January chemo starters ?

Going through breast cancer treatment Chemotherapy monthly threads
961

Had my look good feel better session yesterday. It was ok. The other ladies were much older than me but lovely. The make up artist was a scream though kept moaning about the products we had been given though I thought they were ok. I can see why the session is very variable. But it was an afternoon without cancer talk so that was good.
Today I’m on the steroid train ? so Shi I don’t think I’ll beclying on a sunbed. I’ll keep a lookout for sharks and run the beach volleyball competition. Our teams will consist of Thor, poldark, Mr darcey, Mr grey and anyone else I can drag up there for your entertainment. ??‍♂️They wil of course be wearing small shirts with their 6 packs on view and will serve you all drinks at half time.

Chemo 6 tomorrow for me. That will put me 3/4 of the way through. My taste only came back about 5 days ago so I’m going out to eat tonight. My nails are looking damaged already. 4 doses of this poison is going to finish them off I’m sure. But today I’m feeling upbeat and ready to tackle it. And I know you will all scrape me off the floor when I hit that low. Just keep the sand out of my mouth !

Keep swimming xxxx

962

Good Luck Aliand tomorrow x when I feel abit better will post a pic of me in my long curly Festival wig. It’s from Macmillan where Shi recommended I go. Haven’t worn a wig for 8 days now as feel so yuk x

963

Hello my lovely ladies…Ive been hidiing from cancer for the exact reasons Starfire posted.

 

Starfire…I am so sorry that I didnt read your post earlier, bless you. Rock bottom days are poo…

Firstly you are teaching your daughter lessons that will carry her far. You are teaching her how to survive!!

My husband has litterally been a billion times more productive around the home since I had this diagnosis…and its all to do with him not wanting to talk about cancer with me. He is the kindest man but so stumped when it comes to emotions. He told me during one argument he was fed up with people at work asking him how I was!!! My friend who still works for the ambo service says you wouldnt know anything is wrong when he is at work because he is cheerful (as much as a scottish man can muster) and still messes about all the time. At first I was so hurt and jelous that I couldnt escape like him…but then just thought he tries his best and I would be exactly the same at work if the boot was on the other foot.

I think that the last chemo is the absolute worst because you expect elation but what you get is rock bottom and fear fro a few days…but it does pass. As my body feels better I am feeling better and so will you my lovely xxx

 

Shocked…totally get the safety net thing. When I had my last Onco for a while the panic was increadible. Kept thinking whos going to watch if my cancer comes back!! I couldnt describe it but listening to you I think its a normal feeling.

 

Aliand…good luck tomorrow and you are crazy awesome in that wig.

I got called sir at the drive through the other day…apparently the young lad saw my head on his screen and assumed my hair was a mans…he was mortified when he looked properly and realised!!

 

Amy…wig looks great. I know what you mean about work it lifts my sole to be around people. 

 

CT…you hang in there too…so close now xx

 

Nearly finished just wanted to tell you all something  in case it applies.

About a year ago I started Paraoxetine (anti depressant) for my PMT. It worked a treat and needless to say I dont want to stop it now during this Menopause stuff.

I was researching something for a pt this morning reading some Nice Guidelines on Menopause and came across a warning…Paraoxetine and Fluoextine should not be used along with Tamoxifen as there is strong evidence they block its effects!!! I have my Tamoxifen to start in 6 weeks, its been prescribed, I have the tablets…not one single doctor noticed and when I rang my own GP he didnt even know!!!

So if you take either one of these and are going to take Tamoxifen then you need to be weaned off.

 

Ive just dived of the raft and swum up to the beach to join in the volley ball…got to get fit for the new boobs xxx

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Well Done Shocked!

 

RosieH thank you for your making sense of it all x

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Good luck for tomorrow Aliand ?

Well done Shocked.  I’m guessing that we’ll all be having regular scans still to make sure the cancer hasn’t come back, that seems to be the case with other people I know that have had cancer treatment.

I’m in for my 1st weekly Paclitaxel tomorrow, fingers crossed it goes ok ?

966

There are some courses for people who have finished treatment, they are at Maggie Centres if you have one near you? 

maggiescentres.org/how-maggies-can-help/help-available/practical-support/support-beyond-treatment/

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Good Luck Amy tomorrow xxx I’ll be thinking of you ladies xx

 

Shocked I know what you mean about a worrying future. Yours has come earlier than you thought because they cancelled your rads, right? When they told me that I was stopping after 4 lots of Abraxane and Carboplatin instead of 6 I felt the same. It takes you back to those early days of not knowing what’s happening and I think the fear from that time returns to us.

You asked how I am doing… I’m on day 7 of the final cycle and still feel out of it. I managed to get out of bed abit today but I still feel sick and my taste buds are all wrong. I also keep getting bowels spasms? Numb finger tips and tip of tongue, sparkly eyes… the usual I guess.

