!
“Hasnt that gone quick” when you announce that you have chemo again!
“How you managing” … by the way did I tell you … - errrr sorry is this about me or you???
“Be strong I know you can” - no not really Im scared really scared…
“So how are you feeling” - how do you think??
“How did your parents take it” - how do you think?
“Well you dont look ill??” WHY ME???
This is the best one I have had to date “Why have you done that to your hair? did you fancy a change?” I really could not reply to this one…
“Havent you put weight on, I expect thats the steriods” that is really what you wnat to hear…
“You know where I am if you want to talk” as they go of on a tangent about their love life!
“SO Sorry” grrrrrrrr
I know most people dont know what to say or they just want to show that they care!
I think that this BC & chemo etc. has turned me into a moaning snappy B- - ch!lol
Love & hugs and keep giggling! at least they cant take that from us!!!
I think it was on the day of my 5th oor 6th chemo that my older sister called and imedistely went off into rant mode about how the hairdressed had &*((()ed up completely, was a schizo, and had left her looking like a witch the day before a job interview. I didn’t get a word in edgeways and she didn’t even ask “how are you after chemo today?”. So the next time I took pity on her being unanle to drive and wanting to go for an outing, we went to Salisbury and the first stop (as always) was the tearooms at the corner of the market. So we ordered up some brekkies and can you believe she started off about the hairdresser again!!! I was still incensed from the conversation earlier in the week so I looked her straight in the eye and said “at least you’ve got some to be messed up!” and she buttoned her lip - never mentioned it since but I will bear that grudge forever, family or no family.
One other comment from a colleague when I confided in her that I’d been dx was “there’s such a lot of it about these days” and proceeded to list who she knew and how they were doing etc. Fortunately I was calling her from a different country or I’d have been tenmpted to give her a smakc on the mouth. I KNOW THERE’S A LOT OF IT ABOUT, 41,000 NEW CASES A YEAR!!!
Hm, looks like I’m going to be ina right old mood this Sunday - time to disappear and clear out cupboards for the OXFAM shop, maybe that’ll burn some of my anger off. Might even stomp round the parish in the wind and rain later. Last resort will be baking, that’s always therapeutic - anyone for afternoon tea?
Yes please lots of devon clotted and jam on my scone please… those steroids make me so hungry but I am going to be huge at the nd of this lot…
Real friends are the ones that can laugh and cry WITH you and you are able to shove them to one side and they still come back and dont get put out with our grotty days…
Where are those scones - I am going to do the ironing does that use any calories/
Most of the time, I don’t mind people complaining about life’s trivial things. I suppose life goes on, but it’s good to get this stuff off our chests .
Another gem from one of my close friends who is well known for having had every condition under the sun… After telling her my diagnosis, she replied with “Oh that’s terrible news. I know exactly how you feel… I was gutted when they told me I’d have go into hospital again to have my tonsils out. I dreaded telling my mum as I knew she’d be upset.”
I wonder if my complete silence on the other end of the phone gave her some clue that I wanted to punch her?
More please - these are cheering me up no end!
Vicky
I had no idea there were so many others around just like me - so brave, all looking so well, coping so well and being so positive, ha ha ha!!!
Dahlia - I’ll be round later for a bun.
Keep this thread running. It’s great to know it isn’t just me getting all this nonsense spouted at me! And now I know where to come to for a good moan.