Can I ask how you dealt with insensitive colleagues?.
Mine seem to be obsessed with looking at how much of my hair has regrown? and I haven’t even walked through the door yet.
Although I have a covering, I’m just not ready to show everyone what it looks like and if anyone goes to touch it I think I’ll flip.
I know in the grand scheme of things I shouldn’t give 2 hoots but have recently come to realise I really do.
My hair is growing back steely grey, not the brown it was before and it’s taking me some getting used to and I just know someone is going to make a joke of it in their misguided attempt at humour but I just don’t find it funny.
Apart from knocking them out?? what’s the best way to react?
Hair is such an important part of our identity. It must be a shock for it to be growing back grey rather than brown. However, look at the tv ads and how hair colouring ranges now include every shade of grey for all ages.
I can’t advise you as I’m retired and I didn’t give a toss about hair. I didn’t lose it all and it’s grown back as an incredibly thick bundle of white curls which I love to stroke and I encourage others to feel it. A lot will depend on your personality - I wore my 9yo neighbour’s lurid pink wig to an afternoon event. I loved the laughter it provoked. Yet I started wearing my wig when I heard a young man say ‘Oh, poor dear.’ I felt about 90!
It seems to me that you need to discuss your concerns with your line manager before going back. Your colleagues sound like a crowd of berks from the 1970s! But this obsession with hair is, in my opinion, people’s way of making light of something that really scares them - they can focus on hair as it’s safe for them. Unfortunately, it’s not for you. It’s an invasion of your personal space! So try to sort it out properly before you go back, if you don’t have a pink wig.
Good luck. I hope you get some replies from people still working who can be more constructive x
Hi Joemic, it’s daunting going back to work. I think people mean well but often say or do things which we find insensitive. It’s very difficult; if you issue a set of do’s &don’ts that may seem a bit ‘diva’. But say nothing and you risk exposing yourself to behaviour which will ‘set you back’. I didn’t have chemo, so I can’t comment specifically on hair loss. But I have encountered a lot of ‘interest’ in my appearance. And it is hard to cope with at times. People do seem to have a fascination with what cancer does to us visually, but we have to remember they are subconsciously testing their selves, not testing us. It’s a physiological minefield.
Without some context to where you work, what you do, and obviously you wouldn’t want to share that, it’s hard to know what to say. But possibly you confide your fears in one or two sensitive colleagues on the basis they will spread word you are uneasy. There is if course also the fact you are covered by the Disability Discrimination Act. You cannot be teased because of your illness. If someone has suggested people will try to touch your hair/head, or make inappropriate comments, your manager should step in, without question, but in a way you feel comfortable with. No one should have to endure bullying behaviour, even if it is passed off as ‘banter’ and certainly not someone who has endured cancer yet has made it to the point of returning to work. Well done for getting that far.
I can’t begin to imagine going grey - I’m a brunette too, I spend too much time and money having my roots done. You are in a different space on this, but would you maybe feel better if you splashed out on a consultation with a posh hairdresser, someone you could ‘name-drop’ to these colleagues of yours? To put a positive spin on the situation and give you a bit of confidence… top hairdresser in town is only person allowed to touch/discuss my hair.
You can’t go around thumping people, but you can work on a plan of attack. I so hope you find a way through this issue and wish you success in your career. PM me if helps.
Firstly, well done for deciding to get back to work. One of the things I’ve learned from my breast cancer was I found my voice. I now speak up when I know I’m right and it’s going to be good for me.
I would communicate to them upfront either through texts or when you get back on that first day. That it’s ok to ask how you’re feeling but not ok to ask about the physical changes that’s happened. You see, some people are good at assumptions and tend to be insensitive just to satisfy their curiosity.
When I was diagnosed I said to my colleagues I didn’t want tea and sympathy. They were so understanding and treated me normally and with sensitivity…