 

If you are having chemo tomorrow don’t bother reading this next bit. Moan alert.

 

Now I’m going to ramble…with regards to moving on and after treatment finishes I am concerned in many ways. As I mentioned briefly before my husband has developed a deep cycling obsession which is doing my head in. It was there before diagnosis but me being out of the way has allowed him to feed the habit. Understandably he has done an awful lot for me over the last few months but the relationship has changed. For example I asked him to work from home today because he went away to work yesterday and I couldn’t manage at all. Today he took and collected our daughter from school. I managed to get downstairs when she came home and give her some snacks etc then put her to bed for the first time in a week. My husband yes has been working from home today but I haven’t seen or heard from him at all and on me putting my daughter to bed he goes straight into the cycling room (former office) and gets on his bike. I am now in bed and he is still ON IT. I generally speak to him when he gets in bed for five minutes before sleepi. he goes on his bike every night when most couples that are healthy spend time together without children around. At the weekend he goes out for a couple of hours one of the days. He has done this because I have been poorly most of the time in bed for the past eight months and I haven’t been up to much.

Question is… is this going to change when I have finished treatment? I don’t think so… I even think that he will push to go out more at the weekends knowing that I can look after our daughter. 

Ladies am I being unreasonable here? He says he never stops but that’s how I felt before diagnosis as most Mother’s do.

I’m lost… can someone please give me their opinion on this. I have raised it with him and he just goes mental as though I am being really unfair and threatens me the more I moan the more he will go on it.

 

Sorry for the moan but you understand. lots of love to all xxxx

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I can relate to some of this. My husband spends a huge amount of time at work. Last week he was off but instead of spending time with me and the kids he spent the whole week preparing for an interview. He got the job executive medical director ! I’m now worried that that will be his new passion and the 40 min commute each way will eat ever more into our time.
He plays badminton - took it up a couple of years ago after attending Family sessions to help our son. I’ve always supported it as there are not many things dads and their teenage sons can do together and as he is always working it’s precious time for Thomas to spend with us dad. But last month despite my treatment he decided to take up a lesson a week extra on another night.
He also plays guitar, tonight I’ve run around after the children, missed a much needed night out with the girls I could have turned up 30 min lat llooking a mess or even later once I got changed but would have had to drive so no drinking and just couldn’t be bothered. I’m feeling very sorry for myself. He’s had his badminton and is now enjoying playing his guitar while I’m sat on my bed crying after loading washing machine and cleaning in preparation for next week
He did washing and housework on my first cycle but has done nothing in the house since. I do it all as and when I can. I got so fed up tripping over half made garden furniture I did it myself - took 3 days as I had to do it a bit at a time when I wasn’t feeling sick/dizzy etc but it got done.
I bought him an iwatch at the weekend as a treat for getting his new job. My friend asked what has he bought me for going through this crap - my reply a few M&S yoghurts !
It would just be nice to feel I’m being looked after and cherished a little. Instead I’m the one looking after everyone else - as usual. Is that how you feel starfire ? My mum is 87 has dementia and can’t do anything for me, bless she even forgets to ring. I’ve had very few visitors. One even said to me the other day she doesn’t want to come round as she can’t cope with seeing me looking sick ! Oh well each to their own I suppose.
I do get some texts and tweets but no practical help and no one to make me feel cared for.
I don’t know if it’s men in general or just some of them. But for mine it’s business as usual and he certainly spends much more time doing things for himself than for me.

I think that we may have plenty of adjusting to do once this cancer journey has moved into the recovery phase. Sometimes it’s easy to think the grass must be greener but marriage (or partnership) needs to be worked at doesn’t it. I think if both of you realise that and try to grow together and do things together it eventually comes right. We’ve had another period many years ago when things were tough. We did t do counselling but we did consciously make time for each other. I think we will have to do that again. It’s easy to grow apart but as long as you don’t stray far it is quite possible to grow back together. I think what I’m trying to say is that our other halves hobbies are ok and quite possibly good for them as long as we have time for what we want to do and as long as we have time for ea h other. At the moment we are just exhausting day to day. Building a new life is another chapter and we mustn’t try to run before we can walk.

Hope that makes sense - it’s stopped me crying anyway.

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Yes Aliand you are right!

 

i hope you feel like the cry helped. Can you believe my little girl has been violently sick all over her bedroom and many times in the shower since my post. Total mayhem now. No words…

 

good luck tomorrow I’ll be thinking of you xxx?

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Oh ladies…no one prepares us for this rubbish do they!!!

No wonder they wrote in sickness and in health in the marriage vows!!!

I think like yesterday they just want to escape us because they cant cope with the emotion attached to it. The problem is when we are feeling vulnerable its so much harder for us to deal with. Usually I cant imagine any of us would take to much cr@p but we dont have the abilty to deal with anything other the making it through a day at the moment. 

