Itchy Bum

at least you dont have to worry you might be preggars

I have decided that whatever does or does not happen to our bodies at this time, is not abnormal, even if it is not “normal”

Oh ladies you are such a tonic, I await the start of FEC chemo and the joys that go with it. Earlier today it was tears of frustration having been told it could be another week before I hear when it starts but after reading your posts its tears of laughter. Whatever happens I now know that others are out there to laugh and cry with.

Thank you all


Hi Jackie, you are amongst friends. Just wanted to say, just because my body is conspiring to embarrass me as much as it can and give the lovely girls a good giggle into the bargain, you won’t necessarily get the same effects, everyone is different so fingers crossed xx

Let us know how you get on. There is a LOT of waiting associated with chemo, I hope you like reading. My boyfriend lent me all 6 series of Sex and the City on DVD as I had never really watched it in the years it was on telly and that is passing a lot of time too.

i am glad to see itchyarseitus is indeed a medical complaint and not just in my head. i use aqueous cream down there on a bad day. stops the itching completely;.

Hi All

I got a sore bum a few days after my 1st FEC and although I knew I didn’t have piles wondered what it was. I looked at my bumhole in the mirror and was alarmed to see a blister like thing…anyhow my dad gave me some betnovate cream which I duly rubbed in and that did the trick. I also used wet toliet wipes which were cool and didn’t hurt as much as andrex.


Clarabel — the chances of me getting pregnant are somewhere between hahaha and immaculate conception… last time I researched the getting pregnant thing it said you need to have sex…

Hi All,

My Itchyarseitis is caused by my size 12 thongs on a size 14-16 bum. I refuse to buy bigger ones as I want to lose weight. Therefore I will continue to be cut in half and wedgied everyday.

Hey Jackie you never know, you might just enjoy that chemo prickle that I wrote about earlier.
Best wishes to all
love Andrea x

p.s I think one of my neighbours is having a barbie ( smells lovely ) Isnt this weather great !

Oh dear, I’m helpless with laughter again. Clarabel, please tell me you will stop using cucumber facial wipes on your bottom - the image is torturing me. Try baby wipes?

I’m glad if the anusol is helping. Yes, is is a truly dreadful brand name. I have to take it with me on holidays and (very rare) business trips abroad, and you know those see though plastic bags you have to put all creams and liquids in? I swear the security staff snigger every time the anusol goes past. Not to mention what it does to your relationship with any colleagues you may be travelling with.

I have decided next time I go to the supermarket I am gonna sneak a tube of anusol into someone’s trolley when they are not looking.

I wouldn’t give a bugger at the airport I am beyond embarrassment, in fact I think I might pack some for my next hols even if I don’t need it by then (which I hope WILL be the case)

why can’t I use face wipes on my bottome? :smiley:

Just make sure you use the face wipes on your bottom and not the bottom wipes on your face!!! and go and treat yourself to a couple of pairs of Bridgets, you to Andrea. Just try not to get hit by a bus when your wearing them.

Asda do big knickers in their basic brand - 3 for £1 or £1.50 ish (they do thongs and minis too)… plain white and nothing fancy. Ok for the price and can double as a parachute at a later date once the itchy arse problem has ressolves itself.

It’s the “cucumber” bit that does my head in most, Clarabel, rather than the “facial” bit. And I love the idea of sneaking a tube into someone’s shopping!

I am a manager for Asda and once one of my fellow managers threw a packet of condoms and ky jelly in another managers basket,who was going through a bad time at home,Luckily he spotted it at the checkout–needless to say the air was blue!!!

the usual supermarket dare is a large cucumber and a tube of KY, LOL! It is a bit cheeky of actual employees to do it though, ROFL.

my boyfriend has been here since Thurs so I haven’t been using the cream but he’s working today so I inserted some this morning after my bath, Thankfully I have not needed to fart since I did, otherwise I don’t know what will happen.

having spent yesterday in tears following my appointment at the hospital where i thought I would be told the wide local excision was a success; lump gone, healing nicely etc to be told the lump was malignant and I need a mastectomy ( aged twenty-eighteen) I have logged into this site today and had the best laugh reading this thread. Thank you so much to you all! I have a great bunch of friends who are all rallying round, but no one has / is going through the emotional roller coaster I have been on since 9.15 yesterday morning. This site is SUCH a godsend for me today - and I know I should be outside in the sun… but I cant relax or do anything at the moment!

Hi lovey, glad my bodily conspiracy has given some comic relief to you and others, I’ll keep letting them rip.

I am sorry to hear your news especially at the age of twenty-eighteen (are you going backwards and what’s your secret LOL) I was diagnosed less than a month after my 34th birthday and though *I* was too young… I agree friends and family are brilliant but sometimes they can’t do right for doing wrong, they are SO well meaning but there have been times I have wanted to throttle them for being a bit toooo molly-coddling. My boyfriend is the exception he says “don’t be a hero, if you don’t feel up to doing something then say so and we will do whatever you want, or we will do nothing. If you say everything’s groovy I will believe you and assume you don’t want a fuss and just treat you as normal” I did not even have to tell him that was EXACTLY what I wanted.

Go sit in a beer garden that is what I would be doing if BF were not at work today, and that is what we did yesterday. Alternatively I need someone to help me apply the weed killer to my garden if you have time, I have lots of pinot grigio AND pink prosecco in the fridge and some home made tzatziki :slight_smile:


I am child free til 3.30pm !!! where are you?!! I think I may pass on the tzatziki - im not sure where it might have been!!!

oh dear I have just realised what I said earlier about cucumber wipes, BLUSHING FURIOUSLY AND ROF PMSL!!!

I will confess that I did eye up the cucumber before I grated it. I hope my boyfriend does not find this thread if he decides to snoop at what sites I use. Tzatziki is his absolute favourite and it is one of the few things he eats that is good for him (due to laziness rather than fussiness) I cannot afford for him to go off it.

I have told him about my internally itchy bum and said if he secretly fancies the marmite motorway now is his chance. he said nah you’re alright.

PS I have just worked out twenty-eighteen I am SOFA KING FIK since I started chemo :frowning:

Clarabel your threads are just sooooooo funny - I will never ever look at a cucumber again without remembering this thread, and as for the next visit to the supermarket - I can’t wait :slight_smile:

sorry, I promise I have no unclean thoughts about the other funny shaped vegetables so you are OK with carrots parsnips and courgettes (and bananas which are of course a fruit not a veg, gosh i am so picky)

I hope nobody thinks I am lowering the tone of this board into the gutter but my filthy sense of humour is all that gets me through this, oh and the wine of course.