My husband is behaving at the moment and trying hard but he has seriously put me through it the last few months and as I said apparently at work he is his normal self, happy and cheerful and it makes me jelous.

We cant escape, we cant pretend, its there when we look in the mirror and always iin the back of our minds.

My daughter said the other day its a good job it was you and not Steve that got cancer as he wouldnt cope!!!

When we have had our terrible times or he forgets and trots off to golf happy as larry I am tryiing to take a deep breath and put in on the back burner till Im strong enough to deal with it…Starfire if I was you I would just do the same thing. Try and just think ok when Im back to me I will deal with this.

Aliand, I cant believe your friend said that!! I have to admit I have spent a serious amount of time alone through this and have experienced some deep loneliness at times.

 

This is such an emotional time. We went for a walk in our local country park the other day and I said to him thank god chemo is done and randomly burst into tears…there is so much emotion for us to process yet. I actually feel traumatised.

 

 

 

We will get our selves back…new improved stronger selves xxx

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Hi Rosie,

 

you speak such sense. This is all traumatic and being physically ill obviously does directly impact the emotions. What I find weird is that my husband has been through chemo 15 years ago when in his previous marriage. He has seen my side effects and tells me that his were mild in comparison. His wife apparently used to tell him to stop being lazy when he was recovering from treatment and this led him to leave her a few years later… he also had an affair when he got the all clear. With this in mind it makes his behaviour with me sometimes even harder to believe xx

 

 

972

My chemo was abandoned half waythrough due to the bag having bits in it. The filter was stopping them getting in but once seen they had to stop it. They are guessing I had half a dose (changed the machine part way as it kept beeping) so I’m now waiting to hear if the oncologist will want to make it up or not. Hate to not complete it through something like this. If my body can’t take it fair enough but hey ho.
On the plus side the side effects won’t be as bad this tune.

973

Aliand - now that’s a new one!!!

i hope Onc lets you know ASAP xx

974

Hey ladies. Just catching up on your posts, so sorry to read about other lovely ladies having relationship issues. It really does test everything doesn’t it.
I thought for a bit me and my hubby were doing better, more settled, less arguing etc. However last couple of days we have started bickering again and today he came out with “here we go so your feeling better then” comment - I went mental!! He seems to go from talking about future plans and holidays to being an arse!
Needless to say we need to get our heads down and focus on getting through the last of our treatments girls. Sending big hugs out to you all, it’s a horrible feeling xx

Oh, spoke to Onc about tingling. He wants to see me again next week to see how it goes. Doesn’t want to stop the last one but might reduce the side if the numbness gets worse.

975

Crazy times OMG I get the exact same comment “so you’re feeling better then”. It really makes me see red. Maybe ‘they’ are all so predictable?  X

976

Onc rang. She has to speak to the pharmacology dep but would like to add another half dose treatment ! So that will give me 9 chemo sessions ! I want a medal ? at the end of all this. Frustratingly that’s likely to move my surgery dates. Hubby wants to start his new job and says he probably won’t be around when it happens - thanks for that love. I just pointed out he could ask them to wait a week if he would like to be around for me! I’ll see how that pans out.
Think I’m handling the disappointment ok. She will confirm with me Friday once they’ve had a POW wow.

977

Sorry to hear that Aliand, how frustrating and upsetting that you have to have another cycle. I hope it will mean the side effects are kinder. Hugs x

978

Flippin eck aliand how frustrating for you !! did they say what the bits could be ? Not good xx you really have been a star having 8 let alone 9 !! Hope fully half a dose is half s/e xx
I had to take wig off in garden today head was that hot my temp spiked , within ten mins of taking wig off , back to normal thank god , prob didn’t help as grandson trud on my toe ( flip flops ) and I have a lovely bruised toe xx
How often do you ladies take temp ? I can get a bit ocd about it ?
Can’t comment on the relationship side of things as I live on my own and don’t see anybody for the first ten days after chemo if I can help
It , I just crack on on my own . I fall out with myself some days though ! Xxxx

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Aliand as the wonderful Shirley valentine said you’ll be getting 10 billion house points and a blessing from the pope for your achievement of 9 ???ct, starfire next time they say that ???them in the mouth and say ‘yep I’m really feeling better now’ how bout you darlin??? ??? and Aliand bit of chilli rubbing on the strings, that’ll heat his guitar playing up ???he won’t touch it if he keeps getting sore/ burnt fingers, try scotch bonnet ones ???:sparkles::sparkles::sparkles:Shi xx

980

Shi you do make me laugh - chilli ???

Jamsey 10 days on your own - wow that’s impressive.

I think the bits are a sign of an unstable drug. It’s gone back to the pharmacy for testing. It’s not caused me any I’ll effects so thank goodness for the filters and safety things they have to protect us.
I’ll hear more about it when they’ve had chance to look at it. My oncologist who is in her 50s has never seen it before. That’s the sort of thing that happens when you’re a doctors wife !